Jumping off a bridge with everyone else;;

[roomofawakening]

Time for a paranoia meme. YES IT'S LAME; GET OVER IT.

Oh, right. For anyone who is not familiar with a paranoia meme: I think about things I want to tell [ you ] but won't. And I write it down. And then [ you ] sit there and think, "Well crap, is this me?" or don't.

...There's a better explanation elsewhere, I'm sure.

1. At first I thought it would be best if we could just stay friends or stay enemies, but now I think I'm most comfortable in the middle.
   
2. Please never change.
   
3. I think it says something about how much you mean to me, that you're still on my blist. The only reason I haven't said anything to you is because I'm afraid you don't even remember who I am.
   
4. I think we're close, but I'm not sure if you feel the same. I love you. I mean it.
   
5. Did I piss you off or something? I want us to be friends again, but now I just think you're ignoring me entirely.
   
6. I'm sorry I'm not a better friend to you.
   
7. You are incredible, and I'm sorry about all those things that happened all those years ago. But hey, we're friends now, right? ...Right? I want to talk to you more, but not about all that superficial stuff we do end up talking about. Are you keeping me at arm's length for that reason?
   
8. I want us to be friends, but I'm still unconvinced it could happen.
   
9. I'd like to get to know you, but that's a little weird for us, isn't it?
   
10. I love you, I hate you, and I'm not sure if I want you in or out of my life, but whatever you do: stay there this time. Please.
    
11. I'm so scared that you're just being polite to me.
    
12. You never talk to me except when it benefits you, and I can tell you're running out of uses for me...
    
13. I don't think you believe me when I say I love you.
    
14. I feel like I can be totally real with you, about anything, and you can do it right back. I just wish you were on more.
    
15. It's nice that you talk to me when you think no one else cares. I like listening to you.
    
16. I feel bad that you're no longer in my life, but I feel like our attempts to be what we were two years ago might not be working. I think that may be my fault. I'm not sure if I feel bad enough to do something about that. That scares me.
    
17. Well, that was awkward.
    
18. I thought I was going to miss "us" more than I do.
    
19. I'm glad that even though we had a hiatus, you still thought we were close enough for you to tell me that, because I thought we were over. So when I try to be a regular part of your life again, can you try to make time for us?
    
20. I love you more than would be comfortable for me to say, even anonymously.

P.S. ALL THIS LOVE IS PLATONIC, ok ._.

P.P.S. Comments are NOT screened.

ETA: #. thank you. #. you made me change my mind =)