lost
well that since i am home actully talking to My Ricky i cant help to fell like this is all a dream..ive open my heart to him..completely..not like i have done with anyone for 3 close to 4 yrs..not since before my son was born..i shut myself down to men in general and just flirted around..i went after women instead..i loved the wrong way and that i found out that there is someone out there that loves me as much..i just feel like i need to let go of the past to let go of all the bad but that involves hurting others i do fear and i just dont know how to do it parsay...ive been close to tears all day today bc i already know one person that is going to be hurt more..a woman sweet as can be..love her to death but i need to let myself be happy for once..she has her love with her she lives with her Fience and her son..(not to mention the dudes fam lol she hates em!) but we did a lil thing that i think we shouldnt have done..it was this net marrage thing...i mean i thought it was fine at the time but i didnt expect to find someone that i love more than myself..and i have to tell her this and i just cant find it..im close to tears thinking about it and what to do..all i can think of is how much she will be hurt and all..she has so much going on with her life as well..i am glad for her being my friend and my e-wife but i really didnt expect it go well...like this..i mean..she has a life.....she has love..she doesnt need to worry bout a love life and what about the next guy or the next love...she has been with her man for a while and she hasnt had to grab life by the horns and make the leaps that i have to..im a single mother raisen a child and i need a man..(thinking smillie) and as my friend says if you didnt grab it then you wouldnt get a second chance..and i know this to be true bc for the 3 to 4 yrs i avoided men..i had plenty of chances..and i lost it never came to the chance again..im tired of being alone and chasen what is not there haven no one return the love..or show love...i mean..dont we all need someone..? lol..i know we do..and i want someone to love of my own who has no commentmet with anyone...someone..and i have him..and i dont and wont and will not lose him..i cant i wont ill lose my mind if i did...(cries)