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I like to comment more than I post. When things are going really well, I'm too busy to post, when things are going moderately poorly, I don'T really want to talk about it, and in between I feel guilty for being inconsistent
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In my experience, Q is kind of a funny thing. It's the catch all umbrella. Gay trans man? Sometimes Queer is just easier. Bisexual in a het relationship? If you say queer you have to justify yourself less. Are you a het cis individual who behaves in an gender non-conforming way? Q still gets you invited to the party. A lot of people identify as Queer or Questioning when they don't feel like they neatly fit into one of the previous categories. So, if you're friend identifies as Q rather than GBLT, she might have felt like you were marginalizing her or erasing her. This is just my best guess though, obviously not being her.
If you want to ask her further, it might help to make sure you're apologizing for hurting her not if you hurt her, since you know you did, and focusing on knowing why she's hurt. It's really off-putting in a social justice context to feel like someone needs you to justify why you were hurt so they can decide if you're allowed to be. And regardless if you agree with it, it sounds like you made her sad when you didn't mean to.
There's no good solution to the alphabet soup of GLBTQI (you forgot Intersex). It's a cumbersome jumble but when it's about standing up to being marginalized, it's counter-productive to erase some identifiers for convenience's sake. I went to a marriage equality rally where the chanting was "We're here! We're GL(mumble mumble mumble mumble)! Get used to it!" It wasn't working at all.
Frankly, I think it should go the other way. Emphasize Queer as the non-conforming gender/orientation/everyone's included term and stick with it.
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