dream, they look happy, drinking/dancing/strobes, sleep
dream: silver curtains, blue headed people with long faces tuck me in and stroke my cheek, telling me news from afar.
nondream(probably): after class and workout, i shot some footage with sam and pauline. we went to kingston and bought alcohol. i drove them to pavel's where he gave them a house tour. i drove them back. they had dinner together. i ate cereal and ice cream in my room. it was cold and sweet. or sweet but cold.
i did some reading for class, wrote a little. waited for an email that would not come, bearing a message it could not bear. i drank with sam and pauline, went to gahagan, drank with ashleigh and kelly. we went with pavel to the day of the dead dance. i danced, entered the strobe. the strobelight was comforting because the dancing forms that entangled themselves around me became less human, less real, reminding me of the intervals between each moment, destroying the universe and rebuilding it from one flash of light to another. left the party with ashleigh, kelly, and rachel. there are details missing, but i'm too tired to care. i watched ashleigh sleep at one point.
i remembered watching people sleep. i never sleep when someone's watching. not usually. there was a time.
someone told me that it feels creepy at first but then somewhat comforting that someone will watch over oneself during sleep. i felt good about it at the time.
mournful but putting the energy into my project. thinking about the project is better than thinking about other things, though i envy the quality of my fellow students. my work is so blatantly transparent, so flat and two dimensional. lately.
at least i can still tell a decent lie or two.
but no one will love a liar, as long as they're aware of it. no one trusts a confessed liar. especially if no lies have been told. i'm rambling now.
i'm going to sleep before it gets worse.
i'm not sure if i'm happy or sad.
nondream(probably): after class and workout, i shot some footage with sam and pauline. we went to kingston and bought alcohol. i drove them to pavel's where he gave them a house tour. i drove them back. they had dinner together. i ate cereal and ice cream in my room. it was cold and sweet. or sweet but cold.
i did some reading for class, wrote a little. waited for an email that would not come, bearing a message it could not bear. i drank with sam and pauline, went to gahagan, drank with ashleigh and kelly. we went with pavel to the day of the dead dance. i danced, entered the strobe. the strobelight was comforting because the dancing forms that entangled themselves around me became less human, less real, reminding me of the intervals between each moment, destroying the universe and rebuilding it from one flash of light to another. left the party with ashleigh, kelly, and rachel. there are details missing, but i'm too tired to care. i watched ashleigh sleep at one point.
i remembered watching people sleep. i never sleep when someone's watching. not usually. there was a time.
someone told me that it feels creepy at first but then somewhat comforting that someone will watch over oneself during sleep. i felt good about it at the time.
mournful but putting the energy into my project. thinking about the project is better than thinking about other things, though i envy the quality of my fellow students. my work is so blatantly transparent, so flat and two dimensional. lately.
at least i can still tell a decent lie or two.
but no one will love a liar, as long as they're aware of it. no one trusts a confessed liar. especially if no lies have been told. i'm rambling now.
i'm going to sleep before it gets worse.
i'm not sure if i'm happy or sad.