Ascension Essay
Since Waking, Drift has worried about his ‘friends’ back home. Initially he wanted to return, hating the idea that he was abandoning his allies on the eve of a major battle. Even though he expected to die the next day, during the fight with the Swarm, he viewed it as cowardice to abandon them.
He ran into Wing, whom he still views as a sort of absolute moral right who was the only one to get through to him: even if he went back to Sleep, he couldn’t help them, but if he stayed here, he could help others. He fought with himself, wanting to go back and not wanting to believe that he couldn’t change anything there. He stayed because he wanted to believe he could change things, help other worlds, though his guilt still lingered.
While in Nautilus, Drift has made a few friends, notably Six and Doctor Holiday, Alice, Jendayi. Six and he both know what it’s like to have gone down the wrong path and how hard the path to redemption can be-something that not even Wing, for all his wisdom, truly understands. Doctor Holiday wants to help, and though he worries about her going too far and getting hurt (like in helping Ioann), he understands where her desire to do all she can, and to take every loss to heart, comes from. Alice needs protection, and he hates that what she’s afraid of he can’t really fix, but he tries all he can and is making it a goal to get her to come outside. Though he didn’t see it, the fact that she let herself be evacuated from the Museum during the Aeon’s attack made him very proud of her courage. And Jendayi…pretty much simply just overwhelms him with her stubborn cuteness and her mix of innocence and optimism. In a lot of ways, she reminds him of Gasket, the first, and only, friend he had before the war.
He keeps trying to do the right thing, which in his mind is protecting others. He’s aware that the only real thing he can do, his only skill, is his ability to fight and as he’s here, he’s realizing that that’s not always enough. And he’s also realizing that he can be…wrong. He thought, for instance, that Arcee was a violent psychopath, because that’s what the Arcee in his world was, and he confronted her. He was wrong, but his spark was in the right place: In his mind, she was intending to hurt Wing.
Even when they were in outright war against the Dark Aeon (and not a reality storm, against which his weapons are entirely useless), his fighting could only do so much while people like Lelouch and the other Ashura accomplished so much more.
When the Aeon first attacked, he was the first to suspect that Bending was the problem, and so he stopped Bending up energon to eat: V had told him previous to this that they didn’t actually need either food or sleep while here in Nautilus, so he went without. But that didn’t stop his vision from starting to fail and he was too stubborn and untrusting to ask for help. He set himself to guard the Museum, where Alice was and he died defending her. This was unintentionally useful: Drift showed up in the real Nautilus, where the Ascended were, and could tell them what he knew of what was going on. He did his best in the fight, and helped rescue the others.
He hates needing help: it was his pride and his hatred of appearing weak that prevented him from seeking help during the Aeon’s blindness attack on him, but later, when Six’s prank tied him up in an unbreakable big red bow, he managed to ask for help. He was not happy about it, especially being caught napping (literally!) but he did ask. And later, before departing for his visit, he asked for the advice of others. It may not seem like much, but it was a huge thing for Drift.
He recently returned to his world, this time, because he wanted to witness. It had bothered him always that they would die alone on a dying planet, and he figured he could at least witness their heroism. To his surprise, that didn’t happen: they survived the battle, and went to Earth and (many other things ensued he hasn’t talked about yet in game) and they were just about on the brink of a final victory when suddenly, the creature from the Dead Universe reached out to him, overriding his programming and forcing him to attack his own allies, down in the tunnels by the Well. He only managed to stop himself by nearly killing himself, arriving back in Nautilus impaled on one of his own swords and hating the fact that he might have messed things up.
He has one fear in Nautilus, and that’s Ratchet. He has no problem dying again, dying for a cause, like protecting one of his friends, but Ratchet terrifies him. The other Autobots have made him question himself and his own allegiance: Wing back home had castigated the Circle for making themselves a ‘third faction’. Back before his arrival, he’d already had problems fitting in with the other Autobots: Bumblebee had basically told him no one wanted him to be who he was and he had no right to be there, and so he’s hypersensitive to Autobots and their ideologies. And his recent experience, where he was the only ‘Autobot’ affected, had made him realize that yes, he really isn’t one of them. He got swept up in a leader’s charisma and powerful slogans before, but he refuses to again, and that makes him question all authority. He no longer considers himself an Autobot: his decisions are his own, and if he makes the wrong ones, the penalties and responsibilities are his and his alone. He's not going to be blinded or hide behind ideology like he did before, as Deadlock, where he let this sense of purpose blind him to how brutal he was.
So, how has he changed?
He’s learned to ask for help. He’s learned that not everyone rejects him based on his past, and that though some will still judge him, others are willing to listen, and some (such as Ioann, he hopes) will realize what he’s learned the hard way: you’re not alone. He’s learning that some people trust him, and he takes that honor very seriously. He’s still navigating when he should trust his instincts (he was totally wrong about Arcee and whoops, chocolate ice cream is not a drug! but right about the Bending during the Dark Aeon attacks), but he’s getting more confident in doing what is right and in trying to help others. He’s still a bit paranoid, and would rather react with stabbing something, but he’s discovered friends-real friends-here, such as Six, Doctor Holiday, Alice and Jendayi, who have helped him in more ways than one. He’s still questioning himself, but it’s less about challenging his worthiness than testing to see if he’s doing what he really feels is right.
He ran into Wing, whom he still views as a sort of absolute moral right who was the only one to get through to him: even if he went back to Sleep, he couldn’t help them, but if he stayed here, he could help others. He fought with himself, wanting to go back and not wanting to believe that he couldn’t change anything there. He stayed because he wanted to believe he could change things, help other worlds, though his guilt still lingered.
While in Nautilus, Drift has made a few friends, notably Six and Doctor Holiday, Alice, Jendayi. Six and he both know what it’s like to have gone down the wrong path and how hard the path to redemption can be-something that not even Wing, for all his wisdom, truly understands. Doctor Holiday wants to help, and though he worries about her going too far and getting hurt (like in helping Ioann), he understands where her desire to do all she can, and to take every loss to heart, comes from. Alice needs protection, and he hates that what she’s afraid of he can’t really fix, but he tries all he can and is making it a goal to get her to come outside. Though he didn’t see it, the fact that she let herself be evacuated from the Museum during the Aeon’s attack made him very proud of her courage. And Jendayi…pretty much simply just overwhelms him with her stubborn cuteness and her mix of innocence and optimism. In a lot of ways, she reminds him of Gasket, the first, and only, friend he had before the war.
He keeps trying to do the right thing, which in his mind is protecting others. He’s aware that the only real thing he can do, his only skill, is his ability to fight and as he’s here, he’s realizing that that’s not always enough. And he’s also realizing that he can be…wrong. He thought, for instance, that Arcee was a violent psychopath, because that’s what the Arcee in his world was, and he confronted her. He was wrong, but his spark was in the right place: In his mind, she was intending to hurt Wing.
Even when they were in outright war against the Dark Aeon (and not a reality storm, against which his weapons are entirely useless), his fighting could only do so much while people like Lelouch and the other Ashura accomplished so much more.
When the Aeon first attacked, he was the first to suspect that Bending was the problem, and so he stopped Bending up energon to eat: V had told him previous to this that they didn’t actually need either food or sleep while here in Nautilus, so he went without. But that didn’t stop his vision from starting to fail and he was too stubborn and untrusting to ask for help. He set himself to guard the Museum, where Alice was and he died defending her. This was unintentionally useful: Drift showed up in the real Nautilus, where the Ascended were, and could tell them what he knew of what was going on. He did his best in the fight, and helped rescue the others.
He hates needing help: it was his pride and his hatred of appearing weak that prevented him from seeking help during the Aeon’s blindness attack on him, but later, when Six’s prank tied him up in an unbreakable big red bow, he managed to ask for help. He was not happy about it, especially being caught napping (literally!) but he did ask. And later, before departing for his visit, he asked for the advice of others. It may not seem like much, but it was a huge thing for Drift.
He recently returned to his world, this time, because he wanted to witness. It had bothered him always that they would die alone on a dying planet, and he figured he could at least witness their heroism. To his surprise, that didn’t happen: they survived the battle, and went to Earth and (many other things ensued he hasn’t talked about yet in game) and they were just about on the brink of a final victory when suddenly, the creature from the Dead Universe reached out to him, overriding his programming and forcing him to attack his own allies, down in the tunnels by the Well. He only managed to stop himself by nearly killing himself, arriving back in Nautilus impaled on one of his own swords and hating the fact that he might have messed things up.
He has one fear in Nautilus, and that’s Ratchet. He has no problem dying again, dying for a cause, like protecting one of his friends, but Ratchet terrifies him. The other Autobots have made him question himself and his own allegiance: Wing back home had castigated the Circle for making themselves a ‘third faction’. Back before his arrival, he’d already had problems fitting in with the other Autobots: Bumblebee had basically told him no one wanted him to be who he was and he had no right to be there, and so he’s hypersensitive to Autobots and their ideologies. And his recent experience, where he was the only ‘Autobot’ affected, had made him realize that yes, he really isn’t one of them. He got swept up in a leader’s charisma and powerful slogans before, but he refuses to again, and that makes him question all authority. He no longer considers himself an Autobot: his decisions are his own, and if he makes the wrong ones, the penalties and responsibilities are his and his alone. He's not going to be blinded or hide behind ideology like he did before, as Deadlock, where he let this sense of purpose blind him to how brutal he was.
So, how has he changed?
He’s learned to ask for help. He’s learned that not everyone rejects him based on his past, and that though some will still judge him, others are willing to listen, and some (such as Ioann, he hopes) will realize what he’s learned the hard way: you’re not alone. He’s learning that some people trust him, and he takes that honor very seriously. He’s still navigating when he should trust his instincts (he was totally wrong about Arcee and whoops, chocolate ice cream is not a drug! but right about the Bending during the Dark Aeon attacks), but he’s getting more confident in doing what is right and in trying to help others. He’s still a bit paranoid, and would rather react with stabbing something, but he’s discovered friends-real friends-here, such as Six, Doctor Holiday, Alice and Jendayi, who have helped him in more ways than one. He’s still questioning himself, but it’s less about challenging his worthiness than testing to see if he’s doing what he really feels is right.