ughhhhhh
I hate arguments. They always leaving me feeling like complete crap. Someone always manages to say something they didn't mean and then it's too late to take back.
Most of the time I give up on arguing with anyone anymore. Its too much energy. I'd rather just let you win. But sometimes stupid disagreementa still manage to happen.
Me and Billy are still cute. I still try to impress. I still love his kisses. I adore when he makes me breakfast and his good morning text. But there are times when I really just wish he'd shut up.
He's got this annoying. Aggravating. Idiotic need to be right about everything. Arguing with him is like slamming your head into a wall over and over and over again. Most od the time we manage to find middle ground. The times when we don't are the times I'd rather slam his hand in a car door.
I hate when he gets mad and tells me to go home. I hate when yells because he loses his temper. I hate when he loses his temper! I hate that he's really really mean then wants to apologize afterwards.
But I love him so we figure it out. We yell and scream and he tells me he loves me before I go home. He doesn't hit ne. He doesn't call me names. He doesn't make me feel like trash. Ever.
But he does manage to always decide he just wants to be alone the next day. He's not mad but he doesn't want to see me. somehow, it's that right makes me have to wear sunglasses to church. And its that that makes me sit on th steps outside crying. And that, that makes me go to bed at 8 and ignore everyone. Because I feel like he'd rather hide and not see me after a fight then be together and I get so pissed off I cry til I fall asleep.
Oh, I know we'll be okay. and even Travis tells me Billy loves me, I should remember that. But it still hurts and it still pisses me off.
I haven't talked to him since before church yesterday and every time I woke up I had a text or phone call but I didn't want to talk yet. I didn't want to listen to I'm sorrys and I'm really sorrys. or I love you. I'm sorry. though suee cause I played his voicemail four or five times.
we'll be okay. I'm positive of that but I know this whole thing needs to change. Either those select arguments need to be solved, not happen or go away cause my head hurts from crying about it.
I miss Billy.