Jan 23, 2005 23:45
so, even though i had no objectives at all today, i accomplished none of them. almost negative of them. I did shower, then i did meet ulia at her work to shop. I gave her money to split the load of the food and paid her for the gym fee. that was sixty bucks to her. seeing as im dumb and irresponcible, i have minimal money as it is. just hopeing to make it to pay day in two weeks. i love a challenge! haha. then we came home at she played on the computer & i watched. then we left and went to a movie. she payed for me but made it obvious that she didnt really want to by saying "god your an expencive date" as many times as it made sence. we didnt see phantom because lemoney snickets series of unfortunate events sounded cooler kinda. it disapointed me though. it doesnt even fallow the books!! gerr! then on the way home we were talking and all hyper and stuff. we get home & jake says he hates us. just cause we came in the door in a good mood! then he bitches about that ulia threw away some crappy bannanas! computer was being a bitch and was pissing ulia off. then she was looking at pics of jenna jameson and found that she is 5'6 and 115 pounds. she said that she wanted to be like that then she would be all hyper and bouncey and ditzy. i told her i would kill her first cause that would get so damn annoying. now its become her goal because i wouldn't like it. i decide to go to our room cause im craving an instant of sanity. then adam decides that he cant wake himself up in the morin so hes wonding if me or ulia could wake him. this causes a fight. ulia thinks that she shouldnt have to take care of anyone and blablabla bla blabla bla im not even 5 feet from where i was and already theres a fight? so to solve the problem i say "FUCK! ill do it!" apperently to loudly! i then get hollerd at by jake. there are quite few people i cant stand to get yelled at by. the thing i hate the most is getting scollded so it hurts me insided and makes me feel like im 5. i am not 5 i didnt enjoy 5. no reason to revisit 5. lets leave it there and me now. thank you very much! there are a few people who noew how to do this and fewr who do it quite often. bill from work does it very good. i dont even thinks he knows it. ever time he does it, i almost well up into tears and put in my two weeks. but i have to be the bigger person now! also jake. he is doing it more now! no fucking clue why? i think he actualy might hate me. YAY! i get that from him every day every time i talk. im reminded of how fucking stupid i am, how i cant be as clever as him, im not a witty, intelectual, fast... im not good enough. i hate it. so this time he ells me basically to shut the fuck up. he says more words but he also says those. if it were ulia, or adam, or the fucking cat, it would have been a nice, calm "hey sorry to ruin the fun but seeing as we live in an appartment and its late at night, we should try to turn it down a notch. not trying to be the bad guy here, cause i know its lame but..." bla bla bla! no i get yelled at, they would get a "shh..". i dont know why? oh yeah, he hates me! i just dont remember ctaking a crap in his cocco puffs or stabbing and brutally killing his child hood pet, cause if i did i would appologize, butto my knowledge i didnt so i cant! then im laying in bed trying not toyell at him at the top of my lungs what an ass this makes him, i try to calm my self down. then im almost ok, but oh.., no,... ulia defends him and says that im to roudy. i would move out of this fucking mess if i could but i cant. im a big girl & i put myself into this mess i can make it work. ive told myself this athousand times since ive moved in, and its working so far! mary wouldnt have me back anyways.besides i like them all(most of the time..) to much to do that. i would miss them and haning out, even though seeng as the guys have a game they play all the fucking time and never ever ever associate with us any more anyways. im not leaving til they do or kick me out first.sigh.. why do i fear the second will happen first? how does "homeless-lady" sound in stead of "roo-lady"?