The loneliest days OO9
The loneliest days.
junhyung/gikwang
PG-13 ; Drama
In the company, he always bumps into this skinny boy. He seems pretty awkward and Junhyung thinks his eyesight should be pretty bad considering the huge glasses he's always wearing (that explains, too, why he always stumbles onto everything he finds on his way).
| Chapter OO1 | Chapter OO2 | Chapter OO3 | Chapter OO4 | Chapter OO5 |
| Chapter OO6 | Chapter OO7 | Chapter OO8
*notes : Full of mistakes, like always ): sorry.
The loneliest days
Chapter OO9
Why it has to be her? From all the girls on earth, from heaven’s sake, from all of them, why it has to be precisely her? She, who is as gorgeous as a goddess; she, who has such a pretty face and such a good body -and, goddamn, that was a very good body-, why, from all the girls on earth, it has to be precisely Hyuna?
In any other context junhyung would have thought she was hot -so fucking hot- but not now, not now while he notices gikwang’s silly smile when he talks to her.
On Christmas night junhyung tried so hard to pretend everything was okay, but in fact, he couldn’t sleep with the thought that the younger was sleeping on his bed. By the morning, gikwang found the elder sleeping on the couch and he felt bad for it, so he decided to cook breakfast for him, as a surprise. But the surprise was spoilt when a pot fell from his hands to the floor with a thud. Junhyung jumped, awake all of a sudden, and ran over to the kitchen. He found an adorable gikwang there, wearing a big pajama, holding the pot in his hands.
A couple of days after, gikwang called to wish junhyung a very happy New Year. And the day after New Year, he called again to ask him if he could go with him to buy yoseob’s birthday present. They met the next day and gikwang blushed when he noticed the elder was wearing the gloves he made for his birthday.
It was January, and it was so cold that he could have died frozen, but his days had never been warmer.
But now it was as if he had crashed back into reality. He didn’t even wanted to think about it, but the way gikwang looked at hyuna said everything.
‘You okay?’ doojoon asks when he notices junhyung is not in his mood and is sitting in the dressing rooms with a scary expression on his face and the arms crossed on his chest.
‘Yes’ he mumbles. Doojoon knows he’s not a good liar, so junhyung tries to say something else before he could ask again to find out what’s wrong with him ‘Well, whatever it is, don’t ask. I can’t do nothing about it and we are gonna shoot this MV now, so we gotta move’
In fact they were getting ready to film AJ’s first music video “Dancing Shoes”. They were practicing the dance since over a month ago, and it was time to rush things, filming, shooting, editing and recording the songs. Gikwang had more work than anyone now since he was the “star”. Junhyung thought he had to develop the ability to be everywhere at the same time, because gikwang had a meeting with the company agents and ten minutes after he was practicing in the room, and then he had to run to the studio to record the songs again and again.
Junhyung knew he was barely eating and sleeping. He was skinner than before and dark circles appeared under his eyes, but he was still smiling with his nothing-could-be-better-for-sure smile.
Except from the dancing shoots, AJ’s workteam didn’t have too much to do. One by one they were falling asleep wherever they found a place to sit and close the eyes. Yoseob’s head leaned almost imperceptibly on doojoon’s shoulders. They were tired. And junhyung as well. But he didn’t get even a single wink of sleep while all the workteam was snoring loudly. He couldn’t. Not when all his senses were put on gikwang and hyuna’s scene. Why he had to touch her? Is that even necessary? The song is about shoes, not about Hyuna’s dancing butt. Junhyung thought he probably was jealous because he wanted to take gikwang’s place, but deep inside his mind he knew it wasn’t just that.
‘We are done! Everyone did a good job!’ gikwang said happily when they finished filming. Junhyung wanted to slap his face just to erase that annoying smile from it. The guys woke up and, still half-asleep, walked to the van slowly, yawning and rubbing their eyes. Junhyung and gikwang were left at the end. ‘Oh, junhyung, you must be tired’ the elder looked at him by his eyes’ corners
‘Look at you, first. You are the one who had spent more than four hours filming’ gikwang blinked, confused.
‘Four?’
‘It is three at the morning, already’ he said and the younger jumped.
‘Oh, really?’ he smiled ‘Time goes so fast, don’t you think?’ junhyung thinks the same, because he remembers the first time when he met gikwang like it was just the another day. He remembers his frightened face, his trembling hands and his shaking voice, and now he looks at his warm smile and his gentle eyes and he wonders when they became this close to each other. So close that his fingers are almost touching his hands, as if they were unconsciously trying to take his hand. ‘junhyung’ he says, suddenly, and stops walking. Junhyung turns back and finds gikwang staring at him, scrutinizing his face.
‘What?’ gikwang smiles and gets closer.
‘You have something in your cheek’ he says, and cleans his face with his fingertips. They are cold and junhyung frozen. Why he's so close? Why his body seems to move by itself? His arms shakes and his knees can't stand him anymore. If things go on like this, junhyung won't take responsibilities for his acts.
But it's enough, because he can't stand this need anymore. He hasn't made sure there isn't anybody by there, but that doesn't matter anymore. He takes his face by his jaw's curve and kisses him gently. Gikwang's lips are warm; in contrast, his are cold and trembling.
At first, gikwang doesn't react, their arms fall limply to the sides, but then he pushes away the elder's arms and junhyung notices he's scared, like the first time they talked in the subway. They look straight to each other for a moment. Junhyung normally read into his eyes like a book, but now he can't see anything on them. He runs and runs away from him. Junhyung watches him as he leaves, and wonders why the hell he did what he did. Though he knows it well.
_____________________
Maybe he was driving crazy, yes, it was probably that, because his head kept repeating the same scene, that scene over and over again. Each of his thought had his name written and he couldn't concentrate on anything else. The next week, he couldn't erase from his head the texture of his lips nor their sweet taste.
From that day, they didn't speak again, and junhyung was afraid he has screwed it up. He didn't regret, but maybe he had done wrong. He cursed himself for being a bunch of hormones unable to control his impulses, but they acted independently of his body, they acted before he could notice. And there he was, facing the door from gikwang's department, not too sure why he was there or what he should say. He just needed to see him.
It was getting dark and the light barely lighted the objects. The hallways' yellow light flickered. He gave a weak knock to the door and waited. He heard footsteps from inside and gikwang opened, but as soon as he saw junhyung standing out there, he shut the door in his face.
"Gikwang! Hey, gikwang" junhyung started hitting the door; he was rather surprised and upset. "Gikwang, at least, let me talk. Gikwang, open the door!" On the other side, the younger leaned his back against the wood, not sure about what he should do.
Junhyung pulled out his cell phone and called him. It rang thrice and he answered.
"The other day you said I'd shut the door in your face. Now. Tell me. What is this?"
The argument was convincing enough for gikwang to open and let him in, though not willingly.
It was the first time junhyung came in gikwang's new apartment, the first time he came in to the place where gikwang lived. It was dark and it was heard the tv's noise coming from a room. Junhyung found himself standing in front gikwang, not knowing what to say. He should stop this habit of going towards him with just the determination, without deciding in advance what he would say.
"Where are your rommates?" he asked, trying to fill the silence. Gikwang folded his arms.
"In their rooms, perhaps?"
"Hmm..."
And he realized how fast their friendship crumbled.
"Gikwang. I. Look. If I tell you I came to give you an explanation for what happened the other day, I would be lying, because I don’t have one." he murmured "That day, you and Hyuna... I really couldn't put up with it. I couldn't. And then... I think… I think maybe I like you. That would be the explanation" he mumbled so fast that gikwang understood half of what he said, but he kept the essentials. Junhyung felt like an idiot and if he could, he would have thrown himself by the window. But he stayed, staring at gikwang's surprised face.
He didn't know what to answer.
"Ah..." he strove to articulate. An awkward silence and junhyung felt he didn't have anything else to do in that place.
"So. That is." he mumbled. He wanted to get out from there as fast as he could, breath the cold air outside, throw himself to the subway maybe. "I... I'll stay away from you from now. I think is the best. I'm sor... well, this. Um... Bye, then." he turned around and rushed to the door. What was he thinking? Why he suddenly become such an honest guy? He was being ridiculous. And not just that, the 'ah' of gikwang really hurt him.
"Stay" before junhyung put a hand on the door, he heard gikwang's weak voice. So weak that he thought he had heard wrong "Stay" he repeated. Junhyung turned and found him staring at the floor, as if he had trouble saying those words "Stay. Don't go... please…"
______________________________________
Junhyung stayed. More than he should. He found himself in the apartment at dawn.
Junhyung didn't realize gikwang needed no explanations. He was just scared. As scared as he was. He didn't want to give him reasons to ask him to stay, he just wanted him by his side for longer than they used to. Because the days without junhyung were too long. He didn't want to give explanations to anyone if, this time, they slept together and hugged. One arm of junhyung wrapped around his shoulders, another one around his waist, drawing him to his body. Gikwang breathing on his chest.
*