Have You Ever Wished You Were Somebody Else?
The dream I had last night disturbed me so much. It caught me off guard and hurt more that I expected it to. I guess that's what made it stand out so much. In the dream, I ran into one of the girls from the JPL Junior High group I used to help out at. She was attending a birthday party at a park and had clown facepaint on. I wasn't looking for her, just taking a stroll through the park. She spotted me and her face lit up, she was so excited to see me and all I could do was pretend I didn't see her and rush off. For some reason, I couldn't face her. Later in the dream, feeling guilty, I showed up to the kids' high school graduation. They were all the same age as when I knew them, but they were definitely graduating. It felt good to see them all again.
When I woke up, I felt so awful. Like, I was the biggest asshole on the face of the planet. the dream stemmed from a conversation I had with Andre recently. He friend requested me on Facebook and I accepted. We talked for a while and JPL got brought up. We both went on about how hard it was to leave. If it wasn't for certain people, I would LOVE to go back and help out again. I left because I was too radical for their liking, but fuck it man. Ugh.
I was so surprised that I ran from that little girl in my dream. I mean, I guess not really, cause that's what I usually do when I run into people that I haven't seen in a while. I don't know why I do it, I mean, I do, but still. It's instinct. I guess. I started avoiding people because growing up, I switched schools a few times and I would run into people from my past and approach them and greet them only to have them forget who I was. It happened enough times that I began to avoid people to avoid looking like an idiot. But now, it's beyond that. Now, it's because I have nothing to show for in my life. I haven't done anything amazing since high school. I've worked a few dead end jobs and hung out with my friends a bunch. That's it. I dropped out of college and got kicked out of my house. I lived with friends and an ex-girlfriend for the majority of a year. I had aspiration but lost them all. I have nothing to show for so I avoid people to avoid their questions about what I've been up to.
When I woke up, I felt so awful. Like, I was the biggest asshole on the face of the planet. the dream stemmed from a conversation I had with Andre recently. He friend requested me on Facebook and I accepted. We talked for a while and JPL got brought up. We both went on about how hard it was to leave. If it wasn't for certain people, I would LOVE to go back and help out again. I left because I was too radical for their liking, but fuck it man. Ugh.
I was so surprised that I ran from that little girl in my dream. I mean, I guess not really, cause that's what I usually do when I run into people that I haven't seen in a while. I don't know why I do it, I mean, I do, but still. It's instinct. I guess. I started avoiding people because growing up, I switched schools a few times and I would run into people from my past and approach them and greet them only to have them forget who I was. It happened enough times that I began to avoid people to avoid looking like an idiot. But now, it's beyond that. Now, it's because I have nothing to show for in my life. I haven't done anything amazing since high school. I've worked a few dead end jobs and hung out with my friends a bunch. That's it. I dropped out of college and got kicked out of my house. I lived with friends and an ex-girlfriend for the majority of a year. I had aspiration but lost them all. I have nothing to show for so I avoid people to avoid their questions about what I've been up to.