COME ON FEEL THE ELEVATION!!!
My god, it's funny how the tables have turned and how the lesson has finally been learnt. Knowing now that the i was so emotionally down was because he hadn't broken it off yet and now he has said those words i needed & really wanted to hear i can call myself free....
Pad says:
"I don't want to be with you"
He has done it; said the words i needed to hear, i have broken the spell he had over me and come to my senses. I am not hanging on waiting for him now. Cruel to be kind as they say. The previous hundreds of times we have split have totally helped aswell each time making it easier for me to deal with. I know i won't have all good days. But i will be having a shit load brilliant more than bad. I just hope the moments i get sad are really brief. Although i know i am strong enough more so than ever now to pull myself out of the mode of self pittying self hating shit. So there shouldn't be a problem there!!
Time to live again. Have my babies, a now even bigger group of mates, and good money. Got some travels to be on within the next few months. Booked my train tickets and will be booking to go upto Glasgow to finally meet Gary after all this time of speaking online :)
Life is on an up.
I don't even have a bad word to say about Pad anymore. Which definatley shows that i have made a huge emotional change. Just going to keep the contact to a minimum & keep working on this.
Looking back and reading my previous entries made me feel a little embarrased but i am going to leave them there for some good reading back in the distant future. Heck who knows might need them for some sort of similar sitch!!! But i fucking hope not. Never again!!!
Holy shit this is mental!!