(oneshot) hyunseung/yoseob | It took a lifetime, but I finally found strength in you
It took a lifetime, but I finally found strength in you
hyunseung/yoseob
~2000words / drama
- to louvela , hope you'll like it.
thanks caramel_chai for beta-ing 8D
it took a lifetime, but i finally found strong in you
so just hold
and it won't take long
i hope that you can love me
when the pain is gone.
That morning Yoseob woke up when it was no longer early and the clock read 12:03 pm.
There was no one at home, but Yoseob didn’t expect to find anyone there, anyway.
He climbs down from the top bunk and finds all the beds neatly done, no socks and no boxers strew around the floor. He walks into the living room while holding on to the walls, there’s a fresh and clean sensation and the breeze coming through the sliding window plays with the white curtains. There were no dishes to wash and no traces of dust in the air he breathed, over the furniture, nowhere, as if no one lived inside those four walls, though the many pairs of shoes aligned each other in the entrance revealed that there were actually people living there even if they aren’t around when Yoseob wakes up.
He leans his whole body against the cold wall and rests his head there as if he wouldn’t be able to stay upright properly. Headaches normally come when there’s not enough hours of sleep, but Yoseob has already gotten so used to the lack of it that his head burns when he sleeps more than eight.
He takes a shower, get dressed and sits in front the TV, all with slow and sleepy movements. His wet black hair drips water and it rolls down his nape, his eyelashes fall straight to his eyes and he hasn’t eaten anything not because he’s not hungry -in fact, he is- but because he’s not in the mood to eat instant food again. He’s not in mood for anything and he wonders why he woke up that morning anyway.
Everyone left early because of their busy schedules and Yoseob was supposed to go with them but due to health issues he couldn’t.
Everyone knows Yoseob is completely able to (over)work and sing even when his throat hurts a little. But now it doesn’t just hurt a little (now Yoseob wakes up in the middle of the night, coughing and spitting blood in the sink while Doojoon holds his body with an arm, afraid he could break in any moment and keep the hair away from his face with the other hand).
Their manager insisted that Yoseob should rest at home, in order to not get involved in the disaster that would come with losing beast’s main vocals.
But Yoseob doesn’t feel like this is improving and he’ll probably get even sicker than he actually is locked inside those four walls. He hates solitude, he hates big, clean and empty spaces. He hates the fact he can hardly talk and the fact his throat hurts and burns as if it were full of cysts.
And he cries because he’s afraid he wouldn’t be able to sing ever again.
___
That night Hyunseung was too sleepy to comprehend what was happening, but the pieces were completing the puzzle by itself. All the kids gathered outside the bathroom, pale and mute, Yoseob’s body bent over the sink and Doojoon holding his hair so it won’t end up stained with blood. Yoseob coughed as if his life depended on it and the blood dripped, thick, from his lips.
Hyunseung stayed outside, frozen. He knew he had to do something about it since he was the second eldest after Doojoon, but what could he have done with a scared Yoseob crying and trembling? Doojoon sure runs that kind of business better than him.
He didn’t say anything about it the next day, neither did Yoseob (he smiled and fooled around as usual) so he thought it was okay, but the next night it happened again, and again, until his voice turned into a husky low one, away from the beautiful and strong voice Hyunseung used to know.
Hyunseung sometimes thinks that it’d been as if they had ripped apart one of his legs or if they had become useless without you knowing if they would ever work properly again. He wouldn’t be able to dance, he thinks, but, what’s going to happen with Yoseob? Will he ever be able to sing again?
And if he won’t?
Hyunseung wishes he could do something about it, but he can’t, he’s not close to Yoseob nor a good hyung, so he prefers to let the others to do the heavy work for him.
___
Yoseob fades away along with his voice everyday little by little. He barely talks, barely eats, seldom speaks and sleeps a lot. The guys try to take him out from this drowsy state (Yoseob don’t you wanna come with us today? You want to eat sweet potatoes? I know they are your favorite! I swear to you! IU asked for your health! I’m sure she likes you as much as you do), but it’s useless. Yoseob is getting drowned in a black sea, dragging the whole group with him.
What I am going to do if I become unable to sing again?
___
Doojoon to Yoseob: did you take your medicine? It’s on the table. Please, be good and take it ^^
Gikwang to Yoseob: is there any special thing you want to eat today? Me and Dongwoon are going to buy it after practice!
Junhyung to Yoseob: it’s not the same without you. Stop pretending you can’t sing, that just doesn’t make any sense.
Dongwoon to Yoseob: hyung, please get well soon. We all are worried about you!
“Your phone keeps buzzing, are you not going to reply any of those messages?” Yoseob hears the voice of Hyunseung in the dorm. He doesn’t know what he’s doing there when he’s supposed to attend his schedule, but he prefers to not ask. If there’s someone in the dorm, and if there is not, it makes no difference to him.
Yoseob is lying on the top bunk, staring at the wall. “No” is all he says.
“You didn’t even take your medicine, did you?” he asks, but that doesn’t sound as a question but more of a statement. Yoseob wonders since when Hyunseung has become so concerned about him, ‘cause he had always thought he didn’t care a shit about him, and he wishes he could ask him, but it’s not just the pain in his throat that doesn’t let him ask, but a pain somewhere else. “Come, you have to take it.” Yoseob does as he says because he has become too numb to refuse what others order.
He climbs down the bunk. Hyunseung stands below the door’s frame wearing the clothes he uses when he practices. He probably left the practice to visit Yoseob, but that just cannot be. Nothing is as important to Hyunseung than dancing.
Hyunseung seems to read his thoughts through his expression (and Yoseob wonders how he can, since everyday he becomes more and more deadpan) “I just thought you don’t like solitude.” he says, matter-of-factly “Doojoon and Dongwoon are at the uni while Gikwang and Junhyung have to attend their own schedules. That leaves you and me behind.”
It sounds too easy and Yoseob is suspicious about it. There must be a different and hidden reason behind, ‘cause you don’t need to be very clever to notice that Hyunseung doesn’t really like Yoseob. And he has always known.
But those are the reasons that move Hyunseung.
He blinks “is everything okay?”
Yoseob nods as he stares at him and comes to the conclusion that one of the boys might have told (begged) him to not leave the ill one alone, probably Doojoon, because he’s the eldest and Hyunseung has to do as he says (even if he hates it and sulks and complains).
They go to the kitchen and Yoseob takes his medicine. He feels wrapped by a thick atmosphere, a tense bubble of air close to exploding in any moment, even though Hyunseung looks back at him with a calm glance and gentle eyes. He has never been that close with Hyunseung and he doesn't feel like such a scene as them both alone in a room can fit into the libretto.
Yoseob has always thought he's even closer to Junhyung than to Hyunseung (how such things can happen?) and he has always believed he hated him, someway, for some reason he still cannot find.
Then what is he doing here?
When Yoseob puts the glass of water back on the table Hyunseung smiles. A soft smile. "Can you still dance?"
Yoseob makes a face "Yea, but I suck at it." he says.
"Rubbish."
"You should know it's not."
"what I know is that you are taking your things and coming with me now. You've already spent enough time within these walls."
and this is how Hyunseung opens his world to Yoseob.
___
Yoseob should have known (remember) upfront he was kind of paranoid and Hyunseung didn't hate him in the end as much as he thought.
They started spending time together and memorizing the words they always say, the gestures they often make, the sound of their laughs and the exact muscles that pull up the corners of their lips into a smile. They've known each other for many years, but it's never too late to start.
Yoseob wonders why he couldn't see before all the things that have made Hyunseung who he is, and little by little the warmth makes him forget that his throat hurts.
But there are times in which his legs give out and he crumbles directly onto the floor (Even when he doesn't overwork his body as Hyunseung told him, but he has become weak lately) and when he tries to stand up, his extremities react and the tears come in a flood to his eyes.
"I'm scared" he murmurs. "I'm scared I won't be able to sing again. I'm scared that I'd be kicked out from Cube since I'm all useless now."
Hyunseung kneels down and moves his hair away from his face so he can clearly see his teary eyes and wet cheeks. "You know wherever you go, I’ll go with you."
Yoseob knows he's probably lying. He has been through so much to reach here, so deserting everything now for such a trivial reason (him) sounds stupid, but Yoseob wishes he can believe him, somehow.
And when he stares at the blurry image of Hyunseung through the mass of water that fills his eyes, his mind goes all oh, I think I kind of have a crush on him.
___
Little by little Yoseob is recovering to his normal state, and he's being able to talk normally again and sing a bit. Everytime his throat hurts less and Hyunseung stays with him, so they can practice again at their own pace.
(and somehow Yoseob's heart skips a beat when Hyunseung's voice echoes his own)
(it's always been like this, but Yoseob never noticed Hyunseung was there just right behind him)
(and it kind of feels as if Hyunseung were intertwining his fingers between his own, even better)
(and everything goes all oh, I do have a crush on him, again)
Yoseob knows all the things Hyunseung has been through weren't easy, but he doesn't know how hard they were. And he probably won't come to know all of them until another pair of years have gone through.
He regrets that Hyunseung barely talks about all the things that remains rooted in his heart, maybe talking could make him feel better, but anyways, Yoseob wants to make him notice he's there by his side just like how Hyunseung stayed while he faded away day by day.
What Yoseob doesn’t know is that he is not a trivial reason to desert everything, and what Yoseob doesn’t know is that he has a special spot in Hyunseung’s heart.
Yoseob never knew he was strong until hyunseung showed him he actually was. And he never knew you could learn from someone not through lessons, but through acts and unsaid words, or what’s commonly called silence.
He never knew people can really fall in love so fast.
“Are you sure you feel okay now?” Hyunseung asks when they get out of the van. The six are attending a radio schedule and Hyunseung is afraid Yoseob can’t make it, but he just smiles and doesn’t say anything in order to not spend his vocal cords.
Maybe if he slides his hand to find Hyunseung’s, and their finger brushes before they intertwine, maybe that can say more than words.
Hey, I kind of like you, you know?
hyunseung/yoseob
~2000words / drama
- to louvela , hope you'll like it.
thanks caramel_chai for beta-ing 8D
it took a lifetime, but i finally found strong in you
so just hold
and it won't take long
i hope that you can love me
when the pain is gone.
That morning Yoseob woke up when it was no longer early and the clock read 12:03 pm.
There was no one at home, but Yoseob didn’t expect to find anyone there, anyway.
He climbs down from the top bunk and finds all the beds neatly done, no socks and no boxers strew around the floor. He walks into the living room while holding on to the walls, there’s a fresh and clean sensation and the breeze coming through the sliding window plays with the white curtains. There were no dishes to wash and no traces of dust in the air he breathed, over the furniture, nowhere, as if no one lived inside those four walls, though the many pairs of shoes aligned each other in the entrance revealed that there were actually people living there even if they aren’t around when Yoseob wakes up.
He leans his whole body against the cold wall and rests his head there as if he wouldn’t be able to stay upright properly. Headaches normally come when there’s not enough hours of sleep, but Yoseob has already gotten so used to the lack of it that his head burns when he sleeps more than eight.
He takes a shower, get dressed and sits in front the TV, all with slow and sleepy movements. His wet black hair drips water and it rolls down his nape, his eyelashes fall straight to his eyes and he hasn’t eaten anything not because he’s not hungry -in fact, he is- but because he’s not in the mood to eat instant food again. He’s not in mood for anything and he wonders why he woke up that morning anyway.
Everyone left early because of their busy schedules and Yoseob was supposed to go with them but due to health issues he couldn’t.
Everyone knows Yoseob is completely able to (over)work and sing even when his throat hurts a little. But now it doesn’t just hurt a little (now Yoseob wakes up in the middle of the night, coughing and spitting blood in the sink while Doojoon holds his body with an arm, afraid he could break in any moment and keep the hair away from his face with the other hand).
Their manager insisted that Yoseob should rest at home, in order to not get involved in the disaster that would come with losing beast’s main vocals.
But Yoseob doesn’t feel like this is improving and he’ll probably get even sicker than he actually is locked inside those four walls. He hates solitude, he hates big, clean and empty spaces. He hates the fact he can hardly talk and the fact his throat hurts and burns as if it were full of cysts.
And he cries because he’s afraid he wouldn’t be able to sing ever again.
___
That night Hyunseung was too sleepy to comprehend what was happening, but the pieces were completing the puzzle by itself. All the kids gathered outside the bathroom, pale and mute, Yoseob’s body bent over the sink and Doojoon holding his hair so it won’t end up stained with blood. Yoseob coughed as if his life depended on it and the blood dripped, thick, from his lips.
Hyunseung stayed outside, frozen. He knew he had to do something about it since he was the second eldest after Doojoon, but what could he have done with a scared Yoseob crying and trembling? Doojoon sure runs that kind of business better than him.
He didn’t say anything about it the next day, neither did Yoseob (he smiled and fooled around as usual) so he thought it was okay, but the next night it happened again, and again, until his voice turned into a husky low one, away from the beautiful and strong voice Hyunseung used to know.
Hyunseung sometimes thinks that it’d been as if they had ripped apart one of his legs or if they had become useless without you knowing if they would ever work properly again. He wouldn’t be able to dance, he thinks, but, what’s going to happen with Yoseob? Will he ever be able to sing again?
And if he won’t?
Hyunseung wishes he could do something about it, but he can’t, he’s not close to Yoseob nor a good hyung, so he prefers to let the others to do the heavy work for him.
___
Yoseob fades away along with his voice everyday little by little. He barely talks, barely eats, seldom speaks and sleeps a lot. The guys try to take him out from this drowsy state (Yoseob don’t you wanna come with us today? You want to eat sweet potatoes? I know they are your favorite! I swear to you! IU asked for your health! I’m sure she likes you as much as you do), but it’s useless. Yoseob is getting drowned in a black sea, dragging the whole group with him.
What I am going to do if I become unable to sing again?
___
Doojoon to Yoseob: did you take your medicine? It’s on the table. Please, be good and take it ^^
Gikwang to Yoseob: is there any special thing you want to eat today? Me and Dongwoon are going to buy it after practice!
Junhyung to Yoseob: it’s not the same without you. Stop pretending you can’t sing, that just doesn’t make any sense.
Dongwoon to Yoseob: hyung, please get well soon. We all are worried about you!
“Your phone keeps buzzing, are you not going to reply any of those messages?” Yoseob hears the voice of Hyunseung in the dorm. He doesn’t know what he’s doing there when he’s supposed to attend his schedule, but he prefers to not ask. If there’s someone in the dorm, and if there is not, it makes no difference to him.
Yoseob is lying on the top bunk, staring at the wall. “No” is all he says.
“You didn’t even take your medicine, did you?” he asks, but that doesn’t sound as a question but more of a statement. Yoseob wonders since when Hyunseung has become so concerned about him, ‘cause he had always thought he didn’t care a shit about him, and he wishes he could ask him, but it’s not just the pain in his throat that doesn’t let him ask, but a pain somewhere else. “Come, you have to take it.” Yoseob does as he says because he has become too numb to refuse what others order.
He climbs down the bunk. Hyunseung stands below the door’s frame wearing the clothes he uses when he practices. He probably left the practice to visit Yoseob, but that just cannot be. Nothing is as important to Hyunseung than dancing.
Hyunseung seems to read his thoughts through his expression (and Yoseob wonders how he can, since everyday he becomes more and more deadpan) “I just thought you don’t like solitude.” he says, matter-of-factly “Doojoon and Dongwoon are at the uni while Gikwang and Junhyung have to attend their own schedules. That leaves you and me behind.”
It sounds too easy and Yoseob is suspicious about it. There must be a different and hidden reason behind, ‘cause you don’t need to be very clever to notice that Hyunseung doesn’t really like Yoseob. And he has always known.
But those are the reasons that move Hyunseung.
He blinks “is everything okay?”
Yoseob nods as he stares at him and comes to the conclusion that one of the boys might have told (begged) him to not leave the ill one alone, probably Doojoon, because he’s the eldest and Hyunseung has to do as he says (even if he hates it and sulks and complains).
They go to the kitchen and Yoseob takes his medicine. He feels wrapped by a thick atmosphere, a tense bubble of air close to exploding in any moment, even though Hyunseung looks back at him with a calm glance and gentle eyes. He has never been that close with Hyunseung and he doesn't feel like such a scene as them both alone in a room can fit into the libretto.
Yoseob has always thought he's even closer to Junhyung than to Hyunseung (how such things can happen?) and he has always believed he hated him, someway, for some reason he still cannot find.
Then what is he doing here?
When Yoseob puts the glass of water back on the table Hyunseung smiles. A soft smile. "Can you still dance?"
Yoseob makes a face "Yea, but I suck at it." he says.
"Rubbish."
"You should know it's not."
"what I know is that you are taking your things and coming with me now. You've already spent enough time within these walls."
and this is how Hyunseung opens his world to Yoseob.
___
Yoseob should have known (remember) upfront he was kind of paranoid and Hyunseung didn't hate him in the end as much as he thought.
They started spending time together and memorizing the words they always say, the gestures they often make, the sound of their laughs and the exact muscles that pull up the corners of their lips into a smile. They've known each other for many years, but it's never too late to start.
Yoseob wonders why he couldn't see before all the things that have made Hyunseung who he is, and little by little the warmth makes him forget that his throat hurts.
But there are times in which his legs give out and he crumbles directly onto the floor (Even when he doesn't overwork his body as Hyunseung told him, but he has become weak lately) and when he tries to stand up, his extremities react and the tears come in a flood to his eyes.
"I'm scared" he murmurs. "I'm scared I won't be able to sing again. I'm scared that I'd be kicked out from Cube since I'm all useless now."
Hyunseung kneels down and moves his hair away from his face so he can clearly see his teary eyes and wet cheeks. "You know wherever you go, I’ll go with you."
Yoseob knows he's probably lying. He has been through so much to reach here, so deserting everything now for such a trivial reason (him) sounds stupid, but Yoseob wishes he can believe him, somehow.
And when he stares at the blurry image of Hyunseung through the mass of water that fills his eyes, his mind goes all oh, I think I kind of have a crush on him.
___
Little by little Yoseob is recovering to his normal state, and he's being able to talk normally again and sing a bit. Everytime his throat hurts less and Hyunseung stays with him, so they can practice again at their own pace.
(and somehow Yoseob's heart skips a beat when Hyunseung's voice echoes his own)
(it's always been like this, but Yoseob never noticed Hyunseung was there just right behind him)
(and it kind of feels as if Hyunseung were intertwining his fingers between his own, even better)
(and everything goes all oh, I do have a crush on him, again)
Yoseob knows all the things Hyunseung has been through weren't easy, but he doesn't know how hard they were. And he probably won't come to know all of them until another pair of years have gone through.
He regrets that Hyunseung barely talks about all the things that remains rooted in his heart, maybe talking could make him feel better, but anyways, Yoseob wants to make him notice he's there by his side just like how Hyunseung stayed while he faded away day by day.
What Yoseob doesn’t know is that he is not a trivial reason to desert everything, and what Yoseob doesn’t know is that he has a special spot in Hyunseung’s heart.
Yoseob never knew he was strong until hyunseung showed him he actually was. And he never knew you could learn from someone not through lessons, but through acts and unsaid words, or what’s commonly called silence.
He never knew people can really fall in love so fast.
“Are you sure you feel okay now?” Hyunseung asks when they get out of the van. The six are attending a radio schedule and Hyunseung is afraid Yoseob can’t make it, but he just smiles and doesn’t say anything in order to not spend his vocal cords.
Maybe if he slides his hand to find Hyunseung’s, and their finger brushes before they intertwine, maybe that can say more than words.
Hey, I kind of like you, you know?