On gratitude
I just got back from giving a presentation to the Providence Police Academy about HIV, and one of the issues we discussed kind of rings out for me right now.
I am so fortunate to have the support that I have. It's true that some of my friends abandoned me when they learned that I was HIV+, either directly ("I just can't handle this") or indirectly (ignoring me, fading into the background), but for the most part I've had just an incredible wealth of support from people. My family, in all its different forms, has stood by me, and many of my friends have gone above and beyond the call of duty, either listening to me, or comforting me when I've been stressed and/or freaked out and/or depressed, or providing me with material support, money when I've been broke, a place to stay when I really shouldn't have been alone. I've said this many times, that I'm here on the backs of so many people who have carried me.
I don't know how I would have done it without that level of support, and it's sobering to consider that many people don't have it. It nearly drove me into a nervous breakdown trying to hide my HIV status from the world for just two years; I cannot imagine having to do it forever. I can't fathom how I would deal with my family treating me differently, "protecting" children (nieces and nephews) from me, making me use different plates and glasses and silverware and towels because they're afraid of my AIDS cooties, or even just completely shunning and disowning me. I don't know how I would handle it if I were so afraid to be seen around anything that associated me with AIDS (like a support group, or a doctor's office) that I holed up and hid. And yet I know there are lots of people whose reality includes this kind of thing as a matter of course.
Bottom line: I am feeling extremely grateful for the love and support that I've received, and continue to receive. It's likely that if you're reading this you are one source of that support, whether or not it's obvious, whether or not it seems like you've done anything special, whether you're a part of my daily life or just on the periphery, whether I've met you in person or just know you through the wonders of the internet. You are one of those little angels that helps keep me sane and healthy and alive. So, I want to thank you, and acknowledge the positive impact you've had on my well being.
I would also like to invite you to consider the things in your own life that elicit gratitude, because it's such a powerful force.
I am so fortunate to have the support that I have. It's true that some of my friends abandoned me when they learned that I was HIV+, either directly ("I just can't handle this") or indirectly (ignoring me, fading into the background), but for the most part I've had just an incredible wealth of support from people. My family, in all its different forms, has stood by me, and many of my friends have gone above and beyond the call of duty, either listening to me, or comforting me when I've been stressed and/or freaked out and/or depressed, or providing me with material support, money when I've been broke, a place to stay when I really shouldn't have been alone. I've said this many times, that I'm here on the backs of so many people who have carried me.
I don't know how I would have done it without that level of support, and it's sobering to consider that many people don't have it. It nearly drove me into a nervous breakdown trying to hide my HIV status from the world for just two years; I cannot imagine having to do it forever. I can't fathom how I would deal with my family treating me differently, "protecting" children (nieces and nephews) from me, making me use different plates and glasses and silverware and towels because they're afraid of my AIDS cooties, or even just completely shunning and disowning me. I don't know how I would handle it if I were so afraid to be seen around anything that associated me with AIDS (like a support group, or a doctor's office) that I holed up and hid. And yet I know there are lots of people whose reality includes this kind of thing as a matter of course.
Bottom line: I am feeling extremely grateful for the love and support that I've received, and continue to receive. It's likely that if you're reading this you are one source of that support, whether or not it's obvious, whether or not it seems like you've done anything special, whether you're a part of my daily life or just on the periphery, whether I've met you in person or just know you through the wonders of the internet. You are one of those little angels that helps keep me sane and healthy and alive. So, I want to thank you, and acknowledge the positive impact you've had on my well being.
I would also like to invite you to consider the things in your own life that elicit gratitude, because it's such a powerful force.