Marcus' Last Stand (20 year old)
Dear Journal,
Hey man hows it going? I havent been on in a while becuz of all the crazy things that happened to me. I thought it was time i gave you a life update. Well its almost 5am in the morning on the eve of my birthday. Ill be 21! And ill have plenty of reason to drink. I feel alot of pain right now. Remember the 3 ladies i was telling you about a journal entry ago? Well they are all but gone now. Lady "A" and i hung out the last few nights in which we did stuff (not sexual) but just made out. But i think that was totally out my comfort zone, mainly becuz i dont do stuff like that with people im not in a relationship with. So that complicated things. Lady "B"? well i gave her advice on dating, hoping she would use it on me (since i hung out with her 4 times already) in some weird way, and she ended up going out on a date with another guy....Yeah....ouch! Even though she didnt enjoy her date, we havent talked much the last few days so i think we're not gonna talk anymore. Lady "C"? Well i told you i had deep feelings for her, i just never acted upon them, and she waited and waited and waited for me to get with her and i never did.....Well some guy came into her life and she loves him.....LOVES him! I cant believe it, i always thought i was the guy that was the #1 person in her life, but i guess you cant really be the best when you dont make efforts to do what it takes. They say you never know what you got until its gone, and i lost a very very close friend, possible lover. She would have done anything for me and i just wouldnt act right. I just got off the phone with her not to long before i logged onto this computer and I begged her to let me prove myself to her.....but then i realized that i was wrong. I had every chance to get with her and i didnt want her. I mean what sense does it make that i try to get with her as soon as some guy sweeps her off her feet? They only been talking for a week, but they hit it off very very well, and i know Lady C better than anyone. She wouldnt just fall like this over anyone. So i knew this was serious. Anyways i told her i couldnt be her friend anymore becuz this was hurting me too much. I cant do it people. I cant watch her be happy with someone while i watch and see him get the attention i USE to get.....So i decided to let it burn and learn from it. and I learned that the next person that comes into my life, that i better make damn sure i dont say the "L" word before im ready to say it........Anyways this all happen to me within the last week Journal....leading up to my birthday.....This is gonna be my last entry before i turn 21 so i just wannna state some things i apprciate right now:
I aprriciate my ex lady friend from Chicago showing me her true colors the other night, she really opened my eyes and help me to see that some people are truly cold and heartless creatures, you just cant be friends with everybody.
I appriciate my family. I dont have alot of close friends and the ones i do consider close, i dont talk to that much, so my family means a lot to me. Thankyou for everything, I love you guys!
I appriciate God. You know the thing about God? You grow up your whole life finding who you are as a person. Your friends may decieve you, and you family may lie to you, and your lover may cheat on you, But God is the only consistant thing that is ALWAYS there for you no matter what...Thnkyou Lord!
Last But not least i appriciate myself. I dont make alot of good choices and i dont always seem to know where this life is gonna take me, but i do learn from everything that happens to me. I know i got alot to work on as far as being a "man", but right now i just wanna find out what truly makes me happy. Im tired of chasing other peoples dreams and not acting on my own. Its time to love ME for awhile......
Well Journal.....this is it buddy, the 20 years old Marcus is done after tonight....I lost alot of people in this last year, and i made a few friends......But one thing that hasnt changed in the last 364 days.....My heart! I still care too much about people that dont care about me.....but one day, ONE day , i truly believe God will bless me for it....Thats all i got for tonight....take care and see ya when im 21, peace!
~Viva Marcus~
Hey man hows it going? I havent been on in a while becuz of all the crazy things that happened to me. I thought it was time i gave you a life update. Well its almost 5am in the morning on the eve of my birthday. Ill be 21! And ill have plenty of reason to drink. I feel alot of pain right now. Remember the 3 ladies i was telling you about a journal entry ago? Well they are all but gone now. Lady "A" and i hung out the last few nights in which we did stuff (not sexual) but just made out. But i think that was totally out my comfort zone, mainly becuz i dont do stuff like that with people im not in a relationship with. So that complicated things. Lady "B"? well i gave her advice on dating, hoping she would use it on me (since i hung out with her 4 times already) in some weird way, and she ended up going out on a date with another guy....Yeah....ouch! Even though she didnt enjoy her date, we havent talked much the last few days so i think we're not gonna talk anymore. Lady "C"? Well i told you i had deep feelings for her, i just never acted upon them, and she waited and waited and waited for me to get with her and i never did.....Well some guy came into her life and she loves him.....LOVES him! I cant believe it, i always thought i was the guy that was the #1 person in her life, but i guess you cant really be the best when you dont make efforts to do what it takes. They say you never know what you got until its gone, and i lost a very very close friend, possible lover. She would have done anything for me and i just wouldnt act right. I just got off the phone with her not to long before i logged onto this computer and I begged her to let me prove myself to her.....but then i realized that i was wrong. I had every chance to get with her and i didnt want her. I mean what sense does it make that i try to get with her as soon as some guy sweeps her off her feet? They only been talking for a week, but they hit it off very very well, and i know Lady C better than anyone. She wouldnt just fall like this over anyone. So i knew this was serious. Anyways i told her i couldnt be her friend anymore becuz this was hurting me too much. I cant do it people. I cant watch her be happy with someone while i watch and see him get the attention i USE to get.....So i decided to let it burn and learn from it. and I learned that the next person that comes into my life, that i better make damn sure i dont say the "L" word before im ready to say it........Anyways this all happen to me within the last week Journal....leading up to my birthday.....This is gonna be my last entry before i turn 21 so i just wannna state some things i apprciate right now:
I aprriciate my ex lady friend from Chicago showing me her true colors the other night, she really opened my eyes and help me to see that some people are truly cold and heartless creatures, you just cant be friends with everybody.
I appriciate my family. I dont have alot of close friends and the ones i do consider close, i dont talk to that much, so my family means a lot to me. Thankyou for everything, I love you guys!
I appriciate God. You know the thing about God? You grow up your whole life finding who you are as a person. Your friends may decieve you, and you family may lie to you, and your lover may cheat on you, But God is the only consistant thing that is ALWAYS there for you no matter what...Thnkyou Lord!
Last But not least i appriciate myself. I dont make alot of good choices and i dont always seem to know where this life is gonna take me, but i do learn from everything that happens to me. I know i got alot to work on as far as being a "man", but right now i just wanna find out what truly makes me happy. Im tired of chasing other peoples dreams and not acting on my own. Its time to love ME for awhile......
Well Journal.....this is it buddy, the 20 years old Marcus is done after tonight....I lost alot of people in this last year, and i made a few friends......But one thing that hasnt changed in the last 364 days.....My heart! I still care too much about people that dont care about me.....but one day, ONE day , i truly believe God will bless me for it....Thats all i got for tonight....take care and see ya when im 21, peace!
~Viva Marcus~