Farts and Dinosaurs
Church was interesting today. Everyone was hanging around chatting when Rhiannon went up to the priest and said, "Father, do you go to Hell if you laugh when someone farts?"
He's a good man, our priest and nothing throws him for more than a second. He conquered the desire to chuckle and said very seriously, "No, I hardly think that's grounds for eternal damnation."
"Cos I laugh every time." she said, "Cos it just is always funny."
He smiled and said, "I think if God had been against the idea of laughing at them, he wouldn't have made them the funniest things in the world. I think God made them funny because He likes to make us laugh. I laugh at them too."
Rhiannon turned to Frances and said, "I was right! You don't go to Hell just for laughing at a fart!"
At this point, we were getting odd looks from the congregation, so I suggested it might be time to go home. We were just outside the church when Benedict said, "If a dinosaur attacked the church, would it smash it?"
"You'd be surprised how many dinosaurs there aren't in rural Oxfordshire." I said.
"But if one did ... " he said.
"They wouldn't dare!" said Frances, "Because God would strike them dead, like He did with the people from that place with the rude name."
"Does God kill people?" said Rhiannon, worried again.
"Only bad people." said Frances.
"No He doesn't." I said.
"How do you know if you're bad?" said Rhiannon.
"God never, ever kills anyone." I said.
"He does a bit. He killed everyone in that flood." said Frances.
"Everyone?" said Rhiannon.
"That's not a real thing that happened." I said, "That's a myth."
"But it's in the Bible." said Frances.
"Some of the Bible is made up of stories." I said.
"I bet He couldn't drown a dinosaur." said Benedict.
"Maybe that's why there are no dinosaurs." said Frances.
"God drownded dinosaurs?" said Rhiannon.
Bryony had been walking on ahead, but now she turned and said witheringly, "You children are so silly! Dinosaurs died out because the world was suddenly wrong for them. When you're bigger, you'll understand. God never hurts animals, because He loves animals and He never hurts us because He loves us."
"Good." said Rhiannon, "Because I wouldn't like God anymore if He was mean to dinosaurs."
As the kids continued discussing the theological implications of hurting dinosaurs, I turned to Emma and said, "You know, I'd never be offended if you took over in these situations."
"Why would I do that?" she said.
"Because you're the clever one." I said.
She grinned and said, "I married you, you married me. You're the genius around here."
From up ahead, Rhiannon said wearily, "If you're going to kiss or anything, you have to tell me so I can look away."
He's a good man, our priest and nothing throws him for more than a second. He conquered the desire to chuckle and said very seriously, "No, I hardly think that's grounds for eternal damnation."
"Cos I laugh every time." she said, "Cos it just is always funny."
He smiled and said, "I think if God had been against the idea of laughing at them, he wouldn't have made them the funniest things in the world. I think God made them funny because He likes to make us laugh. I laugh at them too."
Rhiannon turned to Frances and said, "I was right! You don't go to Hell just for laughing at a fart!"
At this point, we were getting odd looks from the congregation, so I suggested it might be time to go home. We were just outside the church when Benedict said, "If a dinosaur attacked the church, would it smash it?"
"You'd be surprised how many dinosaurs there aren't in rural Oxfordshire." I said.
"But if one did ... " he said.
"They wouldn't dare!" said Frances, "Because God would strike them dead, like He did with the people from that place with the rude name."
"Does God kill people?" said Rhiannon, worried again.
"Only bad people." said Frances.
"No He doesn't." I said.
"How do you know if you're bad?" said Rhiannon.
"God never, ever kills anyone." I said.
"He does a bit. He killed everyone in that flood." said Frances.
"Everyone?" said Rhiannon.
"That's not a real thing that happened." I said, "That's a myth."
"But it's in the Bible." said Frances.
"Some of the Bible is made up of stories." I said.
"I bet He couldn't drown a dinosaur." said Benedict.
"Maybe that's why there are no dinosaurs." said Frances.
"God drownded dinosaurs?" said Rhiannon.
Bryony had been walking on ahead, but now she turned and said witheringly, "You children are so silly! Dinosaurs died out because the world was suddenly wrong for them. When you're bigger, you'll understand. God never hurts animals, because He loves animals and He never hurts us because He loves us."
"Good." said Rhiannon, "Because I wouldn't like God anymore if He was mean to dinosaurs."
As the kids continued discussing the theological implications of hurting dinosaurs, I turned to Emma and said, "You know, I'd never be offended if you took over in these situations."
"Why would I do that?" she said.
"Because you're the clever one." I said.
She grinned and said, "I married you, you married me. You're the genius around here."
From up ahead, Rhiannon said wearily, "If you're going to kiss or anything, you have to tell me so I can look away."