[Uraboku] Bruises and Bitemarks (3/?)

[rooftop_sakura]

Title: Bruises and Bitemarks
Author: masanami
Character(s): Hotsuma/Shusei, mentions of Senshirou/Kuroto, Takashiro, Tachibana, and others
Word Count: 6,200
Rating: R
Warnings: Host AU. Suggestive material.
Summary: Shusei's the perfect host and Hotsuma's the perfect person to ruin everything for him.
Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in getting this out

Comments

[masanami]

Oh Ravanna, darling, you know your opinion means the world to me. When I read your comments I always see how much thought and love you put into your words--how you love reading just as much as you love writing--and I SO appreciate that. I really, truly, do.

Shusei is so important to me. He is the person who this story hinges on, the one with the most to gain and possibly change, yet he's so rigidly living within the rules and society that he has become entangled in--that Hotsuma is his first real experience with something that breaks all these preconceptions he has and just...throws aside everything that he knows about the world and himself. It's so important to me that I show this, that I still remain faithful to his character as a whole, and somehow convey the feelings that this Shusei--my Shusei--is feeling.

I struggled with this chapter, like I've mentioned to you before, simply because it IS a big step. I wondered if maybe going to this point was rushing things--having Shusei take the lead and bring them to this place, to Hotsuma's apartment, and the obvious implications that would mean--but then I remembered...Shusei's life is built around a trade dealing with sex, lies, and money. Sex is a thought not far removed and it's not of an intimate nature established through a long relationship--it's one that is obvious and open and in a certain respect very impersonal--so seeing Shusei push in this direction, in this desperate need to share his emotions with Hotsuma in a way that he's knows is empty and hollow (but it's something and that's all he knows and all he can show)--didn't seem so unplausible. The same with Hotsuma's doubt--because we remember this isn't his world and it isn't a place a he likes but he tolerates because Shusei is worth dealing with the underline grunge of his lifestyle...and his doubt and hesitancy, despite his lust and their obvious attraction, are still enough to make him pause when Shusei wouldn't. ahhh that was a difficult scene to write but in a way very easy (does that even make sense? lol) for this is them and what they must contend with. I think that's why this chapter, so far, has really been the most pleasure to write...because it feels as if the style has taken root and so have the characters and now they are moving of their own accord, toward their own destination.

I didn't even mention, but the fact that you see my Hotsuma as working and fitting together with Shusei still, despite this change of setting and lives, really touches me. I love him just as much as I love Shusei and I want those fundamental aspects of their relationship to remain intact and show and hopefully eventually flourish.

ahhh my sweet, I don't know what else to say but just know your words, as always, touch me deeply and so inspire me just as your own writing does ♥

[ravanna]

And I am more than happy that my words mean so much to you, too, kinda influencing you ♥

And I really think that how you again pointed it out to me here, that is just exactly how we as readers got to see him in the story as well - as someone only knowing these values, at least knows how to handle them and what affection is worth how much trying, and I also think this was not - too sudden, or something, for we always have to think in terms of Shusei's Host-being, and how much actually (has to) happen(s) in one night, depending on how muchb he tries and how much his costumer drinks/pays. I do think it makes perfect sense for them to become intimate so sudden - especially seeing they're men, which might be a clishé but I actually think it's not - and I just LOVE how Hotsuma tries to understand Shusei's behaviour and even think in his terms and his timelines and whatnot but - fails. How could he NOT?

*smiles* You're too cute, darling. There's really no need to thank me; you're the one really infecting me again and again with the intensity of their relationship and how well AUs can work, if one keeps them in character as you do ♥

[masanami]

For the same reasons you pointed out that this IS Shusei's world and his values and morals that are moving the timeflow and story--it's so different from the Shusei we know in canon who cannot make those moves (and maybe I am pointing out my own flaws, maybe not, since we present these same personalities in a different light and a different background, not tied together by a past and destiny that has bound them together)--but still. It is this Shusei and his speed and his knowledge that drives his actions. ahhh but I do SO love discussing and thinking about it--maybe breaking it apart and seeing its flaws but still loving it on a whole.

♥ ♥ ♥

[ravanna]

I think that's why I included "Name" in the OST as well - somehow it so shows the certain emptiness in Shusei's world, though it holds exactly the amount of "things" one needs to actually "live", but I do see Shusei's form of "living" more than the one of simply "existing". Now he's found something of True value and wants to keep it, but - how, if you never really learned how to cling to something when all you ever wanted to have actually came back to YOU?
And aaah, breaking, yes. Haha, I know about THAT, seeing how I destroyed and disrupted and tore my own characters apart in TS ^__~

(and hon, you got any idea how long B&B as going to be? Because I do wonder; there's still so much room yet I think it's also a difficult development still coming for them, and SO many possibilities to end it. Gaah!!)

♥ I so love all these discussions with you, too. One should never stop doing so.

[masanami]

That's so true. Shusei's eyes have been sorta dead to the world--everything has a veil around it that can't quite touch him even though he lives and breathes in it--until Hotsuma comes along and he's suddenly thrust into this abyss that he cannot understand because it does not conform to what he knows and perhaps that is what confuses him the most--that and the fact that he cares and does so deeply want concern to show but at the same time he has no way of expressing it in any terms but the ones he knows.

oh god don't even get me started on how torn and broken you've made these lovely, lovely boys in TS. My heart is still reeling from that last chapter and still just so--so crushed. Even through all the heartbreak I have loved every moment, every second of it. I cannot wait to see what else you have to share with us...as you wrap things up and leave us with your final thoughts ♥

Originally I only planned on B&B being a few chapters long, maybe 4-5, but now I think it will be longer. Maybe closer to 8-10? It's hard to say, especially with the lengths that I have written these chapters, which are so much longer than the normal length I usually write for multi-chapter fics. Even this chapter wasn't meant to be in this place, an entire chapter I added simply because I felt the foundations and lines of Hotsuma and Shusei's relationship needed to be more closely defined before I could move forward into what comes next...because all the characters I have introduced so far will have a dynamic impact on their relationship, on the fragility of it, as they struggle and try to connect among the dark city that is Kabuchiko and all that it means by Shusei being wrapped up in this sort of lifestyle.

I do love these discussions too, darling, for they are definitely a bright spot during my days ♥

[ravanna]

I also think that accepting this sort of new world MUST be hard, and difficult, and I love his way of dealing with it - on the one hand absolutely being overwhelmed, not knowing what to do and which behaviour is the right one, on the other throwing himself completely into Hotsuma's arms - like he so wants this change as much as he fears it. Loved the iomage of a shell being cracked, and you just pierce into it with your fingers and get it bursting. It fits so well here.

And now I am SO curious! The other characters will be of huge importance, too? Waaah, that's amazing, darling; I SO love stories with more views, more people actually touching the story of the main characters and changing their attitudes as well as their wishes, and I am SO curious for Kuroto's role and aaah *__*
But it's funny how it sometimes gets so hard to nail down how long something's going to be. As long as there's plot, and list, always give it a go, and share even the B-sides with us (we need a Kuroto/Senshirou B-Side for this story, hooon! Only something short but - please?;_;)

♥

[masanami]

I think of a lot of their relationship will be defined by characters we have only just begun to see :) Hopefully the other characters' involvement will be as enjoyable and meaningful as the rest...for they all will certainly impact Hotsuma and Shusei in some way or another...in ways that may or may not be noticeable quite yet^^

Senshirou and Kuroto most definitely have a backstory that's already been developed in my head, one very relevant, in some ways, to Shusei. Hopefully I'll be able to incorporate that story in with this one ♥