Changing faith.
It's pretty late and I'm still up. Guess I have a lot on my mind or maybe nothing at all. Last weekend I went up to upstate New York to visit a friend who was going to school out there. We met and started talking in November last year as friends. We went on couple dates when she was out in Jersey on the holidays. She's finishing her MBA in NY but lives in jersey when not in school. The day before she return back to school, we went on a date. Prior to that we went on a few dates and she lefts hints that she wanted me to kiss her. On the last date we went to the movies and then for hot chocolate. It was blistering cold that night and we sat there for hours and talk and laugh. Drank so much hot choclate- have great conversation. Before we left, I grabbed her keys and went an started her car for her, and she was very surprise. As the night faded into existence, we were ready to go home and she look me in the eyes and gave me all the signals to kiss her. But I didn't, I told her when the time is right. She knows of my past and how badly I was hurt and understood where I was coming from. I kissed her on the cheeks and gave her, her going away teddy bear. She later text me and said I got her respect that night, which made me smile. Now back to last week and up state NY. I went up there for her b'day and we had a blast. When I first got up there, she took me out to a place that has the best pizza ever, my treat all day of course. After which, she gave me a tour of her campus and places she hung out at school. We had a blast there as well. We then watched a movie and it was relaxing having her right next to me, felt good to have her head on my shoulders. After the movie we went to the grab some dinner and we had a blast eating and playing hang man on napkins. So cute. After dinner, we went to a lounge shes goes all the time to hang out. We had cappachino and listen to a live band play- great soothing music. I then went back to her apartment and she showed me around. It's was late, she wanted me to spend the night and not drive back home. But I had to go back because I had a lot to do the next day. Before I left, I told her happy birthday and gave her gift. She said she already got her gift the minute I came up here. I told her I have another gift for her, I ask her if she would be my gf. She didn't even hesitate and said absolutely with a huge smile on her face. She then said, so now that we are bf and gf, she can do this. And as stupid as I was, I said what. She kissed me. And I was lost for words. It was right, it was soft, it was sweet, it was open, and most importantly perfect. Honestly, that was the first time in a long time my heart really skipped a beat. I used to believe in destiny and faith, that every one's future is chosen for them. I no longer believe this and I now firmly believe that we all make our own faith and can control it. I have have chosen my faith my letting someone back into my heart, she has made me see the goodness still exist and that forgiveness is a blessing. I have learn to trust and live again. All I can say, is that she makes me smile and thats all I ever wanted to do again. Thanks babygirl.