FIC: Beware Flying Objects
Title: Beware: Flying Objects
Author: rons_pigwidgeon
Beta: aigooism and lithrael
Pairing: Severus/Harry
Rating: M
Warnings: cursing, some sexual content
Word Count: 7,095
Summary: It was a pleasant existence overall, being dead. And so of course, Severus could not be left to it. Lily and James have A Plan.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Part I
On what would have been his fiftieth birthday, Severus Snape was born again. Sort of. In the coming back from the dead in a brand-spanking-new body sort of way, and not in the found-Jesus and was ready to repent for his sins sort of way. Well-the Jesus part was true, just not the repenting. And Jesus had really found him, rather embarrassingly entangled with Regulus Black on the floor of a broom cupboard. Not that the entanglement had been worth the embarrassment of having been found out by Jesus, as neither had actually had bodies and so had felt nothing, but we'll get back to that part later. Right at the moment, Severus was hurtling through the atmosphere towards Earth at about 200 kilometers per hour.
All he could think about, as he hurtled through the sky, was how lovely it was to be able to feel again. He could feel the wind pressure against his skin, the heat of the sun. He hadn't realized he had missed either until the sensations had returned. All-in-all, it was a marvelous feeling, being alive again.
He was really starting to enjoy himself when suddenly he crash-landed into a warm, cushiony substance. In shock at the unexpected development, it took a few moments before he could collect himself enough to open his eyes and determine where and onto what he had landed. Looking about himself, he found that he was in the Quidditch stands at Hogwarts, and that he had fallen right into the very comfortable lap of Harry Potter.
When Severus died in the Shrieking Shack that fateful night twelve years ago, he never expected to see Harry Potter again, at least not alive. The thought had been a comfort during the long arguments he was forced to endure with Sirius and James. Sirius especially seemed to garner a certain pleasure from fighting with Severus. He would seek Severus out in the most out-of-the-way corners and try to accuse him of everything from sucking Voldemort's toes, to molesting students, to not showering. The last was the most confusing as spirits were physically incapable of either accumulating dirt or cleaning themselves. But Sirius persisted and Severus' hatred for the man made him incapable of ignoring the taunts. And so, they were often found barking expletives at one another, or out-right brawling in various and random points throughout Heaven.
Severus liked to think that he had the upper hand in these arguments, but there was still a niggling doubt in the back of his mind, that perhaps he should not allow himself to be so easily provoked. He got the best of these frustrating thoughts by engaging in frottage with Regulus in spare broom cupboards, but they really weren't worth the effort put forth, as Regulus has been a terrible kisser when he was alive, and was even worse without a body to restrain his rather frantic phantom tongue wiggling.
The entire situation frustrated Lily, who was always trying to dissuade him from both the arguments, and the frottage. They would often take long walks through the Garden of Eden and talk. Severus told her a toned-down version of her son's life as he saw it, minus all the insults he would normally have inserted, and she told him what had happened to make her fall in love with James. They often discussed what they thought would have happened had Severus not called her a 'Mudblood' that fateful summer day during Fifth year: would they have remained friends, would Severus have joined Voldemort? Would Lily have married James? They debated whether or not Voldemort would have been defeated if Severus hadn't said what he did. Severus thought they would still be under his control; Lily liked to remind him that there was still Neville Longbottom. Severus of course dismissed any idea that Neville would have found the strength to fight had Harry not been alive to inspire him. Lily only ever gave him an enigmatic smile in return. She knew something that he did not, and he could not weasel it out of her.
His walks with Lily were the highlight of his afterlife; he loved being able to spend time with his most cherished friend without the prejudices and distractions of life to get between them. There were other enjoyments as well, though. He had developed quite a fancy for the Arch Angel Gabriel and enjoyed playing chess with him of an evening, even though he never won. The losing was worth it just to stare upon his beautiful face. Severus also had access to every book he had ever wanted to read, and the most relaxing library he had ever experienced in which to read them. Albus liked to visit him there and give him updates on the rebuilding progress. Severus didn't much care and never went to the Dome Observatory to watch the proceedings himself, but he enjoyed his time with Albus and so indulged him. It was a pleasant existence overall, and so he was dubious when Lily and James came to him with A Plan.
"Severus, I owe you a debt," James told him. He looked more serious than usual, and it unnerved Severus to see the expression.
"How did you decide that? I believe it was you who saved my life, not the other way around."
"Harry. You saved Harry. For that, we both owe you our souls," Lily piped in.
"He is not worth your souls. Believe me, I know him." The wounded look this statement won from James was not quite worth the same look on Lily's. "I apologize; that was uncalled for. What exactly is this plan of yours, that I might know what foolishness I am about to be subjected to?"
"We had a consultation with Jesus and have asked him to bring you back to life so that you might start anew, live the life you would have led without Voldemort's influence," James told him, Lily nodding at what he said.
Severus was immediately suspicious. "In what manner would this happen? Would I be put into the body of an infant? Be returned to my own scarred, bitten, rotting body and look like an Inferius? Put into a stranger who has died?"
"Your body will be healed and you will be sent back in it."
"As an adult or a child?"
"An adult," said Lily. "I know you wouldn't want to go through childhood again."
"Will I have to dig myself out of my own grave?"
"No." Lily looked horrified at the very idea. Severus knew several vampires who had had to dig themselves out and knew the process was not pleasant. He was pleased that he would not have to go through such an ordeal himself.
"Will I retain my memory?"
"Yes."
"Even my time here?"
Lily and James looked at each other. "We don't know. He didn't say," Lily answered.
Severus' eyes moved back to his book, but he wasn't reading. He thought carefully. Did he want to return to life? Even without Voldemort, there would be struggle. Did he want to go back to that? On the other hand, he would be able to touch again, taste, smell. Have sex. Well, that depended on what state his body was in when they returned it to him, really. He had the advantage of appearing the way he chose now, clean, unscarred, and much younger than his nearly fifty years. He would not have such an advantage on Earth.
"I shall have to consider this. Would it be all right for me to have a few days before making my decision?" he asked.
"That would be fine. We were thinking of this as a birthday present, anyway, so it isn't scheduled to happen until the ninth."
"In two days? You've already scheduled my return to life without asking me first?"
"Relax, Snivvy. We had to make sure they would do it before we told you, and Jesus made us pick a date to put in his Blackberry. He's very busy, you know," James snapped. It was clear now that James hadn't enjoyed the planning of this and just wanted it over with. As a general rule, he and Severus did not speak except to argue, and having to converse civilly now was probably killing him. One sharp glare from Lily brought him back in line. Severus didn't quite manage to wipe the smug satisfaction off his face at seeing James scolded and received a glare of his own as consequence. He frowned.
"Fine, I'll do this. It will be interesting, at least. Now, if you will excuse me, I would like to finish my book. It is no longer printed on Earth, and I don't fancy waiting a century to find out how it ends."
Lily's glare turned into a wide smile, and she kissed Severus on the cheek. "I'm glad you've agreed. I just want to see you happy, Severus." She had the look that told him she knew something that he did not again. He tried to ignore the look and return to his book.
"Yes, yes, thank you. I very much appreciate your meddling. Now, please let me enjoy my book."
He allowed her to kiss him once more on the cheek and nodded when she insisted on telling him that she loved him. Having done so, she took a still-surly looking James by the arm and led him away. Severus tried to return to his book, but his mind continued to return to what was going to happen in two days time. He finally threw the book across the room in frustration.
And that was how Severus found himself completely naked atop Harry Potter's lap, in the middle of the Quidditch stands at Hogwarts during what appeared to be the most-attended match of the decade. And everything and everyone had stopped and was now staring at Severus in stunned silence. Brilliant.
Part II
Harry Potter had no idea what was going on. He had been enjoying a very exciting game of Quidditch, in which his favorite student had scored six goals already, when suddenly there was a loud commotion and a bony, naked body was in his lap. He looked down into the face of the body in his lap and was stunned to find a very young Severus Snape staring back at him.
Aside from the occasional photograph or nightmare (or inappropriate wet dream), Harry had never anticipated seeing Severus Snape again. The man was dead after all, and Harry had got rid of the Resurrection Stone. It had been a hard potion to swallow, knowing that Snape was gone just as he had started to understand the man. At first, he had fantasized about what would have happened had Snape lived. Would they be friends now? Would Harry have developed the feelings he now had stirring in his gut? Would Snape have reciprocated those feelings?
Eventually, he learned not to dwell on such thoughts, to move on with his life. He joined the Aurors. He got back together with Ginny. After an acceptable period of time (and an unacceptable amount of doubt), he married her. Life moved at its own pace, and soon he had three beautiful children he never got to spend any time with, a wife he wasn't in love with, and a job that was far too stressful for his liking.
When he missed his little girl's first steps because he was in a late meeting at work, he decided that he had had enough. He declined their offer of Head Auror and quit his job. Ginny was horrified, but soon found that she liked having Harry around to do all the chores and take care of the children. She tried out for the chaser position for the Holyhead Harpies and made it. Soon Ginny was the one who was always at work, and Harry the house husband. His friends all thought this role reversal mad and took pleasure in telling him so. He didn't care. He was in Heaven. He got to spend all day with his three children, playing with them, reading to them, watching them learn and discover the world around them. He loved seeing the look in their eyes when some bit of knowledge finally clicked, and was always amazed at how quickly their little minds could absorb what he was teaching them.
Time again moved steadily on. The children grew. Ginny spent more and more time traveling with her team, and less and less time at home. The day she came to him asking for a divorce was no surprise to him. Her reason for the divorce-that she had married him to live a life of fame and adventure, and not to settle down and build a family-was. He had always thought she wanted the children and the big house, but when he got both in the divorce, and she moved on to some French Quidditch player, he decided to re-evaluate his ex-wife. He began to question why they had ever married in the first place, and whether he had ever really known her.
The Weasleys were all devastated when Ginny left, Ron especially. He had always been more invested in Harry and Ginny's relationship than Harry had been, and it was not surprising when he reacted badly to news of their divorce. For Harry's part, he focused his energy on protecting his three small children from the media back-lash and trying to make sure they didn't feel abandoned by their mother.
That was why when a letter came from Hogwarts offering him the Muggle Studies position, he and the children packed up, sold their manor house in Sussex, and relocated to Hogsmeade. There were wards around the castle that kept out reporters (a remnant of the days when Harry himself was a student), and Harry had it extended to the primary school the children attended during the day, so that they were protected from bright flashing bulbs and inappropriate questions about their parents. The primary school in Hogsmeade was of exceptional quality, despite being run by Romilda Larson, nee Vane. The children enjoyed their lessons, liked the small house Harry had purchased just outside of the village, and made quick friends with the other local children. Harry's schedule was set so that he had enough time to walk them to school and to pick them up afterwards, bringing them to the castle with him, where they would study in the sitting room connected to his office before eating their evening meal at the staff table. Minerva took a special interest in them, James in particular as he was constantly asking her questions about her Animagus form whenever he saw her. Soon the students were used to seeing the three Potter children at the staff table with Harry and even began to greet them in the corridors after a short time.
As life began to settle into a routine, Harry began to think that perhaps Ginny's departure had not been the life-shattering event he had originally thought it to be. Her leaving had helped him become closer to his children, to know them better. And his return to Hogwarts, a move he knew Ginny would not have approved of, felt like a sort of home-coming. He became content, happy. That is until Severus Snape decided to land in his lap and completely upturn his peaceful little world.
Harry was half-way through his third year of teaching that fateful January day. Nothing could have prepared him for the shock of seeing his former professor completely starkers, sprawled out on his lap. Except, when Harry took a closer look , he noticed that the body in his lap was not that of Severus Snape, nor could it be. It was the body of a man barely thirty years old and without a blemish on him. Not even the Dark Mark. What sort of cruel joke was this?
Harry's immediate reaction was to stand up in outrage, dropping his lapful onto the hard wooden flooring, and to pull out his wand. He trained it on the groaning, cringing figure at his feet, and the man was quickly bound, clothed, and rendered motionless.
"Professor!" cried Minerva from behind him.
He didn't take his eyes off the body as he answered, in full Auror-mode. "Will you assist me in transferring this intruder to the castle, so that we might interrogate him, and find out what in the bloody hell he thought he was doing?"
Part III
"Who on Earth do you think he is? He obviously can't be Severus; he's too young. Do you think he could be a Metamorphmagus?" Flitwick asked as he, Harry, and Minerva stood over the chair they had tied Severus to. He was beginning to wake up, rustling in his bindings and eyes slowly creaking open.
"I don't know, but we're going to find out. Whatever joke he thought he was playing wasn't funny," Harry answered, glaring down at the man with a tiny suspicion that he was looking at his own godson.
Severus let out a groan and tried to stretch. "What the... why am I bound to a chair in my own storage room?" The voice was spot-on Snape, which at least served to convince Harry that it definitely wasn't Teddy, as his godson had never heard did not relieve his anger.
"Who are you?" Minerva demanded, arms crossed over her chest and a look of such distaste on her face that Harry almost pitied the poor sod at the other end.
He peered up at her, recognition lighting his black eyes. "Minerva, thank God. Untie me, please. And why am I dressed in pajamas that look to have been made out of the tapestry of Godric the Wise? Is this some sort of sick joke? If I'd known I was to be greeted with this sort of treatment when I was returned to Earth, I most certainly would not have accepted the offer. Minerva? Filius? Why have you not untied me yet?" He blinked at them, clearly as confused as they were. It was then that he noticed the angry looks on their faces.
"The Professor asked you a question. Who are you?" Harry repeated.
"What do you mean who am I? Are you still as much of an idiot as you were in school, Potter? I am Severus Snape." He spoke as if he was answering the stupidest question he had ever heard. And in Severus' mind, it was. How could they question who he was? Could they not see it in his face? They had all known him well when he was alive the first time.
"Severus Snape has been dead for twelve years. I dug his grave myself, and all three of us were at the funeral. I repeat, who are you?"
Severus was surprised to hear that Potter had dug his grave. He hadn't thought the brat cared one tick about him. His surprise did not stop him from becoming frustrated, though. He was freezing sitting in his dank dungeon, bare feet on the cold stone floor, and his shoulders were beginning to ache. All he wanted was a hot toddy and a warm bed. Unfortunately for him, he would get neither for quite some time. "I am aware that I was dead. I have been restored to my body and returned to Earth thanks in large-part to your parents. They claimed it was a birthday present."
Harry cut a look to Minerva. It was Severus' birthday. But anyone who had read one of his many biographies would have known that.
"How are we supposed to believe that?" Flitwick chimed in, looking a fair deal crosser than Harry had ever seen him.
"Identification spell? Blood testing? Medical examination? Check my coffin? Ask questions? Pick your preference, just do it quickly. I have had a long journey and would very much like to go to bed soon." Harry looked to Minerva for permission to do the first test. She nodded, and he went through the motions for the Identification spell. A glowing blue light passed over Severus slowly, scanning every centimeter of his body before hovering above his head and contorting into the words:
Severus Tobias Snape
born: January 9, 1960
died: May 2, 1998
reborn: January 9, 2010
All three stared at the glowing blue words in silence, disbelieving what they were seeing. Harry was the first to comment. "That's impossible. You must have done something to confuse the spell."
"There is nothing you can do to confuse an Identification spell if it has been performed correctly, you idiot. It even shows through Polyjuice Potion," Severus spat, completely fed-up with the entire conversation. What more did they want him to do to prove that he was indeed himself? Filius looked as though he might be beginning to see sense, but Minerva still looked confused. And Potter... Potter was going to be as impossible as usual, he could see. It would have been too much to expect him to have grown into some sense.
Harry glared at the insult. "If you are Severus, why do you look so young? Severus would be fifty years old today."
"How young do I look?"
"Around my age, maybe a few years older."
"Really? He said that I would be healed. I hadn't thought He meant de-aged as well. Perhaps He had to shift my age in order to better heal me." Severus became lost in his thoughts and drifted off.
Frustrated, Harry pushed up the sleeve on his transfigured pajamas and showed him the bare, blank flesh of his forearm.
"Stop lying. The Mark doesn't come off, so obviously you aren't Severus. Who. Are. You?"
Severus had a minor blow-up of his own at the intrusion. "I am Severus Snape, you halfwit! You've already tested me. Why are you being so bloody-minded about this?"
"Who brought you back, then? You keep referring to a 'he', but my dad didn't have that sort of power, so who was it?"
"God, obviously."
"You saw God?" Harry's tone was deeply skeptical.
Severus was hesitant, still not completely certain on the details himself. "Not precisely. As far as I could gather, it was a joint effort between all three branches, but I only ever met Jesus."
There was a pause. Minerva and Filius both looked unable to speak. And then the room was filled with a sudden and very loud outburst of laughter. "You actually expect us to believe that you were resurrected by God?" Minerva and Filius continued to look uncertain while Harry spent the next minute bent over, laughing his arse off. Severus merely glared at him.
"You have no intention of quitting this charade and telling us who you are, do you?" Minerva asked.
"Do the other tests if you must. Just, could I have a cup of tea? And would you untie me? And for fuck's sake, get me out of this embarrassment of an ensemble. Just looking at it is giving me a headache."
His requests were ignored, but Madame Pomfrey was called in to perform a medical exam on him. They spent the next several days running tests and had everyone from the Minister of Magic, to the Aurors, to several specialists from St. Mungo's in to examine him. In the end, all the tests came out the same way, and they finally could no longer deny the evidence. The man was Severus Snape, come back from the dead.
The return of a long-dead war hero was not something the public could ignore. Severus was front-page news for a week straight. He could barely leave the castle without being mobbed by reporters, not that he had much desire to. The minuscule number of galleons in his vault, his home, and the majority of his assets had been liquidated, and his entire library donated to Hogwarts. Severus found out with some prodding that Potter had used the money to set up a shelter for witches and wizards in abusive relationships with Muggles. The shelter apparently provided housing, counseling, and legal aid to assist the victims in navigating the Muggle legal system. Upon finding this information out from Minerva, Severus lashed out at Potter for making his private home life public knowledge, but he was secretly pleased with the arrangement. However, with all of his worldly possessions either liquidated or tucked away in the archives of the Hogwarts' library, Severus was left with nothing to live on. Minerva was happy to have him stay in the castle for the time being. Once she was reconciled to the fact that it was indeed him, she had shown an out-pouring of affection for him, the likes of which he had not been privy to since his mother passed.
He was given a set of rooms near his former dungeon quarters, a private laboratory in which to brew if he so chose, and a small allowance with which to purchase clothing and other essential goods. At first, he spent his days wandering the castle and the grounds, adjusting to his new body and feeling a bit overloaded with all the sensations he could once more sense. He spent hours on the grounds, re-familiarizing himself with paths he had walked thousands of times in his previous life, listening to the sounds of nature all around him, and enjoying the feeling of the wind in his hair and the sun on his skin. He even relished the cold of Scottish winter and the tingling, near-hypothermic feeling he got in his fingers and toes when he lay in the snow for too long.
He sat in on potions lessons with Professor Nelson, who, Minerva informed him, had only been teaching a year and had yet to complete his Mastery. Severus enjoyed correcting him when he answered his students' questions incorrectly. It left the man nervous and sweaty and caused him to stutter. The corrections had the unexpected effect of amusing the students, who usually smirked or snickered when Severus barked out a correct answer. Eventually, Minerva forced him to stop this practice as apparently it was causing Professor Nelson to turn prematurely gray and, on occasion, to cry, both of which were apparently undermining his ability to control his class. Severus complied grudgingly on the condition that he be permitted to monitor the young professor when he brewed the more complicated potions Madame Pomfrey requested for the Infirmary. With the way Nelson was running his classes, Severus doubted that he could brew a successful batch of calming draught, let alone something as complicated and volatile as the Wolfsbane Potion.
In his wanderings throughout the school, Severus had frequent run-ins with Potter's children, none old enough to attend Hogwarts, but all apparently permitted free-reign. It was just like Minerva to bend the rules about staff offspring for Potter. The oldest looked a slightly smaller version of James when he first attended Hogwarts, while the youngest looked exactly like Lily had the first time Severus had laid eyes on her. It caught his breath every time he saw her skipping along behind her older brothers, long red hair swishing behind her.
It was the middle child who intrigued Severus the most, though. He had Lily's eyes and a bit of Potter's upstart personality, but he was sharp as a wit and showed an interest in potions. Severus was shocked the first time he found the little boy standing at his door, asking Severus for help with a potion he was working on for school. Soon little Albus was spending most of his free time in Severus' rooms, crawling up the tallest stools in the lab to watch Severus brew, asking him questions, talking to him. It got to the point that Severus' brewing suffered if he did not have the eight-year-old near him, nattering on about whatever came into his messy-haired head. He grew to like the little boy so much that he wasn't even disgusted when he discovered that Potter had named the child after him. He blasted Potter from one side of the castle to the other for doing so, but like the shelter, it secretly pleased him.
It did not please him, however, to discover that Potter had written a biography about Severus' life, using government documents, interviews with his friends and colleagues, letters he had exchanged, and his own personal memories that he had only shared with Potter so that Potter would know how to kill Voldemort. The book was actually very well written, and mostly accurate, but the fact that it was Potter who had written it rubbed Severus the wrong way. And he had no qualms about letting Potter know that, showing up at his office door during lunch time and slamming the book on his desk.
"What is this drivel? What makes you think that you had any right whatsoever to make my personal, private memories of Albus and your mother available for the masses to peruse at their leisure?" he demanded, towering over Potter's desk in his most menacing stance.
Potter stared agape at him for a long moment before he was able to answer. "I... you were dead. People were saying that you were a terrible human being, that you had been on Voldemort's side the entire time. I wanted to exonerate you, tell people the truth. You were the most admirable hero to fight in the war. I wanted people to know that."
"My being dead does not excuse your improper use of my memories. You will immediately stop printing this poorly written, pathetic excuse for a biography and have all remaining retail copies destroyed." He even used his most intimidating voice, but it seemed to have no affect on Potter. Instead, he stood from his chair to better match Severus' height and, turning the book so that the back cover was visible, pointed to a small paragraph at the bottom corner.
"I'm sorry, Severus, but I can't do that. All the profits from the sale of this book go to the domestic violence shelter. If I stopped selling them, there would be no way to fund the project. And besides, what will you do? Sue me? I think not. I would be happy to revise it, if you like. And I will return your memories to you. But the book stays in print."
Severus became inexplicably angry at this statement and rounded the desk so as to better intimidate Potter into backing down. It was a mistake. So far, in the three months that he had been alive again, he'd had limited physical contact with Potter, and so had been able to squelch the minor attraction he was feeling for the man. Now, in such close proximity, he could feel the heat of Potter's skin and smell his cologne, all bets were off. The pent-up sexual tension he had been suffering through for the last twelve years was suddenly at center stage and he was having a difficult time not snogging the object of his desire. He managed to push through the flashes of heat to say, "I believe I informed you of my opinion on that shelter you opened under my name, also without my consent."
Potter rolled his eyes. "One, how did you expect me to get your consent when you were dead? Two, you can stop protesting about the shelter any time now. I know you secretly approve of it."
"I most certainly do not."
"You don't fool me, and if you really want to fool me, might I suggest you stop talking to my son? I don't know if you've noticed, but he's incapable of keeping quiet for more than two minutes together." Severus glared, but it had little effect. "Are you done? Because unless you're going to snog me, I have twenty essays on the purpose of the telephone to mark before next lesson."
Severus backed up in panic. "Why in Heaven would anyone want to snog you? Clearly not even the littlest Weasley was interested and she married you."
The barb held less sting than he had hoped for. Harry only shrugged and gave him the same knowing smile that Lily used to give him. "Do you want to help me mark?" he asked, holding up the stack of essays. Severus hesitated, before grudgingly pulling up a seat, and snatching half the stack. He missed the pleased grin Harry gave him as he sat in his own chair and began to read.
Harry had managed to close the book on his feelings for Severus, both figuratively and literally, when he finished the biography. But now that Severus had returned, the feelings had seen a resurgence that had Harry's heart pounding and his palms sweating whenever he saw the man. The occasional close-contact did nothing to quench his desire, and so he decided to pursue Severus in his own quiet way. He spent the next month trying to start conversations with Severus whenever he saw him, which he made certain was often. Harry feared that being too forward might scare Severus away, so instead he went slowly, a smile down the staff table here, a quiet conversation in the corridors there. He tried to be subtle.
"Did you happen to see Al around this afternoon? I haven't seen him since lunch and I'm worried some of the Slytherins might have taken a fancy to him." Harry asked as he walked into the room without knocking and propped himself on the edge of Severus' lab table.
"He does have many of the qualities important to a Slytherin. It isn't surprising," Severus returned, focus on the blueberry roots he was chopping.
"Yeah, but I worry that they're up to no good. What self-respecting thirteen-year-olds are really interested in hanging out with an eight-year-old? Anyway, have you seen him?" He subtly scooted a bit closer along the table.
"No, not since breakfast. Have you checked the Room of Requirement? I know that he likes to watch the trolls attempt to dance in their tapestry."
"Al wouldn't be staring at a tapestry on a Saturday. He usually spends them with you."
"Well, as he is not currently with me, I believe it would be safe to assume that he is elsewhere." He set down his knife and gave Harry a stern look. "Why must you insist on shortening that child's name? Is two syllables too complex for you?"
He tried to raise one eyebrow, but failed. "What does it matter what I call him? He's mine; I could call him Lucifer and it wouldn't be anyone's business but mine."
"Al is such an undignified shortening of an otherwise prestigious name."
"You're right; it is a prestigious name. However, he is a child. He needs a nice, simple kid's name. I could call him Bus or Bussy, if you like those better." He gave Severus a cheeky grin and slid just a bit closer again.
Severus sneered. "If you called that child by either of those names, I would have you reported to The Department for Child Wellness for child harassment and verbal abuse."
Harry laughed, shaking his head. "You take things too seriously sometimes, you know? I was only teasing you."
Severus' expression softened. "I know. I just do not understand why you insist on refusing to call your child by the name that you gave him."
"Because it drives you completely mad."
Severus scowled again, took up his knife, and waved it at Harry in a shooing motion. "Go bother someone else, why don't you? I've work to do."
Harry smiled a secret smile and slowly made his way out, muttering teasing insults as he went. He stopped at the door and turned to say one last thing. "If Bussy does show up, tell him to check in sometime before dinner, yeah?" All he got by answer was a nod and another wag of the knife. He walked away grinning.
And then, in the middle of March when the snow was just beginning to melt, all three of his children contracted dragon pox, and everything changed once more. Harry sent notice to Minerva that he would need a week off of work for a family emergency and burrowed the kids away in their beds with warming charms and Marvin the Muggle comics. He didn't expect any visitors. He most certainly hadn't expected Severus to come banging on the door directly after lunch the first day, demanding to know if Albus was all right.
"He'll be fine in a few days. They all three got dragon pox from school. I was going to owl to see if you could brew a cream for me to rub on their spots, but I haven't had time yet. Do you want to come in?"
"Yes, may I see him? You're certain it's just dragon pox?"
"That's what their healer said. They're covered in flaming spots and itching like mad, so I have to assume that's what they've got. You can see for yourself, though. Albus' room is this way." Harry led him up the stairs and to the second bedroom on the right. Albus looked very small and sickly in his bed, little flames popping up everywhere on his skin. His eyes lit up upon seeing Severus in the doorway.
"Professor Snape! Did Dad tell you about the pox?"
"He did. How are you feeling?" Severus asked, pulling up a chair next to the bed.
Albus went into a long description of all his symptoms, holding nothing back and chattering Severus' ear practically off, but Severus listened without showing any signs of boredom. It made Harry's heart surge to watch the two interacting, and it was all Harry could do not to grab Severus and snog him senseless.
Severus spent the majority of the week at the house, assisting Harry with cooking and cleaning and caring for the children. He spent quite a bit of time keeping Albus company, playing chess with him, reading to him, telling him about his escapades during the war.
On the fourth day, Harry was busy making a nice stew for dinner, when he felt a warm presence at his back. "Is that beef stew? It smells delicious," Severus said, peering over Harry's shoulder.
Harry focused on not leaning back into the heat of Severus' body. "Yeah, Molly's recipe. She said it's the best thing for building up immune systems."
"Mmm, I would agree." Severus moved to the side and leant his backside against the counter so that he and Harry were facing each other. "Albus fell asleep while I was reading to him."
"What about the other two? Did you check on them?"
"Yes, James has decided that his time would be best spent pouting after I reprimanded him for scratching his pox. Lily is acting out The Fountain of Fair Fortune with three dolls and a teddy bear."
Harry smiled down at the stew. "It's her favorite."
"Yes, she informed me of that, as well as asking if I would like to join her. Unfortunately, puppetry is not my strong suit."
"No? I would have thought you'd be good at drama. You certainly enjoying making a scene." Harry smirked over at him and received a mocking glare for his efforts. He quickly sobered, deciding to say what he had been putting off saying for several days. "Thank you. You didn't have to come here and help me with them, but you have no idea how much it means to me that you did. They've had a rough time of it since Ginny left, and it's good to see them bonding with someone besides me." He leaned over and kissed Severus on the corner of his mouth.
He meant to pull immediately away, but Severus took hold of his elbow and brought him closer, pressing their lips fully together. It was only a brief kiss, a tender press of lips upon lips, but it made Harry's heart beat triple. Harry knew that Severus hadn't meant the kiss as any sort of declaration of love, but in that moment Harry fell, hard. He instantly knew that he was hopelessly in love with Severus Snape, and subtlety had suddenly and abruptly left the building. This man would be his, and it no longer mattered what he had to do to win him.
At first, Severus had thought that his reason for assisting Harry with his minor epidemic was so that Albus would get better quickly and return to pestering him in his potions lab, but when he threw his inhibitions out the door and kissed Harry over the kitchen stove, Severus could no longer lie to himself. He had wanted to help so that he could be near Harry, whose nearness he was beginning to crave like oxygen and clean clothing. Even though Harry often infuriated him, said things that were downright idiotic, and had all the poise and grace of a baby elephant, Severus enjoyed being around him. He liked listening to Harry's over-energetic commentary and the smell of his hair and the way he always wore clothing that fit him in just the right ways.
Severus found himself staring at Harry from across rooms and down corridors without even realizing it, found that he tended to move closer whenever Harry spoke. It was distracting, and exciting at the same time. He was hyper-aware of his proximity to Harry whenever they were in the same room, and often found himself touching Harry whenever possible, just so that he could feel that spark of electric shock when their skin met. He suspected that Harry felt it, too, the spark, because Harry would look up at him whenever they touched, and Severus could detect a hint of heat behind his eyes. They even shared another brief kiss, once, when Harry was thanking him for watching the children for the afternoon while Harry met with Molly to plan a birthday dinner for James.
Nothing moved beyond these brief interactions, though, and Severus began to think that perhaps they never would, but of course, he was not privy to Harry's plans.
By the end of the school year, Severus had managed to insult, intimidate, and infuriate Professor Nelson right out of his position. He tried to insist that it had not been his intention to do so, but Minerva didn't believe him. The self-satisfied smirk that crept onto his face when she offered him the now-open position didn't help his cause any, but he didn't care. He moved back into his quarters immediately, and began plans to sort out the damage Nelson's teachings had caused in his students' educations. He had every intention of devoting his entire holiday to organizing his lesson plans. Harry put a halt to all such notions.
The Friday after term ended, Harry shipped his children off to spend a week at the Burrow. He told Molly and Arthur that they just needed some time with their grandparents, and that it would be a nice holiday after finishing school. This was true, for the most part. What he didn't tell them, though, was that he planned to spend his time away from the children seducing Severus. He had spent the last five months agonizing over the feelings of love and desire that had sprung back up to the surface as soon as he was finally convinced that Severus was back. At first he believed that the returning emotions were only a part of his excitement and relief to have Severus back, but after the dragon pox incident, Harry decided that perhaps it would be best to act on his feelings, if only so that he might stop getting so distracted by them all the time. And so, the first Friday evening after term had ended and the school had emptied found Harry at Severus' door.
Severus was surprised to find him there when he answered the knock, having thought that perhaps it was Minerva come to check on the only person left at the school over break. Instead, he was faced with the very last person he would have expected to visit.
Harry looked inordinately good in tight Muggle jeans and a soft grey t-shirt. Severus was so distracted by his desire to reach out and touch the material to see if it was as soft as it appeared, that he nearly missed Harry's opener. "Do you have plans for dinner tonight?"
"Dinner?" he asked, absently.
"Yes, dinner. I thought, maybe, if you weren't doing anything, you might want to come down to my home in the village and have dinner with me. I'm making Yorkshire pudding."
Severus could feel his mouth begin to water. He'd not had Yorkshire pudding since before he died. He desperately wanted to say yes, but he hesitated. It would be difficult to resist molesting Harry if the man fed him his favorite meal while wearing the most delicious pair of trousers Severus had ever seen him in, and he did not want to make a spectacle of himself in front of the miniature Potters. "I have had enough of children for one school year, thank you."
"They're at the Burrow for the entire week. It'll just be you and me."
Severus studied him seriously for a moment. "I must warn you, Mr. Potter. If you are not offering what I believe you are offering, I will not be responsible for my actions against your person. Are you certain you know what you are asking?"
He was ill-prepared for Harry stepping right into his personal space and planting a kiss on his lips. "If you think that I am asking you to have dinner with me alone because I want to shag you senseless, then yes, that is exactly what I'm asking. Game?" Harry whispered against his lips before kissing him again.
Severus was indeed 'game'. And that night he found out that yes, the t-shirt was very soft, but not nearly as soft as the bare skin it hid underneath. It was a very pleasant discovery.
Epilogue
"As much as I would very much enjoy snogging that smirk right off your gorgeous mouth, don't bother. We will not be able to feel anything until the Apocalypse comes and we are returned to our bodies," Severus forewarned as he shifted his book to his other hand to accommodate his husband sliding into his lap. Harry stroked his hair and kissed his temple, both to no effect.
"Do you mean to tell me that we don't get to shag until after the Second Coming? Bloody Hell! I've been waiting months for you to get here just so we could again!" Harry buried his nose in Severus' shoulder and heaved an impatient sigh.
"I know it's frustrating, but believe me, abstaining is the better alternative." Severus' eyes returned to his book. He had waited over one hundred years to get back to it, and he wasn't going to let a little thing like his husband's libido finally returning after nearly thirty years of celibacy distract him.
"To what?"
"To having Jesus find you rolling around on a cupboard floor with your trousers around your ankles."
Harry wrinkled his nose. "Fine. Will you at least kiss me, even if we can't feel it? I've missed you while I was waiting for you to finally come."
Severus rolled his eyes and set his book aside. Honestly, one would think that death might stop a person from being obnoxious, but no such luck. He hooked a hand behind Harry's head and pressed their lips together in a short kiss. Harry moaned into his mouth and pulled him closer, deepening it. Severus indulged him, not particularly seeing the point, but not wishing to have to listen to the whingeing if he didn't. But then, when their tongues met, something sparked. A pleasant sensation traveled down Severus' non-existent spine; then another one. Harry let out a happy sigh and moved to straddle his hips, deepening the kiss even further until his tongue was practically licking his tonsils. And he could feel all of it, every lick. It was a different sensation than kissing in their bodies had been, more ethereal, more spiritual. It felt as though their souls were merging, clashing, bucking together.
They were both too distracted to hear the door creak open, but they pulled apart at the tsking noise behind them. They turned to see Jesus standing there, arms crossed over his chest. "Severus, what have I told you about carnal activities in public places?"
"But…"
"It's my fault, Sir. I didn't know we weren't allowed to kiss," Harry cut in, sliding off of Severus' lap and standing awkwardly at his side.
Jesus gave him a warm smile and shook His head. "You have misunderstood. You may do as you like in the privacy of your own quarters. We would just prefer that you not do so in public. It makes for an unpleasant situation for those here whose soul mates have not yet arrived, you see. Jealousy."
"Soul mates?" Harry asked quietly, almost reverently.
"Yes, that is what you are. Why else do you think it is possible for you to connect on a physical level when neither of you possess physical bodies?"
Harry grinned down at Severus. "Did you hear what He said? We're soul mates and we can connect on a physical level."
Severus stood quickly and took Harry's hand. "Indeed." They both turned to look at Jesus only to find that He was no longer there. They exchanged a look.
"Perhaps we should explore this new-found ability."
"Yes, I think we should. Right now." Severus was pulling him out of the room before he'd even finished the sentence.