Yuletide joy...
Happiness is...
- the new Ancient Egypt exhibition at the museum
- the house to myself
- a box of toffee
- the 'Making of...' special features on LWW awaiting me upstairs
And unhappiness is...
- having my motives continually misunderstood
- still not knowing the right way to ask (or answer) questions
- knowing that he has a point, at least some of the time
The main difference between myself and my husband is that I accept people as they are without question or judgement - the only thing I ask in return is that people accept me as I am. My husband believes that he knows the right way for everyone to behave and if you behave any differently you are personally (and deliberately) insulting him.
There is only one thing I would change about him - his habit of asking the same question over and over (usually in the same argument), no matter how many times I try to answer it. My son has, tonight, pointed out that I do something quite similar, not in arguments but it's still irritating; this is something I can try to do something about.
My husband, on the other hand, seems to want to change who and what I am. To be fair, what he really wants is recognition and appreciation, and to feel that he is first in my list of priorities. None of this is unreasonable. However, in my way, I feel I do do this. But my way isn't his way - and so goes unrecognised and unappreciated.
We've been dancing round and round (and round and round...) this issue for nearly 23 years. If our relationship was really so terrible, neither of us would have stuck it out for so long. However, you'd think we'd have found a way of working all of this out by now.
I think my main sticking point is that I do see where he's coming from. I do understand how (and why) he feels neglected and undervalued. However, he doesn't (won't?) see my side. At all. Ever. I refuse to accept that all of the problems we have are my fault. I ask nothing from him (except to be accepted the way I accept him) but feel he makes demands on me all the time. His reply is that, in a marriage, there should be no need to ask - wants and needs should be supplied automatically.
I know this sounds like I'm blaming him but I'm not. He really does have a genuine point and I know there is more I could be doing. But, I am reluctant to change any more when a) I feel that the changes I have already made aren't good enough and b) he won't accept there is any need for him to change at all.
*shrug*
- the new Ancient Egypt exhibition at the museum
- the house to myself
- a box of toffee
- the 'Making of...' special features on LWW awaiting me upstairs
And unhappiness is...
- having my motives continually misunderstood
- still not knowing the right way to ask (or answer) questions
- knowing that he has a point, at least some of the time
The main difference between myself and my husband is that I accept people as they are without question or judgement - the only thing I ask in return is that people accept me as I am. My husband believes that he knows the right way for everyone to behave and if you behave any differently you are personally (and deliberately) insulting him.
There is only one thing I would change about him - his habit of asking the same question over and over (usually in the same argument), no matter how many times I try to answer it. My son has, tonight, pointed out that I do something quite similar, not in arguments but it's still irritating; this is something I can try to do something about.
My husband, on the other hand, seems to want to change who and what I am. To be fair, what he really wants is recognition and appreciation, and to feel that he is first in my list of priorities. None of this is unreasonable. However, in my way, I feel I do do this. But my way isn't his way - and so goes unrecognised and unappreciated.
We've been dancing round and round (and round and round...) this issue for nearly 23 years. If our relationship was really so terrible, neither of us would have stuck it out for so long. However, you'd think we'd have found a way of working all of this out by now.
I think my main sticking point is that I do see where he's coming from. I do understand how (and why) he feels neglected and undervalued. However, he doesn't (won't?) see my side. At all. Ever. I refuse to accept that all of the problems we have are my fault. I ask nothing from him (except to be accepted the way I accept him) but feel he makes demands on me all the time. His reply is that, in a marriage, there should be no need to ask - wants and needs should be supplied automatically.
I know this sounds like I'm blaming him but I'm not. He really does have a genuine point and I know there is more I could be doing. But, I am reluctant to change any more when a) I feel that the changes I have already made aren't good enough and b) he won't accept there is any need for him to change at all.
*shrug*