Accident part 2
Chloe let Jack tuck Lily in that night, pausing outside the door to listen to him read her a story. She made her way slowly to her bedroom and pulled out a loose comfortable pair of pajamas, practically collapsing on the couch and pulling a blanket over her body.
“You’re tired,” Jack sighed when he found her there.
“Yeah,” she yawned.
“How do you feel?”
She rolled her eyes. “Tired. I have a four year old and I’m pregnant. I’m gonna be tired for a long time.”
“If you’re too tired we can do this some other time.”
She sighed. “I just want to get whatever it is over Jack. I want to be done.”
“Done with me?”
“I’ll never be done with you,” she said softly. “You’re Lily’s father. This baby’s father.”
“I’m sorry I upset you this afternoon,” he said quietly, sitting on the chair across from her.
“It’s just…sometimes I wish that things were different, that we were different. That I didn’t have to do this alone and I know I shouldn’t complain because I’m lucky, I know you’ll always be there for them, and I have Chase, and Bill and Karen, but sometimes…sometimes I wish someone was here to hold my hair when I got sick and wash my face off and do all the things you did the first time. But it doesn’t matter, because things are the way they are.”
“Do they always have to be that way,” he pressed.
“Yes,” she sighed. “I love you Jack, and it was the hardest thing I ever did, but if I could go back and do it again, I’d always pick Lily. She’s my baby. That’s never going to change. We tried to make it work and we couldn’t and it’s sad, it’s always going to be sad, but everything that happened between us since then…it hurt people. It hurt me.”
“What about the baby?”
“The baby is a beautiful thing that came from a horrible mistake Jack.”
“Because of Audrey.”
“Yes,” Chloe said softly. “Because you have a wife, and someday I have to explain to my children that I ruined your marriage.”
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, reaching out to stroke her cheek.
“You should go. You’re right, I’m tired. I need to rest.”
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“Did you get the cake,” Chloe asked when she opened the door.
“Of course,” Jack assured her. “It’s in the car.”
She looked over his shoulder and nodded. “Put it in the kitchen,” she said, shifting awkwardly in the doorway.
He retrieved the cake box and followed her dutifully through the house. “It looks nice,” he murmured.
She nodded. “Chase did most of it.”
“Lily will love it.”
Chloe stared at him before turning to the counters and moving glasses around. “She’ll be home soon. You can wait for her in the front.”
“Do you need help?”
“No,” she snapped.
He sighed and moved slowly through the house, settling on the couch to wait.
Chase glanced wearily at the man. “She’s just having a hard time,” he finally offered.
“She’s pushing me away.”
“Can you blame her? You know Chloe. She can’t handle things that messy and complicated. She doesn’t like lying, or hurting people. It hurts her, being around you.”
“I never meant to hurt her.”
“Then stop doing it every time you’re around her,” the younger man muttered, standing up and going to the kitchen.
“Daddy,” Lily squealed when she arrived with Bill and Karen and ran across the room to jump into her father’s arms. “Are you here for my party?”
Jack nodded and kissed her forehead. “I am baby girl.”
“I’m my birthday,” she said happily.
“I think I heard that somewhere,” he chuckled.
She giggled and hugged her father tightly. “Gweny and Angela are coming to my party.”
“I know,” he murmured.
“Did you know they get a new baby sister?”
“Mmhmm,” he murmured, kissing the top of her head.
“Is our new baby a sister or a brother?”
“Don’t know yet,” Jack explained. “Soon Lil. Remember? You’re gonna go with us to Mommy’s doctor and she’ll tell us.”
“Next week,” Chloe said softly from the doorway. “I’ll show you on the calendar.”
Lily took her mother’s hand and followed her across the room where Chloe helped her count off the days. Jack watched both of them longingly, his gaze moving from Lily’s animated face to where Chloe’s hand rested on her swollen belly.
“Is the baby moving,” Lily asked.
“Yeah,” Chloe murmured. “Not enough for you to feel it though. Soon baby girl.” She stiffened when her eyes met Jack’s and turned away.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
“Stop,” Chloe said her voice shaky. “Not now. Not here.”
“Chloe.”
“Come here Lil,” Karen said quickly. “Come show me your presents.”
“We’re going to ruin her party,” Chloe sighed.
“She’s fine,” Chase assured her. “Just calm down darlin’.”
Chloe nodded and took a shaky breath, sinking down into one of the plush chairs. “I don’t want to ruin things for her,” Chloe whispered. “I don’t want her to be unhappy.”
“She’s not,” Chase soothed. “She’s happy, she’s healthy, she’s a sweet, wonderful little girl Chlo. Let’s just go back to the party.”
Chloe nodded and stood up, leaning on his arm and going to join her daughter.
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“Grandpa,” Lily said seriously, “I have to talk to you.”
“About what sweetheart,” Bill asked, letting the little girl crawl into his arms.
“About Mama.”
He frowned. “What about your mom?”
“I think she’s sad,” Lily sighed sadly.
Bill rubbed her small back. “She’s tired Lil.”
“Do I make her tired?”
“No,” Bill said firmly. “You make your mother happier than I’ve ever seen her.”
“Really?”
“Really. You and the new baby are the best things that ever happened to your mom.”
“What about Daddy?”
“What about your father?”
“Does he make Mommy sad?”
Bill ran a hand over his face slowly. “Your father and your mother have a complicated relationship.”
“Does it have to be complicated?”
“Your dad and your mom, they love you very much. They want what’s best for you and your brother or sister, because that’s what moms and dads do. That’s important Lil. That’s the only thing they’d want you to be worried about.”
Lily understood when she was being brushed off and she sighed and rested her head on her grandfather’s chest, letting him stroke her hair until she fell asleep.
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“You said you needed to talk about Lily,” Jack said anxiously, pacing around Bill’s living room.
“Jack she’s fine. She’s with Chase and Kim. Calm down,” the older man murmured.
“What’s going on? What’s this about? You didn’t call me over here for nothing.”
Bill sighed. “She was a little upset earlier.”
“Over what?”
Bill chose his words carefully. “She worried about Chloe. She was afraid her mother was sad, and asked if she made her sad, and then she asked if you made Chloe sad.”
“Dammit,” Jack growled.
“I talked to her and she’s fine now, but she’s a smart kid, she picks up on things, and all the tension between you and Chloe,” Bill sighed again. “I’m not telling you how to live Jack, but it’s hurting your family. It’s hurting all of you.”
“I’ll fix things,” Jack swore. “I will fix this.”
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“Chloe dear,” Karen murmured, “you really should get off your feet and try to rest.”
Chloe frowned. “My back hurts too much to rest.”
“Why don’t you just try,” the older woman urged. “Sit here with me.”
Chloe sat uneasily on the couch. “What’s going on?”
“Lily said something to Bill earlier, and I knew you’d want to know about it.”
“What did she say,” Chloe asked nervously, her body tensing.
Karen reached over and took one of the younger woman’s hands. “She was worried about you.”
Chloe frowned. “About what?”
“She was worried about you being sad. About Jack making you sad, specifically.”
Chloe stiffened and pulled away, her arms wrapped around her body. “I fucked things up. I fucked everything up.”
“No dear,” Karen soothed. “Don’t get upset. I know how hard you’re trying to stay nice and calm for the baby. Let me get you some of your juice.” Karen stood and rummaged around Chloe’s kitchen until she pulled down a glass and filled it.
“I didn’t want her to get hurt,” Chloe said softly.
“She’s not hurting,” Karen said quickly, wrapping an arm around Chloe’s trembling shoulders.
“She was.”
“There have been a lot of big changes in your life lately, and you’re all going to have difficult moments,” Karen murmured. “Today was Lily’s but she made it through, because she’s strong, just like her parents. Your babies need you to be strong now Chloe. Do the best that you can for them, and that’s what they’ll remember.”
“I want to fix things,” Chloe said softly. “I want to fix things for Lily.”
“Then I know you will find a way,” Karen said firmly. “You always do.”
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“I’m glad you called,” Jack said quietly, sitting across the room from where Chloe was laying on the couch under a blanket. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m trying to rest,” Chloe sighed.
“Bill talked to you?”
“Karen.”
Jack sighed and closed his eyes. “Maybe we should talk to Lily together.”
“And tell her what?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted.
“We have to fix this,” Chloe said adamantly.
“I know.”
“We used to be friends,” Chloe whispered.
“I know.”
“Do you ever miss that?”
“Yes,” he admitted softly. “I miss you.”
“I miss it too.” She took a moment to compose herself. “I think trying to be friends is the best thing we could do right now for our children Jack.”
“I’d like that.”
She swallowed. “So. Friends then.”
“Friends.”
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Lily bounced up and down on her father’s lap while the doctor completed her examination of Chloe.
“Do we get to watch the baby on the tv now,” she asked Jack anxiously.
“Yep,” he murmured. “See that stuff they’re putting on your mom’s tummy?”
The little girl nodded, watching curiously.
“That helps us see the baby.”
“What’s it feel like,” she asked her mother.
“Cold,” Chloe muttered. “It kind of tickles.”
“Does the baby like it?”
“I don’t know,” Chloe admitted. “Maybe in a few months when the baby’s here, you can ask him or her.”
Lily turned her attention to the ultrasound machine when Jack lifted her up and stood next to where Chloe was lying. “Is that the baby?”
Jack nodded. “That’s the face, right there,” he said, pointing. “You see it? The baby’s sucking its thumb.”
Lily nodded, transfixed by the images.
“Do you want to find out the gender,” the doctor asked.
“Yeah,” Jack said softly.
“Let’s see what we can find out then.” She moved the wand around Chloe’s stomach and watched the moving images.
“That’s the baby’s arm,” Jack pointed out to Lily, “and the little legs and feet.”
“Congratulations,” the doctor murmured, “you’re having a boy.”
Jack felt his throat tighten and he reached down to take Chloe’s hand. “You have a little brother Lil.”
“Why are you crying Mommy,” Lily asked nervously, reaching down to pat her mother’s cheek.
“I’m just so happy,” Chloe sniffed, wiping her eyes. “So, so happy.” She squeezed Jack’s hand tightly.
“Good,” Lily said happily. “Can we get ice cream?”
“Yes,” Jack chuckled. “We can get ice cream.”
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When Jack let himself into the house he heard Lily’s voice, calling for him, screaming down the steps.
“Daddy, Daddy, hurry!”
He took the steps two at a time, slowing only when the yelling was replaced with giggling, coming from Chloe’s room. Not just little girl giggling either, his daughter’s laughter mixed with Chloe’s.
“It tickles,” he heard Lily ask incredulously as he pushed open the door.
“Sort of,” Chloe murmured, glancing up to meet Jack’s eyes and nudging Lily lightly.
The little girl turned and gave her father a bright smile. “Daddy, my brother is kicking.”
“Was kicking,” Chloe corrected. “He just stopped. For the moment anyway. If you want to stick around, he’ll probably start again in a few minutes.” She fingered her sheets nervously. “I understand if you have plans, things you want to do with Lily.”
“Nothing that can’t wait,” he said easily, sitting in a chair by the window. “I think Lily’s enjoying herself.”
Chloe smiled, stroking the little girl’s hair. “She’s been pretty excited.”
“My brother has a name,” Lily said suddenly.
“It was just a thought,” Chloe murmured, blushing. “If you don’t like it…”
“Let me hear it,” Jack said.
“Anthony,” Lily piped up.
“Anthony William Bauer,” Chloe whispered. “I thought it was nice. I thought our son…I wanted him to have a strong name.”
“Chloe,” Jack said softly.
“If you don’t like it,” she said, turning away.
“Thank you,” he whispered, moving to the side of the bed and taking one of her hands in his.
“I liked him too,” Chloe said quietly.
“He liked you,” Jack murmured, tucking her hair behind her ear.
Chloe rubbed at her eyes with her free hand. “Hormones.”
Jack nodded and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, holding her tight.
Chloe gave him a weak smile. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s embarrassing. You should go. Go have a good day.”
Jack glanced at Lily. “I’d like to stay a little while longer.”
Chloe took a shaky breath and nodded. “Thanks.”
Jack stretched his legs out next to her body and let her lean against his chest. “No problem.”
Chloe sighed and closed her eyes. She took the hand that was still entwined with his and pulled it towards her. Jack watched her curiously until she placed his hand on her belly. “Can feel him?”
“Yeah,” Jack murmured. “Anthony.”
Chloe nodded. “Baby Anthony,” she smiled, opening her eyes to watch his face.
She titled her head towards him, looking at him questioningly and suddenly he moved forward, capturing his lips with hers. The kiss was soft and slow and her eyes were closed when she finally pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, standing up quickly.
“I need us to be friends Jack. I can’t handle anything else.”
“I know,” he sighed. “I’m sorry, I just…I got caught up in everything.”
She nodded slowly. “It’s okay Jack.”
“You understand,” he asked, relieved.
“I think so.”
“I’ll bring Lily back in the morning,” he said, moving towards the door.
“Would you make me pancakes,” she asked impulsively. “In the morning I mean.”
“Of course I will.”
Chloe opened her mouth and then hesitated, unsure of whether to go on or not. “I’m glad we’re friends. I’m glad I have you. I’m glad our children have you.”
“I’m the lucky one,” he murmured, lifting Lily up. “Tell Mommy and your brother you’ll see them tomorrow,” he instructed before placing her back on the bed.
“I love you,” Lily said, hugging her mother tightly and kissing Chloe’s belly.
“We love you,” Chloe murmured, kissing the top of the little girl’s head.
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“She’s pretty,” Chloe murmured, letting the baby wrap her tiny hand around one of her fingers.
“Yep,” Chase said proudly. “She takes after her mother, don’t you Teresa,” he said, kissing on the baby’s tiny feet.
“I think I’ve got the baby holding covered, if you want to check on Kim,” Chloe offered.
“She’s sleeping,” he sighed. “I’m not allowed in the bedroom. If I get her pregnant in the next year she’ll kill me. So you girls are stuck with me.”
Chloe rested her head on his shoulder. “I forgot how tiny they are when they’re born.”
He smiled at her. “You’re excited, huh?”
“Yeah,” she murmured. “Only a few more weeks.”
Chase studied her for a few minutes, fingers combing slowly through her hair. “You and Jack have been spending a lot of time together lately,” he said evenly.
She nodded. “He’s helping me get things ready for the baby.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” she sighed. “I think. I think it’s good for the kids, that Jack and I can be friends.”
“Is it good for you?”
“I missed him.”
“He missed you. He was always asking me about you.”
“What did you tell him?”
“Nothing he didn’t already know. You love your children, you’re committed to them, to making them your priority,” he murmured, reaching down to pat her swollen belly. “You’d put them before what you wanted, what made you happy. You’d do anything for them and nothing’s ever gonna change that. That’s why he loves you darlin’.”
“He loves me,” she asked, handing Chase his daughter and suddenly feeling faint.
“You know he does. The problem wasn’t ever that you two didn’t love each other.”
“You’ve been watching Dr. Phil again,” Chloe said, trying to keep her tone light.
“No joking,” he scolded.
She sighed. “If we loved each other so much, why couldn’t we work things out?”
“Because you got scared and you’re stubborn and that’s a pretty bad combination.”
“Are you saying this is my fault?”
The man studied her and chose his words carefully. “I’m saying you got scared Chloe, and when you get scared, you close down and you push anybody who might hurt you away.”
“I had to protect Lily.”
“Don’t get defensive on me. I’ve always got your back darlin’, even when you’re wrong.”
“I wasn’t wrong then.”
“Not then.”
“You think I’m wrong now?”
“When was the last time Jack answered the phone, that he took that call and said yes and agreed to do something that would put him at risk?”
Chloe was silent, her eyes on the floor.
“Exactly. People change darlin’.”
“No they don’t,” she protested.
“Look at us. Did you ever think, back in DC, that you and I would end up here?”
“No,” she admitted. “I thought you’d probably be dead by now.” She wrinkled her nose as she continued. “I thought Morris and I would live in the suburbs somewhere.”
He chucked. “And you’re supposed to be some kind of genius.” More seriously he looked at her. “I think Jack changed. I think he knows he has a second chance, with Lily, with Kim, and he’s grateful for it, and he’s not going to screw it up if he can help it, even if he changed too late for you.”
“How can you know that? How can you know that he’s really changed this time? He’s tried to leave before and he’s always gone back.”
Chase shrugged. “Faith. Nothing’s guaranteed my darlin’. You just have to ask yourself if you have enough to go out on that limb, no matter how scary it is.”
Chloe sighed and leaned against him. “Do I have to decide today?”
“No darlin’,” he murmured. “Take as much time as you need. All you need to do today is spend some time with your new goddaughter.”
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Chloe watched the clock nervously, absently chewing on one finger and waiting for Jack. Chase had come by for Lily thirty minutes earlier, dropping off dinner, and since then she’d been sitting, waiting, watching.
She practically jumped out of her skin when he finally rang the bell, trying to calm her breathing and smooth down her hair, glancing in the mirror and deciding she looked as good as she could before opening the door with what she hoped was a friendly smile.
It must have worked, because Jack gave her a warm smiled immediately and handed her the flowers he was holding, little pink lilies. She felt tears prick in her eyes and wiped at them.
“Are you okay,” he asked, concerned, putting a hand on her elbow and steering her to the couch. “Talk to me.”
“I’m fine,” she insisted, blushing. “I’m just,” she sighed, “I’m pregnant. I’m emotional. The flowers, they’re beautiful Jack. They’re perfect.”
“I was walking earlier, thinking about dinner, and when I saw them, they made me think of you and Lily.”
She smiled. “I love them.”
“I’m glad. Where’s Lil?”
Chloe swallowed. “She went to spend the night with Angela.”
“Oh,” he said, clearly disappointed.
“I’m sorry. If you want to go, I understand, but I thought maybe we could have dinner anyway.”
“Are you sure that’s how you want to spend your night?”
She nodded. “I’m sure Jack.”
“Then I’d love to stay.”
She smiled nervously. “I got us pasta.”
“Sounds wonderful.” He followed her to dining room and pulled out her chair.
“Jack,” she protested, “the food.”
“I’ll get it,” he murmured.
She started to protest again but didn’t, realizing how tired her body was and how nice it felt to sit there, admitting to herself how nice it felt to have someone taking care of her. A few minutes later Jack sat the plates in front of her.
“Anything else you need?”
She shook her head. “Thank you,” she said softly.
“My pleasure.”
Chloe was nervous during dinner, practically unable to keep up with the comfortable conversation Jack was attempting to make about Lily, about Kim and Chase and Angela and Gwen and Teresa, about anything that he thought Chloe might talk about.
“What’s wrong,” he finally asked.
“There’s something I need to show you.”
“Chloe, what’s going on?”
“Just…just trust me.”
Jack nodded and stood up, following her back to the living room where she turned on the tv, giving her a curious look when she turned to him.
“Dinner and a movie,” she explained. “Nice and normal, right?”
“Nothing about this is normal,” he sighed.
“Well, Chase always tells me that normal’s boring,” she defended.
He chuckled. “Show me this movie. I’m curious.”
She pressed play and watched his face as the images flashed across the screen. Images of her, pregnant with Lily, her stomach starting to swell, her face twisted in a frown at the camera Jack was sticking in her face. Images of the two of them together, Chloe eye’s closed, her head resting on Jack’s chest as he rubbed her belly. She paused the film when she saw Jack wiping his eyes.
“I almost forgot about all those movies you used to make,” she said softly.
He gave her a sad smile. “I didn’t forget.”
“I forgot how nice it was. I forgot how happy I was. I wouldn’t let myself remember.”
“Why did you make this Chloe,” he asked quietly.
“I was ready to remember.”
“What are you telling me?”
“I’m telling you,” she paused. “I’m telling you that we had a really nice life together and we have a wonderful daughter and we’re about to have a son, and I think that if you’d be willing to consider it, we could have a nice, wonderful life together again, all of us.”
“Are you saying…”
“I’m saying I love you Jack and I’m not scared anymore. I’m saying that I want to be with you Jack. If you’ll have me.”
“Chloe,” he whispered.
“I know,” she interrupted. “I know that I pushed you out, and I know that you…you missed parts of Lily’s life because of me and I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I love you Jack, I always loved you and if you could just try”
“Chloe,” he said more firmly, cutting her off.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, wiping her eyes.
“Shh,” he soothed, pulling her against his chest and rocking them both slowly. “Shh Chloe. I love you. I always loved you too. If you let me back into your life, I will spend the rest of our days making up for the pain I caused you. I will cherish you and our daughter and our son. And I will be the luckiest man in the world, Chloe.”
“Really,” she sniffed.
“Really,” he murmured. “I promise.”
She titled her head up, her lips brushing his so softly it barely felt real. His fingers tangled in her hair as he struggled to shift both of their bodies and bring her closer to him.
“Next time we have a big reconciliation I’ll try to not be eight months pregnant,” she muttered.
“I will take you any way I can get you,” he grinned.
“Do you mean that,” she pressed.
“I do,” he said, planting kisses along her neck.
“I love you Jack,” she whispered, shifting back on the couch, “but this is never going to work here.”
“Upstairs,” he asked eagerly.
She swatted him. “You’re supposed to say you love me.”
“I love you,” he murmured obediently.
“That doesn’t count,” she scolded. “How will I ever know if you mean it?”
“I show you. Upstairs.”
She shook her head. “Chase warned me about boys like you.”
“He did?”
She nodded. “You’ll say anything I want to hear just to get what you want.”
“You’re right,” he murmured, faking sincerity. “You, Chloe O’Brian, are definitely the easiest sex I could be having tonight.”
“That’s not a very nice thing to say,” she giggled.
“I’ll make it up to you,” he promised.
“Are we really doing this,” she asked suddenly, taking his face in her hand and tilting his head so that she could see into his eyes.
“If you want to. If you feel up to it.”
“Not that,” she muttered, “this, us. We’re going to do this, have a life together, just like that?”
He frowned. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“It is,” she said quickly.
“Then what’s wrong,” he asked, concern showing in his eyes. “Are you still scared?”
“No,” she assured him. “I trust you. I just want to make sure it’s real, that this is really happening, that you’re really here.”
“I am really here,” he said firmly, “and I’m not going anywhere.”