What??
So i am not yet 6 weeks pregnant and i would say that it is already having a negative effect on my emotions.
My history is that i suffered with antenatal depression during my second pregnancy and then postnatally too. My baby is now almost 2 years old and it is just in the last few months since switching meds and increasing the doses that i have felt anywhere like being me again. It has been a hard hard road, not one that i would wish on my worst enemy.
My main symptom is rage, anger and uncontrollably so. I get so mad that i shout and yell and more often than not it is the kids that bear the brunt of this. I have ways of dealing with it. If i feel that 'feeling' i walk away, try to fend it off, but sometimes i just can't. It is the littlest things that get me, the way they just don't listen to me at all, Ruby's 'rude' voice and Red's kicking me. I feel like i yell all of the time.Now i am a loud person by nature, but there is a difference between bellowing good naturedly at them from across the park and shouting them out for just being a kid. Cos really thats all they are doing.
It seems like i just got me back, and now it has gone, just like that. I've been working on trying to like myself a bit more, not being so neglectful with myself (another big symptom for me) and i am just sliding right back down. I hate myself so much and i just don't see a way out of it. I haven't showered in 3 days, feel no desire to. I won't look in the mirror. A lot of the insecurities i haven't felt for a long while (the in-laws hating me, friends lying to me etc) are back in full force. I feel apathetic towards my life, my business, my kids. While i desperatey want this baby i am resenting it already.
Why is this happening? Is it a regular 'relapse'? Is it down to the hormones that are coursing through my veins? Will i feel like this for the rest of my fucking life? Why Me?
My history is that i suffered with antenatal depression during my second pregnancy and then postnatally too. My baby is now almost 2 years old and it is just in the last few months since switching meds and increasing the doses that i have felt anywhere like being me again. It has been a hard hard road, not one that i would wish on my worst enemy.
My main symptom is rage, anger and uncontrollably so. I get so mad that i shout and yell and more often than not it is the kids that bear the brunt of this. I have ways of dealing with it. If i feel that 'feeling' i walk away, try to fend it off, but sometimes i just can't. It is the littlest things that get me, the way they just don't listen to me at all, Ruby's 'rude' voice and Red's kicking me. I feel like i yell all of the time.Now i am a loud person by nature, but there is a difference between bellowing good naturedly at them from across the park and shouting them out for just being a kid. Cos really thats all they are doing.
It seems like i just got me back, and now it has gone, just like that. I've been working on trying to like myself a bit more, not being so neglectful with myself (another big symptom for me) and i am just sliding right back down. I hate myself so much and i just don't see a way out of it. I haven't showered in 3 days, feel no desire to. I won't look in the mirror. A lot of the insecurities i haven't felt for a long while (the in-laws hating me, friends lying to me etc) are back in full force. I feel apathetic towards my life, my business, my kids. While i desperatey want this baby i am resenting it already.
Why is this happening? Is it a regular 'relapse'? Is it down to the hormones that are coursing through my veins? Will i feel like this for the rest of my fucking life? Why Me?