still small voice [ao no exorcist]

[roppio]

Title: still small voice
Author: riouu
Length: 2037 words.
Fandom: Ao no Exorcist.
Pairing: Fujimoto Shirou/Mephisto Pheles.
Warnings: Sad things? A little bit of angst? None really aside from that.
Summary: Mephisto made sure to visit Shirou’s grave, despite the constant rain. He brought him flowers and cigarettes and something he owed but could never

Comments

[kyogres]

How did I miss the fic before? It was so good! Depressing, but good. I have this morbid fascination with stories that deal with character death, and how a close friend or lover responds to it. And the image of Mephisto calling Shirou out of habit only to have Rin answer instead is sad. ;__;

I do find it a bit odd that Shirou would kiss Mephisto like that... not without a bit more teasing or prodding from Mephisto, at least. But it served to further the story, so I can hand-wave it.

I don’t know in what way I loved you but I think I did
I loved this line, possibly because it sums up how I feel about love. There are many different kinds of love, but most of them tend to get ignored in favor of the sexual or romantic kind.

A raindrop ran down his cheek that felt different from usual.
I quite like this line too, actually.

On an unrelated note, as someone who is currently trying to deal with grief, it's interesting to see how other people (or characters) cope with it.

PS - I got confused while trying to read this phrase:
though he did not stand and stayed kneeling in front of the headstone
It might be grammatically correct right now, but putting a comma after stand might help the flow. I had to read it twice to understand.

[riouu]

I just have to say, you leave the most wonderful comments ever. ♥

That image was. ugh. Is it shameful if I admit that I cried a little bit while writing this? Trying to talk to someone who you know you'll never hear again is...really depressing. ;n;

I'm so glad you point out the things you do - it's a constant learning process I suppose, writing, and while I guess you eventually learn on your own, it's much faster if people are kind enough to take the time to point out these sorts of things to you. Maybe my pacing needs work but I think I didn't want to extend that flashback too much and draw away from the scene at hand or something, and that's how it ended up short? Maybe that's an excuse though.

I would be super excited to see more stories centring around different types of love! Maybe the kind of deep friendship love that is just so lovely and beautiful a-and one day I want to write something like that with these two.

Also, I know I don't really know you or anything but I'm so sorry for what happened. ;n; I hope you can get through it all okay. I was pretty close to both my cats though they died a while back now, but it still upsets me to think about them. It's horrible to see someone you love so much be in so much pain though, which was the case with both of mine.

...Aaah me and my comma aversions. I seem to have this horrible habit of leaving them out or putting them in in stupid places. D:

[kyogres]

Seriously? I'm kind of flattered. I generally don't comment on fic because I don't think I have anything interesting to say, or if I do have something to say, I don't know if the author wants critique.

You wouldn't have to make it much longer. I think a few extra lines of back-and-forth dialogue could have helped. Or a bit more hesitation on Shirou's part before the kiss. Like, he has this wicked idea about how he'll prove Mephisto wrong, but he's not sure how Mephisto would react to it. I agree that the flashback could draw you out of the scene at hand, but I think it's okay since the other flashbacks are so short. Not to mention that Mephisto seems to be lost in his own thoughts here, which is reflected in the length of this flashback. It helps that the return to the present immediately references the flashback, so it's easy to make the mental time jump.

Epic friendship/bromance fic between Mephisto and Father Fujimoto? I would be all over that! <3

Thanks. I was handling it pretty well at first. Then the rest of my family went to bed and I stayed up to do some work... and it hit me that she's gone. I told myself I wouldn't get emotional, and yet...

Hahaha, I tend to ramble and use far too many commas and compound sentences, but I think I'm pretty good at keeping them grammatically correct. My teachers beat comma use into my head every year, so I'm relatively good at catching comma splices and such.

PS - You fics are making me want to write again. Stop it! I haven't written fanfic in years~

[riouu]

I absolutely love constrictive critique ♥ so no worries there. c:

Ohh, that makes sense I suppose. I'm silly, haha;;; although I think I wrote this in...an hour or two at most and I don't have anyone who bets anything I write - but this sounds like an excuse as well aaa. I wonder what I should do~. There's the idea to mess with it a bit but then I don't know if I should or not, though I'll make sure to keep an eye on how I pace scenes in the future.

Yessss. ♥ Bromance and friend!love and everything at its finest, these two. The brilliance~. Hopefully I'll do it justice when I get around to it.

;w; I think it's okay to get emotional about something like that. Maybe I'm biased there though because I am, in general, a very emotional person.

My commas are kind of all over the place. I don't know how much of my punctuation and grammar is correct really, to be honest, since I've mostly self-taught myself to write >A>

But writing is good for you~! Your comments are making me look at the biggish fic more Fuji/Mephi I'm currently working on and go "oh god everything is wronggg" ahaha. That could be me being horribly paranoid though I'm sure the pacing in this other fic is horrendous too. It is pretty much a fic of snapshots of the past so it's probably all over the place.

[kyogres]

I'm sure your fic is fine, though I'd be more than happy to beta read or concrit if you ever want it. (No idea how good I would be at it, however, since I've never been a beta.) I like snapshot fics.