From the most unexpected places
Cancer Post # whatever
Dearest Log: Cancer is tough. It's tough because you don't know how best to approach anything. Why? Because it's cancer. It's major and what I can say dear log or to anyone reading this.... Never forget it's "majorness." No one's cancer journey will ever be the same. Why?? Because no cancer is the same.
My biggest issue that I have experienced is that it feels that no one ever listens to you. Or, when they do you have to constantly repeat everything over and over again. All of my cancer care has been in one medical system. Tell me why I have to repeat such intimate details over and over again. It's exhausting and you just feel like no one is listening. My cancer journey can be best described in this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW3aJ-3SEVU At times, I would give anything to have someone listen. But all that ever happens is I get ping ponged from one department to another. That's why the conversations feel "empty." You also feel alone because I think every cancer patient tries their best to not be a burden to our loved ones. I hold a lot of stuff inside to keep this to myself. So since I hold everything inside. It just kinda sits there. Or..if you are me I push it so far behind my brain...its crazy. I am fortunate enough to have some people I do share stuff too but I really hate telling them so much.
But lets go back to "from the most unexpected places." I had yet another pain management procedure done last week and Ive been miserable for days. I reach out to the doctor who did the damn procedure and they refer to another department. If someone can explain that to me...please let me know. This cycle has been my existence for over a year. So to help me get through this I got on Youtube and this song was on my page. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78kjMk4Og08 I will be the first to say Kesha is farrrrrrr from an artist I listen to. In fact, I dont like her at all. But the ironic thing before this song popped up, I had made the decision to look for a new medical team in the new year. This song hit so hard. It for the first time...made me remember I had strength. It even told me to forgive and to pray. Not for myself but for those who have wronged you. Now if you know me...you will know if I "hate you" I will hate you til the day I die. But I hope that starting today. My anger and resentment will subside and when I get mad or sad or hurt. I take a moment to pray for them and remind myself of my strength.