Jealousy and the Art of Self Sacrifice 3a of 3
Title: Jealousy and the Art of Self Sacrifice
Author:
rorge
Character/Pairing: Jeff, Annie, Abed, Jeff/Annie
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance
Word Count: 5393
Summary: This is based on a ficcy friday prompt from
teruel_a_witch, where Jeff becomes convinced that Annie and Abed are in a relationship, after witnessing their moments of closeness, and starts to avoid the group.
Disclaimer: I own the seven bucks in my pocket, and a few other odds and ends. No TV shows, though.
A/N: Finally got this finished. It took a while, because, as I normally do, I didn't plan out exactly what was going to happen, and it ended up taking me down a few dead ends before I wrangled it back to where I wanted it. And it ended up being a hell of a lot longed than I anticipated. So much so that I've had to split this chapter in two.
And yes, the other characters are rather simplistically drawn, except perhaps Abed, but this story isn't about them.
“Morning, guys,” Annie muttered as she slouched into the study room and lifelessly dropped into her seat. She frowned at her hands, consumed by the dark and miserable thoughts that had been plaguing her since she woke up that morning.
She'd not seen Jeff at all yesterday. None of them had. From what she could tell, he hadn't turned up for classes at all. She'd texted him a couple of times, trying to keep things light and vague, not wanting to betray her concern, or her hurt, but had received no response. The image of him walking away, shoulders hunched in defeat was stuck in her head, repeating over and over. She just couldn't figure out why he'd changed, why he could apparently barely stand to be in her company. She was sure now that it was just her, that somehow she had done this. Because though he was apparently avoiding everyone, Shirley, Troy and Pierce all said he'd seemed much like himself when they had run into him over the last couple of weeks.
Britta knew something was wrong, of course. She'd been the one who first raised it with Annie, but since then she'd spent most of her time casting dark looks in Annie's direction, as though blaming her still for whatever was wrong. Annie had come to the conclusion that Britta didn't believe her when she'd said nothing had happened with Jeff, and she was really trying not to let it get to her. If Britta wanted to believe Annie had let herself be seduced and then gotten clingy, or if she'd done the seducing and then kicked Jeff out on his ear (which was actually a recurrent fantasy she had), it didn't really matter what Annie said to the contrary, and it shouldn't matter what Britta's opinion of it was.
And Abed seemed almost as distressed about the whole thing as Annie did, in his own, emotionally constipated, quiet way. Annie knew that he and Jeff had a real friendship, even if it wasn't something she'd seen much of. She remembered how Jeff had lived with Abed for a few days, back in their first year, and how he'd organised that Pulp Fiction birthday party last year, because he wanted Abed to have some great memories to replace the misery of the Christmas that had just passed. And it had taken a while to figure it out, but she knew that Abed himself had arranged that odd dinner date with Jeff in his own attempt to strengthen their connection as friends. She found it all very sweet, and it was another way in which both men warmed her heart. Or at least, it had been.
She looked over at Abed, who was just staring into space, head cocked slightly to the side. Was he fretting about Jeff? It was hard to tell, but Annie liked to think he was. As the saying went, misery loved company. Belatedly, she realised that meant she had a lot of company today, because looking around the table, she saw dour and dispirited expressions on all faces.
“What's going on, guys?” She asked, suddenly wary. It was Abed who answered.
“We were talking about Jeff. I told the group about the conversation I had with him two days ago, and everyone was offering theories as to what they think is going on with him.” Annie perked up, but then Abed continued. “And no one can figure out what might have happened, except Britta, who thinks you and Jeff slept together and now the group dynamic is ruined.”
Annie gasped in affront, and Britta exclaimed. “Abed! I didn't say 'slept together', I said I thought that something had happened, and one or both of them wasn't dealing with it well.”
“Well, you can just forget that theory, Britta.” Annie said, still indignant. “I already told you nothing happened. I'm sorry if you don't believe me, but it's true!”
“Annie, it's not that we don't believe you,” Shirley said, in conciliatory tones, shooting a warning glance across the table at Britta. “It's just that, no one can figure out what's going on with him, why he's avoiding us all.”
“Yeah, come on Big Boobs, you can tell us,” Pierce hooted. “Did you boink Jeff and then tell him he wasn't any good?”
Annie flushed crimson. “No! God! I have not had sex with Jeff Winger.”
“But you want to.” Britta stated, confrontationally.
“I....” Annie wanted to deny it, but the words wouldn't come.
“Oh, Annie!” The disappointment was clear in Shirley's voice, and Annie bridled at it.
“Don't, 'oh, Annie' me, Shirley!” She snapped. “I'm not a child. I know my own mind, and I know what I feel.”
“Yes, of course you do,” Shirley said, in a rush. “But... don't you think Jeff's just a little too old for you?”
“And a little too slutty?” Britta added, unhelpfully.
“You're one to talk, Britta,” Annie spat, shooting her a dark glare before turning back to Shirley. “Yes, he's older than me, but that's not really a big deal. I'm twenty one years old, I'm not the innocent girl I was when we first met.”
“Annie, you know I love Jeff. In some ways, he's a wonderful man,” Shirley reached out and took Annie's hand supportively. “But, I don't think he's the sort of man who would make a good... boyfriend, for you.”
“Well it doesn't seem like it matters too much now, does it?” Annie bit the words off harshly, drawing a shocked gasp from Shirley. “Because Jeff can't even stand being in the same room as me any more!” Her eyes were suddenly burning, and she swallowed thickly.
“Oh, An-nie,” Shirley cooed, suddenly all sympathy. “I'm sure it'll all be okay.” She patted Annie's hand supportively.
“You want me to kick his ass?” Troy asked, voice firm and face determined.
Annie coughed out a bitter laugh. “I don't think you'd be able to kick his ass, Troy.”
“Annie's right,” Pierce blurted. “I'll kick his ass.”
“No one is kicking anyone's ass, okay?” Annie fixed them both with a no-nonsense glare. “I'm going to fix this... okay?” She felt a tightness in her chest, wondering just how obvious her misery had been over the last couple of weeks. If even Pierce and Troy had noticed, the it must have been glaringly transparent to most people at Greendale.
“How?” Abed asked, voice lace with mild curiosity.
Annie opened her mouth, wishing she knew what words were going to come out of it, but before she could speak, he was there. Jeff walked in as though everything was right with the world, and sat down in his chair with a smile.
“Hi, guys.”
*
“Well, Jeffrey I... I just don't know what to say.” The Dean heaved something that sounded like a strangled sob, and Jeff had to resist the temptation to roll his eyes. Quitting this school should not be this hard, he thought, caustically. It was like kicking a puppy, telling the Dean he was leaving, and Jeff supposed he did feel kind of bad about it. It's not like he could blame the man for finding him so captivating.
“You don't need to say anything, Dean Pelton. Just get me the papers. I've already contacted City College and Dean Spreck told me himself that he'd love to have me.”
“Oh! Well he would, wouldn't he! Anything to hurt me...” The Dean trailed off into another muffled sound, something like a squeak. Then, in a low, intense voice, “He would.” He shook his head, helplessly. “Okay, Jeffrey. I'll get you the transfer papers.” He paused. “I... uh... I don't have any here in my office, but I'll bring them to you when I can.”
“Make it today, Dean. Preferably before lunch.” Jeff's voice was firm and he didn't give the man chance to answer, turning on his heel and leaving as quickly as possible. All the time he'd been in there, he'd been desperately trying to keep his eyes from the various Dalmatian stuffed toys, statuettes and stylized artwork that was dotted around the office. He always found Dean Pelton easier to deal with if he could imagine him as an asexual being, because then the way he seemed to find all sorts of opportunities to touch wouldn't be as disturbing. Still, in an odd way he felt he might actually miss the attention.
As he walked down the corridor, Jeff felt an odd sort of... wistfulness overtake him. Looking at the threadbare carpet and damp ridden walls of Greendale Community College, looking at the odd assortment of faces, bustling to and fro from one absurdly designed class to another, Jeff felt nostalgic somehow. He shook his head, smiling reflectively at the thought of it. He'd always believed that leaving Greendale for good would be a momentous, victorious event, or at the very least it would feel like freedom. Instead he felt... empty. Unsatisfied, somehow.
All morning, he'd steadfastly refused to think of the study group, of Annie. It's easier this way, he thought. They don't need my jealousy getting in the way, making a mess of things. Hell, they don't need me at all. He glanced at his watch, and realized that they would all be in the study room right now, for their usual morning session. Jeff smiled to himself and decided that one last morning with them would be a good way to say goodbye. Or at least to say au revoir, because it wasn't like he was going to cut them out of his life or anything. Of course not. He just needed some space.
He allowed his feet to carry him on that familiar path, and as he reached the study room he glanced through the window and saw them all sitting there, books closed on their desks. Of course they've not started studying yet, he thought affectionately. It's only ten minutes into the session. For some reason, he felt a brief tightness in his chest, as he paused, and then entered the room, striding to his seat without looking at anyone, and sat down.
“Hi, guys,” he said, giving them his best Jeff Winger smile.
For a moment, silence fell, and Jeff glanced around, suddenly worried that he was unwelcome. They all just looked surprised, confused. Then Shirley broke the tension.
“Jeffrey!” she exclaimed, a broad smile on her face. “I'm glad you found time to come and study with us.” Jeff winced at the veiled jab, but didn't have time to respond before the rest of them chimed in, welcoming him back. He glanced around, taking in their smiles and felt a strange sort of warmth in the pit of his stomach. It felt... good. He risked a quick look at Annie.
She was staring at him with an expression he couldn't quite place. Eyes wide and tremulous, hands fidgeting with the purple pen she was holding. As he offered a weak smile and a nod, it was like the sun breaking from behind a cloud. She lit up, a beaming, pleased grin that made him feel ashamed for a moment. She seemed so happy to see him, and all he'd done was avoid her for three weeks. What kind of friend acted like that? He resolved that, before he left, he'd at least make it up to Annie, let her know how highly he thought of her. As a friend, of course, there was no point in making her listen to him pour his heart out. Why burden her with that, make her feel like it was her fault he was going? He couldn't help but glance across at Abed, and found him staring back with that familiar, steady gaze. And all at once, Jeff's spirits came crashing back down. You're staring at his girlfriend, you idiot! He castigated himself harshly, reminding himself again of just why he wanted to leave this place.
He found himself unable to meet Abed's eyes for longer than a few seconds, feeling like he should apologise to him. Abed was his friend, and Jeff felt like they'd both really worked to get to that place. It wasn't easy for him to connect with people, and with Abed it was so much harder, because Abed found it even more difficult to connect than he did. But, after a few trials and tribulations, they'd come to understand one another quite well. Or so he thought, because Jeff had never imagined that Abed had feelings for Annie. Still, he couldn't help but feel a little betrayed, amongst all the guilt and embarrassment. Hadn't Abed known how Jeff felt about Annie? And if he had, did it not matter to him? What happened to the Bro Code? Perhaps it wasn't something Abed was aware of. He grimaced to himself and frowned sheepishly at the desk in front of him. Luckily, Shirley broke the moment before it got any more tense.
“So, Jeffrey, what have you been up to lately? Busy with school work, and helping out at your old firm, I guess?” She was saccharine sweet, and Jeff didn't miss the underlying meaning. You'd better have a damn good reason to explain why you've been avoiding us all.
He plastered on his most charming smile, or as close as he could manage in his current mood. “Actually, I have been busy. And I figured that, now we're starting to get to the business end of this whole college thing, I needed to start standing on my own two feet a little. I mean, I can't just rely on you guys to help me all the time, right?”
That brought suspicious looks from everyone, and Jeff noticed that Annie seeming to be faltering between suspicious and... pleased? Pleased that he was doing his own work? Pleased that he wasn't making things complicated for her? He kind of didn't want to know the answer to that. Suddenly, the smile felt like it was taking more effort, but he redoubled his concentration. “So anyway, thought I'd drop in and see what you guys are up to? You read chapter twelve yet?”
“You've really read up to chapter twelve?” Annie frowned at him doubtfully.
“I've read up to chapter fifteen, Annie,” Jeff answered, trying not to sound smug. And it was actually true. He'd found, over the last couple of weeks, that doing absolutely anything was preferable to letting his mind drift back to the idea of Annie and Abed. Even school work was more attractive than ever.
She blinked, taken aback. “Wow. Um... so you really have been busy, then?” She sounded hopeful somehow, almost eager.
“I really have,” he answered, offering her his best attempt at a bland, friendly smile. “But... uh... I think things are going to get better for me, now.” He felt a heaviness in his chest when he saw how Annie straightened up a little at that, eyes wide and guileless. It never felt like this when I lied to judges and juries, he thought, why do I feel like I'm committing some horrible betrayal?
“Oh... really?” Annie asked, those big eyes fixed on his face. “How... how do you mean?”
Jeff cursed himself silently, really not wanting to have this conversation with her, with any of them, right now. He belatedly realised that all eyes were fixed on him. Their scrutiny quickly became uncomfortable, and he shifted in his seat. “Oh, you know, just trying to be positive, I guess. Anyway, are we going to study or not?” He flashed them another convincing smile, and breathed a sigh of relief as books were flipped open, one by one.
*
Annie watched Jeff as he strolled out, as though he hadn't a care in the world, and felt torn between pleased and concerned. He seemed better. Much better. More comfortable than he'd been in recent weeks, but still not the guy that she felt she was falling for. That shallow, venal mask that he wore so often had been fixed firmly in place, and it made him hard to read. But Annie felt she'd had as much practice at figuring him out as anyone, and she could definitely sense a change in him. The fact that he'd looked at her, and spoken to her, and smiled at her, that had to be a positive, right? Maybe if she could just talk to him in private, she'd discover that this whole thing had been some sort of early mid-life crisis, and he'd just needed to ride it out on his own, before coming back to them. To her.
While she was contemplating just how to broach the subject with him, or if she should just ignore his behaviour and let them fall back into their old dynamic, the Dean appeared in the doorway behind Pierce.
“Oh, Jeffrey's not here,” he said, looking as miserable as Annie had ever seen him.
“What's wrong, Dean?” Britta asked, her curiosity piqued by his mention of Jeff.
“It's nothing, Britta,” he said, letting out a heavy sigh. “He just asked me to... bring him something.” He paused, and his eyes flitted around at each of them, shifty and calculating. Then, in an airy, casual voice, he said, “I guess I'll have to give him this college transfer form tomorrow.”
“What!?” Britta exclaimed, leaning forward. “College transfer form? Is Jeff... is he leaving Greendale?”
The Dean contrived to look shocked, and said, in a wheedling, faux-innocent tone of voice, “Oh, he didn't tell you guys? That he's leaving Greendale to go to City College?”
This time, the whole group echoed Britta's exclamation. Shock reverberated around the room, and Annie suddenly felt sick. A wrench in her stomach that left her feeling unsteady.
“Jeff's leaving?” Troy asked, bemused and upset. “Why would he do that? We came up with Greendale's flag together!”
“Annie,” Abed said, urgency taking over his usually placid countenance. “You said you were going to fix this. What's the...” He looked over, and was met with an empty seat, and Annie's form disappearing through the open door, already in a flat run. “...Plan?”
“I think she's through planning, Abed,” Shirley said, worry and urgency lacing her voice as she stood to hurry out in pursuit.
Link to part 3b here