echo
while I was out to dinner with Erik this week, he mentioned (i think) that he was really struck when he realized that what what buddhists are referring to when they talk about suffering is this: wanting things to be different. And it seemed so simplistic a referrer for the whole rage from unease to torment, but at the root of it, it's true. I'm not sure where you're supposed to go from there... wanting things to be exactly as they are? not giving a hoot about how things are? maybe something about being reconciled to the sequence of events that is now and previous, I can get a handle on that. usually. :) And I do believe that agonizing over the future is pointless, since what you worry about may never come to pass, and even if it does, if you're reconciled to the unfolding existence now, why wouldn't you be then? but it's really elusive right now, the wanting things to be the way they are. I keep falling off the wagon, so to speak.
Which I am thinking about now because of a fragment in an article I just read: All we completely own is inside. Which is absolutely true, and almost certainly largely unsatifying. I suppose it might be more complete if I could maintain interior harmony, but I've never felt like I was enough of a project to keep myself busy.
I do care about my character and improvement, but... I guess this is where I admit that I don't have a strong work ethic. I've never had to work hard (or maybe some of the hard work I was doing felt easy, I suppose that's possible) for the things that are important, they just seemed to happen/arrive. So anyway, working on myself--I'm more of "waiting is" sort of person (and my god, if that doesn't tell you something!)--working on myself in some way feels like I would be missing the point, or misdirected... too short-sighted, I think.
Which I am thinking about now because of a fragment in an article I just read: All we completely own is inside. Which is absolutely true, and almost certainly largely unsatifying. I suppose it might be more complete if I could maintain interior harmony, but I've never felt like I was enough of a project to keep myself busy.
I do care about my character and improvement, but... I guess this is where I admit that I don't have a strong work ethic. I've never had to work hard (or maybe some of the hard work I was doing felt easy, I suppose that's possible) for the things that are important, they just seemed to happen/arrive. So anyway, working on myself--I'm more of "waiting is" sort of person (and my god, if that doesn't tell you something!)--working on myself in some way feels like I would be missing the point, or misdirected... too short-sighted, I think.