(no subject)
As I sit here in Australia having the time of my life in paradise a thought came to mind that always lingers somwhere in the back of my head, and shows its self when I'm having fun, or doing things I normally wouldn't. I'm 19 years of age, yesterday I was 4, and tomorrow I'll be 70. I look back upon my younger years, and it seems as though I was just there. Looking forward I know that when I'm 70 I'll look back on myself as I sit here now thinking that it was just yesterday. Whenever I've been in trouble, or pain I always told myself that it'd be over before I knew it, and I'd look back on it and it'd just be a memory. I think it's backfired, I know that everything will be over before I know it, and it'll all just be a memory which I look back on and wonder where all the time's gone. I know that no matter what I do, no matter how much fun I have, no matter how much I live while I'm alive that it'll all be over soon, and I won't have anything more than a story to show of it. Knowing or being reminded of my own mortality gives me mixed emotions of sadness, anger, and denial. Sadness that I'll soon be old and just have my memories, and hopefully led a full and happy life, anger that I am now old, and have lived something that means nothing to me, denial that it's all happened, and is over. I've heard lots of people talk about the meaning of life, some religious, some positive, some negative, and some apathetic, but I want to know what the meaning of life is, I want to know why I'm here doing things that will some day just be a memory. I want every experience this world has to offer, but I know that in the end it won't matter for anyting more than a story. I guess just having fun and living while I'm alive is my only option.