Check Yo Self Before You Wreck Yo Self
Do you ever notice how when people are really old you wind up talking to them like they’re retarded children? I sure do. I bring this up because they’re this old dude whose friends of my parents that staying with us and its very odd. I find myself speaking very softly and slowly to him and it kind of annoys me that I do that. When I’m all old and stuff I don’t want people talking to me like I have half brain. Even if the case is that I do have half a brain after the horrible unicycle wreck I plan on getting into in the summer of 2017, I still do not want to be treated that way. I hope I’m a cool old person who curses and occasionally strolls about town sans pants. I’m looking forward to that I tell ya. I just hope I don’t lose my sight or hearing. Although I find people who cant her me to be a lot more irritating than people who cant see me. I don’t know if I’ve ever met a real deaf or blind person. Well I did work with a deaf guy at Halloween horror nights but that doesn’t really count. We never conversed. But as I ponder this I find myself asking the question, what would I truly rather be- deaf or blind? Most people would say deaf because then you can still function as a person. I mean you could drive a car or read a book. That’s all I can think of. But I think I may actually rather be blind. Because deaf people are annoying as I mentioned earlier, but at least a blind person could carry on a conversation. A deaf person can’t hear that slammin’ new record by whatever band the kids are listening to these days. And deaf people sound funny when they talk. Fuck deaf people. I’m putting my foot down on this issue. Case close! Appeal denied! When I was young I got in a whole mess of trouble every now and then with my parents for using words like fuck, shit, cock, ass, suck, bitch, dick, and the like. Despite my parents reprimandings I still swear like a sailor to this day. And not just any sailor, I’m sort of like that dirty sailor that all the other sailors are embarrassed to bring around their mothers because they’re afraid I’m gonna drop the F bomb in front of her. Fuck. What was always fun growing up was saying things that almost sounded like bad words or insults in front of your parents and watch the reactions on their faces. I’m all about reactions. And the best part was that you couldn’t get in trouble because you were innocently saying something that just happened to sound bad. At least that was the story you told. Or maybe just I told. Regardless, here are few classic examples: Asphalt- Shut the front door- Kiss my aunts- calling anything a mother father (ex: its bout to get ca-razy up in this mother father!) And my favorite is talking about caulk. Like the stuff you squeeze out of that tube. Lets face it caulk is funny. Like- hey would you mind grabbing my caulk? I could go on, but I ain’t.