Good To Know That If I Ever Need Attention All I Have To Do Is Die
Yesterday I realized how vain I am. I was watching a funeral scene and for some reason my heart strings were plucked. It make me think about how my funeral will be. It made me think that if I go to war like the soldier on the show that I might die an honorable death. That I would make my friends and family proud. I guess I just feel like I need to feel important. Thats what makes me feel alive. I have this feeling that I'm going to do young and I accept that as a reality and a future but, I don't know... I feel weird when I think like that. Like, I want to die so that I can be important or something. I don't hate myself or my life, for the most part at least. I mean it's not like I am in despair or just want to get this over with. I'm not trying to kill myself. I just want to be important. It seems like the younger you are when you die the more important it is. But I guess another thing I am afraid of is not having anything to show for in life. Fuck.