Lonely...
You know that expression about feeling alone in a crowded room? That's kinda how I felt today, and it's probably how I've felt for a while now.
The day before I moved into UV in August Chris and I went out to get some ice cream. On the way back a couple tears slipped down my cheeks and Chris, who hates when I cry, asked what was wrong. I told him it was stupid and didn't matter, but it does. I was crying because I knew it was the end of something that I wouldn't be able to get back. It was the end of Alyssa, Laura and Kristin. The end of living with my friends and always having someone there. I didn't want to admit to myself last year how much I was going to miss them, and that night it hit me hard.
Sunday when Chris and I were having our little heart to heart I started crying agian and once again he asked, this time at least I was honest. I said it feels like I have no one to hang out with anymore. I got so used to having someone to talk to before falling asleep, always having someone to bounce an idea off of that living here, and everyone spending most of their time in their room with their door shut is just so different. I don't like it. It's almost worse than living alone. At least then I don't have to worry about things like crazy dirty dishes, not enough space in the fridge, and the thermastat. Chris asked if things with Alyssa were that rough that we didn't do things together anymore, and it's not that, it's that it's a good 15-20 minute drive to get from her place to mine, not really convinent when I need someone to tell me if they think my toga looks good or to take a look at my completed scrapbook. And with Chris so busy with everything I spend a lot of time reading or not knowning what to do.
Today while I was walking back from SMB rehersal I thought about how strange it was that I feel alone while there's over 45,000 people in and around campus just about everyday. How is it possible to feel that way with so many people around. And I think it's that I miss the companionship have living in the dorms, with people I know and am used to. It almost feels like I'm missing apart of myself not being around people who's company I enjoy. I only get to spend quality time with Chris about 4 hours a week now which isn't really enough to fill that hole. And I can't ask more of him, it wouldn't be fair. The football games with Alyssa are great, but at the same time it's not what I feel like I need. Maybe since Katie is coming tomorrow night I'll feel a little bit better and things will start looking up.
Things can only go badly to a point right? They have to get better some time.
I miss you guys that aren't at State, I think about you guys a lot and wonder when we can get together again. I even miss the people that are here, we all have so much to do and so little time it's hard to spend time with everyone.
Well I love you guys, we need to get together and catch up soon. Night everyone.
The day before I moved into UV in August Chris and I went out to get some ice cream. On the way back a couple tears slipped down my cheeks and Chris, who hates when I cry, asked what was wrong. I told him it was stupid and didn't matter, but it does. I was crying because I knew it was the end of something that I wouldn't be able to get back. It was the end of Alyssa, Laura and Kristin. The end of living with my friends and always having someone there. I didn't want to admit to myself last year how much I was going to miss them, and that night it hit me hard.
Sunday when Chris and I were having our little heart to heart I started crying agian and once again he asked, this time at least I was honest. I said it feels like I have no one to hang out with anymore. I got so used to having someone to talk to before falling asleep, always having someone to bounce an idea off of that living here, and everyone spending most of their time in their room with their door shut is just so different. I don't like it. It's almost worse than living alone. At least then I don't have to worry about things like crazy dirty dishes, not enough space in the fridge, and the thermastat. Chris asked if things with Alyssa were that rough that we didn't do things together anymore, and it's not that, it's that it's a good 15-20 minute drive to get from her place to mine, not really convinent when I need someone to tell me if they think my toga looks good or to take a look at my completed scrapbook. And with Chris so busy with everything I spend a lot of time reading or not knowning what to do.
Today while I was walking back from SMB rehersal I thought about how strange it was that I feel alone while there's over 45,000 people in and around campus just about everyday. How is it possible to feel that way with so many people around. And I think it's that I miss the companionship have living in the dorms, with people I know and am used to. It almost feels like I'm missing apart of myself not being around people who's company I enjoy. I only get to spend quality time with Chris about 4 hours a week now which isn't really enough to fill that hole. And I can't ask more of him, it wouldn't be fair. The football games with Alyssa are great, but at the same time it's not what I feel like I need. Maybe since Katie is coming tomorrow night I'll feel a little bit better and things will start looking up.
Things can only go badly to a point right? They have to get better some time.
I miss you guys that aren't at State, I think about you guys a lot and wonder when we can get together again. I even miss the people that are here, we all have so much to do and so little time it's hard to spend time with everyone.
Well I love you guys, we need to get together and catch up soon. Night everyone.