A dream and an update
I woke up to a dream this morning involving Mom. I wonder if she's sticking around in the astral plane just to fuck with me sometimes.
She had figured out a way to use my cell phone to talk to me. So she would call, and when I answered she would just immediately start in on (what I would imagine would be) her take on my life now, and how it relates to Her. "Do you have to be so open about being gay? And having AIDS? And why don't you say more about how much I supported you when you were sick? Why do you give that man, that bastard that divorced me [i.e. my dad], so much credit? Why are you being so nice to him? I bet you just want his money. That's one thing I never had, so I could never compete with him. And how dare you call me batshit crazy to strangers."
And so on.
She would talk as long as I let her, until I finally just cut her off and hung up. But she would call again, and again, and each time I told her to stop it, and finally told her that I was going to have a hell of a time paying for all these minutes she was using up on my cellphone, and I wasn't going to talk to her anymore. I don't know how I knew it was her, but I could feel it somehow; she didn't show up as anything special on the Caller ID.
Then some stranger (who was also dead) figured out that there was something special about my cellphone, that they could talk to the living through it, and called me, and wanted me to give someone a message. And then another. And then someone who didn't even seem to be aware that I wasn't her sister or whoever she was trying to reach started talking a lot of nonsense in about groceries or something. I think I imagined that Mom told them about it just to piss me off, so I could never use my phone again to talk to someone alive.
That's about the part where I woke up.
Maybe it's a good thing that I had that dream, because it prompted me to post something more than my horoscope, which I do privately anyway because I doubt anyone else has any interest in reading that every week.
Thing is, there's not really much to say. I just got back from DC, and it was a long week of meetings and I'm still totally wiped out from that. Didn't get to do much outside of the meetings, although I did meet some really cool people and learn some interesting stuff. Money is an issue right now, and it's frustrating, and I wonder if I'm ever going to be in a position where I can pay my way without stressing out about whether I'm going to have enough. Last week was the culmination of a couple of months of tight money, and I had to rely on other people to make it. It looks like RIC is raising the tuition, after I already accepted a reduced loan amount based on the old price, so I might be screwed there. I did my SUN Study visit on Monday and they took a fair bit of blood; the nurse I normally see was out, but her stand-in was nice enough.
Oh, and as a kind of experiment, I'm growing a mohawk. Not sure if I'm going to let it get long enough to bother with pictures. Just one of those wild-ass-hair moments, sort of a I wonder what that would look like? thing. Preliminary results: a lot of work to maintain, and it makes me more aware just how thin the hair on top of my head is getting.
I'm sure there's more, but I'm not feeling very sociable or talky at the moment. That could mean that there's something big brewing in my psyche that I'm avoiding, or it could mean that I'm just out of words. In any case, I'm still alive, I'm happy (even though this entry sounds totally whiney) and things are just trucking along.
She had figured out a way to use my cell phone to talk to me. So she would call, and when I answered she would just immediately start in on (what I would imagine would be) her take on my life now, and how it relates to Her. "Do you have to be so open about being gay? And having AIDS? And why don't you say more about how much I supported you when you were sick? Why do you give that man, that bastard that divorced me [i.e. my dad], so much credit? Why are you being so nice to him? I bet you just want his money. That's one thing I never had, so I could never compete with him. And how dare you call me batshit crazy to strangers."
And so on.
She would talk as long as I let her, until I finally just cut her off and hung up. But she would call again, and again, and each time I told her to stop it, and finally told her that I was going to have a hell of a time paying for all these minutes she was using up on my cellphone, and I wasn't going to talk to her anymore. I don't know how I knew it was her, but I could feel it somehow; she didn't show up as anything special on the Caller ID.
Then some stranger (who was also dead) figured out that there was something special about my cellphone, that they could talk to the living through it, and called me, and wanted me to give someone a message. And then another. And then someone who didn't even seem to be aware that I wasn't her sister or whoever she was trying to reach started talking a lot of nonsense in about groceries or something. I think I imagined that Mom told them about it just to piss me off, so I could never use my phone again to talk to someone alive.
That's about the part where I woke up.
Maybe it's a good thing that I had that dream, because it prompted me to post something more than my horoscope, which I do privately anyway because I doubt anyone else has any interest in reading that every week.
Thing is, there's not really much to say. I just got back from DC, and it was a long week of meetings and I'm still totally wiped out from that. Didn't get to do much outside of the meetings, although I did meet some really cool people and learn some interesting stuff. Money is an issue right now, and it's frustrating, and I wonder if I'm ever going to be in a position where I can pay my way without stressing out about whether I'm going to have enough. Last week was the culmination of a couple of months of tight money, and I had to rely on other people to make it. It looks like RIC is raising the tuition, after I already accepted a reduced loan amount based on the old price, so I might be screwed there. I did my SUN Study visit on Monday and they took a fair bit of blood; the nurse I normally see was out, but her stand-in was nice enough.
Oh, and as a kind of experiment, I'm growing a mohawk. Not sure if I'm going to let it get long enough to bother with pictures. Just one of those wild-ass-hair moments, sort of a I wonder what that would look like? thing. Preliminary results: a lot of work to maintain, and it makes me more aware just how thin the hair on top of my head is getting.
I'm sure there's more, but I'm not feeling very sociable or talky at the moment. That could mean that there's something big brewing in my psyche that I'm avoiding, or it could mean that I'm just out of words. In any case, I'm still alive, I'm happy (even though this entry sounds totally whiney) and things are just trucking along.