Herm...
So, I know this is a pretty random time to be writing in my LIveJournal, since I haven't in like, months. The only people really important to me on this thing don't really want to have anything to do with me anyways, the ones that at one point actually cared what I had to say.
I don't even know how to say it. But I don't know- it's like, this doomful feeling of abandonment. And I know people have their reasons, personal or whatever, but it sucks, so bad. It's giving me nightmares, and I can't really sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time without waking up. I guess today, it actually came into a reality that someone I hold/held really highly in my life, but they obviosuly didn't feel the same way. And it really only stuck me today. I suppose I thought someone only wanted to have a little break, no the eternal end. I feel like a bad dog, one that scratched a little kid and got put to sleep for it.
THis sucks. ANd it seems no matter how much I smoke, I can't shake off this shitty feeling. Smoking isn't even fun for me now, because I do it alone. Niladri's gone, and everyone else that smokes is with this other person. Even my sister. And Laura.
It's hard man. Really puts you in a dark place.
And I'm sick. I'm not in a good place right now.
Or ever, it seems.
I got a write up at work. I hate myself.
Maybe they're doing themselves a favor. I hate being emo but it's true.
At least I'm doing well in school. I don't really have anything else to concentrate on I giess.
Sorry for being an emo shit. I suppose I'll get rid of LiveJournal sometime soon.
I don't even know how to say it. But I don't know- it's like, this doomful feeling of abandonment. And I know people have their reasons, personal or whatever, but it sucks, so bad. It's giving me nightmares, and I can't really sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time without waking up. I guess today, it actually came into a reality that someone I hold/held really highly in my life, but they obviosuly didn't feel the same way. And it really only stuck me today. I suppose I thought someone only wanted to have a little break, no the eternal end. I feel like a bad dog, one that scratched a little kid and got put to sleep for it.
THis sucks. ANd it seems no matter how much I smoke, I can't shake off this shitty feeling. Smoking isn't even fun for me now, because I do it alone. Niladri's gone, and everyone else that smokes is with this other person. Even my sister. And Laura.
It's hard man. Really puts you in a dark place.
And I'm sick. I'm not in a good place right now.
Or ever, it seems.
I got a write up at work. I hate myself.
Maybe they're doing themselves a favor. I hate being emo but it's true.
At least I'm doing well in school. I don't really have anything else to concentrate on I giess.
Sorry for being an emo shit. I suppose I'll get rid of LiveJournal sometime soon.