atwt - could i rest my faith in there? (2/4) - nukebigbang - m
Title: could i rest my faith in there? (2/4)
Author: the_beccaroo
Rating: M
Pairing: Nuke, Noah/Luke
Characters: Noah, Luke, Damian, the Colonel, others
Warnings: Guns, mild violence, eventual sex (part 3) and two boys who love each other very much. You've been warned!
Words: 9,379 of ~36,000
Disclaimer: These boys are not mine not mine not mine not mine, but this time the universe is.
Summary: Noah Mayer, bodyguard of the elite, is hired to ensure one Luciano Grimaldi survives his trip to Malta intact. The falling is easy. It's the getting back up that seems to be the issue.
The next day passed much the same as all the others, Luke wandering the ship for several hours, Noah wandering behind him. The only difference was that instead of remaining completely silent as Luke charmed the small children running around, Noah found himself dragged into conversation occasionally. They returned to the room at lunch to watch bad tv - Luke insisted - and Noah ended up showing Luke how to aim and use a gun. No shots were fired (thank god) but Noah was insistent that Luke figure out the safety and stuff, in case Noah couldn’t get to him in time.
“You mean you won’t always be there to save me?” Luke asked with wide, innocent eyes and a cheesy grin. “But you’re Superman, aren’t you?” Noah flushed an embarrassing shade of red and chuckled weakly before returning to cleaning his gun.
Luke’s teasing had become more frequent - nothing nasty, just playful. Noah was at a loss as to how to respond in a normal, human sort of way, but Luke didn’t seem to hold his social incompetence against him. Dinner was a more relaxed event than usual, though Luke was embarrassed that Noah insisted on watching their meal be made and then brought to a table - but on this, Noah wasn’t budging. He might have made a rookie mistake before, but that wasn’t going to happen again.
“Under better circumstances, Malta wouldn’t be a bad destination,” Luke mused. “But I can’t help but hate it off the bat.”
“Is it a nice place?” Noah asked, if only to keep Luke chatting so that he didn't have to.
“Beautiful,” Luke admitted. “Absolutely gorgeous, and the people are amazing and the food is delicious and…” he trailed off and peered out the window. “And inevitably I’ll have to marry some girl and settle down there and have 2.5 children and a white picket fence.”
“And you don’t want that,” Noah stated rather than asked. He knew what Luke wanted. He was a first hand observer of what Luke really wanted.
“Wouldn’t mind the kids,” Luke considered. “But I’d rather marry some guy and not put up a fence. We could have a wide open yard, or a farm, like back home.” Luke breathed a long sigh. “I miss the farm.”
A farm, Noah thought, picturing it in his mind. He wouldn’t mind living on a farm. It seemed quiet and picturesque and everything his life wasn’t right now. “That sounds nice,” Noah said wistfully, not catching the strange look on Luke’s face at his tone.
Luke struggled with all the questions that wanted to pour out from hearing those words leave Noah’s mouth, but instead he bottled them all back up and took a deep breath. “It really is,” he admitted, playing with his fork. “It’s my Grandma’s farm really - my dad’s mom.” Noah looked at him and Luke smiled sheepishly. “My real dad, Holden. Damian’s not really much for farms and animals. Grandma Emma runs the house and my dad runs the stables - he used to take me riding all the time when I was little,” Luke said, staring at his plate, but not really seeing it. “We used to all go with Faith and Natalie, my little sisters, and I was so looking forward to showing Ethan…” Luke trailed off, obviously thinking. A long moment of silence passed where Noah let himself just stare at Luke, taking in every detail that he’d forced himself not to notice over the past few days.
A second later, Luke shook himself out of it. “Sorry!” he said with a flush, “I guess I’m just missing my family a bunch.” Noah’s blank look seemed to prompt Luke to keep explaining, so he added, “Ethan’s my little brother, I haven’t actually met him because he was born after I left with Damian but we talk on the phone now and Dad says he asks about me and-” Luke cut himself off, this time blushing madly. “And I tend to overshare,” he finished, fidgeting. Noah snorted and sipped his water.
“You’re making up for me,” Noah said, daring Luke to smile - which he did, gladly. “Tell me about the farm,” Noah ordered a moment later, knowing that Luke wanted nothing more than to talk about his family. Luke brightened significantly and then launched into a story about something called a Hubbard squash and a machete.
Dinner finished with more than one laugh from both Luke and Noah. They stood to head back to their room while Luke was describing the perfection of a genuine Grandma Emma oatmeal raisin cookie. Noah could not deny that his mouth was watering - he was a bit of a sucker for a good oatmeal raisin.
“And then, all of a sudden, my Uncle Jack shows up and is like-”
“Mr. Grimaldi,” interrupted a voice from behind them. Noah turned first and was treated to the wide, brilliant smile of Paul the steward. “You promised me some time tonight,” he said, biting his lip.
He promised no such thing, Alternate Noah snapped and Noah fought hard to keep the words in. Instead he looked at Luke, who had first smiled upon the appearance of Paul, but was now looking disappointed at his reminder.
“Oh, right,” Luke said, glancing from Noah to Paul and back again. Alternate Noah smiled charmingly and took Luke by the elbow and said something witty that was clearly meant as a brush off.
Real Noah coughed. Awkwardly.
“If you-” Noah started, but Luke spoke at the same moment:
“But I-” They both froze and stared at each other. Noah realized he must look painfully hopeful and terribly out of his depth, but he couldn’t really stop it. Luke’s face, for once, was entirely unreadable and Noah found himself wishing - not for the first time - that he could read minds. “I was kind of in the middle of something,” Luke said finally, turning back to Paul, flashing a wide bright smile that sent Noah’s stomach flipping. “You seem to catch me at the worst times Paul,” he added, tapping him on the arm. “Maybe third time’s the charm?” he asked, and when Paul nodded pleasantly, Luke turned back to Noah and nodded. “Back to the room?”
Noah, who had watched the past thirty seconds with something like complete astonishment, merely nodded in response and trailed helplessly after Luke.
They traveled down the hallway in complete silence until Luke finally turned to Noah and awkwardly said, “I hope that was all right.” Noah nodded furiously in response and Luke went on babbling - as he was wont to do when he had no idea what to say. Noah found it really quite - adorable - funny, he insisted, wondering if he was the only one who argued with bits of his brain every other second. “I mean, I was feeling kind of tired and he’s a nice guy and all but we were talking and I didn’t want to-”
Noah took pity on the poor man and interrupted, “I’m glad Luke,” he said, more seriously than he had intended. “Really. I like hearing about your family,” he added more hesitantly - but there was no need, because Luke grinned so widely Noah was half-afraid it’d fall right off his face.
The topic of conversation drifted once they were in the room - from Luke’s siblings to his parents to his aunts and uncles and then to his cousins and then his grandmothers and how he was definitely more a Snyder than a Grimaldi, no matter how often he had to throw Damian’s name around. Noah was overwhelmed with how much family one person could actually have. It seemed almost impossible, but Noah knew that his experience with family was not the norm either. Luke was being almost insultingly careful about avoiding anything Noah might not want to talk about and refrained completely from asking any questions in return - which seemed unfair.
Slowly, carefully, Noah told a few stories from his own childhood. They were mostly the embarrassing ones - like attending a popular girl’s costume-only party in plain clothes or getting so lost on a school field trip that the whole museum had to be evacuated, only to find Noah napping on a bench in the middle of the modern art exhibit.
“And no one woke you up before then?” Luke asked, aghast and highly entertained.
“They all figured I was another exhibit,” Noah shrugged, a slight smile on his face, “And that I was just making some grand statement about the death of art or something.” Luke cracked up and nearly tumbled off his bed - and in his distraction Noah let the smile drop from his face. He of course didn’t tell Luke that the reason he had no costume was because his father refused to buy one for him, citing Halloween as a completely worthless holiday and that when his father heard about him getting lost on a school field trip he’d thrown him out into the woods behind the base the next day and forced him to find his way back.
These were things you didn’t tell a stranger, Noah had always thought - but it seemed like Luke didn’t abide by the same rules that everyone else did. The conversation turned far more serious as Luke admitted although his family was huge and crazy and wonderful, he was still scared to go back.
“I nearly ruined a lot of things when I was home,” he said, picking at the bedspread beneath his knees. “So when Damian offered an out, I took it.” Luke grimaced. “And three years later I’m exactly where I started. How’s that for growing up?”
Both men were quiet for a moment before something unexpected broke the tension between them.
“I’ve been doing this job since I got out of high school,” Noah admitted. “I didn’t go to college, I didn’t even enlist like my dad had said was a possibility. I just hopped on a bus, headed straight to headquarters and signed up.” There was a long pause where Noah tried to figure out how to say what he wanted to say next before realizing only the truth would ever get the point across. “I was scared,” he confessed, half expecting lightning to strike him down where he sat. “I was scared of what was going to happen if I went away or didn’t do as my dad asked. So yeah, I get the not-really-growing up thing.”
Luke was staring at him with wide, astonished eyes and Noah suddenly felt ashamed. Should he not have said anything? Was he abruptly more pathetic in Luke’s eyes? He didn’t think that-
“Thank you for telling me that,” Luke said breathlessly and Noah looked up from his knees to see Luke’s gaze trained wholly on his face. “It always feels like I’m alone and… well, thanks for making it seem like I’m not.” Luke managed a half smile. “I’ve just screwed up so much in my life that being normal almost feels like a non-option.” Noah nodded so hard it felt like his head was going to fall right off his neck.
“Exactly,” he agreed, “And having the Colonel as my father doesn’t exactly help matters.” It felt simultaneously completely dangerous and such a relief to tell the truth about his father. He wanted to say so much more - how making mistakes wasn’t even an option where his father was concerned, how he was pretty sure he had never been normal in his whole life - but there was only so far Noah could go. “It’s hard,” he added inadequately though Luke just nodded fervently.
“I…” Luke paused for a very long time, almost long enough to convince Noah that perhaps he wasn’t going to say anything at all, but finally Luke took a deep breath and stared Noah straight in the eyes. “I used to be an alcoholic.” Noah stared right back, unsure of what to say in the face of such an admission - until he realized that all he had to say was exactly what he would want to hear.
“Getting past it must have been extremely difficult,” he said carefully. “The strength that takes is impossible to comprehend.” The shuttered look in Luke’s eyes faded slowly as he nodded.
“I hurt a lot of people,” he said hoarsely, “Including myself.” Luke took a deep shuddering breath. “I couldn’t bear if I hurt anyone I care about again. The thought scares the hell out of me. It keeps me up at night.” Noah wanted to reach out and take Luke’s hand in his and tell him that would never happen, but he knew that wasn’t the right thing to do or say.
Problem was, he knew the right thing to say. Bigger problem was, it was the worst thing to say.
“Luke, there’s something you need to know bout Damian,” Noah said finally, cracking his knuckles nervously. “These people trying to hurt you, they’re definitely Damian’s enemies…” he trailed off and watched Luke’s eyes narrow in incomprehension. “But they’re not political enemies, they don’t want to hurt you because he’s an ambassador,” Noah said. “They want to hurt you because Damian’s a criminal. He’s one of the leaders in the Maltese crime syndicate. He’s hurt a lot of people Luke, I’m sorry.”
Luke gaped, open mouthed - but even as his temper flared and his mind demanded to see proof, a voice in the back of his head told him that it was true. Of course it was true - Luke could see it now looking back. Things he had written off as simply Damian-quirks or government secrets were now so apparent to him that he wanted to scream - how could he be so stupid?
“If Damian’s a criminal, why did he send me to Malta?” Luke asked dully, knowing now that this trip could not be for what he said it was. Damian would not dare to send his son to Malta, would not dare risk his heir for something as silly as ambassadorial duties. Noah watched him for a long minute, knowing this was moment of truth. “Tell me!” Luke demanded, turning to glare at Noah. “I know you know!”
“He wants you to settle in Malta,” Noah said haltingly. “He wants you to find a home and find a wife and have children. This whole thing is… it’s, well… I-”
“It’s like one big de-gaying journey,” Luke said wonderingly, frozen in place. He wondered why he had not seen it all earlier, why he had ever thought that he could be accepted for what he was, the person he had become. His heart ached as he thought of all the lies Damian had told over the years - lies meant to keep him close, keep him sheltered. Lies meant to convince him that he was loved.
“I have to go home,” Luke said with sudden clarity. “I have to go back to Oakdale, back to my family. I can’t-”
“No Luke,” Noah said, suddenly nauseous. “You won’t be going back to Oakdale.” Luke whipped his head around to stare at Noah.
“What do you mean?” he asked softly. “Why can’t I go home?” He was preparing himself for another heartbreaking announcement, Noah realized. Only, he didn’t realize that this time it was going to be Noah’s fault.
“I can’t let you go home,” Noah said quietly. “My mission is to take you to Malta and make sure you get there. I can’t fail.”
Luke cracked.
“What the hell do you mean, you can’t let me go home?! You asshole, I can’t go to Malta! This was all a trick, don’t you understand? Don’t you understand that I’m not supposed to be here? I’m supposed to be with my family!” Luke was gasping for air, his rage spilling across the room and making Noah flinch.
“I can’t let you-” Noah repeated - but that was a mistake, because Luke launched himself at his bodyguard and slammed his fist into his face. Noah swore, clenching one hand against his eye and grabbing Luke’s shirt with his other.
“I hate you!” Luke shouted, knowing good and well that if Mayer wanted to bring him to Malta, there was no way he wasn’t going. Mayer was stronger and faster than he was and Luke was trapped on a boat with only one destination - hell. “Fuck you! How dare you!”
Noah managed to shove Luke off of him but he didn’t even try to strike him back. He just pushed him back to his own bed and stood, looming over him with sorrowful eyes. Luke couldn’t give a shit right now - his world was ending and it was all Mayer’s fault. “I’m sorry Luke,” Noah muttered before heading for the bathroom.
Luke didn’t respond, he just stared into space for a long while, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do next. Eventually he lay down, tucking himself under the covers and clenching his eyes shut against the light under the bathroom door.
This was a betrayal of the highest order, Luke fumed. He had shared his deepest and darkest secrets with Mayer, hoping that maybe he’d found a friend in the bodyguard - maybe even more, whispered a sneaky voice Luke pretended didn’t exist. Well, it was too late for that now, Luke snarled to himself. He wasn’t sure who he was more furious with - Noah, for keeping this all from him and even admitting that he wasn’t going to let Luke go home or Damian, for manipulating and lying to him. And ultimately, wanting him to change.
Luke huddled down further into his bed, smothering himself in his pillow. All right, if he was being perfectly honest, he hated Damian much more for this. Not only was his image of the calm, cool, collected and professional Damian completely shattered, but his biological father was a career criminal. Every day, Damian hurt someone or someone’s family - and he acted as if it was his job! He no doubt wanted Luke to join 'the family business' eventually. Luke could hardly breathe thinking about it. On top of all that, all of Damian’s words about accepting him and being there for him no matter what meant absolutely nothing. He didn’t accept Luke the way he was, he hated that Luke was gay and he wanted to change him, just like everyone else in the world. Luke sunk deeper into his pillow, trying to convince himself that it was only Damian’s betrayal that stung. He shouldn’t have expected anything more from someone who was just his bodyguard.
Noah lay in bed, wondering if tonight had been what having a friend was like and wondering how he could have screwed it all up already.
It took a very long time for either of them to get to sleep that night.
Unsurprisingly, Luke was still furious with him the next morning and so Noah was again treated to a completely silent day of following him around wherever he wished to go. It was almost painful to remain silent now, because now he felt like he knew Luke, knew him well enough to know what to say to comfort him or at least knew what might make him laugh.
But Luke was having none of it and Noah understood why - but there was so much more at stake for Noah than for Luke. More than his happiness? snapped that hated part of his brain. Because that’s what he’s losing. That and his freedom. Noah told himself not to exaggerate - Luke would be fine. He would go to Malta and completely disobey his father’s orders and find someone and be happy- yeah, like you know everything about disobeying fathers and what it takes to be happy, snarked that voice. Maybe it’s just as hard for him as it is for you.
Noah refused to believe that, because then he had absolutely no idea what to do.
-
Someone aboard the boat had decided that a party was in order and so around midnight, the deck was full of mildly drunk passengers all twirling and laughing to the dulcet sounds of someone’s iPod plugged into a set of speakers. Luke had told Noah (the first communication of the day) under no circumstances was he not going - so Noah had followed Luke silently to the deck, forced to watch as everyone around him had a great time and he was forcibly reminded of every middle school dance in his entire lifetime.
Worst of all, Paul was here. He and Luke had settled together at a table across the room (though Noah had changed that rather quickly, mercilessly bumping the couple at the table directly diagonal from them) and were chatting with their heads bowed closely together.
Paul was moving in, shifting ever so much closer to Luke with every minute that passed. Noah watched from afar, teeth clenched against the roaring tide of jealousy that tore through him. He couldn’t let this happen, not right in front of his eyes. Paul was no good for Luke - Noah got a shifty feeling from him and it was Noah’s job to protect his charge from any and all threats. For once, Alternate Noah stepped up to the plate and shoved hard - before he could consciously consent to moving across the floor towards Luke, he was halfway there.
He paused by Luke’s table and cleared his throat to get his attention. He tried not to react to Paul’s hand on Luke’s leg, climbing higher every second.
“Luke, I need to speak with you for a moment,” Noah said firmly, with more certainty than he felt. He had no fucking clue what he was going to say once Luke came with him, but first things first - he had to get Luke away from Paul. He wasn’t quite sure whether Luke would listen to him or not - his anger the night before was palpable, but he didn’t get it. He didn’t get the position Noah was in. Noah had to complete his mission - failure was not an option. Maybe somehow Noah could explain? He doubted that, but he had to say something.
He wasn’t a complete coward after all.
Noah’s expression must have been serious enough to worry Luke, because he immediately stood, brushing Paul’s hand from his thigh as if it had never been there. “Is something wrong Mayer?” Luke asked worriedly, rounding the table to stand beside him. Very wrong, Alternate Noah insisted. I should be the one with my hands all over you. I like you Luke, I like you a lot. Let’s try this thing we’ve been dancing around.
Noah took a deep breath to tell Luke just that - but at the last second, Alternate Noah failed him and Noah found himself mouthing wordlessly. “I need to tell you…” Noah hunted around mentally for something that would get Luke away from Paul. “I don’t think you should see Paul right now,” he finished lamely, no explanation whatsoever.
Luke froze, clearly taken aback, not expecting that. “What?” he asked, startled. “What do you mean?” Luke’s gaze narrowed. “And what business of it is yours?” he asked, this time his tone was defensive and disbelieving. “I don’t think I asked your opinion about it, so I certainly don’t want it!”
“He’s not interested in you for you,” Noah snapped. “He’s dangerous, I guarantee it. I get a bad feeling off of him and you shouldn’t go near him.”
Luke gaped at him and Noah tried not to look away from his narrowed gaze. “I shouldn’t go near him?” Luke repeated slowly, his anger apparent. “Who the hell do you think you are! You have absolutely no say in my private life,” Luke bit out furiously. “I don’t care what you think! If I want to spend time with someone, I will.” With that, Luke stormed back to his table, throwing himself back into his chair with a thud.
Noah watched him go, his anger increasing as he watched Paul bend his head to ask a question in Luke’s ear. Noah contemplated taking him down with baritsu or perhaps a well placed throat punch, but figured that might draw too much attention to himself. He supposed poisoning was the way to go but before he could start any master plans, Luke had pinned him with a furious gaze.
Noah bit back any replies that Alternate Noah might have come up with. He’d had enough of Alternate Noah for a very long time - it was obvious doing what you wanted didn’t get you any further than doing what everyone else wanted.
Noah took one last glance at the now-cheerful couple before heading for the bar. If he was going to survive tonight, he was going to have to be pretty damn drunk.
-
Paul was pressed up against Luke in the worst way and Noah’s stomach rebelled at the sight. Their mouths moved slowly together, Paul groping at bits of Luke Noah had only dreamt about touching.
He was drunk. This was terrible, god, he was supposed to be doing a job right now, but right now, he had to admit that the alcohol soothed a part of him that had been aching. Everything was hazy now, bright and slightly out of focus, and that meant the anger and jealousy he’d been trying to ignore weren’t fighting for the forefront of his mind. Being drunk meant he could sit here and pretend like he wasn’t infinitely attracted to Prince Luciano Grimaldi Blah De Blah Blah. It meant that he wasn’t thinking about Luke’s dimples or smile or teeth or lips or hips or…
Maybe being drunk wasn’t the best idea he’d ever had.
His thoughts drifted more than usual and Luke’s hipbones were suddenly at the front of his mind, pale and perfect and sharp, perfect for biting and licking and oh god he was screwed.
Noah groaned and buried his face in his hands, shoving the latest vodka-filled drink away from him. He was up a couple beers and at least twice, maybe thrice, that in shots. He was so far gone it was ridiculous. How could he let himself go like this? He had a job to do; he had to protect Luke.
That sobered him up. He was laying down on the job when he was supposed to be looking after the golden boy. His golden boy.
He swore. Screwed. So screwed.
The rest of the night passed like that - Noah cursing himself and Paul and Luke kissing. Noah tried not to show the rush of gratitude he felt when eventually, at around half past two, Luke said goodbye to Paul and headed back to their room - alone.
They went to bed in silence.
-
When Noah woke next, he wasn’t quite sure why. It wasn’t until the second explosion rocked the boat violently did he realize that perhaps it was time to hustle it on out of there.
“Snyder, up,” Noah commanded, his voice loud in the tiny room - he tried not to wince at the headache that had settled like a knot at the back of his mind. Luke snuffled slightly, hugging his pillow tighter. Had Noah been able to spare even a few brain cells, he might have found the sight mind-bendingly adorable, but as it was, Luke had to be alive to ever be cute again, so it was time to drag him the hell out of there.
And drag him he did. “Luke, move your ass, now,” Noah half shouted, latching on to one pale ankle sticking out of the sheets and pulling hard. Luke tumbled out of bed with a squawk, having barely enough time to swear before Noah hauled him off the floor and propelled him towards the door.
“Mayer, what the hell-” Luke started angrily, his fury from several hours earlier regaining some momentum even as he hiked up his pajama bottoms with one hand and tried to tug his elbow out of Noah’s grip with the other.
“Something’s wrong with the boat,” Noah replied steadily, ignoring the chaos of the hallway - people darting in and out of rooms, some screaming, some dragging heavy suitcases of belongings they’d rather not leave behind - and aiming straight for the stairs that led to the deck.
Most of Luke’s anger and bleary-eyed sleep expression faded as he stared open mouthed at the situation around him. “How the fu-” Luke began dumbly, slowing his steps to peer down the crowded hallway.
“Snyder, move your ass or get left!” Noah snapped. He was beginning to smell smoke - it occurred to him that the explosions probably had started some fires and he was not going to be trapped on some burning, sinking hellhole while Luke sat around, fascinated by panicky tourists. He tugged more firmly at Luke who - finally! - started moving, keeping to Noah’s heels as the taller man split the sea of shouting patrons with relative ease. They hit the stairs at a dead run, Noah taking them two at a time and Luke scrambling up behind him.
When they reached the deck, Noah swore. Flames licked the sides of most of the above floor cabins and were close to consuming the rails that lined the edge of the deck. There was no way this boat was going to survive the inferno - how the hell were they supposed to get off?
“Mayer…” Luke said tremulously, as if he was thinking the exact same thing. Without meaning to, Noah’s grip on Luke’s elbow slipped to his forearm, where he squeezed reassuringly.
“I’ll figure it out,” Noah assured him, eyes trained on the smoke clouds where the ship’s officials seemed to be streaming out from, coughing violently. He recognized the four gold stripes on one man’s jacket and dragged Luke over to him. “Captain,” Noah said calmly, “What’s going to happen next?” The captain dragged his gaze up to settle on Noah’s face, which seemed to be stating ‘tell me, now’ inarguably. He coughed a couple more times into his hand before speaking.
“The rescue boats are about ten minutes from us, fortunately we were close to port when the first explosion happened. We’ve got to get everyone on the lifeboats and off the ship because I’m not sure how much longer she’s going to hold.” Noah tried not to swear, but he had grown up on army bases and military guys swore better than anyone in the entire world. After a few creative combinations, Noah was ready to move.
“All right then, let’s get this crowd moving.” With a nod to the Captain, Noah snatched at Luke’s elbow and dragged him back through the panicking crowd on the deck, which was slowly but steadily growing. Some of the crew had already began the filling and lowering of lifeboats and Noah gladly made his way over to one.
“Okay Luke, this is your ride. I’ll see you on shore,” Noah said absentmindedly as he gestured towards the boat - his attention was settled on the rigging attaching the boat to the ship. Was that steady? Was it safe? He had half a mind to go check it himself, never mind the capable-looking deckhand standing beside it.
“What?!” Luke’s reply blared in his ear and Noah flinched. “What do you mean, you’ll see me? You’re getting on the boat too, aren’t you?” Luke looked fully prepared to throw a tantrum and Noah groaned internally. As much as he could admit to himself that he loved it, this was so not the time for Luke to be his usual independent, stubborn self.
“Luke, get on the lifeboat,” Noah said tersely, “I don’t have time for this.”
“I’m not getting on the fucking lifeboat Mayer,” Luke snapped back. “Not until you get on one too.”
“I can’t get on a fucking lifeboat Snyder,” Noah shouted, “I’m a little busy!”
“Well then, I’m staying right here!” Luke shouted back, stamping his foot for emphasis and forcing Noah, not for the first time, to draw a parallel between Luke and a small child.
“You are not, you are my responsibility and you are getting on the damn lifeboat!” Noah nearly bellowed, fully prepared to throw Luke onto the next available boat.
“That makes sense!” Luke snorted, throwing Noah off guard. “Let’s leave me defenseless with a boat full of strangers who possibly want to kill me and leave you here on the ship! Don’t be stupid!” Noah blanched. He had to admit, the kid had a point. Noah scowled furiously - how dare he have a point.
“Fine Snyder, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Noah replied unconvincingly, feeling awkward in his own skin after their bizarre and fairly attention grabbing shouting contest. “Now help me sort out the others.” Luke nodded, looking just as awkward in return, not that it made Noah feel much better about himself.
They worked side by side to get people’s attention and get them forming lines towards the slowly filling lifeboats - Luke was surprisingly effective at getting people to pay attention. Noah’s version of calming people down usually meant shouting at them and giving them a task to complete - it was the only way with military types. Luke of course had a much better grasp on how normal people reacted in these situations (which, in Noah’s opinion, was fairly uselessly).
“But my children!” One woman gasped, clutching her daughter and son, one on each arm. She looked close to hysterics. Noah felt as if he was too.
“They’ll be fine ma’am,” Luke assured, her firmly steering her towards one of the lines. “There are special lifejackets for children and you can hold them in the boat. You’ll all be just fine.” She obeyed without another word and Noah let out a long breath. Minutes passed and although the deck was still teeming with screams and rushing people, the lines were moving surprisingly fast.
“Maybe there’s time to go grab my stuff,” Luke mused aloud and Noah whirled around to glare at him. He didn’t care of Luke hated his guts, the brat was not about to go get himself killed for some clothes and a toothbrush.
“Are you serious Snyder?” Luke looked only slightly cowed. “The boat is on fire because part of the engine exploded and probably because of your father’s enemies are trying to murder you and you want to head below deck where you will inevitably DIE, so that you can grab your favorite pair of jeans?” Luke scowled at that and opened his mouth to argue the point but Noah cut him off. “We are getting off this boat in the next ten seconds and that’s final, okay?”
Luke snapped his mouth shut and nodded sharply. “Fine,” he snapped, “But how do you propose we do that Mr. Mayer?” Noah glanced around, noticing the lines snaking around the boat, though the deck was far less packed than it was a few minutes ago. He opened his mouth to speak when his entire world went white with fire and heat. Noah was blown back several feet, landing hard and painfully a second later. When the flashes and black spots across his vision cleared, Noah found himself staring at a towering inferno where the engine room used to be. The entire boat would start collapsing in on itself within minutes and whoever was left on the boat would be trapped there.
He wasn’t the only one to figure this out - people were beginning to jump off the boat, trying to get away from the flames.
“Luke!” Noah bellowed, his vision fogging with all the smoke that was gathering. “Luke, where are you!?”
“Mayer?” came a call from somewhere to his left and Noah’s knees almost crumpled beneath him as he spotted a blond head emerging from the crowd and smoke, the only sign he’d been in an explosion a cut across his cheek.
“Luke, we have to jump, now,” Noah said, grabbing Luke’s arm and hauling ass to the side of the boat and peering down into the depths. The water was full of lifeboats, which were slowly becoming overcrowded as jumpers were pulled aboard. The amount of lifeboats in the water was not nearly enough for the amount of people and Noah knew what had to happen. “Luke, jump now, I’ll be down in a minute,” Noah said calmly, turning Luke to face the ocean.
“What?” Luke asked horrified, fighting against Noah’s arms. “Why aren’t you coming with me?”
“I have to drop the rest of the life boats,” Noah explained patiently, as if the boat itself wasn’t coming down around his ears. “Otherwise people will freeze or capsize the lifeboats already in the water. I’ll see you in a minute.”
“Fuck that,” Luke said, shoving Noah’s arms from around him and sprinting for the next hanging lifeboat. “Now hurry your ass up and help me!” Luke shouted, coughing slightly from the smoke as he reached up to untangle the line holding the boat against the ship. “Or we’re both dead!”
Noah swore but he didn’t disobey. Over the next minute, he and Luke let three more lifeboats drop down into the water, making huge splashes when they hit, but almost immediately filling with jumpers. “Two more!” Noah shouted over the roar of the fire. “We’ll go down in the last one!” Luke shot him a thumbs up to show he heard, but Noah saw that he was barely breathing around the smoke in the air.
Second to last boat hit the water and Luke stumbled as the boat rocked again, another explosion sending debris into the air, across the deck and out across the water. “Luke!” Noah shouted, snatching Luke by the arm, “C’mon!” Luke nodded weakly, following Noah to the last boat. Noah pressed his forehead to Luke’s, forcing Luke’s brown eyes on his own. “Hold on as tight as you can, okay?” Luke nodded again, his eyes sliding close even as his arms wrapped around Noah, squeezing tightly.
Noah hopped into the last lifeboat and just as one last explosion cracked the deck of the ship violently, he cut the lines of the boat and sent he and Luke careening to the water below, holding tightly to the boat around them. When they hit the water, Noah felt his entire spine shift and barely managed to keep from slamming his head against the edge.
But they were safe.
“Luke, are you alright?” Noah asked, untangling their limbs and settling Luke against the side of the boat, trying to catch his gaze. “You need to breathe for me, nice and deep, okay?” Luke nodded tiredly. “Okay, good.” The second Luke looked as if he could manage himself, Noah transferred his attention to the water around him. The boat rocked a bit as an older, built man pulled himself in, flashing Noah a tired but grateful smile. Noah nodded sharply but found himself completely torn away by the sound of desperate shouts to his right.
“Help, please, I can’t hold him!” At least thirty feet from the boat, a man was struggling to stay above water and simultaneously hold his young son, who looked unconscious. Noah cast one backwards glance at Luke, who seemed to be breathing all right and was talking to a young woman who’d clambered into the boat. Noah took a deep breath and leapt from the boat, sliding into the freezing ocean in a graceful dive, quickly swimming over to the two. “Help me! Help me please!” The man was choking as Noah reached him. It was a bit of a struggle to lift the young boy from the man's arms, but they managed to keep his head above water.
“I’ve got you, I’ve got it,” Noah gasped, trying not to swallow water from the way the man was flailing around. “He’s okay, I’ve got him. Let’s get him to the boat.” The man nodded furiously, treading water far less insanely now, though it was obvious he was not a strong swimmer. Noah swam alongside him, one handed now though, the boy clutched tightly to him. It felt like hours before they reached the boat again, but it was really only a few minutes. There were several more people in the boat who helped pulled the man aboard and who took the child from Noah’s arms.
“Thank you, thank you!” The man was weeping and though Noah tried to smile back at him, the adrenaline rush he’d been running on quickly wore off and left him freezing cold and chattering as he clutched the side of the boat. Several hands were extended to haul him up into the boat too - Luke’s included, but more shouting distracted Noah. He craned his neck to spot a couple clinging to the side of a very full lifeboat - he could even see Paul, pressed up tightly to one side. One older woman in the boat was shouting that they had no more room even as one of the two girls holding on tried to push the other up.
“I’ll be right back,” Noah said up into the faces, his teeth chattering so hard that he thought they might fall out of his head. The water felt so cold that it almost burned as it slid around and through the clothes he was wearing - but he couldn’t think of that right now. He quickly paddled his way over to the nearest lifeboat and treaded water by the two girls. “What’s wrong?” he called over the noise. The girl fighting to get onto the boat turned to him, her eyes red from crying, her red hair tangled and glued to her face.
As she spoke, her words were interrupted by gasping cries and stuttered words - obviously the cold was getting to her too. “They say the lifeboat’s full but they just need to fit one more - my girlfriend’s already sick and she can’t swim and I don’t know what to do! It took me long enough to get her to this boat, and I’m not strong enough to carry her to another.” The girlfriend was also crying, dark hair plastered to her skull, her guilt obvious. Noah forced a smile, trying to pretend like he wasn’t sure his lips were already blue.
“It’ll be alright, I’ll swim your girlfriend over to that boat over there,” he gestured to the boat where Luke was waving his arms furiously. Lifting his arm from the water was nearly impossible as his fingers clenched and shook without any say from his brain - but it was worth it for the way Luke settled down at the acknowledgement. “D’you see it?” The first girl nodded furiously.
“You’ll be okay baby, I’ll see you at that boat, okay?” The brunette nodded, pressed a shaky kiss to her girlfriend’s cheek and wrapped her arms around Noah’s neck.
“You gotta stay relaxed,” Noah warned her, “Try and float as I kick otherwise… never mind. Just stay relaxed.” He’d almost told her that if she panicked they’d probably both sink, but he thought better of it - maybe Luke was rubbing off on him. Noah started paddling, the dark-haired girl obviously trying to stay afloat. It took much longer than it should of, but Noah’s arms were aching and his hands were refusing to form normal shapes and the girl kept half-sinking every time she got nervous. In conclusion, it was a miracle they got back to the boat alive.
When they did, Noah was greeted by the most beautiful sight he’d seen all day - a smiling Luke Snyder.
“Get the hell in this boat Mayer before I kill you,” Luke said hoarsely, letting the rest of the boat attend to getting the non-swimmer girlfriend into the boat. He single handedly pulled the six-foot plus man into the boat, collapsing to the floor the instant Noah’s feet were cleared of the edge. Noah fell against him and even as the couple thanked him tearfully and the rest of the boat cheered for him, he had no inclination to move. “Your hero complex is worrying Mayer,” Luke murmured against his ear, tugging Noah to sit more upright but not moving the gangly man from laying against his body.
“I’m sorry Luke,” Noah wheezed, shivering violently. “For-”
“I know Mayer,” Luke interrupted. “It’s okay. Just breathe, just keep breathing for me, okay?”
Noah coughed in response and that was all was said for several minutes until one of the boats started cheering madly - and before long, other boats were going up in shouts and screams. “Wha-” Noah slurred, so tired he was barely able to open his eyes, but realizing something big was happening.
“Mayer, Mayer,” Luke said, shaking the barely conscious bodyguard as much as he felt safe. “You did it, we’re all okay, you saved us, we’ll all be okay.” Luke craned his neck into the distance and the sight settled into his stomach with deep satisfaction. “The rescue boat is here. We’re gonna be okay.” Luke’s hand clenched in Mayer’s soaked hair, unashamed to be clutching him tight.
-
The rescue boat treated all of the passengers for hypothermia and possibly pneumonia, but the casualties had been few and far between. Those who were aware enough when the boat docked claimed it was all because of a pair of men who’d helped sort out the chaos and a father and two girls claimed that they’d been saved by a blue-eyed man, but by the time they got around to unloading passengers and checking IDs against the official guest list, no such people could be found.
Noah had insisted that he and Luke escape the boat before the rush and before they could be marked as alive. His reasoning (that if Damian’s enemies wanted to kill them, then pretending to be dead was probably the safest route) made complete sense to Luke, so the first second they were left alone, they snuck down the gangplank and hit solid ground for the first time in over a week.
“Praise every god and deity out there. Whoever the hell made the ground so steady has my eternal gratitude and devotion,” Luke murmured as he and Noah stumbled down the sidewalk. Luke’s voice was raspy from inhaling so much smoke and Noah was so exhausted he could hardly walk straight, but they were both alive and neither could fault the other for that. The first motel they found was completely packed with the healthiest of the ship’s passengers who’d escaped first, so Luke and Noah stumbled several more blocks until they nearly felt through the front door and into the lobby of possibly the sketchiest motel ever.
“Oh, this is nice,” Luke said in a voice that made Noah want to burst into laughter and roll around on the floor wheezing. God, he must be really tired. Luke dragged him to the front desk, which looked as if it would fall apart any second now. Noah didn’t dare lean on it, so he swayed side to side, his balance completely shot.
“Skuzi, ghandi bzonn kamra,” Luke asked the desk clerk tiredly, holding up one finger for one room. Noah perked up slightly - he’d never heard Luke speak Maltese - he usually resorted to Italian if they bumped into someone who was heading home to Malta. “Lejl wieħed, per favore,” Luke said, slipping into Italian at the end, too tired to stumble over the tongue twister that was ‘please’ in Maltese just to tell the clerk 'one night'.
The clerk barely blinked, merely tapped at something in the computer and handed over a key. She told Luke a number - Noah recognized that much - and Luke nodded, opening his soaking wet wallet and pulling out the type of currency that no freezing cold water could ever destroy - a credit card. She took it, swiped it, made Luke sign and then handed it back - all without speaking. “Grazzi,” Luke muttered, gesturing awkwardly before grabbing Noah’s arm and stumbling to the elevator.
They rode up in silence and both pretended to ignore the fact that they tended to gravitate towards each other. By the end of the elevator ride, six floors in total, they were shoulder to shoulder and simultaneously wondering exactly who was keeping whom up.
All their movements were sluggish and it took them a full minute to decipher the sign right outside the elevator instructing them which way to turn depending on their room number. The sign was all numbers and arrows, no Maltese, but Noah’s mind was not functioning at its highest point right now and Luke could not determine which number on the keycard was their room number. They finally stumbled their way to their door where Luke failed miserably at opening the lock about five times before the door finally gave way.
Fortunately, the hotel room itself did not mirror the same disconcerting atmosphere of the lobby. It was decent looking - at least livable. There was a TV and a bathroom and a side table - and one king sized bed.
Noah felt sick to his stomach for a second - he was so not awake enough for this. Fortunately Luke shoved him hard and sent him sprawling across one side of the bed. “Stick to your side and everything will be fine,” Luke said firmly, not necessarily believing his own words. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”
The last thought that the barely conscious Noah-mind clung to as he fell fast asleep was this: wonder what waking up beside Luke will be like.
-
“Sir, the boat exploded,” Noah repeated tersely, pacing the floor of the hotel room, still a little unsteady on his feet. He had gone out that morning to purchase a disposable phone, knowing that both he and Luke would have to check in - especially since news of their possible deaths might eventually reach the States. Luke had gone first, calling and telling Damian that they would be a couple days behind schedule, half-hoping his biological father would own up and admit that there was no ambassadorial duties to be performed, but Damian just assured Luke that his work in Malta was not time-sensitive and not to worry.
Luke’s family back home was next and fortunately, for time and patience’s sake, his father picked up the phone. According to Holden, he was the only one around the farm for the next few hours - Luke could not have picked a better time to call and inform his family that he’d almost died. Holden was appropriately horrified and demanded to know when Luke would return home- as he did nearly every conversation he and Luke shared.
For the first time in three years, Luke found himself answering, “Soon Dad, soon.”
But now it was Mayer’s turn, calling the Colonel, his own father, to inform him that he’d almost died. Luke anticipated a brusque conversation - from what Mayer had told him, his father was less than affectionate, but he did at least expect some worry or concern.
Luke listened to the one-sided conversation with hunched shoulders, wincing as he heard Mayer’s voice become stiffer and blanker. The Colonel did not let up, ranting for several minutes about Mayer’s lack of dedication and complete cowardice. Luke wanted to scream as Mayer just sat there and took it. “Yes sir, I understand but-” Mayer continued, pausing in front of the bed Luke was sitting on. “No sir, I don’t-” There was a long pause and the hotel room was silent enough that Luke could make out the other end of the conversation:
You’ve fucked over the whole timeline! You’re a worthless excuse for a man and a terrible agent. Couldn’t you do this right? You’re a terrible son, soldier. I expected better of you.
Luke wanted to stand up and snatch the phone right out of Mayer’s hand and either toss it out the window and start ranting into it to tell the Colonel on the other line to just shut the hell up about his Mayer, because they didn’t know jack shit. Mayer was smart and attractive and funny and kind and interesting and sometimes a closed off pain in the ass - he didn’t deserve to be treated like that!
And suddenly, a lot of things Mayer said made sense - as did his determination to make sure he got Luke to Malta. Failure didn’t seem like an option in the Mayer family.
“Yes sir, of course sir,” Mayer replied dully, having listened to his father’s whole rant with his hand clenching the phone, his knuckles nearly white in fury. There was an audible click a half second later and Mayer flinched. “Goodbye sir,” he muttered, pulling the cell away from his ear to stare at it. Luke sat perfectly still, watching the emotions rain across Mayer’s face - uncertainty and anger and doubt and shame and guilt and disgust. He didn’t dare disturb the bodyguard so he merely waited.
All of a sudden, in a movement so fast that Luke barely had time to react, Noah pitched the phone across the room. The crack of the plastic case was audible and Luke jumped slightly, startled, but not enough to keep quiet.
“Mayer?” he ventured quietly. Mayer kept staring at the opposite wall as if he hadn’t heard him. There was a dark mark there, thanks to the cell phone, but Luke was pretty sure that wasn’t what Mayer was staring at. In fact, he was pretty sure he wasn’t staring at anything at all.
“He said I was a worthless excuse for a man, never mind an agent. He said,” Noah said tightly, “that I’m a terrible son.” He looked at Luke, who just stared back at him with big brown eyes that saw too much. “If only he knew,” Noah murmured bitterly, his gaze pinned on Luke. Luke could hardly breathe or move.
“Knew what?” he asked Mayer hoarsely.
“If only he knew just how bad of a son I am,” Noah repeated slowly, hesitantly, his eyes still on Luke. “What… what I really want.” He swallowed hard and Luke followed the motion with his gaze before his eyes were forcibly dragged back up to meet Mayer’s. “What really matters.”
Luke was breathless; Noah could see it in the way he was frozen in place, just staring back at him.
“What do you want?” asked Luke carefully, slowly, as if Mayer should be walked around as if on eggshells. “Tell me what you want.”
Noah wet his lips, the room suddenly far too dry to be having this conversation in.
“I want…” Noah started hoarsely, “I want things I shouldn’t want.”
“Who says?” Luke said suddenly and fiercely. “Who says you shouldn’t?”
“I don’t deserve them,” Noah admitted, and he believed that he’d never said a truer thing.
“You deserve everything,” Luke jabbed Mayer sternly in his chest. “You deserve it all and more and all you have to do is ask.” Luke’s gaze was intense even as his voice softened, the intimate tone tearing down at Noah’s mental walls. “Please ask. Please.”
Noah broke apart at the first please.
“Can I,” he started, closing his eyes against the rush of shamelovehurtlustterroraffection that threatened to overwhelm him. Luke’s hand caressed his jaw and his eyes flew open of their own volition. “Can I have you?” he whispered brokenly.
Theoretically, Noah knew that he could not have Luke. Luke was not his for the taking - Noah knew he did not deserve someone like Luke. His life had never been such that he’d ever been lucky enough to own anything as precious as Luke’s heart.
But Luke’s eyes were glistening and his smile was gorgeous and bright and his voice was saying, “You can have me.” So for once in his life, Noah believed in something impossible. He mouthed for a long moment, trying to find the words that had yet to fail him tonight, but nothing came. He just stared at Luke, wondering just how long forever was and if it would ever be long enough, wondering whether his father would ever understand the hope and the fear coursing through him, wondering if tonight would be it.
“What’s wrong?” Luke murmured, his eyes trained on Noah’s lips, before darting back up to his eyes.
Everything, Noah’s mind shouted.
“Nothing,” Noah’s mouth and heart whispered back.
back | forward
Author: the_beccaroo
Rating: M
Pairing: Nuke, Noah/Luke
Characters: Noah, Luke, Damian, the Colonel, others
Warnings: Guns, mild violence, eventual sex (part 3) and two boys who love each other very much. You've been warned!
Words: 9,379 of ~36,000
Disclaimer: These boys are not mine not mine not mine not mine, but this time the universe is.
Summary: Noah Mayer, bodyguard of the elite, is hired to ensure one Luciano Grimaldi survives his trip to Malta intact. The falling is easy. It's the getting back up that seems to be the issue.
The next day passed much the same as all the others, Luke wandering the ship for several hours, Noah wandering behind him. The only difference was that instead of remaining completely silent as Luke charmed the small children running around, Noah found himself dragged into conversation occasionally. They returned to the room at lunch to watch bad tv - Luke insisted - and Noah ended up showing Luke how to aim and use a gun. No shots were fired (thank god) but Noah was insistent that Luke figure out the safety and stuff, in case Noah couldn’t get to him in time.
“You mean you won’t always be there to save me?” Luke asked with wide, innocent eyes and a cheesy grin. “But you’re Superman, aren’t you?” Noah flushed an embarrassing shade of red and chuckled weakly before returning to cleaning his gun.
Luke’s teasing had become more frequent - nothing nasty, just playful. Noah was at a loss as to how to respond in a normal, human sort of way, but Luke didn’t seem to hold his social incompetence against him. Dinner was a more relaxed event than usual, though Luke was embarrassed that Noah insisted on watching their meal be made and then brought to a table - but on this, Noah wasn’t budging. He might have made a rookie mistake before, but that wasn’t going to happen again.
“Under better circumstances, Malta wouldn’t be a bad destination,” Luke mused. “But I can’t help but hate it off the bat.”
“Is it a nice place?” Noah asked, if only to keep Luke chatting so that he didn't have to.
“Beautiful,” Luke admitted. “Absolutely gorgeous, and the people are amazing and the food is delicious and…” he trailed off and peered out the window. “And inevitably I’ll have to marry some girl and settle down there and have 2.5 children and a white picket fence.”
“And you don’t want that,” Noah stated rather than asked. He knew what Luke wanted. He was a first hand observer of what Luke really wanted.
“Wouldn’t mind the kids,” Luke considered. “But I’d rather marry some guy and not put up a fence. We could have a wide open yard, or a farm, like back home.” Luke breathed a long sigh. “I miss the farm.”
A farm, Noah thought, picturing it in his mind. He wouldn’t mind living on a farm. It seemed quiet and picturesque and everything his life wasn’t right now. “That sounds nice,” Noah said wistfully, not catching the strange look on Luke’s face at his tone.
Luke struggled with all the questions that wanted to pour out from hearing those words leave Noah’s mouth, but instead he bottled them all back up and took a deep breath. “It really is,” he admitted, playing with his fork. “It’s my Grandma’s farm really - my dad’s mom.” Noah looked at him and Luke smiled sheepishly. “My real dad, Holden. Damian’s not really much for farms and animals. Grandma Emma runs the house and my dad runs the stables - he used to take me riding all the time when I was little,” Luke said, staring at his plate, but not really seeing it. “We used to all go with Faith and Natalie, my little sisters, and I was so looking forward to showing Ethan…” Luke trailed off, obviously thinking. A long moment of silence passed where Noah let himself just stare at Luke, taking in every detail that he’d forced himself not to notice over the past few days.
A second later, Luke shook himself out of it. “Sorry!” he said with a flush, “I guess I’m just missing my family a bunch.” Noah’s blank look seemed to prompt Luke to keep explaining, so he added, “Ethan’s my little brother, I haven’t actually met him because he was born after I left with Damian but we talk on the phone now and Dad says he asks about me and-” Luke cut himself off, this time blushing madly. “And I tend to overshare,” he finished, fidgeting. Noah snorted and sipped his water.
“You’re making up for me,” Noah said, daring Luke to smile - which he did, gladly. “Tell me about the farm,” Noah ordered a moment later, knowing that Luke wanted nothing more than to talk about his family. Luke brightened significantly and then launched into a story about something called a Hubbard squash and a machete.
Dinner finished with more than one laugh from both Luke and Noah. They stood to head back to their room while Luke was describing the perfection of a genuine Grandma Emma oatmeal raisin cookie. Noah could not deny that his mouth was watering - he was a bit of a sucker for a good oatmeal raisin.
“And then, all of a sudden, my Uncle Jack shows up and is like-”
“Mr. Grimaldi,” interrupted a voice from behind them. Noah turned first and was treated to the wide, brilliant smile of Paul the steward. “You promised me some time tonight,” he said, biting his lip.
He promised no such thing, Alternate Noah snapped and Noah fought hard to keep the words in. Instead he looked at Luke, who had first smiled upon the appearance of Paul, but was now looking disappointed at his reminder.
“Oh, right,” Luke said, glancing from Noah to Paul and back again. Alternate Noah smiled charmingly and took Luke by the elbow and said something witty that was clearly meant as a brush off.
Real Noah coughed. Awkwardly.
“If you-” Noah started, but Luke spoke at the same moment:
“But I-” They both froze and stared at each other. Noah realized he must look painfully hopeful and terribly out of his depth, but he couldn’t really stop it. Luke’s face, for once, was entirely unreadable and Noah found himself wishing - not for the first time - that he could read minds. “I was kind of in the middle of something,” Luke said finally, turning back to Paul, flashing a wide bright smile that sent Noah’s stomach flipping. “You seem to catch me at the worst times Paul,” he added, tapping him on the arm. “Maybe third time’s the charm?” he asked, and when Paul nodded pleasantly, Luke turned back to Noah and nodded. “Back to the room?”
Noah, who had watched the past thirty seconds with something like complete astonishment, merely nodded in response and trailed helplessly after Luke.
They traveled down the hallway in complete silence until Luke finally turned to Noah and awkwardly said, “I hope that was all right.” Noah nodded furiously in response and Luke went on babbling - as he was wont to do when he had no idea what to say. Noah found it really quite - adorable - funny, he insisted, wondering if he was the only one who argued with bits of his brain every other second. “I mean, I was feeling kind of tired and he’s a nice guy and all but we were talking and I didn’t want to-”
Noah took pity on the poor man and interrupted, “I’m glad Luke,” he said, more seriously than he had intended. “Really. I like hearing about your family,” he added more hesitantly - but there was no need, because Luke grinned so widely Noah was half-afraid it’d fall right off his face.
The topic of conversation drifted once they were in the room - from Luke’s siblings to his parents to his aunts and uncles and then to his cousins and then his grandmothers and how he was definitely more a Snyder than a Grimaldi, no matter how often he had to throw Damian’s name around. Noah was overwhelmed with how much family one person could actually have. It seemed almost impossible, but Noah knew that his experience with family was not the norm either. Luke was being almost insultingly careful about avoiding anything Noah might not want to talk about and refrained completely from asking any questions in return - which seemed unfair.
Slowly, carefully, Noah told a few stories from his own childhood. They were mostly the embarrassing ones - like attending a popular girl’s costume-only party in plain clothes or getting so lost on a school field trip that the whole museum had to be evacuated, only to find Noah napping on a bench in the middle of the modern art exhibit.
“And no one woke you up before then?” Luke asked, aghast and highly entertained.
“They all figured I was another exhibit,” Noah shrugged, a slight smile on his face, “And that I was just making some grand statement about the death of art or something.” Luke cracked up and nearly tumbled off his bed - and in his distraction Noah let the smile drop from his face. He of course didn’t tell Luke that the reason he had no costume was because his father refused to buy one for him, citing Halloween as a completely worthless holiday and that when his father heard about him getting lost on a school field trip he’d thrown him out into the woods behind the base the next day and forced him to find his way back.
These were things you didn’t tell a stranger, Noah had always thought - but it seemed like Luke didn’t abide by the same rules that everyone else did. The conversation turned far more serious as Luke admitted although his family was huge and crazy and wonderful, he was still scared to go back.
“I nearly ruined a lot of things when I was home,” he said, picking at the bedspread beneath his knees. “So when Damian offered an out, I took it.” Luke grimaced. “And three years later I’m exactly where I started. How’s that for growing up?”
Both men were quiet for a moment before something unexpected broke the tension between them.
“I’ve been doing this job since I got out of high school,” Noah admitted. “I didn’t go to college, I didn’t even enlist like my dad had said was a possibility. I just hopped on a bus, headed straight to headquarters and signed up.” There was a long pause where Noah tried to figure out how to say what he wanted to say next before realizing only the truth would ever get the point across. “I was scared,” he confessed, half expecting lightning to strike him down where he sat. “I was scared of what was going to happen if I went away or didn’t do as my dad asked. So yeah, I get the not-really-growing up thing.”
Luke was staring at him with wide, astonished eyes and Noah suddenly felt ashamed. Should he not have said anything? Was he abruptly more pathetic in Luke’s eyes? He didn’t think that-
“Thank you for telling me that,” Luke said breathlessly and Noah looked up from his knees to see Luke’s gaze trained wholly on his face. “It always feels like I’m alone and… well, thanks for making it seem like I’m not.” Luke managed a half smile. “I’ve just screwed up so much in my life that being normal almost feels like a non-option.” Noah nodded so hard it felt like his head was going to fall right off his neck.
“Exactly,” he agreed, “And having the Colonel as my father doesn’t exactly help matters.” It felt simultaneously completely dangerous and such a relief to tell the truth about his father. He wanted to say so much more - how making mistakes wasn’t even an option where his father was concerned, how he was pretty sure he had never been normal in his whole life - but there was only so far Noah could go. “It’s hard,” he added inadequately though Luke just nodded fervently.
“I…” Luke paused for a very long time, almost long enough to convince Noah that perhaps he wasn’t going to say anything at all, but finally Luke took a deep breath and stared Noah straight in the eyes. “I used to be an alcoholic.” Noah stared right back, unsure of what to say in the face of such an admission - until he realized that all he had to say was exactly what he would want to hear.
“Getting past it must have been extremely difficult,” he said carefully. “The strength that takes is impossible to comprehend.” The shuttered look in Luke’s eyes faded slowly as he nodded.
“I hurt a lot of people,” he said hoarsely, “Including myself.” Luke took a deep shuddering breath. “I couldn’t bear if I hurt anyone I care about again. The thought scares the hell out of me. It keeps me up at night.” Noah wanted to reach out and take Luke’s hand in his and tell him that would never happen, but he knew that wasn’t the right thing to do or say.
Problem was, he knew the right thing to say. Bigger problem was, it was the worst thing to say.
“Luke, there’s something you need to know bout Damian,” Noah said finally, cracking his knuckles nervously. “These people trying to hurt you, they’re definitely Damian’s enemies…” he trailed off and watched Luke’s eyes narrow in incomprehension. “But they’re not political enemies, they don’t want to hurt you because he’s an ambassador,” Noah said. “They want to hurt you because Damian’s a criminal. He’s one of the leaders in the Maltese crime syndicate. He’s hurt a lot of people Luke, I’m sorry.”
Luke gaped, open mouthed - but even as his temper flared and his mind demanded to see proof, a voice in the back of his head told him that it was true. Of course it was true - Luke could see it now looking back. Things he had written off as simply Damian-quirks or government secrets were now so apparent to him that he wanted to scream - how could he be so stupid?
“If Damian’s a criminal, why did he send me to Malta?” Luke asked dully, knowing now that this trip could not be for what he said it was. Damian would not dare to send his son to Malta, would not dare risk his heir for something as silly as ambassadorial duties. Noah watched him for a long minute, knowing this was moment of truth. “Tell me!” Luke demanded, turning to glare at Noah. “I know you know!”
“He wants you to settle in Malta,” Noah said haltingly. “He wants you to find a home and find a wife and have children. This whole thing is… it’s, well… I-”
“It’s like one big de-gaying journey,” Luke said wonderingly, frozen in place. He wondered why he had not seen it all earlier, why he had ever thought that he could be accepted for what he was, the person he had become. His heart ached as he thought of all the lies Damian had told over the years - lies meant to keep him close, keep him sheltered. Lies meant to convince him that he was loved.
“I have to go home,” Luke said with sudden clarity. “I have to go back to Oakdale, back to my family. I can’t-”
“No Luke,” Noah said, suddenly nauseous. “You won’t be going back to Oakdale.” Luke whipped his head around to stare at Noah.
“What do you mean?” he asked softly. “Why can’t I go home?” He was preparing himself for another heartbreaking announcement, Noah realized. Only, he didn’t realize that this time it was going to be Noah’s fault.
“I can’t let you go home,” Noah said quietly. “My mission is to take you to Malta and make sure you get there. I can’t fail.”
Luke cracked.
“What the hell do you mean, you can’t let me go home?! You asshole, I can’t go to Malta! This was all a trick, don’t you understand? Don’t you understand that I’m not supposed to be here? I’m supposed to be with my family!” Luke was gasping for air, his rage spilling across the room and making Noah flinch.
“I can’t let you-” Noah repeated - but that was a mistake, because Luke launched himself at his bodyguard and slammed his fist into his face. Noah swore, clenching one hand against his eye and grabbing Luke’s shirt with his other.
“I hate you!” Luke shouted, knowing good and well that if Mayer wanted to bring him to Malta, there was no way he wasn’t going. Mayer was stronger and faster than he was and Luke was trapped on a boat with only one destination - hell. “Fuck you! How dare you!”
Noah managed to shove Luke off of him but he didn’t even try to strike him back. He just pushed him back to his own bed and stood, looming over him with sorrowful eyes. Luke couldn’t give a shit right now - his world was ending and it was all Mayer’s fault. “I’m sorry Luke,” Noah muttered before heading for the bathroom.
Luke didn’t respond, he just stared into space for a long while, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do next. Eventually he lay down, tucking himself under the covers and clenching his eyes shut against the light under the bathroom door.
This was a betrayal of the highest order, Luke fumed. He had shared his deepest and darkest secrets with Mayer, hoping that maybe he’d found a friend in the bodyguard - maybe even more, whispered a sneaky voice Luke pretended didn’t exist. Well, it was too late for that now, Luke snarled to himself. He wasn’t sure who he was more furious with - Noah, for keeping this all from him and even admitting that he wasn’t going to let Luke go home or Damian, for manipulating and lying to him. And ultimately, wanting him to change.
Luke huddled down further into his bed, smothering himself in his pillow. All right, if he was being perfectly honest, he hated Damian much more for this. Not only was his image of the calm, cool, collected and professional Damian completely shattered, but his biological father was a career criminal. Every day, Damian hurt someone or someone’s family - and he acted as if it was his job! He no doubt wanted Luke to join 'the family business' eventually. Luke could hardly breathe thinking about it. On top of all that, all of Damian’s words about accepting him and being there for him no matter what meant absolutely nothing. He didn’t accept Luke the way he was, he hated that Luke was gay and he wanted to change him, just like everyone else in the world. Luke sunk deeper into his pillow, trying to convince himself that it was only Damian’s betrayal that stung. He shouldn’t have expected anything more from someone who was just his bodyguard.
Noah lay in bed, wondering if tonight had been what having a friend was like and wondering how he could have screwed it all up already.
It took a very long time for either of them to get to sleep that night.
Unsurprisingly, Luke was still furious with him the next morning and so Noah was again treated to a completely silent day of following him around wherever he wished to go. It was almost painful to remain silent now, because now he felt like he knew Luke, knew him well enough to know what to say to comfort him or at least knew what might make him laugh.
But Luke was having none of it and Noah understood why - but there was so much more at stake for Noah than for Luke. More than his happiness? snapped that hated part of his brain. Because that’s what he’s losing. That and his freedom. Noah told himself not to exaggerate - Luke would be fine. He would go to Malta and completely disobey his father’s orders and find someone and be happy- yeah, like you know everything about disobeying fathers and what it takes to be happy, snarked that voice. Maybe it’s just as hard for him as it is for you.
Noah refused to believe that, because then he had absolutely no idea what to do.
-
Someone aboard the boat had decided that a party was in order and so around midnight, the deck was full of mildly drunk passengers all twirling and laughing to the dulcet sounds of someone’s iPod plugged into a set of speakers. Luke had told Noah (the first communication of the day) under no circumstances was he not going - so Noah had followed Luke silently to the deck, forced to watch as everyone around him had a great time and he was forcibly reminded of every middle school dance in his entire lifetime.
Worst of all, Paul was here. He and Luke had settled together at a table across the room (though Noah had changed that rather quickly, mercilessly bumping the couple at the table directly diagonal from them) and were chatting with their heads bowed closely together.
Paul was moving in, shifting ever so much closer to Luke with every minute that passed. Noah watched from afar, teeth clenched against the roaring tide of jealousy that tore through him. He couldn’t let this happen, not right in front of his eyes. Paul was no good for Luke - Noah got a shifty feeling from him and it was Noah’s job to protect his charge from any and all threats. For once, Alternate Noah stepped up to the plate and shoved hard - before he could consciously consent to moving across the floor towards Luke, he was halfway there.
He paused by Luke’s table and cleared his throat to get his attention. He tried not to react to Paul’s hand on Luke’s leg, climbing higher every second.
“Luke, I need to speak with you for a moment,” Noah said firmly, with more certainty than he felt. He had no fucking clue what he was going to say once Luke came with him, but first things first - he had to get Luke away from Paul. He wasn’t quite sure whether Luke would listen to him or not - his anger the night before was palpable, but he didn’t get it. He didn’t get the position Noah was in. Noah had to complete his mission - failure was not an option. Maybe somehow Noah could explain? He doubted that, but he had to say something.
He wasn’t a complete coward after all.
Noah’s expression must have been serious enough to worry Luke, because he immediately stood, brushing Paul’s hand from his thigh as if it had never been there. “Is something wrong Mayer?” Luke asked worriedly, rounding the table to stand beside him. Very wrong, Alternate Noah insisted. I should be the one with my hands all over you. I like you Luke, I like you a lot. Let’s try this thing we’ve been dancing around.
Noah took a deep breath to tell Luke just that - but at the last second, Alternate Noah failed him and Noah found himself mouthing wordlessly. “I need to tell you…” Noah hunted around mentally for something that would get Luke away from Paul. “I don’t think you should see Paul right now,” he finished lamely, no explanation whatsoever.
Luke froze, clearly taken aback, not expecting that. “What?” he asked, startled. “What do you mean?” Luke’s gaze narrowed. “And what business of it is yours?” he asked, this time his tone was defensive and disbelieving. “I don’t think I asked your opinion about it, so I certainly don’t want it!”
“He’s not interested in you for you,” Noah snapped. “He’s dangerous, I guarantee it. I get a bad feeling off of him and you shouldn’t go near him.”
Luke gaped at him and Noah tried not to look away from his narrowed gaze. “I shouldn’t go near him?” Luke repeated slowly, his anger apparent. “Who the hell do you think you are! You have absolutely no say in my private life,” Luke bit out furiously. “I don’t care what you think! If I want to spend time with someone, I will.” With that, Luke stormed back to his table, throwing himself back into his chair with a thud.
Noah watched him go, his anger increasing as he watched Paul bend his head to ask a question in Luke’s ear. Noah contemplated taking him down with baritsu or perhaps a well placed throat punch, but figured that might draw too much attention to himself. He supposed poisoning was the way to go but before he could start any master plans, Luke had pinned him with a furious gaze.
Noah bit back any replies that Alternate Noah might have come up with. He’d had enough of Alternate Noah for a very long time - it was obvious doing what you wanted didn’t get you any further than doing what everyone else wanted.
Noah took one last glance at the now-cheerful couple before heading for the bar. If he was going to survive tonight, he was going to have to be pretty damn drunk.
-
Paul was pressed up against Luke in the worst way and Noah’s stomach rebelled at the sight. Their mouths moved slowly together, Paul groping at bits of Luke Noah had only dreamt about touching.
He was drunk. This was terrible, god, he was supposed to be doing a job right now, but right now, he had to admit that the alcohol soothed a part of him that had been aching. Everything was hazy now, bright and slightly out of focus, and that meant the anger and jealousy he’d been trying to ignore weren’t fighting for the forefront of his mind. Being drunk meant he could sit here and pretend like he wasn’t infinitely attracted to Prince Luciano Grimaldi Blah De Blah Blah. It meant that he wasn’t thinking about Luke’s dimples or smile or teeth or lips or hips or…
Maybe being drunk wasn’t the best idea he’d ever had.
His thoughts drifted more than usual and Luke’s hipbones were suddenly at the front of his mind, pale and perfect and sharp, perfect for biting and licking and oh god he was screwed.
Noah groaned and buried his face in his hands, shoving the latest vodka-filled drink away from him. He was up a couple beers and at least twice, maybe thrice, that in shots. He was so far gone it was ridiculous. How could he let himself go like this? He had a job to do; he had to protect Luke.
That sobered him up. He was laying down on the job when he was supposed to be looking after the golden boy. His golden boy.
He swore. Screwed. So screwed.
The rest of the night passed like that - Noah cursing himself and Paul and Luke kissing. Noah tried not to show the rush of gratitude he felt when eventually, at around half past two, Luke said goodbye to Paul and headed back to their room - alone.
They went to bed in silence.
-
When Noah woke next, he wasn’t quite sure why. It wasn’t until the second explosion rocked the boat violently did he realize that perhaps it was time to hustle it on out of there.
“Snyder, up,” Noah commanded, his voice loud in the tiny room - he tried not to wince at the headache that had settled like a knot at the back of his mind. Luke snuffled slightly, hugging his pillow tighter. Had Noah been able to spare even a few brain cells, he might have found the sight mind-bendingly adorable, but as it was, Luke had to be alive to ever be cute again, so it was time to drag him the hell out of there.
And drag him he did. “Luke, move your ass, now,” Noah half shouted, latching on to one pale ankle sticking out of the sheets and pulling hard. Luke tumbled out of bed with a squawk, having barely enough time to swear before Noah hauled him off the floor and propelled him towards the door.
“Mayer, what the hell-” Luke started angrily, his fury from several hours earlier regaining some momentum even as he hiked up his pajama bottoms with one hand and tried to tug his elbow out of Noah’s grip with the other.
“Something’s wrong with the boat,” Noah replied steadily, ignoring the chaos of the hallway - people darting in and out of rooms, some screaming, some dragging heavy suitcases of belongings they’d rather not leave behind - and aiming straight for the stairs that led to the deck.
Most of Luke’s anger and bleary-eyed sleep expression faded as he stared open mouthed at the situation around him. “How the fu-” Luke began dumbly, slowing his steps to peer down the crowded hallway.
“Snyder, move your ass or get left!” Noah snapped. He was beginning to smell smoke - it occurred to him that the explosions probably had started some fires and he was not going to be trapped on some burning, sinking hellhole while Luke sat around, fascinated by panicky tourists. He tugged more firmly at Luke who - finally! - started moving, keeping to Noah’s heels as the taller man split the sea of shouting patrons with relative ease. They hit the stairs at a dead run, Noah taking them two at a time and Luke scrambling up behind him.
When they reached the deck, Noah swore. Flames licked the sides of most of the above floor cabins and were close to consuming the rails that lined the edge of the deck. There was no way this boat was going to survive the inferno - how the hell were they supposed to get off?
“Mayer…” Luke said tremulously, as if he was thinking the exact same thing. Without meaning to, Noah’s grip on Luke’s elbow slipped to his forearm, where he squeezed reassuringly.
“I’ll figure it out,” Noah assured him, eyes trained on the smoke clouds where the ship’s officials seemed to be streaming out from, coughing violently. He recognized the four gold stripes on one man’s jacket and dragged Luke over to him. “Captain,” Noah said calmly, “What’s going to happen next?” The captain dragged his gaze up to settle on Noah’s face, which seemed to be stating ‘tell me, now’ inarguably. He coughed a couple more times into his hand before speaking.
“The rescue boats are about ten minutes from us, fortunately we were close to port when the first explosion happened. We’ve got to get everyone on the lifeboats and off the ship because I’m not sure how much longer she’s going to hold.” Noah tried not to swear, but he had grown up on army bases and military guys swore better than anyone in the entire world. After a few creative combinations, Noah was ready to move.
“All right then, let’s get this crowd moving.” With a nod to the Captain, Noah snatched at Luke’s elbow and dragged him back through the panicking crowd on the deck, which was slowly but steadily growing. Some of the crew had already began the filling and lowering of lifeboats and Noah gladly made his way over to one.
“Okay Luke, this is your ride. I’ll see you on shore,” Noah said absentmindedly as he gestured towards the boat - his attention was settled on the rigging attaching the boat to the ship. Was that steady? Was it safe? He had half a mind to go check it himself, never mind the capable-looking deckhand standing beside it.
“What?!” Luke’s reply blared in his ear and Noah flinched. “What do you mean, you’ll see me? You’re getting on the boat too, aren’t you?” Luke looked fully prepared to throw a tantrum and Noah groaned internally. As much as he could admit to himself that he loved it, this was so not the time for Luke to be his usual independent, stubborn self.
“Luke, get on the lifeboat,” Noah said tersely, “I don’t have time for this.”
“I’m not getting on the fucking lifeboat Mayer,” Luke snapped back. “Not until you get on one too.”
“I can’t get on a fucking lifeboat Snyder,” Noah shouted, “I’m a little busy!”
“Well then, I’m staying right here!” Luke shouted back, stamping his foot for emphasis and forcing Noah, not for the first time, to draw a parallel between Luke and a small child.
“You are not, you are my responsibility and you are getting on the damn lifeboat!” Noah nearly bellowed, fully prepared to throw Luke onto the next available boat.
“That makes sense!” Luke snorted, throwing Noah off guard. “Let’s leave me defenseless with a boat full of strangers who possibly want to kill me and leave you here on the ship! Don’t be stupid!” Noah blanched. He had to admit, the kid had a point. Noah scowled furiously - how dare he have a point.
“Fine Snyder, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Noah replied unconvincingly, feeling awkward in his own skin after their bizarre and fairly attention grabbing shouting contest. “Now help me sort out the others.” Luke nodded, looking just as awkward in return, not that it made Noah feel much better about himself.
They worked side by side to get people’s attention and get them forming lines towards the slowly filling lifeboats - Luke was surprisingly effective at getting people to pay attention. Noah’s version of calming people down usually meant shouting at them and giving them a task to complete - it was the only way with military types. Luke of course had a much better grasp on how normal people reacted in these situations (which, in Noah’s opinion, was fairly uselessly).
“But my children!” One woman gasped, clutching her daughter and son, one on each arm. She looked close to hysterics. Noah felt as if he was too.
“They’ll be fine ma’am,” Luke assured, her firmly steering her towards one of the lines. “There are special lifejackets for children and you can hold them in the boat. You’ll all be just fine.” She obeyed without another word and Noah let out a long breath. Minutes passed and although the deck was still teeming with screams and rushing people, the lines were moving surprisingly fast.
“Maybe there’s time to go grab my stuff,” Luke mused aloud and Noah whirled around to glare at him. He didn’t care of Luke hated his guts, the brat was not about to go get himself killed for some clothes and a toothbrush.
“Are you serious Snyder?” Luke looked only slightly cowed. “The boat is on fire because part of the engine exploded and probably because of your father’s enemies are trying to murder you and you want to head below deck where you will inevitably DIE, so that you can grab your favorite pair of jeans?” Luke scowled at that and opened his mouth to argue the point but Noah cut him off. “We are getting off this boat in the next ten seconds and that’s final, okay?”
Luke snapped his mouth shut and nodded sharply. “Fine,” he snapped, “But how do you propose we do that Mr. Mayer?” Noah glanced around, noticing the lines snaking around the boat, though the deck was far less packed than it was a few minutes ago. He opened his mouth to speak when his entire world went white with fire and heat. Noah was blown back several feet, landing hard and painfully a second later. When the flashes and black spots across his vision cleared, Noah found himself staring at a towering inferno where the engine room used to be. The entire boat would start collapsing in on itself within minutes and whoever was left on the boat would be trapped there.
He wasn’t the only one to figure this out - people were beginning to jump off the boat, trying to get away from the flames.
“Luke!” Noah bellowed, his vision fogging with all the smoke that was gathering. “Luke, where are you!?”
“Mayer?” came a call from somewhere to his left and Noah’s knees almost crumpled beneath him as he spotted a blond head emerging from the crowd and smoke, the only sign he’d been in an explosion a cut across his cheek.
“Luke, we have to jump, now,” Noah said, grabbing Luke’s arm and hauling ass to the side of the boat and peering down into the depths. The water was full of lifeboats, which were slowly becoming overcrowded as jumpers were pulled aboard. The amount of lifeboats in the water was not nearly enough for the amount of people and Noah knew what had to happen. “Luke, jump now, I’ll be down in a minute,” Noah said calmly, turning Luke to face the ocean.
“What?” Luke asked horrified, fighting against Noah’s arms. “Why aren’t you coming with me?”
“I have to drop the rest of the life boats,” Noah explained patiently, as if the boat itself wasn’t coming down around his ears. “Otherwise people will freeze or capsize the lifeboats already in the water. I’ll see you in a minute.”
“Fuck that,” Luke said, shoving Noah’s arms from around him and sprinting for the next hanging lifeboat. “Now hurry your ass up and help me!” Luke shouted, coughing slightly from the smoke as he reached up to untangle the line holding the boat against the ship. “Or we’re both dead!”
Noah swore but he didn’t disobey. Over the next minute, he and Luke let three more lifeboats drop down into the water, making huge splashes when they hit, but almost immediately filling with jumpers. “Two more!” Noah shouted over the roar of the fire. “We’ll go down in the last one!” Luke shot him a thumbs up to show he heard, but Noah saw that he was barely breathing around the smoke in the air.
Second to last boat hit the water and Luke stumbled as the boat rocked again, another explosion sending debris into the air, across the deck and out across the water. “Luke!” Noah shouted, snatching Luke by the arm, “C’mon!” Luke nodded weakly, following Noah to the last boat. Noah pressed his forehead to Luke’s, forcing Luke’s brown eyes on his own. “Hold on as tight as you can, okay?” Luke nodded again, his eyes sliding close even as his arms wrapped around Noah, squeezing tightly.
Noah hopped into the last lifeboat and just as one last explosion cracked the deck of the ship violently, he cut the lines of the boat and sent he and Luke careening to the water below, holding tightly to the boat around them. When they hit the water, Noah felt his entire spine shift and barely managed to keep from slamming his head against the edge.
But they were safe.
“Luke, are you alright?” Noah asked, untangling their limbs and settling Luke against the side of the boat, trying to catch his gaze. “You need to breathe for me, nice and deep, okay?” Luke nodded tiredly. “Okay, good.” The second Luke looked as if he could manage himself, Noah transferred his attention to the water around him. The boat rocked a bit as an older, built man pulled himself in, flashing Noah a tired but grateful smile. Noah nodded sharply but found himself completely torn away by the sound of desperate shouts to his right.
“Help, please, I can’t hold him!” At least thirty feet from the boat, a man was struggling to stay above water and simultaneously hold his young son, who looked unconscious. Noah cast one backwards glance at Luke, who seemed to be breathing all right and was talking to a young woman who’d clambered into the boat. Noah took a deep breath and leapt from the boat, sliding into the freezing ocean in a graceful dive, quickly swimming over to the two. “Help me! Help me please!” The man was choking as Noah reached him. It was a bit of a struggle to lift the young boy from the man's arms, but they managed to keep his head above water.
“I’ve got you, I’ve got it,” Noah gasped, trying not to swallow water from the way the man was flailing around. “He’s okay, I’ve got him. Let’s get him to the boat.” The man nodded furiously, treading water far less insanely now, though it was obvious he was not a strong swimmer. Noah swam alongside him, one handed now though, the boy clutched tightly to him. It felt like hours before they reached the boat again, but it was really only a few minutes. There were several more people in the boat who helped pulled the man aboard and who took the child from Noah’s arms.
“Thank you, thank you!” The man was weeping and though Noah tried to smile back at him, the adrenaline rush he’d been running on quickly wore off and left him freezing cold and chattering as he clutched the side of the boat. Several hands were extended to haul him up into the boat too - Luke’s included, but more shouting distracted Noah. He craned his neck to spot a couple clinging to the side of a very full lifeboat - he could even see Paul, pressed up tightly to one side. One older woman in the boat was shouting that they had no more room even as one of the two girls holding on tried to push the other up.
“I’ll be right back,” Noah said up into the faces, his teeth chattering so hard that he thought they might fall out of his head. The water felt so cold that it almost burned as it slid around and through the clothes he was wearing - but he couldn’t think of that right now. He quickly paddled his way over to the nearest lifeboat and treaded water by the two girls. “What’s wrong?” he called over the noise. The girl fighting to get onto the boat turned to him, her eyes red from crying, her red hair tangled and glued to her face.
As she spoke, her words were interrupted by gasping cries and stuttered words - obviously the cold was getting to her too. “They say the lifeboat’s full but they just need to fit one more - my girlfriend’s already sick and she can’t swim and I don’t know what to do! It took me long enough to get her to this boat, and I’m not strong enough to carry her to another.” The girlfriend was also crying, dark hair plastered to her skull, her guilt obvious. Noah forced a smile, trying to pretend like he wasn’t sure his lips were already blue.
“It’ll be alright, I’ll swim your girlfriend over to that boat over there,” he gestured to the boat where Luke was waving his arms furiously. Lifting his arm from the water was nearly impossible as his fingers clenched and shook without any say from his brain - but it was worth it for the way Luke settled down at the acknowledgement. “D’you see it?” The first girl nodded furiously.
“You’ll be okay baby, I’ll see you at that boat, okay?” The brunette nodded, pressed a shaky kiss to her girlfriend’s cheek and wrapped her arms around Noah’s neck.
“You gotta stay relaxed,” Noah warned her, “Try and float as I kick otherwise… never mind. Just stay relaxed.” He’d almost told her that if she panicked they’d probably both sink, but he thought better of it - maybe Luke was rubbing off on him. Noah started paddling, the dark-haired girl obviously trying to stay afloat. It took much longer than it should of, but Noah’s arms were aching and his hands were refusing to form normal shapes and the girl kept half-sinking every time she got nervous. In conclusion, it was a miracle they got back to the boat alive.
When they did, Noah was greeted by the most beautiful sight he’d seen all day - a smiling Luke Snyder.
“Get the hell in this boat Mayer before I kill you,” Luke said hoarsely, letting the rest of the boat attend to getting the non-swimmer girlfriend into the boat. He single handedly pulled the six-foot plus man into the boat, collapsing to the floor the instant Noah’s feet were cleared of the edge. Noah fell against him and even as the couple thanked him tearfully and the rest of the boat cheered for him, he had no inclination to move. “Your hero complex is worrying Mayer,” Luke murmured against his ear, tugging Noah to sit more upright but not moving the gangly man from laying against his body.
“I’m sorry Luke,” Noah wheezed, shivering violently. “For-”
“I know Mayer,” Luke interrupted. “It’s okay. Just breathe, just keep breathing for me, okay?”
Noah coughed in response and that was all was said for several minutes until one of the boats started cheering madly - and before long, other boats were going up in shouts and screams. “Wha-” Noah slurred, so tired he was barely able to open his eyes, but realizing something big was happening.
“Mayer, Mayer,” Luke said, shaking the barely conscious bodyguard as much as he felt safe. “You did it, we’re all okay, you saved us, we’ll all be okay.” Luke craned his neck into the distance and the sight settled into his stomach with deep satisfaction. “The rescue boat is here. We’re gonna be okay.” Luke’s hand clenched in Mayer’s soaked hair, unashamed to be clutching him tight.
-
The rescue boat treated all of the passengers for hypothermia and possibly pneumonia, but the casualties had been few and far between. Those who were aware enough when the boat docked claimed it was all because of a pair of men who’d helped sort out the chaos and a father and two girls claimed that they’d been saved by a blue-eyed man, but by the time they got around to unloading passengers and checking IDs against the official guest list, no such people could be found.
Noah had insisted that he and Luke escape the boat before the rush and before they could be marked as alive. His reasoning (that if Damian’s enemies wanted to kill them, then pretending to be dead was probably the safest route) made complete sense to Luke, so the first second they were left alone, they snuck down the gangplank and hit solid ground for the first time in over a week.
“Praise every god and deity out there. Whoever the hell made the ground so steady has my eternal gratitude and devotion,” Luke murmured as he and Noah stumbled down the sidewalk. Luke’s voice was raspy from inhaling so much smoke and Noah was so exhausted he could hardly walk straight, but they were both alive and neither could fault the other for that. The first motel they found was completely packed with the healthiest of the ship’s passengers who’d escaped first, so Luke and Noah stumbled several more blocks until they nearly felt through the front door and into the lobby of possibly the sketchiest motel ever.
“Oh, this is nice,” Luke said in a voice that made Noah want to burst into laughter and roll around on the floor wheezing. God, he must be really tired. Luke dragged him to the front desk, which looked as if it would fall apart any second now. Noah didn’t dare lean on it, so he swayed side to side, his balance completely shot.
“Skuzi, ghandi bzonn kamra,” Luke asked the desk clerk tiredly, holding up one finger for one room. Noah perked up slightly - he’d never heard Luke speak Maltese - he usually resorted to Italian if they bumped into someone who was heading home to Malta. “Lejl wieħed, per favore,” Luke said, slipping into Italian at the end, too tired to stumble over the tongue twister that was ‘please’ in Maltese just to tell the clerk 'one night'.
The clerk barely blinked, merely tapped at something in the computer and handed over a key. She told Luke a number - Noah recognized that much - and Luke nodded, opening his soaking wet wallet and pulling out the type of currency that no freezing cold water could ever destroy - a credit card. She took it, swiped it, made Luke sign and then handed it back - all without speaking. “Grazzi,” Luke muttered, gesturing awkwardly before grabbing Noah’s arm and stumbling to the elevator.
They rode up in silence and both pretended to ignore the fact that they tended to gravitate towards each other. By the end of the elevator ride, six floors in total, they were shoulder to shoulder and simultaneously wondering exactly who was keeping whom up.
All their movements were sluggish and it took them a full minute to decipher the sign right outside the elevator instructing them which way to turn depending on their room number. The sign was all numbers and arrows, no Maltese, but Noah’s mind was not functioning at its highest point right now and Luke could not determine which number on the keycard was their room number. They finally stumbled their way to their door where Luke failed miserably at opening the lock about five times before the door finally gave way.
Fortunately, the hotel room itself did not mirror the same disconcerting atmosphere of the lobby. It was decent looking - at least livable. There was a TV and a bathroom and a side table - and one king sized bed.
Noah felt sick to his stomach for a second - he was so not awake enough for this. Fortunately Luke shoved him hard and sent him sprawling across one side of the bed. “Stick to your side and everything will be fine,” Luke said firmly, not necessarily believing his own words. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”
The last thought that the barely conscious Noah-mind clung to as he fell fast asleep was this: wonder what waking up beside Luke will be like.
-
“Sir, the boat exploded,” Noah repeated tersely, pacing the floor of the hotel room, still a little unsteady on his feet. He had gone out that morning to purchase a disposable phone, knowing that both he and Luke would have to check in - especially since news of their possible deaths might eventually reach the States. Luke had gone first, calling and telling Damian that they would be a couple days behind schedule, half-hoping his biological father would own up and admit that there was no ambassadorial duties to be performed, but Damian just assured Luke that his work in Malta was not time-sensitive and not to worry.
Luke’s family back home was next and fortunately, for time and patience’s sake, his father picked up the phone. According to Holden, he was the only one around the farm for the next few hours - Luke could not have picked a better time to call and inform his family that he’d almost died. Holden was appropriately horrified and demanded to know when Luke would return home- as he did nearly every conversation he and Luke shared.
For the first time in three years, Luke found himself answering, “Soon Dad, soon.”
But now it was Mayer’s turn, calling the Colonel, his own father, to inform him that he’d almost died. Luke anticipated a brusque conversation - from what Mayer had told him, his father was less than affectionate, but he did at least expect some worry or concern.
Luke listened to the one-sided conversation with hunched shoulders, wincing as he heard Mayer’s voice become stiffer and blanker. The Colonel did not let up, ranting for several minutes about Mayer’s lack of dedication and complete cowardice. Luke wanted to scream as Mayer just sat there and took it. “Yes sir, I understand but-” Mayer continued, pausing in front of the bed Luke was sitting on. “No sir, I don’t-” There was a long pause and the hotel room was silent enough that Luke could make out the other end of the conversation:
You’ve fucked over the whole timeline! You’re a worthless excuse for a man and a terrible agent. Couldn’t you do this right? You’re a terrible son, soldier. I expected better of you.
Luke wanted to stand up and snatch the phone right out of Mayer’s hand and either toss it out the window and start ranting into it to tell the Colonel on the other line to just shut the hell up about his Mayer, because they didn’t know jack shit. Mayer was smart and attractive and funny and kind and interesting and sometimes a closed off pain in the ass - he didn’t deserve to be treated like that!
And suddenly, a lot of things Mayer said made sense - as did his determination to make sure he got Luke to Malta. Failure didn’t seem like an option in the Mayer family.
“Yes sir, of course sir,” Mayer replied dully, having listened to his father’s whole rant with his hand clenching the phone, his knuckles nearly white in fury. There was an audible click a half second later and Mayer flinched. “Goodbye sir,” he muttered, pulling the cell away from his ear to stare at it. Luke sat perfectly still, watching the emotions rain across Mayer’s face - uncertainty and anger and doubt and shame and guilt and disgust. He didn’t dare disturb the bodyguard so he merely waited.
All of a sudden, in a movement so fast that Luke barely had time to react, Noah pitched the phone across the room. The crack of the plastic case was audible and Luke jumped slightly, startled, but not enough to keep quiet.
“Mayer?” he ventured quietly. Mayer kept staring at the opposite wall as if he hadn’t heard him. There was a dark mark there, thanks to the cell phone, but Luke was pretty sure that wasn’t what Mayer was staring at. In fact, he was pretty sure he wasn’t staring at anything at all.
“He said I was a worthless excuse for a man, never mind an agent. He said,” Noah said tightly, “that I’m a terrible son.” He looked at Luke, who just stared back at him with big brown eyes that saw too much. “If only he knew,” Noah murmured bitterly, his gaze pinned on Luke. Luke could hardly breathe or move.
“Knew what?” he asked Mayer hoarsely.
“If only he knew just how bad of a son I am,” Noah repeated slowly, hesitantly, his eyes still on Luke. “What… what I really want.” He swallowed hard and Luke followed the motion with his gaze before his eyes were forcibly dragged back up to meet Mayer’s. “What really matters.”
Luke was breathless; Noah could see it in the way he was frozen in place, just staring back at him.
“What do you want?” asked Luke carefully, slowly, as if Mayer should be walked around as if on eggshells. “Tell me what you want.”
Noah wet his lips, the room suddenly far too dry to be having this conversation in.
“I want…” Noah started hoarsely, “I want things I shouldn’t want.”
“Who says?” Luke said suddenly and fiercely. “Who says you shouldn’t?”
“I don’t deserve them,” Noah admitted, and he believed that he’d never said a truer thing.
“You deserve everything,” Luke jabbed Mayer sternly in his chest. “You deserve it all and more and all you have to do is ask.” Luke’s gaze was intense even as his voice softened, the intimate tone tearing down at Noah’s mental walls. “Please ask. Please.”
Noah broke apart at the first please.
“Can I,” he started, closing his eyes against the rush of shamelovehurtlustterroraffection that threatened to overwhelm him. Luke’s hand caressed his jaw and his eyes flew open of their own volition. “Can I have you?” he whispered brokenly.
Theoretically, Noah knew that he could not have Luke. Luke was not his for the taking - Noah knew he did not deserve someone like Luke. His life had never been such that he’d ever been lucky enough to own anything as precious as Luke’s heart.
But Luke’s eyes were glistening and his smile was gorgeous and bright and his voice was saying, “You can have me.” So for once in his life, Noah believed in something impossible. He mouthed for a long moment, trying to find the words that had yet to fail him tonight, but nothing came. He just stared at Luke, wondering just how long forever was and if it would ever be long enough, wondering whether his father would ever understand the hope and the fear coursing through him, wondering if tonight would be it.
“What’s wrong?” Luke murmured, his eyes trained on Noah’s lips, before darting back up to his eyes.
Everything, Noah’s mind shouted.
“Nothing,” Noah’s mouth and heart whispered back.
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