Long Neglectted Oft Forgetted.
Blah blah, things happened.
Blah blah, alot more things didn't happen.
Somewhere in the world someone has had somewhat consensual sex with a woman, a man, a dog, a horse, a goat, a pig, a donkey, a little girl, a little boy.
Now somewhere else in the world someone is raping one or all of the above depending on number of spare penises or vaginas, and it's probably happening just as you're reading this.
Also people are getting murdered, shot, stabbed, beaten, robbed and evading taxes.
Now if you're sitting there reading and thinking to yourself "oh my god/diety/flavor of pudding/heavenly body/undergarment, you know he's right. There must be something I can do to help stop it."
I probably don't like you.
Now if you're sitting there reading and thinking to yourself "oh my god/diety/flavor of pudding/heavenly body/undergarment, you know he's right. There must be something I can do to get in on the fun."
I probably don't like you.
Now if you're sitting there reading and thinking to yourself "oh my god/diety/flavor of pudding/heavenly body/undergarment, you know he's right. There is nothing I can do because I don't care, and it's not happening to me."
You probably don't care if I like you.
Now with all that said and done, here's a little something about me.
I like goth/emo/angsty/punk/anarchist/nihilist/raver chicks. Mostly because I like dark hair with the potential for random colors, but I like red hair the best.
They usually don't care for the social correctness of most things they say or do... except that of their own hodgepodge of personal beliefs. Something I wish I could do a bit more for me ya know. I'm afraid to act myself, because I am not very nice. They act themselves usually, or put up a good front that this persona is them.
And they tend to like wearing skimpy things, rowr. also they sometimes wear their hair in unusual fashions, and colors. Both things I enjoy.
I am for all intents and purposes a rather plain person on appearance, but as some of you have gotten to know me, my head ain't right.
The 'weirdos' as most people would identify them are my preffered people, for I am a weird person.
I have been described as inhuman in my methods for many things. Amusing...
anyways, lets see...
Honestly, I don't know exactly how to act myself, because I'm... as much as it's odd for me to say I have a fear, I am afraid of hurting people.
Something I say or do might hurt people. And for instance Arikatt
, I'm sorry I almost ran you over twice and said not nice things, but in those circumstances to me they were all in jest. I don't know where the limit is.
Someone once suggested that I have that Aspburger(sp?) condition. Partial autism? eh whatever.
I'm sorry to Batlev too for various things.
Honestly, I don't remember what it is I did or have done to people because the moments are usually so insignificant to me that it doesn't form a memory, but what does form a memory is their reaction.
My brain wiring is different, but I don't think I'm depressed or anything of the like. But I do know it takes alot and yet so little to make me happy, often fleeting though.
Yes I know I'm rambling, its what I do. Hence why I don't post often because I ramble.
Oh and as for my personal lack of fear I think I know where it came from.
I had to face death in the face, of my drunken uncle with a bat wanting to break my skull for making his day miserable, and that of my family too. I had to be in a small hotel room with him for approxomately 20 minutes before the cops arrived.
Knowing full well that he could and would kill me, as I was only 13ish at the time, I faced him down, and somewhat taunted him as I called the cops. There was no feeling in me at that moment, sort of disattached, as I had been for the majority of that day.
Hmm maybe thats it, I have a emotional dissassosiative problem. Which could be the reason why I felt a whole lotta nothing as I did about fifteen hundred bucks worth of damage to my parent's cars around the same age.
Maybe I'm broken, but I still function. I don't think I'm broken, I think I'm just a step beyond what I was, a young kid, so hell bent on being liked, wanted, and to succeed at whatever, that I realised that I am alone.
Not just the alone that is by being by yourself. But the alone that you find when no one will quite understand how you percieve the world. A step apart.
For some reason I think I now remember (mind you this might be the mixing of 2 similar memories) when I was also around that age maybe 15-16 I had football practice after school and mildly hurt my ankle so it was painful to walk. It was also a very rainy night. I called my mom from a payphone, after scrounging up a quarter by asking around, and eventually finding one on the ground. I asked her to come pick me up and give me a ride home, she said ok, and I waited for 3 hours before calling again and being told to walk.
So in pain, miserable, cold and wet, and now abandoned. Doesn't promote happy happy joy joy feelings.
Yea yea, Some of you are thinking, oh that's terrible, I feel your pain, blah blah sympathy. Save it, I don't need it, I don't want it. Your sympathy means nothing to me unless you are willing to do something about it.
You see a dog injured on the street, if you say 'Awe poor thing' and move on. I hate you for saying 'awe poor thing' Go die in a fire you fake ass piece of shit. It's better to say nothing, feel nothing, and not mention it to anyone else and move on.
If you have the energy to say 'Awe poor thing' you better have the heart and compassion enough to pick up that dog and take it to a shelter. Otherwise shut the fuck up.
And some of you are thinking yea yea, boo hoo, rough childhood whatever suck it up and move on. Don't worry I did. I learned alot.
I learned that I refuse to let myself become negative over the shit that comes my way. I am indifferent, to the bad, the negative, the downtrodden. It may seem cold, and it most definately is. But I will help you if you ask me to. Don't expect me to do it on my own volition. I may do it, I may not.
One of my personal mottos, credos, methods, beliefs, whatever it's called.
Save your sympathy, your energy is better spent improving your own, or another's life.
And yes I know that emotional disassociation is one of the more common traits of serial killers, as is the low self esteem and some of the situations I've come across in my youth and growing. I am not a killer, I have the potential, as does everyone. I have the will, as does everyone when given the right circumstance.
I rather like the people around me, they're a seemingly endless source of entertainment.
Anyways. Enough about me.
Here's to you world.
You know how to spread the shit around.
May all of you have good health, and a good time, and you better enjoy them while they last.
Blah blah, alot more things didn't happen.
Somewhere in the world someone has had somewhat consensual sex with a woman, a man, a dog, a horse, a goat, a pig, a donkey, a little girl, a little boy.
Now somewhere else in the world someone is raping one or all of the above depending on number of spare penises or vaginas, and it's probably happening just as you're reading this.
Also people are getting murdered, shot, stabbed, beaten, robbed and evading taxes.
Now if you're sitting there reading and thinking to yourself "oh my god/diety/flavor of pudding/heavenly body/undergarment, you know he's right. There must be something I can do to help stop it."
I probably don't like you.
Now if you're sitting there reading and thinking to yourself "oh my god/diety/flavor of pudding/heavenly body/undergarment, you know he's right. There must be something I can do to get in on the fun."
I probably don't like you.
Now if you're sitting there reading and thinking to yourself "oh my god/diety/flavor of pudding/heavenly body/undergarment, you know he's right. There is nothing I can do because I don't care, and it's not happening to me."
You probably don't care if I like you.
Now with all that said and done, here's a little something about me.
I like goth/emo/angsty/punk/anarchist/nihilist/raver chicks. Mostly because I like dark hair with the potential for random colors, but I like red hair the best.
They usually don't care for the social correctness of most things they say or do... except that of their own hodgepodge of personal beliefs. Something I wish I could do a bit more for me ya know. I'm afraid to act myself, because I am not very nice. They act themselves usually, or put up a good front that this persona is them.
And they tend to like wearing skimpy things, rowr. also they sometimes wear their hair in unusual fashions, and colors. Both things I enjoy.
I am for all intents and purposes a rather plain person on appearance, but as some of you have gotten to know me, my head ain't right.
The 'weirdos' as most people would identify them are my preffered people, for I am a weird person.
I have been described as inhuman in my methods for many things. Amusing...
anyways, lets see...
Honestly, I don't know exactly how to act myself, because I'm... as much as it's odd for me to say I have a fear, I am afraid of hurting people.
Something I say or do might hurt people. And for instance Arikatt
, I'm sorry I almost ran you over twice and said not nice things, but in those circumstances to me they were all in jest. I don't know where the limit is.
Someone once suggested that I have that Aspburger(sp?) condition. Partial autism? eh whatever.
I'm sorry to Batlev too for various things.
Honestly, I don't remember what it is I did or have done to people because the moments are usually so insignificant to me that it doesn't form a memory, but what does form a memory is their reaction.
My brain wiring is different, but I don't think I'm depressed or anything of the like. But I do know it takes alot and yet so little to make me happy, often fleeting though.
Yes I know I'm rambling, its what I do. Hence why I don't post often because I ramble.
Oh and as for my personal lack of fear I think I know where it came from.
I had to face death in the face, of my drunken uncle with a bat wanting to break my skull for making his day miserable, and that of my family too. I had to be in a small hotel room with him for approxomately 20 minutes before the cops arrived.
Knowing full well that he could and would kill me, as I was only 13ish at the time, I faced him down, and somewhat taunted him as I called the cops. There was no feeling in me at that moment, sort of disattached, as I had been for the majority of that day.
Hmm maybe thats it, I have a emotional dissassosiative problem. Which could be the reason why I felt a whole lotta nothing as I did about fifteen hundred bucks worth of damage to my parent's cars around the same age.
Maybe I'm broken, but I still function. I don't think I'm broken, I think I'm just a step beyond what I was, a young kid, so hell bent on being liked, wanted, and to succeed at whatever, that I realised that I am alone.
Not just the alone that is by being by yourself. But the alone that you find when no one will quite understand how you percieve the world. A step apart.
For some reason I think I now remember (mind you this might be the mixing of 2 similar memories) when I was also around that age maybe 15-16 I had football practice after school and mildly hurt my ankle so it was painful to walk. It was also a very rainy night. I called my mom from a payphone, after scrounging up a quarter by asking around, and eventually finding one on the ground. I asked her to come pick me up and give me a ride home, she said ok, and I waited for 3 hours before calling again and being told to walk.
So in pain, miserable, cold and wet, and now abandoned. Doesn't promote happy happy joy joy feelings.
Yea yea, Some of you are thinking, oh that's terrible, I feel your pain, blah blah sympathy. Save it, I don't need it, I don't want it. Your sympathy means nothing to me unless you are willing to do something about it.
You see a dog injured on the street, if you say 'Awe poor thing' and move on. I hate you for saying 'awe poor thing' Go die in a fire you fake ass piece of shit. It's better to say nothing, feel nothing, and not mention it to anyone else and move on.
If you have the energy to say 'Awe poor thing' you better have the heart and compassion enough to pick up that dog and take it to a shelter. Otherwise shut the fuck up.
And some of you are thinking yea yea, boo hoo, rough childhood whatever suck it up and move on. Don't worry I did. I learned alot.
I learned that I refuse to let myself become negative over the shit that comes my way. I am indifferent, to the bad, the negative, the downtrodden. It may seem cold, and it most definately is. But I will help you if you ask me to. Don't expect me to do it on my own volition. I may do it, I may not.
One of my personal mottos, credos, methods, beliefs, whatever it's called.
Save your sympathy, your energy is better spent improving your own, or another's life.
And yes I know that emotional disassociation is one of the more common traits of serial killers, as is the low self esteem and some of the situations I've come across in my youth and growing. I am not a killer, I have the potential, as does everyone. I have the will, as does everyone when given the right circumstance.
I rather like the people around me, they're a seemingly endless source of entertainment.
Anyways. Enough about me.
Here's to you world.
You know how to spread the shit around.
May all of you have good health, and a good time, and you better enjoy them while they last.