Engagements and Alibis
I was just going on break when Alibi wandered into the bar. It was a little odd- she was dressed pretty nicely, gray business suit and all, but the jewelry was really visible. I've worked hard to make the Block a safe place, sure, but I still don't think that walking around wearing rocks like those is a good idea in D.C. Three diamonds on a necklace and big shiny new ring just scream for a mugging. Of course, that'd likely get rid of one of D.C.'s muggers, but still...
I invited her to sit, pulled out a pot of coffee, a bottle of Jameson's, and a can of whipped cream, then we sat down to talk and drink Irish coffees. And talk we did.
"So... engaged?"
She smirked at my bluntness. Not at all her style. “Shocking, I know. But yes, indeed I am.”
"Tell me what brought on that decision..." I sipped at my drink, trying not to look amused at the thought. This has to be a scam of some kind, some deep cover Guardian thing to keep Hoodwink from fucking up by putting someone on him to watch him.
She warmed her hands on her coffee, then offered “Hope you've time for a bit of a story.”
"All night long..."
She nodded and began “I'm sure you recall the day in which I'd asked you to bring me some new clothing and ended up looking like Daisy Duke, yes?” She sipped at her coffee and nibbled at the whipped cream on top. That was in no way right, her lips looking that good with whipped cream on them.
"Vaguely..." My smirk gave away that I remembered how she looked a lot better than ‘vaguely.’
She started with. “Mm, you could say that I'd hit rock bottom.” I nodded, knowing that feeling from days past, as she continued. “I spent some time being mentored here locally; however, it was a bit... mm... sporadic. Now, during all the chaos in Wisconsin, Honey decided to introduce Jimmy to myself.”
I vaguely registered that Zibah had come in, and waved offhandedly. "Right, I remember that. And you went to him for training, of a sort. So, as a student, you thought you ought to fall for your teacher?" I smiled, and she returned that. Flirtatious, and knows how to use it.
"Well, it usually does help to get passing grades." she chuckled.
"I can see it. Extra credit and all that."
“You might think that, but for once, that's not what this relationship is based on. Crazy, huh?”
I had to nod. "Anything about you engaged to Hoodwink is crazy, so I knew that coming in. Go on..."
Alibi laughed softly. "I know. But I realized that continuing down the path that I was on, would end.....poorly.”
"All right. I can see studying with Jimmy. But falling for him?"
She half shrugged, and didn't quite meet my eyes. “We're alike, and honestly, he's been the only one that's truly invested himself into helping me. And there are just some lessons that I cannot learn any other way. I know it sounds impossible, but I believe him when he tells me that he loves me. And coming from me? Well, you should know me well enough that I am not easily fooled.” She paused for a moment, the flare of a Mastigos in her eyes. “Besides, it would not behoove him to raise my ire.” Then, the moment was gone, and she was all sweetness and light again. “So, I can safely say that, his womanizing days are over, so long as he's mine.”
"Are you sure about this?"
“Yes....but I'm interested in hearing why you think I shouldn't be.”
I was honest- she'd earned that much. "Because Jimmy is unscrupulous a good deal of the time where women are concerned. So forgive my skepticism at this sudden turn of events."
She nodded, taking it in stride. We're both damn hard to rattle, it seems. “Certainly, I would be very disappointed if you weren't.”
I went on "Him being interested in you, that I can see easy enough. But you being not just interested in him, but falling for him? Seems... too convenient."
“And what could I say to convince you that it's true? Because it does seem overly convenient, and if I were in your place, I'd think that I was an utter fool that was being played.” Oh, dear heart, I don't think you're being played. I think you're playing us all- me, the world, and Jimmy. But I don't really mind you doing it, and if it reins in Hoodwink, then it may be worth it. Part of me wants to thank you for taking that hit for the team. Or maybe Jimmy has managed to sell someone on his particular band of bullshit, finally, after all these years. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while, right? Who's to say? But the fact that she started with asking what she could say to convince me said a lot. So, since she asked...
I offered, "Don't know yet. Maybe start with more on why you love him- beyond 'he paid attention to me when I needed it.' "
She nodded, all serious, and lowered her voice. “You've perhaps heard....things about what people in my....organization do.”
Yeah, honey you could say that. I've worked with Boris. "I'm familiar."
She went on “My original mentor...well, let us just say that what I went through in order to sign my name was not very pleasant. That things were scourged from my mind and soul in the process.” I nodded for her to continue. “I've lost parts of me that- until recently- I didn't even miss. Things that make me closer akin to Smoke and Abbadon than to 'normal' people.” Yeah, I know that feeling. Both losing that part, and the not really missing it. She kept on, still thinking about her own relationship. Damned if I was about to tell her that I was asking as much about me as about her. She said “Jimmy is the first one that has managed to stir a desire with in me to go in search of those parts of me.”
"How?"
“Partly because we do share many similarities and partly through plain, simple, truths.” Plain, simple truths, she said. Like Jimmy could recognize a plain, simple truth if it bit him on his toned-thanks-to-his-personal-trainer ass. I raised an eyebrow and asked "Like?"
“Like that he honestly cares whether or not I, with my flaws, take a nose dive off into Madness. That for once, I'm not merely a tool to be used.” She stopped then, and took a sip of her coffee. I wonder if it was to stop that before she went too far down that road.
"Do you really think that most people see you that way?"
“Amongst my organization? Certainly. And forming attachments outside of that would be...mmm...frowned upon. We have a job that is necessary, but doesn't win us any popularity contests. There are things that must be done and secrets that must be kept. Love often times overrides such pacts of secrecy. If you have to perform a mission that you're not likely coming back from....well... others within the organization know better than to ask the normal questions that would be associated with such a thing.”
"So you choose to not risk falling for anyone outside the Order?"
“I'm not so sure that we get to 'choose' who we end up falling for, Reilly. That's a bit contrary to what it means to fall in love, isn't it?”
I shook my head. "Not quite. You can't love those you don't really know. So, make sure you never get to know anyone well enough to love them- except those who are rational choices."
“Touche'.” No response. Too close to home? Or just what you want me to think? Warning me off, for my own good? Or just don't want to admit, even to yourself, that if you have fallen for Jimmy, it's because he's the first one you've let yourself fall for?
"You ever get to know someone well enough to love him who wasn't a smart choice?"
“Given that I cannot even say that I've gotten to know my cabalmates "well enough"....I think that perhaps is a trick question.” Nice dodge, honey. Nice dodge. But after almost a year with Eris, not nearly good enough to throw me.
"Maybe. I think it's not so much that you need Jimmy to love- as you need somebody to love, and he's the first one you've allowed in. You think?"
Alibi absently toyed with her necklace, "That is possible, I suppose." Noncommittal. Even if I were watching your emotions right now, that would slide past most any truth detection. Too damn long as a Guardian, dear.
I gestured to the necklace "Why you doing that? Reminding yourself?"
She held the first stone tightly. “In a manner of speaking. Each one is inscribed with a path to Wisdom.”
"Oh? What are the paths to Wisdom?"
“This first one is Experience, the second Imitation, and the third Reflection.”
"Learn to be wise through trial and error, doing what other wise people do, and thinking about it?"
“Yes.” Simple. Not going to offer me any more than that, dear? No elaboration on this principle that you're dedicating your life to now? Why? Because the more you talk, the more you give away, the more chance for a hole in your story? But is it something that you're selling us, or something that you're trying to convince yourself?
"Not bad advice. Maybe Jimmy's not a bad mentor. Still not sure he's a good fiance', though."
“Mm, time will tell, as it usually does.”
"You seem detached about it." Why? Why distant about something that's supposed to be passion, fire, love and purpose?
“I dare to hope that things will work and I shall enjoy it while it does- however I've spent far too long detached from certain portions of myself to suddenly overnight be a giddy schoolgirl about the whole thing. I *would* need my head examined if I suddenly was a giddy school girl, don't you think?”
Yeah, that much was damn true. "Yeah. But it might still be good for you, that kind of insanity. Doing things without thinking about them too much. Love does that, you know?"
Alibi smiled, "I think as this filters through and as I become more accustomed to the idea of it, that will happen. I've been through a lot lately, and I'm not sure that it's quite hit me yet."
I shook my head. "Maybe, but I'd bet against it. Love hits like a thunderbolt- you don't get to pick when it gets to you, or to ease into it."
“Mmm, in my case, I would disagree.”
"Yeah? What's your basis for comparison?"
Her voice dropped to a whisper and she looked deadly serious, "That the last man that I loved truly, I killed by my own hand." So, what are you telling me, dear? You trying to sell me on how terrible you are? Tell me that you dare not let love hit you out of the clear blue any more? Or maybe that you're afraid to really love, because that means killing someone, so you settle for something warm and friendly with Jimmy instead of real love, so you never have to kill him- and it wouldn't break you if you did have to?
If she expected me to be shocked, it wasn't happening. "And you eased into love with him? Came up on you slow, that one?"
She shook her head. “After something like that, reexperiencing that emotion is not exactly something you'd want to rush into.”
"My point- you don't get to choose. If it's a slow simmer, then it's not the same emotion."
“Unless you've scourged that emotion out of yourself through years of torture.” She shrugged. I wasn't buying that anything we could do would completely stop love. I smiled that she thought it could. "Love can't be stopped. Not even by torture. And I'm not just making that up, though part of me wishes I were." Love happens, despite torture. Even when Fate Herself pushes people away, you still fall in love.
Alibi went on. “Oh, I think you'd be surprised what conditioning and time can do to a mind.”
"I doubt it. Rough blades cut just as deep- they just leave a more jagged wound. But that's not really the point, is it?"
“Well, all I'm saying is that after so much, I am happily optimistic in a cautious way.”
"You think this is love, then? Convinced of it?"
She looked me dead in the eye. "Yes." Well, she was either buying it herself, or the Guardians had made her a better liar than ever. Still no guess which one, though. If she was selling it to the world, then the best I could do to help her is to seem to buy it. If she was selling it to herself, then I couldn't stop her, and trying to would just piss her off and make her stop listening to me. And if was, through some miracle, real, then I'd be an ass to deny it. So, I went with it. "All right, then. I wish you the best of it."
She leaned across the table and kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you"
I couldn't resist playing. "By the by- does this mean that we're not sleeping together any more?"
She leaned back, taking a deep breath that made her cleavage very noticeable, moving under that pressed white blouse- but something that could be passed off as coincidence. Smooth. She grinned. "I shall certainly miss it, but yes, it does mean that."
"Well, damn, then. At least this means that it keeps Hoodwink off my other girlfriends."
"Yes, it certainly does. I think that should merit an award for me or something."
I shook my head. "Nope. Just about even. Hoodwink wasn't enough of a problem to warrant rewarding you. Count it as even in what you're giving and what you're taking away."
“Mmm, true enough. True enough.”
"Though if you change your mind about a little something on the side...." I winked. She smiled, chuckling a little, and I joined her. "That's not a 'no.' I'm encouraged. But patient." I slid from the booth, standing "I should get back to work. Break's over, I think."
Alibi sipped her coffee, and leaned back in her chair with another well-timed deep breath. "Tsk, tsk, making a play for a happily engaged gal already."
"Already? You must mean _still_..."
"True enough, certainly. And thank you. Truly"
"Of course. I can find someone to sleep with, someone I really like. Friends like you? Not as common. Tell Jimmy that he did good."
“I will. Thanks.”
I heard Zibah congratulate Alibi as I went back to working the door. I wonder if she was as skeptical as I am. Maybe the truest thing Alibi said in that whole conversation- “Time will tell, as it usually does.” Yep. Time. And Fate...
I invited her to sit, pulled out a pot of coffee, a bottle of Jameson's, and a can of whipped cream, then we sat down to talk and drink Irish coffees. And talk we did.
"So... engaged?"
She smirked at my bluntness. Not at all her style. “Shocking, I know. But yes, indeed I am.”
"Tell me what brought on that decision..." I sipped at my drink, trying not to look amused at the thought. This has to be a scam of some kind, some deep cover Guardian thing to keep Hoodwink from fucking up by putting someone on him to watch him.
She warmed her hands on her coffee, then offered “Hope you've time for a bit of a story.”
"All night long..."
She nodded and began “I'm sure you recall the day in which I'd asked you to bring me some new clothing and ended up looking like Daisy Duke, yes?” She sipped at her coffee and nibbled at the whipped cream on top. That was in no way right, her lips looking that good with whipped cream on them.
"Vaguely..." My smirk gave away that I remembered how she looked a lot better than ‘vaguely.’
She started with. “Mm, you could say that I'd hit rock bottom.” I nodded, knowing that feeling from days past, as she continued. “I spent some time being mentored here locally; however, it was a bit... mm... sporadic. Now, during all the chaos in Wisconsin, Honey decided to introduce Jimmy to myself.”
I vaguely registered that Zibah had come in, and waved offhandedly. "Right, I remember that. And you went to him for training, of a sort. So, as a student, you thought you ought to fall for your teacher?" I smiled, and she returned that. Flirtatious, and knows how to use it.
"Well, it usually does help to get passing grades." she chuckled.
"I can see it. Extra credit and all that."
“You might think that, but for once, that's not what this relationship is based on. Crazy, huh?”
I had to nod. "Anything about you engaged to Hoodwink is crazy, so I knew that coming in. Go on..."
Alibi laughed softly. "I know. But I realized that continuing down the path that I was on, would end.....poorly.”
"All right. I can see studying with Jimmy. But falling for him?"
She half shrugged, and didn't quite meet my eyes. “We're alike, and honestly, he's been the only one that's truly invested himself into helping me. And there are just some lessons that I cannot learn any other way. I know it sounds impossible, but I believe him when he tells me that he loves me. And coming from me? Well, you should know me well enough that I am not easily fooled.” She paused for a moment, the flare of a Mastigos in her eyes. “Besides, it would not behoove him to raise my ire.” Then, the moment was gone, and she was all sweetness and light again. “So, I can safely say that, his womanizing days are over, so long as he's mine.”
"Are you sure about this?"
“Yes....but I'm interested in hearing why you think I shouldn't be.”
I was honest- she'd earned that much. "Because Jimmy is unscrupulous a good deal of the time where women are concerned. So forgive my skepticism at this sudden turn of events."
She nodded, taking it in stride. We're both damn hard to rattle, it seems. “Certainly, I would be very disappointed if you weren't.”
I went on "Him being interested in you, that I can see easy enough. But you being not just interested in him, but falling for him? Seems... too convenient."
“And what could I say to convince you that it's true? Because it does seem overly convenient, and if I were in your place, I'd think that I was an utter fool that was being played.” Oh, dear heart, I don't think you're being played. I think you're playing us all- me, the world, and Jimmy. But I don't really mind you doing it, and if it reins in Hoodwink, then it may be worth it. Part of me wants to thank you for taking that hit for the team. Or maybe Jimmy has managed to sell someone on his particular band of bullshit, finally, after all these years. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while, right? Who's to say? But the fact that she started with asking what she could say to convince me said a lot. So, since she asked...
I offered, "Don't know yet. Maybe start with more on why you love him- beyond 'he paid attention to me when I needed it.' "
She nodded, all serious, and lowered her voice. “You've perhaps heard....things about what people in my....organization do.”
Yeah, honey you could say that. I've worked with Boris. "I'm familiar."
She went on “My original mentor...well, let us just say that what I went through in order to sign my name was not very pleasant. That things were scourged from my mind and soul in the process.” I nodded for her to continue. “I've lost parts of me that- until recently- I didn't even miss. Things that make me closer akin to Smoke and Abbadon than to 'normal' people.” Yeah, I know that feeling. Both losing that part, and the not really missing it. She kept on, still thinking about her own relationship. Damned if I was about to tell her that I was asking as much about me as about her. She said “Jimmy is the first one that has managed to stir a desire with in me to go in search of those parts of me.”
"How?"
“Partly because we do share many similarities and partly through plain, simple, truths.” Plain, simple truths, she said. Like Jimmy could recognize a plain, simple truth if it bit him on his toned-thanks-to-his-personal-trainer ass. I raised an eyebrow and asked "Like?"
“Like that he honestly cares whether or not I, with my flaws, take a nose dive off into Madness. That for once, I'm not merely a tool to be used.” She stopped then, and took a sip of her coffee. I wonder if it was to stop that before she went too far down that road.
"Do you really think that most people see you that way?"
“Amongst my organization? Certainly. And forming attachments outside of that would be...mmm...frowned upon. We have a job that is necessary, but doesn't win us any popularity contests. There are things that must be done and secrets that must be kept. Love often times overrides such pacts of secrecy. If you have to perform a mission that you're not likely coming back from....well... others within the organization know better than to ask the normal questions that would be associated with such a thing.”
"So you choose to not risk falling for anyone outside the Order?"
“I'm not so sure that we get to 'choose' who we end up falling for, Reilly. That's a bit contrary to what it means to fall in love, isn't it?”
I shook my head. "Not quite. You can't love those you don't really know. So, make sure you never get to know anyone well enough to love them- except those who are rational choices."
“Touche'.” No response. Too close to home? Or just what you want me to think? Warning me off, for my own good? Or just don't want to admit, even to yourself, that if you have fallen for Jimmy, it's because he's the first one you've let yourself fall for?
"You ever get to know someone well enough to love him who wasn't a smart choice?"
“Given that I cannot even say that I've gotten to know my cabalmates "well enough"....I think that perhaps is a trick question.” Nice dodge, honey. Nice dodge. But after almost a year with Eris, not nearly good enough to throw me.
"Maybe. I think it's not so much that you need Jimmy to love- as you need somebody to love, and he's the first one you've allowed in. You think?"
Alibi absently toyed with her necklace, "That is possible, I suppose." Noncommittal. Even if I were watching your emotions right now, that would slide past most any truth detection. Too damn long as a Guardian, dear.
I gestured to the necklace "Why you doing that? Reminding yourself?"
She held the first stone tightly. “In a manner of speaking. Each one is inscribed with a path to Wisdom.”
"Oh? What are the paths to Wisdom?"
“This first one is Experience, the second Imitation, and the third Reflection.”
"Learn to be wise through trial and error, doing what other wise people do, and thinking about it?"
“Yes.” Simple. Not going to offer me any more than that, dear? No elaboration on this principle that you're dedicating your life to now? Why? Because the more you talk, the more you give away, the more chance for a hole in your story? But is it something that you're selling us, or something that you're trying to convince yourself?
"Not bad advice. Maybe Jimmy's not a bad mentor. Still not sure he's a good fiance', though."
“Mm, time will tell, as it usually does.”
"You seem detached about it." Why? Why distant about something that's supposed to be passion, fire, love and purpose?
“I dare to hope that things will work and I shall enjoy it while it does- however I've spent far too long detached from certain portions of myself to suddenly overnight be a giddy schoolgirl about the whole thing. I *would* need my head examined if I suddenly was a giddy school girl, don't you think?”
Yeah, that much was damn true. "Yeah. But it might still be good for you, that kind of insanity. Doing things without thinking about them too much. Love does that, you know?"
Alibi smiled, "I think as this filters through and as I become more accustomed to the idea of it, that will happen. I've been through a lot lately, and I'm not sure that it's quite hit me yet."
I shook my head. "Maybe, but I'd bet against it. Love hits like a thunderbolt- you don't get to pick when it gets to you, or to ease into it."
“Mmm, in my case, I would disagree.”
"Yeah? What's your basis for comparison?"
Her voice dropped to a whisper and she looked deadly serious, "That the last man that I loved truly, I killed by my own hand." So, what are you telling me, dear? You trying to sell me on how terrible you are? Tell me that you dare not let love hit you out of the clear blue any more? Or maybe that you're afraid to really love, because that means killing someone, so you settle for something warm and friendly with Jimmy instead of real love, so you never have to kill him- and it wouldn't break you if you did have to?
If she expected me to be shocked, it wasn't happening. "And you eased into love with him? Came up on you slow, that one?"
She shook her head. “After something like that, reexperiencing that emotion is not exactly something you'd want to rush into.”
"My point- you don't get to choose. If it's a slow simmer, then it's not the same emotion."
“Unless you've scourged that emotion out of yourself through years of torture.” She shrugged. I wasn't buying that anything we could do would completely stop love. I smiled that she thought it could. "Love can't be stopped. Not even by torture. And I'm not just making that up, though part of me wishes I were." Love happens, despite torture. Even when Fate Herself pushes people away, you still fall in love.
Alibi went on. “Oh, I think you'd be surprised what conditioning and time can do to a mind.”
"I doubt it. Rough blades cut just as deep- they just leave a more jagged wound. But that's not really the point, is it?"
“Well, all I'm saying is that after so much, I am happily optimistic in a cautious way.”
"You think this is love, then? Convinced of it?"
She looked me dead in the eye. "Yes." Well, she was either buying it herself, or the Guardians had made her a better liar than ever. Still no guess which one, though. If she was selling it to the world, then the best I could do to help her is to seem to buy it. If she was selling it to herself, then I couldn't stop her, and trying to would just piss her off and make her stop listening to me. And if was, through some miracle, real, then I'd be an ass to deny it. So, I went with it. "All right, then. I wish you the best of it."
She leaned across the table and kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you"
I couldn't resist playing. "By the by- does this mean that we're not sleeping together any more?"
She leaned back, taking a deep breath that made her cleavage very noticeable, moving under that pressed white blouse- but something that could be passed off as coincidence. Smooth. She grinned. "I shall certainly miss it, but yes, it does mean that."
"Well, damn, then. At least this means that it keeps Hoodwink off my other girlfriends."
"Yes, it certainly does. I think that should merit an award for me or something."
I shook my head. "Nope. Just about even. Hoodwink wasn't enough of a problem to warrant rewarding you. Count it as even in what you're giving and what you're taking away."
“Mmm, true enough. True enough.”
"Though if you change your mind about a little something on the side...." I winked. She smiled, chuckling a little, and I joined her. "That's not a 'no.' I'm encouraged. But patient." I slid from the booth, standing "I should get back to work. Break's over, I think."
Alibi sipped her coffee, and leaned back in her chair with another well-timed deep breath. "Tsk, tsk, making a play for a happily engaged gal already."
"Already? You must mean _still_..."
"True enough, certainly. And thank you. Truly"
"Of course. I can find someone to sleep with, someone I really like. Friends like you? Not as common. Tell Jimmy that he did good."
“I will. Thanks.”
I heard Zibah congratulate Alibi as I went back to working the door. I wonder if she was as skeptical as I am. Maybe the truest thing Alibi said in that whole conversation- “Time will tell, as it usually does.” Yep. Time. And Fate...