fucking pissed off
A week after John said he wanted me back, and wanted us to work things out, we broke up. For good.
This happened less than 12 hours ago.
When he broke up with me the first time, he said that he had wondered what it was like to be with a friend of his, Maggie, who happened to be moving in right next door. (It really was coincidence) And I was stupid and ignored it, but when he did come back to me, I told him my stipulations, that he was to seek counseling for his stress, we were to go to couple's counseling together, he was to help me get the HPV vaccine, we were going to live apart this year, and he was not to be friends with Maggie. When you consider the fact that all those things had to be put on hold, the only thing that I had to trust in him (because keep in mind, I still wasn't too sure of him and what he really wanted, he had, after all, gone back and forth on us a few times already at this point) was if he was no longer friends with Maggie. Now, I'm a control freak and am trying to let go of a lot of things right now, (for the betterment of our relationship!) but to not have any sense of control over that was just too much. (And the ironic part is that now I really don't have any control over their friendship, but I'm so pissed off at him that I don't care) And he could not understand that. And so he said, I don't know if this is what I want and I said, I can't keep doing this over and over again, and then I hung up. And then I bawled my eyes out.
I'm sure none of this makes much sense at all. I'm a rambling, bawling, livid person right now.
I'm upset that this happened, I'm pissed off that he kept jerking me around and I'm rambling to make sure I did the right thing.
I don't put up with infidelity or the risk of it, and I don't put up with being jerked around. For some reason, guys seem to think that I will put up with the latter a lot. I'm too forgiving, I suppose. I don't play games, though.
I need to find myself, Jenn Bullshit. He was looking for a way out.
This happened less than 12 hours ago.
When he broke up with me the first time, he said that he had wondered what it was like to be with a friend of his, Maggie, who happened to be moving in right next door. (It really was coincidence) And I was stupid and ignored it, but when he did come back to me, I told him my stipulations, that he was to seek counseling for his stress, we were to go to couple's counseling together, he was to help me get the HPV vaccine, we were going to live apart this year, and he was not to be friends with Maggie. When you consider the fact that all those things had to be put on hold, the only thing that I had to trust in him (because keep in mind, I still wasn't too sure of him and what he really wanted, he had, after all, gone back and forth on us a few times already at this point) was if he was no longer friends with Maggie. Now, I'm a control freak and am trying to let go of a lot of things right now, (for the betterment of our relationship!) but to not have any sense of control over that was just too much. (And the ironic part is that now I really don't have any control over their friendship, but I'm so pissed off at him that I don't care) And he could not understand that. And so he said, I don't know if this is what I want and I said, I can't keep doing this over and over again, and then I hung up. And then I bawled my eyes out.
I'm sure none of this makes much sense at all. I'm a rambling, bawling, livid person right now.
I'm upset that this happened, I'm pissed off that he kept jerking me around and I'm rambling to make sure I did the right thing.
I don't put up with infidelity or the risk of it, and I don't put up with being jerked around. For some reason, guys seem to think that I will put up with the latter a lot. I'm too forgiving, I suppose. I don't play games, though.
I need to find myself, Jenn Bullshit. He was looking for a way out.