Jealousy and the Art of Self Sacrifice 1 of 2 (or maybe 3)
Title: Jealousy and the Art of Self Sacrifice
Author:
rorge
Character/Pairing: Jeff, Annie, Abed, Jeff/Annie
Spoilers: None, unless you've not seen the season 2 finale
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance
Word Count: 4062
Summary: This is based on a ficcy friday prompt from teruel_a_witch, where Jeff becomes convinced that Annie and Abed are in a relationship, after witnessing their moments of closeness, and starts to avoid the group.
Disclaimer: I own the seven bucks in my pocket, and a few other odds and ends. No TV shows, though.
A/N: It took me forever to figure out a way of Jeff finding out about the paintball kiss, considering no one actually saw it, and any mention of it from Annie or Abed would come with an immediate disclaimer that it didn't mean anything. So I found an unlikely deus ex machina. This is pretty long, so I'm only posting the first half (third?) now. The rest will come as soon as I can manage.
I considered keeping up the suspense of, 'are Annie and Abed involved?' but I often quit reading fics if I don't like where they might be headed, so decided to eliminate that possibility, right from the off.
Annie Edison sighed, trying not to show her disappointment at what her friend had just told her. She knew it wasn't worth asking for reasons, or explanations. Jeff Winger didn't give them. Not when he wouldn't tell her why he didn't want Rich in the group, not when he wanted to kick Pierce out of the group, and certainly not when Annie had challenged him on why he had been leading her on all last year, when he was secretly sleeping with one of her closest friends.
So she would never expect a valid reason as to why he was skipping movie night. It had become something of a tradition for them, since Greendale had closed for the structural repair work just before Christmas, to get together at the apartment Annie shared with Troy and Abed at least one night a week, and have a movie marathon. Shirley baked brownies and cookies, insisting that they eat something more sustaining than popcorn, Pierce had provided a 50 inch television, which had left both Troy and Abed lost for words, Britta had agreed not to constantly point out the blatant Hollywood misogyny and national stereotyping of everything they watched, and Jeff brought the beer. And for several weeks, it had been nice.
It wasn't like they didn't see each other every day (more or less), because Annie insisted that they keep studying, even without classes, so they wouldn't fall behind and have to repeat any courses. But it just felt... different... to meet up regularly for a social activity. Like a group of friends would. Annie always felt the warmth and love in the room as everyone gathered round to root for the hero in a romantic comedy, or to laugh and poke fun at the amateurish silliness of something like The Legend of Boggy Creek Continues. It was like a thick, soft duvet, enveloping her securely, and the rest of them seemed to feel it too. Even Jeff, who seemed to check his ego at the door and just be the guy that Annie knew he was, deep down. Laughing and joking along with them.
If she was honest with herself, seeing Jeff that relaxed and happy, seeing him smile at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners, had sent another kind of warmth through her. And being able to snuggle up next to him on the crowded couch had been something she looked forward to. But now, he wasn't coming. He'd texted Britta, asking her to pass on the message, and that grated almost as much as the fact that he wasn't going to be there. Why Britta? Annie couldn't help wondering. I mean, it's not even Britta's apartment. He really should notify the hosts directly, she thought, primly. He'd not said why, but Britta had carelessly suggested that he must have, “met some woman he needed to bang”, which had Annie grinding her teeth and suddenly, that soft, warm duvet of friendship didn't feel quite as soft or warm as it had.
She dropped gracelessly onto the couch, next to Shirley, and frowned at the empty space on her other side. Shirley noticed the Jeff-shaped hole as well, and decided it wouldn't do.
“Abed, don't you go sitting on the floor there. Come and sit with me and An-nie on the couch.” She gesticulated encouragingly at the empty spot, and Annie found herself smiling and nodding. She supposed that, in his own way, Abed was a bit like a warm duvet as well. Troy too. Growing up as an only child with unhappy, unsupportive parents had been a lonely experience, and Annie had often wondered what it would be like to have a sister, or a brother. Now she had two of them. Brothers, that is. Something she never would have imagined, that first day they all met in the study room. Troy, her high school crush, the arrogant, ignorant jock, and Abed, the weird, uncomfortable looking boy with no social graces.
But she loved them both, and as Abed plopped down next to her with a smile, she wrapped her arm around his and shuffled closer to lean her head on his shoulder. It sometimes occurred to her that there might be something incestuous about this arrangement. After all, she'd been quite thoroughly kissed by Abed during the paintball war last year, when he'd been playing Han Solo. And in the immediate aftermath, she had idly wondered what it would be like to kiss him again, as Abed. But living with him had pretty much disabused her of such thoughts. Abed was Abed, and for all the things she loved about him, she knew now that she didn't like him in that way. Sighing again, she settled into his shoulder as the movie started to play.
Some twenty minutes in, and Annie was barely paying attention as Matt Damon and a pretty English girl flirted on a bus, and didn't even register the knock at the door.
“That'll be the pizzas I ordered,” Pierce proclaimed, looking around to make sure everyone was taking note of his benevolence. “Troy, here's some money, go and collect them, please.”
“I don't live in your house any more, Pierce,” Troy said, sullenly. “I don't have to do what you tell me. Fetch your food, wash your car? Nu uh!”
“But aren't you hungry?” Pierce asked, eyebrows raised innocently. “They've got four kinds of meat on them.”
Troy squinted at him for a moment, and then grabbed the proffered money, jumped up and rushed over to the door. Annie smiled and dropped her head back onto Abed's shoulder. She heard the door open, but didn't pay any attention to the mumbled pleasantries, until Troy wandered back over, sans pizza boxes.
“Hey guys, look who decided to show after all.” He said, a smile in his voice.
“Jeffrey!” Shirley cooed, causing Annie to bolt upright and turn to look. It was indeed Jeff, smiling slightly uncomfortably as he glanced around the group. She felt a pleasant jolt in her belly as her eyes traced him. He looked tired, his suit a little dishevelled, tie hanging loose. It was a good look.
“Hi, guys. Sorry I couldn't make it for the movie tonight.” His gaze fell on Annie, and he stilled, a frown creasing his brow, eyes suddenly narrowing slightly. Annie felt Abed gently extricate his arm from hers and leaning away as he moved to pause the movie.
“Sit down, Jeffrey,” Pierce boomed. “It was starting to feel a bit gay in here, I have to tell you. Abed said this movie was some sort of science fiction tale, but it's starting to feel like a sissy love story.”
“Are you going to stay, Jeff?” Abed asked, that inscrutable, wide eyed expression on his face. Jeff didn't respond for a moment, eyes still fixed on Annie.
She returned his look with a welcoming smile, pleased that he had come, but she felt it waver on her face as he pulled his eyes away from hers. “Uh... no. No, I'm not staying. I... uh... I just came to tell you guys something I heard tonight.”
Annie watched him, eyes tight with growing concern. What's wrong with him? He's acting so weird! Jeff seemed completely discomfited, and Annie was bracing herself for some awful news. Oh God, what if something's happened to his mom?! Or to his car?! She leaned forward, feeling like she might need to rush over for a hug, any second.
“Well?” Britta demanded. “Don't keep us waiting, Winger. What's up?”
He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. “Oh, it's good news actually. I guess. I ran into the Dean tonight, after finishing work, and he told me that Greendale is going to be reopening next week.”
“Oh! Yay!” Annie leapt to her feet, and did rush over to give Jeff that hug, pressing her head into his chest and squeezing her arms tightly around him, relieved that it wasn't to comfort him, and delighted at the news. And she'd be lying if she claimed that hugging Jeff wasn't a pleasant experience under any circumstances. She stepped back to look up at him, her hands latching onto the back of his jacket. “I thought it wasn't reopening until the middle of March?”
Jeff carefully peeled her arms off him and stepped back, avoiding her eyes. “Yeah, that's what I said, but the Dean said there had been less damage than he initially estimated, and that Vice Dean Laybourne had agreed to replace the AC without charge, which freed up some more cash to pay for the new roof in the science department.”
“Wait a minute,” Britta said, smirking cruelly. “Just how did you manage to run into the Dean? At night? On the way home from your law firm?”
Jeff grimaced. “Don't ask. Honestly, I think he... sought me out, or something. To tell me.”
“Hey, did he get you to sing again?” Troy asked, laughing at his own joke and slapping hands with Abed.
“Funny,” Jeff shot him a withering glance, and made to head for the door. “Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Enjoy your movie.”
Annie reached out and grabbed his wrist, stopping him dead. “No,” She said, imploringly. “Stay and watch it with us. It's really good.” She smiled hopefully, cocking her head with an inviting smile.
Jeff just stared at her for a moment, face blank, then firmly pulled his arm from her grasp. “No, it's okay. I've been working all day, and I'm pretty tired. You guys have fun.” His eyes shot from Annie to Abed and back again, and his smile was fixed as he hurried out of the apartment, door closing firmly behind him.
“Well, what's up with pointy face?” Pierce asked, bemused. Annie shared his confusion. Jeff had seemed off. Really off. Far more than just, 'the Dean cornered me and touched my chest through my shirt' off.
“Who cares,” Britta said dismissively, “He's fine. Probably just bummed about having to go back to Greendale sooner than expected.”
The rest of the group filed back to their seats, leaving Annie standing near the door, watching it pensively, wondering for a moment if she should go after him. Abed called to her that they were going to restart the movie, and she gave herself a little shake, and turned for the couch. If something was bothering Jeff, she'd probably have more luck getting blood from a stone than she would getting the truth out of him. And anyway, he'd be right as rain tomorrow when they met up to study. She was sure of it.
*
Jeff jumped at the car horn that blared out behind him, and noticed with surprise that the lights had changed to green. He stepped on the accelerator, shaking his head at how ridiculous he was being. For some reason, he was having trouble concentrating. That was the third set of lights he'd spaced out at since leaving Annie's apartment.
He'd originally blown his friends off tonight, because he'd thought that after a day of dealing with Alan at work, he'd just want some peace and quiet. Or maybe to get raging drunk. Perhaps both. Instead, he'd found himself thinking back to previous movie nights, the closeness that he'd once have sneered at, laughing along with Abed's piercing genre deconstructions, groaning in unison with them all whenever Britta found a new self-righteous steed to ride into the ground, cracking jokes that Pierce didn't understand, and watching him pretend he did. But most of all, he couldn't stop himself thinking of Annie. The way she pressed up against him on the crowded couch, the way she smiled up at him every few minutes, or how she smacked his chest rebukingly if he said anything she deemed inappropriate, the way he felt her body tremble when she really laughed, the way her hair smelled and the softness of it when it brushed against his arm, or his cheek.
He'd thought those things were something only he knew about, that she only shared, however innocently, with him. Now, after seeing her practically wrapped around Abed tonight, he was no longer so sure. To say he'd been surprised would be an understatement. Shocked. Shocked was a more appropriate term. They had looked so cozy, so intimate, as though they sat like that all the time. That thought almost brought his brain to a complete stop again. What if they do always sit like that? He thought, wonderingly. I mean, they live together, and Annie's always been affectionate with people she cares about. He pulled up to another set of red lights, sighing in frustration as he brought the car to a halt, and raked a hand through his hair restlessly. Suddenly, he had another image in his head. Of Annie perching on the arm of Abed's recliner at Christmas, holding his hand and smiling down at him. Of Annie happily nudging Abed to show him a smiley pea face that she'd fashioned. Then of that odd moment after the paintball war last summer, when Annie had said something about “Han” not playing it safe, with a dreamy smile on her face.
Jeff couldn't help but wonder if there had been other moments between them, moments he hadn't witnessed. And if you add up enough moments... He frowned to himself, then shook his head at where his mind was taking him. Nah, that's crazy. Annie and Abed? It's ridiculous. Isn't it?
*
The following morning, Jeff found himself the second to arrive in the diner that had become their impromptu study room while Greendale was closed. Unfortunately, the first to arrive had been Pierce, and he'd been watching the door like a hawk. Presumably, because he was starting to wonder whether the rest of them had decided to study somewhere else without telling him. He spotted Jeff as soon as he walked through the door, and waved him over with a big smile.
Jeff winced slightly, and headed over. He didn't need to deal with Pierce this morning. He'd had a somewhat restless night, tossing and turning, unable to really drop off. Unable to stop his mind from conjuring up worries and images of Annie doing... well, doing stuff. It's not like those images were new, but now it wasn't him she was doing them to, it was a skinny half Palestinian, half Polish man who simply responded, “Cool. Cool, cool, cool” whenever she did something particularly... pleasurable.
Determined to cast such thoughts from his brain, Jeff smiled as genuinely as he could manage, and sat down.
“Morning, Pierce,” he said, with a fake joviality that even the older man seemed to notice.
“Good morning, Jeffrey,” Pierce answered, brow furrowed, fixing Jeff with a suspicious look. “Why are you so cheerful?”
“I don't know, Pierce. Maybe I got laid last night.”
“Chyeah, right!” Pierce huffed, “If you got laid, you'd be wearing looser jeans than those, this morning.”
“Okay, cheerful is done with,” Jeff sneered. “Thanks for that.” He glanced around curiously. “So where is everybody?”
“I don't know. Guess they're running late. I remember Shirley saying she had to drop her kids off at school, and Britta probably had to do something with her cat.”
Jeff paused for a moment, trying to figure out whether he'd regret asking the next question. Then decided to just ask the damn question and stop being so ridiculous.
“And what about the others? Annie, Troy. Abed?”
“Big Boobs and the boys said they had to do a bit of cleaning up first. The place was a bit of a mess when we left last night.” Pierce stopped, and cocked his head at Jeff.
Jeff nodded thoughtfully, somewhere between disappointed and relieved that Pierce's answer to what was a very general question had not somehow confirmed or allayed his fears.
“So.... Annie and Abed seem to enjoy living together, don't you think?” He said, trying to sound as casual as possible, waiting on tenterhooks for the answer.
“Yeah, seems that way,” Pierce said, breezily. “It's weird though, the two of them being so uptight in different ways. You'd think that they'd drive each other crazy.”
Jeff opened his mouth to respond, but Pierce continued.
“Of course, the fact that they're doing it all the time probably helps relieve any tension, if you know what I mean.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively as Jeff almost swallowed his tongue.
Oh god. He's wrong. He has to be wrong. The images of Annie and Abed flashed through his head again. They seemed to be smirked at him as they got hot and heavy.
“Wait, Pierce. What do you mean, 'doing it'? Annie and Abed aren't together.” He heard the desperation in his own voice, and winced.
“Oh yeah, right. From what I can tell, they've been knocking boots since last year. Hell, back when the semester began, I saw Annie applying Abed's chapstick for him.”
Jeff blinked in confusion and dawning horror. “What? Is that a euphemism?”
“No! Of course not. She was literally applying Abed's chapstick. When he went funny after that show was cancelled, or whatever. Just before you attacked the study room table with an axe.”
Feeling a little of the tension seep out of his body, Jeff exhaled heavily. “Well, that doesn't mean anything. Annie's just kind hearted.”
Pierce smirked. “Oh yeah? Well here's one that is a euphemism. I heard Annie talk about 'buttering Abed's noodle'.” He sat back, self satisfaction evident, and folded his arms.
“You... what?” Jeff grimaced in disgust, trying not to think of what that euphemism probably... had to... mean. “When did she say that?”
“God, Jeff, I don't know. What am I, a professional witness?”
Jeff watched him, searching for any signs that he was making it up. He looked completely sincere. But Pierce can't be right, he thought. Pierce is never right. About anything.
He shook himself, sure that there had to be some sort of confusion. And, with Pierce, that was almost a guarantee. But they are close. I've seen that. And last night, she looked so... comfortable. Like she did that all the time.
“So.... Do you know how it started, or...” Jeff trailed off, his eyes drawn down to the table, unable to look Pierce in the eye.
“Like I said, at the end of last year. I have it on good authority that those two were making out during the paintball fight.”
Jeff's head shot up, and he stared at Pierce in consternation. Paintball? It makes sense. Annie was so pissed off at all of us. Me especially.
“Wait, on what authority? Did one of them say something?”
“No, it was Leonard, if you must know.” Pierce sat back, looking smug. “As you're well aware, Jeff, the man is an impeccable source when it comes to gossip. If he told me, then it means it happened.”
Jeff felt the air go out of him. For all that he couldn't stand Leonard, he knew that what Pierce said was true. Somehow, the old devil managed to have an inside track on everything that happened at Greendale. He thought back again to that day, recalling how amazing Annie had looked in that outfit, how hot her take no shit attitude had been. Then, he remembered again that odd moment between her and Abed in the study room afterwards. Pierce is right, he realised with stunning clarity. Annie and Abed are... together.
Before his thoughts could take him to any more dark places, the coffee shop door burst open and the objects of his distress waltzed in. Annie had her arm tucked into Abed's and was smiling up at him as he finished off some story about wormholes. Troy trailed behind, like the proverbial third wheel, but Jeff barely noticed him. His eyes were on the other two.
Now that he knew what he was looking at, they almost looked like a young couple in love. What if he was the last one in the group to see it? It wasn't like he'd caught them hidden away in a corner together. Annie had been plastered to Abed's side, with Shirley sitting right next to them. And Shirley always gives me at least one dirty look on movie night, when she thinks I might be enjoying the feeling of having Annie next to me. Not Abed, though.
He felt a flush of embarrassment, and no little amount of nausea, as he considered the idea that every one else knew there was something going on, and here he was, daydreaming about the girl as though he was a teenager.
Jeff kept his eyes on the pair as they cheerily greeted him and sat down next to each other, on the opposite side of the table.
“So, Jeff,” Annie said with a smile, “what did you get up to last night that was so much more fun than watching movies?”
Before he could answer, Pierce interrupted.
“He said he got laid, but I don't believe him.”
Annie's expression froze, the smile becoming fixed, teeth gritted. Jeff might not have noticed if he'd not been watching her and Abed already, but it set his mind racing. Just seconds ago, he'd been well on the way to convincing himself that Annie had... something... going on with Abed, but now he found himself second guessing himself again.
He figured a little pre-emptive damage control was in order. “I didn't get laid.” He ignored Pierce's triumphant scoff. “I just went home, and went to bed. It was a long day.”
The tension left Annie's face, and she smiled innocently, a faint pink dusking her cheeks. Jeff squinted at her, then flicked his eyes across to Abed, who was just staring back at him, face blank and eyes unblinking. Is that jealousy? A warning? Just your typical Abed perusal? Jeff couldn't tell, but he knew that no confirmation or refutation of his suspicions was going to come from that corner. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair and waved the waitress over, smiling winningly at her.
By the time he'd ordered an egg white omelette and coffee, Shirley and Britta had arrived, bickering over something religious. Annie quickly took charge, briefing them on what they needed to study before Greendale reopened, and Jeff simply couldn't see any way of clarifying his fears, one way or the other. He slumped in his chair, hand twitching towards his phone, and sighed. It was going to be a long morning.
*
The study session felt to Jeff like it lasted for days. And each time Annie or Abed made any sort of gesture to one another, he couldn't stop himself reading a dozen different things into it. It was crazy, and he let out an audible sigh of relief when eleven o'clock rolled around. He was out of his seat and half way to the exit before the others had even put their books away.
Barrelling through the diner door, he strode towards his car, without even saying goodbye to the rest of the group, and didn't stop until he was sitting safely in the driver's seat. Hands on the steering wheel, he caught sight of Annie looking in his direction. It was too far away to make out her expression, but she had both arms wrapped around her midsection, as though she was cold, which seemed unlikely on this unseasonably warm day. Jeff thought for a moment that she was going to come over and say something, but then Abed appeared at her shoulder. He said something, and Annie turned to look at him for a moment. She glanced back at Jeff, nodded at something else Abed said, and then the two of them turned and walked away.
Jeff sat there for another moment, staring at their backs as they walked away, before he angrily shoved his car into gear and pulled out of the parking lot with a screech of tyres.