I'm on the outside of love
Holy shit it has been a long time since I have visited my livejournal life. My real life has taken over and I am missing my internet life. I have not been on myspace in like DAYS. Is it wrong that I miss it so much?
I just felt the need to blog at the moment, as I have been doing serious and grown-up things all day and now I need a break. I have been coming to terms with doing more grown-up things lately. It's all Kay Hanley's fault. When I was selling merch for her a few weeks ago, she and USA all of a sudden represented to me what life has the potential to be. Kay is, what, like 38 or so and still the coolest damn chick on the planet. She is one of the few people in "the business" that has managed to maintain who she really is. And seeing Mike a few days later with Zoe sent me over the edge into total adulthood. I remember being in college and thinking that I would be married with kids by like 25. OK, so the married part occurred at 24. I am today still surprised at how hard it is to grow up. Somewhere we cross a line where the childish concept of "growing up" turns into the scary concept of "growing old." I refuse to grow old, no matter how many kids I have or how much I am bent over from osteoporosis. My body can feel free to get wrinkly and decrepit since there is really nothing that can stop that process, but I refuse to feel old. I'm sure that will make me one of those people that others point to and say "she's young at heart" or some euphamism for "holy crap what is that old lady doing here." But who the fuck really cares? I refuse to feel old when I am in my early 30s. Typical of the rest of my life, the dichotomy from my private life and work life gets bigger and bigger. I am younger than every one of my staff except for one person and still very young to have the job I do. And yet, in my private life, I constantly feel like the oldest person in the room. What is going on there? Why do I end up posing these questions to a livejournal screen rather than a professional psycho doctor?
On a side note, I love Lisa Loeb. For all of you that are single, you must watch her new show on E!. It proves there is hope for the masses.
I just felt the need to blog at the moment, as I have been doing serious and grown-up things all day and now I need a break. I have been coming to terms with doing more grown-up things lately. It's all Kay Hanley's fault. When I was selling merch for her a few weeks ago, she and USA all of a sudden represented to me what life has the potential to be. Kay is, what, like 38 or so and still the coolest damn chick on the planet. She is one of the few people in "the business" that has managed to maintain who she really is. And seeing Mike a few days later with Zoe sent me over the edge into total adulthood. I remember being in college and thinking that I would be married with kids by like 25. OK, so the married part occurred at 24. I am today still surprised at how hard it is to grow up. Somewhere we cross a line where the childish concept of "growing up" turns into the scary concept of "growing old." I refuse to grow old, no matter how many kids I have or how much I am bent over from osteoporosis. My body can feel free to get wrinkly and decrepit since there is really nothing that can stop that process, but I refuse to feel old. I'm sure that will make me one of those people that others point to and say "she's young at heart" or some euphamism for "holy crap what is that old lady doing here." But who the fuck really cares? I refuse to feel old when I am in my early 30s. Typical of the rest of my life, the dichotomy from my private life and work life gets bigger and bigger. I am younger than every one of my staff except for one person and still very young to have the job I do. And yet, in my private life, I constantly feel like the oldest person in the room. What is going on there? Why do I end up posing these questions to a livejournal screen rather than a professional psycho doctor?
On a side note, I love Lisa Loeb. For all of you that are single, you must watch her new show on E!. It proves there is hope for the masses.