(no subject)
I'm not sure if I ever told anyone this, but back around 1993 or 1994 I had a dirty little secret. I was like 11 or 12 years old and there was nothing better than watching my favorite wrestlng program, WWF Raw (NOTE: NOT TRUE ANY MORE, JOHN CENA IS A FAG). Who was my favorite wrestler at the time, you ask? Because you were so fucken polite, I will tell you.
"THE BAD GUY" Razor Ramon
In the couple years or so since I was 11, I've realized that I have a few more things in common with him than I've realized. While I may not ever have a five star (ACCORDING TO DAVE "THE RAVE" MELTZER) match with Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania X, there are some things that our buddy Scott Hall and I have in common. If he's anything like me (and he probably is), he's drunk as shit right now. Also, as Razor Ramon (and not Scott Hall), he was part Cuban and I've heard more than once that I was the best looking Cuban person to never be born. I don't know what that means either.
In life, there are good guys and bad guys. It's natural and anyone that was ever shat out of a womb can tell you that life is like a Saturday night at Pub 43 in Grand Rapids, THERE ARE DICKS EVERYWHERE. None of them ever realize how bad they are but the fact of the matter is life is just a long ass game of Cowboys and Indians and someone's got to be the Indians.
Whoopsie daisy, turns out that someone is me. Not at all unlike Razor Ramon, I am a bad guy also. While I will never be punked out on Raw by the 1-2-3 Kid, if given a choice between a life where I throw toothpicks in the face of everyone I know and a life where I throw no toothpicks at all, run for cover, assholes, because as far as I'm concerned, toothpicks were invented less for dental hygene and more for throwing.
I don't know if anyone's supposed to realize it, but it turns out I'm like a mix between Bowzer, Lex Luthor, and Yokozuna all rolled into one. Stop telling girls you know that I'm a nice guy because as far as that phrase is concerned, "nice guy" is just a quicker way to call someone a manipulative motherfucker. I'd like to put an end to my continued terrorism against humanity, but I need some help. I think it's best for everyone if I spend all my days and nights just getting high and watching wrestling. The first person that figures out a way for me to afford such a luxurious lifestyle will also be the last person burdened by my crimes against mankind. Get thinking, America, because I'm not getting any less terrible.
"THE BAD GUY" Razor Ramon
In the couple years or so since I was 11, I've realized that I have a few more things in common with him than I've realized. While I may not ever have a five star (ACCORDING TO DAVE "THE RAVE" MELTZER) match with Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania X, there are some things that our buddy Scott Hall and I have in common. If he's anything like me (and he probably is), he's drunk as shit right now. Also, as Razor Ramon (and not Scott Hall), he was part Cuban and I've heard more than once that I was the best looking Cuban person to never be born. I don't know what that means either.
In life, there are good guys and bad guys. It's natural and anyone that was ever shat out of a womb can tell you that life is like a Saturday night at Pub 43 in Grand Rapids, THERE ARE DICKS EVERYWHERE. None of them ever realize how bad they are but the fact of the matter is life is just a long ass game of Cowboys and Indians and someone's got to be the Indians.
Whoopsie daisy, turns out that someone is me. Not at all unlike Razor Ramon, I am a bad guy also. While I will never be punked out on Raw by the 1-2-3 Kid, if given a choice between a life where I throw toothpicks in the face of everyone I know and a life where I throw no toothpicks at all, run for cover, assholes, because as far as I'm concerned, toothpicks were invented less for dental hygene and more for throwing.
I don't know if anyone's supposed to realize it, but it turns out I'm like a mix between Bowzer, Lex Luthor, and Yokozuna all rolled into one. Stop telling girls you know that I'm a nice guy because as far as that phrase is concerned, "nice guy" is just a quicker way to call someone a manipulative motherfucker. I'd like to put an end to my continued terrorism against humanity, but I need some help. I think it's best for everyone if I spend all my days and nights just getting high and watching wrestling. The first person that figures out a way for me to afford such a luxurious lifestyle will also be the last person burdened by my crimes against mankind. Get thinking, America, because I'm not getting any less terrible.