Oscars!
So, the Oscars happened. Things I thought:
* Poor, poor Kristin Stewart. Why do they make her go to these things? What I don't understand is how she, as an actress, can't even ACT like she's at an awards show. I haven't seen any of the "Twilight" movies other than the first half hour of the first one, where I had to turn it off and run far from my TV, but I've seen other things she's been in and I think she can actually act fairly well... but I'll never understand actors who can't at least pretend to enjoy themselves, or else they need to know they should just stay at home.
* Seth MacFarlane is cute, and he can sing quite well (which is apparently one of the reasons he was hired, since the show's theme was a tribute to musicals, no joke) ... but about 80% of those jokes weren't funny and there was nothing to be done about it. And 20% of them were tasteless, in ADDITION to being not funny. I didn't tape the show so I can't go back and see the credits, and they're not on IMDb, but ... who wrote that shit? I doubt it was ALL Seth, though he can write a tasteless joke with the best of them. Also, it should never be 18+ minutes into the show that we get the first award presenters onstage.
* I love (okay, when I say 'love' I don't mean it at all) how in the musical medley, half of the people didn't even pretend to sing live. Like, they had no microphones or anything. Catherine Zeta-Jones and "Les Miz," I'm looking at you. Catherine looked like a million bucks, though. (ETA: Looks like "Les Miz" sang live, though it didn't look like it to me when I looked up, but I wasn't paying close attention and when I looked, it looked like lip-synching!)
* Of the people who sang live, they did a great job. Barbra Streisand still sounds great and looks pretty damn good. And she's SEVENTY. Shirley Bassey sounds and looks even better, and she's SEVENTY-SIX years old! Shirley kicked some James Bond ass with that number. Jennifer Hudson, not old, sounded fantastic too, though I preferred her red carpet look which I think was one of the best of the night.
* Speaking of music, they literally built this theater to house the Oscars, and still didn't have room for the orchestra? They were A MILE AWAY in the Capitol Records building! That's just weird, man.
* This commercial: After getting over the shock of seeing Tim Burton of all people in a commercial, the unicorn bit actually cracked me up. I dunno if it was the premiere of the commercial but it's the first time I've seen it.
* I liked "Argo" a lot, and was happy that Ben Affleck got an Oscar for it, especially since I think he should have been nominated for directing. Having said that and not having seen "Life of Pi," I love me some Ang Lee and thought he was adorable. I also liked the acceptance speeches of Quentin Tarantino 'cause he's crazy, and Jennifer Lawrence 'cause she's adorably adorable. I like Anne Hathaway and think her Oscar was well-deserved (having not seen many of the other nominees) but at this point I'm pretty tired of her acceptance speeches, though I think she's sincere; she just comes off too rehearsed.
* The Onion is going to hell. Those of you who know why ... you know why.
Oscar Fashion roundup (though really, just go see marakara's roundup) ...
Click this link then follow along (times are GMT):
* Kelly Osbourne, 11:04pm: I liked her dress a lot, other than that bit of strap on her left arm. I don't like her lavender hair, but she must 'cause she's kept it a good long while now. Anyway, I thought the dress was age appropriate and flattering on her.
* Jessica Chastain, 11:22pm: Love the style and fit, don't love the color. If you see a closeup you can see how the color is actually a nice copper which would've looked great, without all that stripey/patterny silver stuff diluting the color. And, tm Mara, she needs a necklace.
* Amy Adams, 11:30pm: Fun dress, nice fit, and again, terrible color. Didn't love the hair and she also needed a necklace, though the earrings and bracelet were good.
* Kerry Washington, 11:47: A solid outing, as they say. She looks great in any case, and the top of the dress makes a necklace unneeded but was a bit much. And the purse didn't quite match, so she should have gone with something blingy that mirrored the top of the dress instead.
* Jacki Weaver, 11:52pm: I like the idea alot. Good color, but I just don't like the shape of the bottom half wrapping around under the bust. Like, it has to go all the way around or something instead of just stopping under her arms. I dunno, it just bothers me. But overall I liked her. Good makeup and hair.
* Jennifer Lawrence, 12:00am: Pretty good. I didn't realize until I saw a shot of her tripping on the stairs that the back was white... I do like that detail. I wish her hair hadn't been back though. Overall, quite pretty.
* Reese Witherspoon, 12:02am: I wish I liked this more. Good hair/makeup, good color on the dress, but I don't like the fit of the bust, and the trompe l'oeil black bit annoyed me because though it made her waist look small, it made her hips look larger, and her waist is plenty small enough on its own that she didn't need that anyway.
* Sally Field, 12:09am: Not bad but not a home run. Nice color and fit, but there's something about the bottom that just misses for me. Like, it's ever so slightly Miss Havisham down there with those ruffles.
* Amanda Seyfried, 12:10am: If it weren't for the color, I'd give this a 10. The beige/nude/lavender underneath needs to be more vibrant, or the pattern on top needs to be more of a contrast to it. Ugh, these beigey dresses drive me mad.
* Helena Bonham Carter, 12:20am: I actually quite like the dress; considering it's Helena Bonham Carter it could have been SO much worse! Like, she's not wearing a weird jacket over it, or two different colored shoes that I can see! And she's got a nice necklace, and her makeup's pretty under there, but it's hard to see because even though her hair's not a NEST for once, it's still too messy. Helena, you were almost there and couldn't help yourself, could you??
* Catherine Zeta-Jones, 12:22am: That's a LOT of dress. She went 30% too far with the gold junk all over it.
* Jane Fonda, 12:26am: Great fit and she's Jane Fonda so she looks great in it, but no. At her age and looking like a million bucks as she does, there is no reason to wear a color that shouts "Look at me!" that way. Also it's a bit dated in the style, though it's flattering on her.
* Anne Hathaway, 12:27am: I wish I loved it, but I didn't. With her still-too-slim-after-losing-that-weight figure she could wear anything and look good in it, but the fit wasn't quite right and everyone thought the darts were her nipples, and the neckline was just that much too high (and with that neckline, why that necklace?)
* Naomi Watts, 12:34am: Shockingly, I like this. It's kinda crazy and space-age, but it fit well and she pulled it off.
* Jennifer Aniston, 12:38am: She looks good but the top didn't fit right and the dress overall was just a bit '90s deb material. Too safe.
* Charlize Theron, 12:39 am: Didn't work for me, though if I looked like her I'd wear any damn thing and look great too. I think it ages her a little, and I just don't like the dress. She's got a "Dynasty" thing going on or something, though if it was really "Dynasty" it'd have bling all over it. I just don't like the top of it.
* Samantha Barks, 12:46am: She looks good but other than the plunging, too-wide neckline it's very plain.
* Adele, 12:46am: I give it a 7. It's nice, but a little aging and a wee bit shapeless. Having said that, as a size ahem, I know how hard it is to find nice dresses that aren't aging in the women's department.
* Nicole Kidman, 12:53am. Too much. Though I think Jane Fonda should have worn it and kicked some ass. Just a very slight misstep by Nicole, who always looks great anyway.
* Halle Berry, 1:02am: She explained that she asked to look like a Bond girl, so ... that's what's going on here. It wouldn't be that bad if we hadn't seen her look a hundred times better on every red carpet in the past 15 years.
* Sandra Bullock, 1:05am: I like this a lot. I wish her hair wasn't so straight, though.
* Kristen Stewart, 1:12am: The dress is a bit old for her and she keeps wearing this style on top but it never looks good because she has no breasts to put in the breast bit. It's possible that Jennifer Lawrence should have worn this dress. ;-)
* Salma Hayek, 1:14am: The top is a bit much. Well, a lot much. Love the hair, though. And I'm just a little sad that it looks like Salma's lost weight, when I love her as a rule 'cause she's so va-va-voom.
* OMG at what the Guardian called Stacy Keibler at 1:16am! The caption seriously just says "George Clooney and beard." Whatever, because she looks like a million bucks. Like, she wears that dress and means it, man. I love the art deco feel of it. One of my top five of the night, definitely. (OMG even the back kicks ass and is sexy as hell.)
* Helen Hunt, 1:19am: Just too plain (though she looks good in it), though she did wear a necklace for Mara.
* Rebecca Miller (with Daniel Day-Lewis), 1:28am: Very nice, that dress. She looks great.
* Jamie Foxx's daughter, Corinne Bishop, 1:32am: Love her dress! She looks beautiful.
(now random photos: thanks to the Guardian for their live blog above...)
* Alicia Vikander ... Beautiful, though I wish the belt either wasn't there, or was a different color; like, if it was the same color as the dress and was a bit more substantial, I'd give her a 10.
* Brandi Glanville ... Yeah, the top of that dress was made for someone three inches shorter and at least a cup size smaller. AND! It's a terrible color, but that's neither here nor there when the fit is so bad. Also, I have no idea who Brandi Glanville is and I'm not even going to look her up.
* Melissa McCarthy. Great makeup, good hair if a little helmetlike on top -- but the dress was AWFUL. Battleship grey, aging bling, too-long sleeves, terrible saggy fit, gathering that emphasizes her widest point... there is not one thing right about this dress! Oh Melissa, whyyyy? Whoever told her it was okay to wear this should be fired.
* Zoe Saldana: It's got a LOT going on. But for some reason I'm okay with it. Though in the closeup you can see that the detailing stuff at the neckline looks cheap, and I could do without the bow. Great fit, though, and she looks great overall.
* Emmanuelle Riva: Nice color but too baggy and shapeless. She doesn't nearly fill up that dress underneath!
* Jennifer Hudson ... gets a 9+ from me. If I liked her hair just a little better, it'd be a 10. That dress is fantastic and she wears it like a boss.
Bonus Jennifer Lawrence: I saw this and didn't know if it was real or if someone had pasted someone else's hand on her body, but it's real! I hope she never changes.
And ETA more JLaw: God, she makes me laugh.
* Poor, poor Kristin Stewart. Why do they make her go to these things? What I don't understand is how she, as an actress, can't even ACT like she's at an awards show. I haven't seen any of the "Twilight" movies other than the first half hour of the first one, where I had to turn it off and run far from my TV, but I've seen other things she's been in and I think she can actually act fairly well... but I'll never understand actors who can't at least pretend to enjoy themselves, or else they need to know they should just stay at home.
* Seth MacFarlane is cute, and he can sing quite well (which is apparently one of the reasons he was hired, since the show's theme was a tribute to musicals, no joke) ... but about 80% of those jokes weren't funny and there was nothing to be done about it. And 20% of them were tasteless, in ADDITION to being not funny. I didn't tape the show so I can't go back and see the credits, and they're not on IMDb, but ... who wrote that shit? I doubt it was ALL Seth, though he can write a tasteless joke with the best of them. Also, it should never be 18+ minutes into the show that we get the first award presenters onstage.
* I love (okay, when I say 'love' I don't mean it at all) how in the musical medley, half of the people didn't even pretend to sing live. Like, they had no microphones or anything. Catherine Zeta-Jones and "Les Miz," I'm looking at you. Catherine looked like a million bucks, though. (ETA: Looks like "Les Miz" sang live, though it didn't look like it to me when I looked up, but I wasn't paying close attention and when I looked, it looked like lip-synching!)
* Of the people who sang live, they did a great job. Barbra Streisand still sounds great and looks pretty damn good. And she's SEVENTY. Shirley Bassey sounds and looks even better, and she's SEVENTY-SIX years old! Shirley kicked some James Bond ass with that number. Jennifer Hudson, not old, sounded fantastic too, though I preferred her red carpet look which I think was one of the best of the night.
* Speaking of music, they literally built this theater to house the Oscars, and still didn't have room for the orchestra? They were A MILE AWAY in the Capitol Records building! That's just weird, man.
* This commercial: After getting over the shock of seeing Tim Burton of all people in a commercial, the unicorn bit actually cracked me up. I dunno if it was the premiere of the commercial but it's the first time I've seen it.
* I liked "Argo" a lot, and was happy that Ben Affleck got an Oscar for it, especially since I think he should have been nominated for directing. Having said that and not having seen "Life of Pi," I love me some Ang Lee and thought he was adorable. I also liked the acceptance speeches of Quentin Tarantino 'cause he's crazy, and Jennifer Lawrence 'cause she's adorably adorable. I like Anne Hathaway and think her Oscar was well-deserved (having not seen many of the other nominees) but at this point I'm pretty tired of her acceptance speeches, though I think she's sincere; she just comes off too rehearsed.
* The Onion is going to hell. Those of you who know why ... you know why.
Oscar Fashion roundup (though really, just go see marakara's roundup) ...
Click this link then follow along (times are GMT):
* Kelly Osbourne, 11:04pm: I liked her dress a lot, other than that bit of strap on her left arm. I don't like her lavender hair, but she must 'cause she's kept it a good long while now. Anyway, I thought the dress was age appropriate and flattering on her.
* Jessica Chastain, 11:22pm: Love the style and fit, don't love the color. If you see a closeup you can see how the color is actually a nice copper which would've looked great, without all that stripey/patterny silver stuff diluting the color. And, tm Mara, she needs a necklace.
* Amy Adams, 11:30pm: Fun dress, nice fit, and again, terrible color. Didn't love the hair and she also needed a necklace, though the earrings and bracelet were good.
* Kerry Washington, 11:47: A solid outing, as they say. She looks great in any case, and the top of the dress makes a necklace unneeded but was a bit much. And the purse didn't quite match, so she should have gone with something blingy that mirrored the top of the dress instead.
* Jacki Weaver, 11:52pm: I like the idea alot. Good color, but I just don't like the shape of the bottom half wrapping around under the bust. Like, it has to go all the way around or something instead of just stopping under her arms. I dunno, it just bothers me. But overall I liked her. Good makeup and hair.
* Jennifer Lawrence, 12:00am: Pretty good. I didn't realize until I saw a shot of her tripping on the stairs that the back was white... I do like that detail. I wish her hair hadn't been back though. Overall, quite pretty.
* Reese Witherspoon, 12:02am: I wish I liked this more. Good hair/makeup, good color on the dress, but I don't like the fit of the bust, and the trompe l'oeil black bit annoyed me because though it made her waist look small, it made her hips look larger, and her waist is plenty small enough on its own that she didn't need that anyway.
* Sally Field, 12:09am: Not bad but not a home run. Nice color and fit, but there's something about the bottom that just misses for me. Like, it's ever so slightly Miss Havisham down there with those ruffles.
* Amanda Seyfried, 12:10am: If it weren't for the color, I'd give this a 10. The beige/nude/lavender underneath needs to be more vibrant, or the pattern on top needs to be more of a contrast to it. Ugh, these beigey dresses drive me mad.
* Helena Bonham Carter, 12:20am: I actually quite like the dress; considering it's Helena Bonham Carter it could have been SO much worse! Like, she's not wearing a weird jacket over it, or two different colored shoes that I can see! And she's got a nice necklace, and her makeup's pretty under there, but it's hard to see because even though her hair's not a NEST for once, it's still too messy. Helena, you were almost there and couldn't help yourself, could you??
* Catherine Zeta-Jones, 12:22am: That's a LOT of dress. She went 30% too far with the gold junk all over it.
* Jane Fonda, 12:26am: Great fit and she's Jane Fonda so she looks great in it, but no. At her age and looking like a million bucks as she does, there is no reason to wear a color that shouts "Look at me!" that way. Also it's a bit dated in the style, though it's flattering on her.
* Anne Hathaway, 12:27am: I wish I loved it, but I didn't. With her still-too-slim-after-losing-that-weight figure she could wear anything and look good in it, but the fit wasn't quite right and everyone thought the darts were her nipples, and the neckline was just that much too high (and with that neckline, why that necklace?)
* Naomi Watts, 12:34am: Shockingly, I like this. It's kinda crazy and space-age, but it fit well and she pulled it off.
* Jennifer Aniston, 12:38am: She looks good but the top didn't fit right and the dress overall was just a bit '90s deb material. Too safe.
* Charlize Theron, 12:39 am: Didn't work for me, though if I looked like her I'd wear any damn thing and look great too. I think it ages her a little, and I just don't like the dress. She's got a "Dynasty" thing going on or something, though if it was really "Dynasty" it'd have bling all over it. I just don't like the top of it.
* Samantha Barks, 12:46am: She looks good but other than the plunging, too-wide neckline it's very plain.
* Adele, 12:46am: I give it a 7. It's nice, but a little aging and a wee bit shapeless. Having said that, as a size ahem, I know how hard it is to find nice dresses that aren't aging in the women's department.
* Nicole Kidman, 12:53am. Too much. Though I think Jane Fonda should have worn it and kicked some ass. Just a very slight misstep by Nicole, who always looks great anyway.
* Halle Berry, 1:02am: She explained that she asked to look like a Bond girl, so ... that's what's going on here. It wouldn't be that bad if we hadn't seen her look a hundred times better on every red carpet in the past 15 years.
* Sandra Bullock, 1:05am: I like this a lot. I wish her hair wasn't so straight, though.
* Kristen Stewart, 1:12am: The dress is a bit old for her and she keeps wearing this style on top but it never looks good because she has no breasts to put in the breast bit. It's possible that Jennifer Lawrence should have worn this dress. ;-)
* Salma Hayek, 1:14am: The top is a bit much. Well, a lot much. Love the hair, though. And I'm just a little sad that it looks like Salma's lost weight, when I love her as a rule 'cause she's so va-va-voom.
* OMG at what the Guardian called Stacy Keibler at 1:16am! The caption seriously just says "George Clooney and beard." Whatever, because she looks like a million bucks. Like, she wears that dress and means it, man. I love the art deco feel of it. One of my top five of the night, definitely. (OMG even the back kicks ass and is sexy as hell.)
* Helen Hunt, 1:19am: Just too plain (though she looks good in it), though she did wear a necklace for Mara.
* Rebecca Miller (with Daniel Day-Lewis), 1:28am: Very nice, that dress. She looks great.
* Jamie Foxx's daughter, Corinne Bishop, 1:32am: Love her dress! She looks beautiful.
(now random photos: thanks to the Guardian for their live blog above...)
* Alicia Vikander ... Beautiful, though I wish the belt either wasn't there, or was a different color; like, if it was the same color as the dress and was a bit more substantial, I'd give her a 10.
* Brandi Glanville ... Yeah, the top of that dress was made for someone three inches shorter and at least a cup size smaller. AND! It's a terrible color, but that's neither here nor there when the fit is so bad. Also, I have no idea who Brandi Glanville is and I'm not even going to look her up.
* Melissa McCarthy. Great makeup, good hair if a little helmetlike on top -- but the dress was AWFUL. Battleship grey, aging bling, too-long sleeves, terrible saggy fit, gathering that emphasizes her widest point... there is not one thing right about this dress! Oh Melissa, whyyyy? Whoever told her it was okay to wear this should be fired.
* Zoe Saldana: It's got a LOT going on. But for some reason I'm okay with it. Though in the closeup you can see that the detailing stuff at the neckline looks cheap, and I could do without the bow. Great fit, though, and she looks great overall.
* Emmanuelle Riva: Nice color but too baggy and shapeless. She doesn't nearly fill up that dress underneath!
* Jennifer Hudson ... gets a 9+ from me. If I liked her hair just a little better, it'd be a 10. That dress is fantastic and she wears it like a boss.
Bonus Jennifer Lawrence: I saw this and didn't know if it was real or if someone had pasted someone else's hand on her body, but it's real! I hope she never changes.
And ETA more JLaw: God, she makes me laugh.