Things I Have Learned While Working at Chili's
1) No one wants to sit at a table.
2) Middle-aged white guys are NEVER as funny as they think they are.
3) But if you pretend that they are, they will give you money.
4) It is NEVER a good idea to be shitty to the person who is bringing you your food.
5) Or your beverages.
6) Or who will be passing by your table while carrying something hot and spillable.
7) When giving a false name to the hostesses, make sure you will remember what it was when they call you to tell you that your table is ready.
8) "Restrooms" signs are invisible to restaurant guests.
9) Little old ladies with perms and orange hair are the minions of the devil.
10) And I hate them.
11) And they should all die.
12) Horribly.
13) Or at least eat somewhere else.
14) And stop getting in front of me in the line at the grocery store.
15) And trying to use a credit card.
16) For the first time in their lives.
17) When they forgot their glasses, and the batteries in their hearing aids have just died.
18) And I think they're all drunk, too.
19) I can go for two hours without a cigarette, but it isn't pretty, and I often threaten to kill the guests.
20) When I finally get a better job, I am going to kill one of the little old ladies.
22) To see what color they bleed.
23) Because I hate them.
24) And they always know EXACTLY what table they want.
25) Whether or not there is actually someone working in that section.
26) No one thinks I know how how to do my job.
27) Which is stupid of them.
28) People really couldn't find their own tables, without running into each other and looking confused, and probably testing three or four out before they actually decided which one they wanted.
29) I know, because I've seen it happen.
30) Everyone hates couples who both sit on the same side of the booth.
31) Saying "Can I have that booth over there?" is a good way to get killed.
32) People save all their pent-up aggression to take it out on people who work in the food service industry.
33) All managers are evil.
34) Menu inserts are slippery, and they really don't want to stay in the menus.
35) You have to be Mexican to work in the kitchen.
36) Beware of old ladies with mustaches who walk with canes.
37) And beware of their husbands.
38) At the end of the day, when there are only two servers on, and the restaurant closes within a half an hour, there will be a party of thirty.
39) And half of them will be drunk.
And Finally...
40) I HATE Chili's.
2) Middle-aged white guys are NEVER as funny as they think they are.
3) But if you pretend that they are, they will give you money.
4) It is NEVER a good idea to be shitty to the person who is bringing you your food.
5) Or your beverages.
6) Or who will be passing by your table while carrying something hot and spillable.
7) When giving a false name to the hostesses, make sure you will remember what it was when they call you to tell you that your table is ready.
8) "Restrooms" signs are invisible to restaurant guests.
9) Little old ladies with perms and orange hair are the minions of the devil.
10) And I hate them.
11) And they should all die.
12) Horribly.
13) Or at least eat somewhere else.
14) And stop getting in front of me in the line at the grocery store.
15) And trying to use a credit card.
16) For the first time in their lives.
17) When they forgot their glasses, and the batteries in their hearing aids have just died.
18) And I think they're all drunk, too.
19) I can go for two hours without a cigarette, but it isn't pretty, and I often threaten to kill the guests.
20) When I finally get a better job, I am going to kill one of the little old ladies.
22) To see what color they bleed.
23) Because I hate them.
24) And they always know EXACTLY what table they want.
25) Whether or not there is actually someone working in that section.
26) No one thinks I know how how to do my job.
27) Which is stupid of them.
28) People really couldn't find their own tables, without running into each other and looking confused, and probably testing three or four out before they actually decided which one they wanted.
29) I know, because I've seen it happen.
30) Everyone hates couples who both sit on the same side of the booth.
31) Saying "Can I have that booth over there?" is a good way to get killed.
32) People save all their pent-up aggression to take it out on people who work in the food service industry.
33) All managers are evil.
34) Menu inserts are slippery, and they really don't want to stay in the menus.
35) You have to be Mexican to work in the kitchen.
36) Beware of old ladies with mustaches who walk with canes.
37) And beware of their husbands.
38) At the end of the day, when there are only two servers on, and the restaurant closes within a half an hour, there will be a party of thirty.
39) And half of them will be drunk.
And Finally...
40) I HATE Chili's.