Dir en grey - Kaoru/Kyo - All Mad - 13/16
Title: All Mad
Author: shuichin or Shuichi
Genre: Mystery/Angst/Romance/slight Horror
Band: Dir en grey
Pairings: Kaoru/Kyo, Die/Shinya
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sex and sexual situations, language, drug use, violence, horror
Summary: When Kyo is pulled off the stage and hauled away by the authorities Dir en grey find themselves caught up in a tiring legal battle. Their problems have just begun, though; Kaoru notices a strange deterioration of Kyo's mental health, and he'll do anything to fix it.
Notes: I am SO SORRY. It's been two months and no All Mad updates. T_T A lot of this came from discouraging reviews, and a lot of it came from being just busy and frustrated. My goal is to finish this story before June's end, though, so there should be more updates coming your way in a week or two. Again, I am SO SORRY. This chapter is nice and smutty to make up for the long wait. ^^V
Previous Parts
Part 13
It didn’t take long for Kyo to finish recounting his dream and what had occurred directly after it. “I don’t know what was wrong with me,” he murmured, staring down at the bedspread. “I thought I was going to die or something…I thought they were going to kill me.” He swallowed and looked up at Kaoru. “Is that…stupid?”
Kaoru shook his head and offered Kyo the most reassuring smile he had. “No, of course not. I think Kitamoto’s right and this place is getting to you. Kyo…do you think you’re…I mean, do you think you should be here?”
Kyo looked down again, and spent a long time playing with a thread coming off the duvet before he found a reply. “If I’m really going insane…”
Kaoru found that he wasn’t sure what to say. The two of them were sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing one another. He unfolded his legs so that he could scoot closer to Kyo; they wound around him naturally, and that caused him to look up again in mild surprise. Kaoru smiled again, and took both of Kyo’s hands into his. “Do you remember when we were just getting started as a band? Do you remember how nervous you were to sing in front of a lot of people, but at the same time you just shook off the nerves. You were determined not to let them get to you because you knew that your words were strong and they were going to affect people.”
“Of course I remember,” Kyo murmured. “I also remember smoking through five or six cigarettes before and after lives to help calm my nerves. It wasn’t just me telling myself not to be nervous.”
“There have been several more occasions where your lyrics could have brought you down,” Kaoru went on. “You’ve had to put up with people getting on your case because they’re raw and dirty. You’ve had to deal with parents writing to you, chewing you out for singing songs about rape that their kids then listen to. You’ve even had to throw out letters from religious groups telling you you’re going to go to hell if you don’t stop. It’s hardly been an easy road, has it? Yet you’ve consistently persevered, you’ve consistently stuck it out in the hardest of times.” He paused, and for several seconds they just stared at each other. “Kyo, you’re stronger than you realize. Are you really going to let this stupid place with its stupid doctors get to you after you’ve withstood so much more?”
A smirk pulled up the corners of Kyo’s mouth. “You have too much faith in me, Kaoru…”
Kaoru shook his head. “You’re capable of much more than you think, and I have enough faith to cover your lack of faith. I don’t think that’s too much at all.”
Kyo chuckled and nodded slowly. “All right, Kaoru, but I really can’t do this myself. Let’s stick it to the man together, okay?”
Kaoru grinned. “Of course.”
They stared at each other again, but it was brief. Kyo closed the space between them to press his lips softly to Kaoru’s. Kaoru wrapped his arms around Kyo’s thin frame, pulling him as close as possible. Their lips broke apart after a moment, though, and Kyo’s arms came around Kaoru’s neck. “Do you know that I’ve been in love with you off and on for the last three years?” He whispered, his breath tickling Kaoru’s lips and causing strange shivering sensations up and down his back.
“I don’t know how long I’ve been in love with you,” Kaoru responded. “After all, I only just figured it out…”
Kyo chuckled. “You always were a little slow in the head.”
Kaoru felt no desire to argue or agree. He smiled against Kyo’s lips before kissing them again. This time he pushed the vocalist against the bedspread, though much more gently than they’d fallen on it before. He pressed his lips almost roughly against Kyo’s trying to get as much of him as possible. Kyo’s mouth opened and his tongue slipped out to stroke Kaoru’s. He threaded his hands in Kaoru’s dark hair, occasionally twirling the thick locks around an index finger.
Kaoru brought his lips over to Kyo’s cheek, leaving chaste kisses on the smooth flesh. Kyo let out a contented sigh before murmuring, “This is the best I’ve felt in weeks.”
Kaoru smiled and continued kissing a trail over to his ear. Kyo made a soft humming sound when he left a kiss on the shell; he moved downward from there, kissing each tiny expanse of his neck. “Does this feel good?” He asked against his adam’s apple before suckling on it.
“Mm, yes,” Kyo said softly. He ran his hands up and down Kaoru’s back, occasionally letting them rest in his hair again.
Kaoru lifted his head and offered the other man a smile before pulling his shirt up. Kyo sat up to better aide him; Kaoru’s shirt came off almost simultaneously, and then Kyo was kissing him again, more of a ferociousness to his actions now that they were half naked. Kaoru pushed him back again, but allowed the kiss to continue as he ran his hands up and down Kyo’s abdomen, pausing to flick his fingers over hardened nipples. Kyo continued to rub his palms over Kaoru’s back, though he occasionally brought them around to his chest.
Finally Kaoru found the button of Kyo’s pants, and he undid it as quickly as possible. After a lot of squirming on Kyo’s part, they were able to get the pants down enough that Kaoru could feel Kyo’s hardening length through his underwear. He massaged it almost curiously, feeling strangely apart from his surroundings as he considered he was touching another penis-something he’d never done before.
“Nn,” Kyo said into their kiss suddenly, and Kaoru realized that he was kissing with much less vivacity than he had been a few mere seconds before. He lifted his head so he could look at the vocalist’s face, and saw that his eyes were shut while his lips were parted. Little beads of sweat were starting to form on his forehead, and his cheeks were flushed a beautiful shade of red.
Kaoru smiled, dismissing his awkward musings. “I think you’re beautiful, Kyo-kun.”
Kyo laughed, looking mildly embarrassed. “Stop it,” he said simply.
Kaoru chuckled and then sat up for a minute so he could pull Kyo’s pants and underwear completely off. Kyo’s entire body was hot under his gaze, and it made a certain part of his anatomy jump with new, profound arousal. He wrapped his fingers around Kyo’s cock, and watched him carefully as he started to slide his hand up and down the hardening organ. Kyo gasped and lifted his hips very slightly, his eyes shutting once more. He gripped the bed sheets, and Kaoru grabbed one of his hands with his free one so he could grip it instead. For awhile he was content to just watch Kyo’s face and body contort with pleasure as he continued to familiar himself with the younger man’s body.
Suddenly, Kyo’s eyes snapped open, and he sat up quicker than Kaoru would have believed possible, muttering a somewhat strangled, “Stop, Kaoru.”
Kaoru did as he was told, eyeing him with raised brows. “Something wrong?”
“No,” Kyo said, offering up a smile. “Everything was perfect. But it’s your turn now.”
For a split second Kaoru didn’t understand, then Kyo gestured for him to lie on his back where he’d been sitting, and he realized what he meant. He laid back, and soon the remnants of his clothes had joined Kyo’s, wherever he’d carelessly tossed them. It seemed Kyo didn’t plan to give him a hand job, for he scooted back further and crouched down so he was eye-level with Kaoru’s cock. He saw it jump with horny anticipation, and spread his legs to give Kyo better access. “Kyo, are you sure you want to do something like this?” He asked, watching the other man carefully.
Kyo shrugged. “I can’t lie to you, Kaoru. Well, not at this moment in time, anyway. I may be mostly straight, but I’ve sucked my share of cock.”
That was surprising to Kaoru, who’d always considered Kyo the straightest of them all. Before he could remark on it, though, he was lost in observing Kyo. He grabbed the base of his dick so that he could swirl his tongue around the tip. He then started at the bottom, and licked a trail up to the top, pausing there to taste the precum that was starting to gather. Kaoru’s hips jolted the tiniest bit, mostly without him meaning for them to. “Ah, Kyo,” he whispered, hoping to encourage the other by using his name.
They made eye-contact and Kyo smiled seductively before taking Kaoru’s entire length into his mouth. Kaoru’s eyelids fluttered and he tried to lift his hips, but was unsuccessful since Kyo’s hand was suddenly on them, pushing them back down. He took Kaoru in and out of his mouth repeatedly for the next several seconds. Kaoru gasped each time, and without even realize it, found himself tugging on Kyo’s hair.
At last Kyo sat up and offered Kaoru another sly smile. “Did it feel good?”
Kaoru smiled back and gave a weak nod, sitting up as he did so. “Can I make love to you now? I promise to be gentle, and I promise I’ll-“
“You don’t have to promise me anything, Kaoru,” Kyo said with a slightly irritated sigh. “I know you, and I know the promises you would make, but I think it’s unnecessary. If there’s anyone in this world I’ve always been able to count on, it’s you.” His arms wound around Kaoru’s waist, and he rested his head against his chest. “I think that’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I’ve never had that.”
Kaoru wanted to argue because he’d never been comfortable with thinking he was someone’s anchor to the world, but he felt it would ruin the moment so he just held Kyo, and kissed the top of his head. “I think we should prove we’re men and quit cuddling so we can have sex.”
“Men can cuddle,” Kyo mumbled into Kaoru’s chest.
Kaoru chuckled, and turned them so he could push Kyo against the mattress again. “We’ll cuddle later, okay?”
Kyo said nothing in response, but he spread his legs, which made Kaoru believe he was submitting to that proposal. Kaoru paused then, though, unsure of what to do next. “We don’t have anything to make it go in easier, do we?”
“We have saliva,” Kyo said casually.
Kaoru just stared at him. Kyo rolled his eyes and sat up, grabbing Kaoru’s hand and slipping two fingers into his own mouth. Kaoru watched, feeling ripples go up and down his spine as Kyo’s tongue swirled around his fingers. After a mere few seconds he pulled them from his mouth, hurriedly disconnecting a thin string of saliva, and looking slightly embarrassed that he’d had to do so. He led Kaoru’s fingers to his entrance, carefully prodding it with the index finger.
“Oh,” Kaoru said, understanding at last. Kyo chuckled and let go of his hand, so he very slowly and very gently pushed the index finger past the tough ring of muscle, feeling Kyo instantly tense around it. “You okay?” He asked, brow furrowed in worry.
“I’m fine,” Kyo said, leaning his head back against the bed, looking slightly orgasmic. “Keep up the good work.”
Kaoru had the feeling he was making fun of him. He screwed up his concentration and pulled the finger out a little before pushing it back in. He was amazed at how Kyo’s body moved to meet with that single, thin digit. He pulled it out completely so he could try again with two fingers. The reaction was slightly different because Kyo actually let out a somewhat girly gasp that time. After a few more seconds, Kaoru pulled his hand away completely. “Okay, now what?” He asked, accepting that Kyo obviously knew a lot more about safe gay sex than he did.
“Come here,” Kyo said huskily, grabbing Kaoru’s hand and pulling him forward.
Kaoru scooted up Kyo’s body until the vocalist told him to stop; he steadied Kaoru’s dick and slipped it into his mouth for the second time. Kaoru couldn’t help but move his hips, watching as Kyo’s eyes narrowed in concentration. It wasn’t long before he released Kaoru and said, “Okay, I think we’re ready.”
Kaoru nodded and scooted back down Kyo’s body until he was between his legs again. Kyo gave him an encouraging smile, and then he guided himself inside. He realized he must have hurt Kyo, but since the vocalist was no stranger to pain, he didn’t seem that bothered. He grabbed Kaoru’s arms and squeezed them tightly, eyes shut as he adjusted to the feeling. Kaoru slowly started rocking his hips. “I need to move,” he breathed out.
Kyo opened his eyes and gave a single nod. Their gazes remained locked as Kaoru’s pace quickened; Kyo slid his hands up Kaoru’s arms so he could pull him closer. They kissed again, but it was different from the others before it. Kyo was making soft sounds each time Kaoru pushed into him, but they were briefly muffled against the guitarist’s lips. Kaoru felt like his whole world was spiraling out of his control, but in a way that comforted him rather than scaring him.
“Harder,” Kyo suddenly gasped out, releasing Kaoru in favor of grabbing his arms again.
Kaoru straightened up and grabbed Kyo’s thighs, moving faster and pounding harder. Kyo moaned his name as his hips rose and fell with each thrust. One hand fished around for Kaoru’s, and their fingers intertwined; the other hand found his cock, which he started stroking feverishly. “Kaoru, I’m so close…” he choked out, gripping Kaoru’s hand harder.
Kaoru felt as though Kyo was going to snap his fingers off, but he didn’t care much. He knew he was getting close, too. As their pace escalated, they both finally found orgasm; Kyo came first, his entire lower back lifting from the bed as he did. The feeling was amazing, and Kyo was so erotic that Kaoru released at almost the same moment. They both went limp against the bed.
It was only a few seconds later that Kaoru stirred, lifting himself up and looking down at Kyo. His eyes were shut, but it was likely he hadn’t found sleep yet. His breathing was still heavy, though it was finally slowing. “Kyo,” Kaoru said quietly, brushing his hand over Kyo’s moist cheek. Kyo cracked his eyes open, but said nothing. Kaoru smiled. “I love you.”
Kyo smiled back feebly. “I love you more,” he responded, a very slight edge to his voice that suggested he was being a tease.
Kaoru chuckled. He pulled himself out of Kyo, and then moved his little body so that he could put the covers over him. “I’ll be right back,” he whispered. Kyo still said nothing.
Kaoru dressed quickly and quietly, and then left the room. Kitamoto was still sitting outside the door, though he was significantly redder than he’d been the last time Kaoru had seen him. “Oh hey, how’s it?” He said, the words spilling from his mouth in a rush.
Kaoru smiled and leaned against the opposite wall. “It could be better, of course, but I’m going to count my blessings today.”
Kitamoto smiled, though it was slightly forced. “And it certainly sounded like you have at least one blessing going for you.”
Kaoru felt his cheeks darken, but he decided not to say anything of it. “Look, I want to thank you for all the help you’ve given us. The problem is, we’re not any closer to figuring this all out because I talked with my lawyer, and he said we have to have tangible proof that these people are fucking with Kyo.”
Kitamoto nodded. “Of course, that’s how everything works. The thing is, we might have to risk a lot to get that tangible proof. How far are you willing to go?”
Kaoru set his jaw. “For Kyo, I’ll go as far as it takes. I can’t speak for my band mates, but they love him like a brother. None of us would leave him behind. None of us will just sit around and let an injustice be done to him. We are a family, Kitamoto, and I can’t speak for your blood family, but mine was shit. My father was always concerned with finances, my mother’s greatest wish for my life was that I marry and have two perfect children. They disowned me back in high school when I started playing in whatever band would have me.
“Then I met Die, Shinya and Kyo and we formed La:Sadies. It wasn’t the perfect band, but it was the best band I’d apart of in awhile. When our bassist left and Toshiya came along, I just had a gut feeling then that we were something great, and we were going to become something even greater. There was an instant connection between the five of us that has never faded, and has really only gotten stronger since then.
“Those four guys are my family, and have been for ten years now. I would sooner let myself be crucified on a fucking cross than see them in any sort of trouble.” He paused to swallow tears of anger and passion that were welling inside of him. “And you heard what just happened in there; as it turns out, I love Kyo a little differently than I would love a brother. I also know the sides of him that people don’t see. He can handle a lot of tough shit, but something like this might be enough to break him. I saw him cry when his grandmother died. I saw him hugging his mother when he hadn’t seen her in a long time.” He stopped to chuckle. “I even saw him become the surrogate mother of a cat he found cowering beneath the studio steps. He wouldn’t like you to know it, but he’s secretly an angel. And if anybody-anybody hurts him needlessly…I will kill the motherfucker.”
Kitamoto stared at him for a moment, and then said, “Would you really kill for him?”
“I would kill for all of them,” Kaoru burst without a second thought. “They’re my family-the most important people in the world to me.”
Kitamoto smiled at that. “All right then. I’ve come up with another plan, so if you bring the other guys here tomorrow morning, we can talk about it. Sound good?”
Kaoru nodded. “Do you think…I mean, could I stay the night here with Kyo, though? I’ll call them and ask them to come out tomorrow.”
Kitamoto blushed slightly, but said, “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye out. You know, that’s so against policy it’s not even funny. Minami would be furious.” He laughed good-naturedly. “But that’s one reason I think we should so do it. That guy rubs me the wrong way.”
“You and me both,” Kaoru muttered.
He went from there to the cafeteria, but when he was done eating, returned to Kyo’s room. He was fast asleep on the bed, a big bunch of the blanket squeezed in between his arms and chest like a makeshift teddy bear. Kaoru fought the urge to smile, but it crept up on him anyway when his own voice said bemusedly inside his head: Damn, he is so fucking cute.
He soon took the place of Kyo’s makeshift teddy bear, and though it was only the early afternoon, sleep claimed him straightaway.
It seemed his eyes had just slipped shut when he was opening them again, blinking in the sunlight of the early morning. He glanced over at the small alarm clock that sat on the bedside table; it was hardly seven o’clock. He sighed and turned over, burying his face back into Kyo’s fluffy, blonde hair.
Kyo stirred then, but Kaoru pretended to be oblivious. He could feel the other moving around, could feel the blanket being shifted off of him a bit… Then he knew Kyo was sitting up, but he said nothing, didn’t try to wake Kaoru, made no attempt to get off the bed. Kaoru rolled onto his back and opened his eyes. His original plan had been to give Kyo a lazy smile and tell him good morning, but at the look on the vocalist’s face, that plan left his mind. Kyo was looking down at him, obviously confused and maybe even a little frightened. Kaoru sat up, his own brow furrowed as he stared back at Kyo. “What’s wrong?” He asked softly.
Kyo swallowed once, licked his lips…then he said without any shadow of a pretense: “Who are you?”
For a moment it was as if time stood still. The two stared at each other, Kyo looking politely puzzled while Kaoru was sure mortal shock was showing on his own face. His tongue felt numb and dry, and he had to wet it with saliva before he could speak. “Kyo…it’s me. It’s Kaoru.”
Kyo still stared, the same curious look on his face. “What?”
Kaoru felt as though he’d just fallen down the rabbit hole into some kind of a nightmare. The trouble was, he wasn’t dreaming, and he couldn’t wake up to fix everything. He grabbed Kyo’s shoulders and shook him around forcefully, though the logical part of his brain was telling him there was no way that could work. “Kyo, please! What the hell is wrong with you?” He exclaimed, tears starting to roll down his cheeks before he could stop them. “Kyo, it’s Kaoru! You’ve known me for ten fucking years! We just realized we’re in love, for God’s sake!”
Kyo still looked out of it; the next thing Kaoru did was shocking even to him, but he almost didn’t realize he was doing it. He smacked Kyo in the face, though not hard enough to cause the skin to bruise. There was a moment of silence while Kyo rubbed the skin and Kaoru felt a fear he’d never known before wrap itself around his heart as though to suffocate him. Then Kyo looked back at him, tears shining in his eyes as he said, “Kaoru, what…I don’t know what-”
He passed out completely, slumping against Kaoru when he did. Kaoru hurriedly laid him back on the bed, checking that his pulse and breathing were okay. When they were, he felt as though his entire body was breathing a sigh of relief. He was shaking, he’d been scared so bad by Kyo’s brief amnesia. He bent down to kiss Kyo’s cheek, then wiped his own cheeks of salty tears, and finally slid off the bed and marched out of the room with one intention: Find Minami and ask him personally what the hell he’d done to Kyo.
Part 14
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Notes: 1) Okay, I really have no idea what kind of people have written to Kyo bitching him out for the lyrics he writes, but I'm sure they exist.
2) Someone once told me that in an interview, Kaoru spoke sort of forcedly of his parents, but that might not be true. In this fic, the whole thing about his blood family is purely fiction.
3) This is my last official fanfiction post before JROCK REVOLUTION! I'm leaving on Thursday and I won't be back until Monday. See y'all next week! ^o^
Author: shuichin or Shuichi
Genre: Mystery/Angst/Romance/slight Horror
Band: Dir en grey
Pairings: Kaoru/Kyo, Die/Shinya
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sex and sexual situations, language, drug use, violence, horror
Summary: When Kyo is pulled off the stage and hauled away by the authorities Dir en grey find themselves caught up in a tiring legal battle. Their problems have just begun, though; Kaoru notices a strange deterioration of Kyo's mental health, and he'll do anything to fix it.
Notes: I am SO SORRY. It's been two months and no All Mad updates. T_T A lot of this came from discouraging reviews, and a lot of it came from being just busy and frustrated. My goal is to finish this story before June's end, though, so there should be more updates coming your way in a week or two. Again, I am SO SORRY. This chapter is nice and smutty to make up for the long wait. ^^V
Previous Parts
Part 13
It didn’t take long for Kyo to finish recounting his dream and what had occurred directly after it. “I don’t know what was wrong with me,” he murmured, staring down at the bedspread. “I thought I was going to die or something…I thought they were going to kill me.” He swallowed and looked up at Kaoru. “Is that…stupid?”
Kaoru shook his head and offered Kyo the most reassuring smile he had. “No, of course not. I think Kitamoto’s right and this place is getting to you. Kyo…do you think you’re…I mean, do you think you should be here?”
Kyo looked down again, and spent a long time playing with a thread coming off the duvet before he found a reply. “If I’m really going insane…”
Kaoru found that he wasn’t sure what to say. The two of them were sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing one another. He unfolded his legs so that he could scoot closer to Kyo; they wound around him naturally, and that caused him to look up again in mild surprise. Kaoru smiled again, and took both of Kyo’s hands into his. “Do you remember when we were just getting started as a band? Do you remember how nervous you were to sing in front of a lot of people, but at the same time you just shook off the nerves. You were determined not to let them get to you because you knew that your words were strong and they were going to affect people.”
“Of course I remember,” Kyo murmured. “I also remember smoking through five or six cigarettes before and after lives to help calm my nerves. It wasn’t just me telling myself not to be nervous.”
“There have been several more occasions where your lyrics could have brought you down,” Kaoru went on. “You’ve had to put up with people getting on your case because they’re raw and dirty. You’ve had to deal with parents writing to you, chewing you out for singing songs about rape that their kids then listen to. You’ve even had to throw out letters from religious groups telling you you’re going to go to hell if you don’t stop. It’s hardly been an easy road, has it? Yet you’ve consistently persevered, you’ve consistently stuck it out in the hardest of times.” He paused, and for several seconds they just stared at each other. “Kyo, you’re stronger than you realize. Are you really going to let this stupid place with its stupid doctors get to you after you’ve withstood so much more?”
A smirk pulled up the corners of Kyo’s mouth. “You have too much faith in me, Kaoru…”
Kaoru shook his head. “You’re capable of much more than you think, and I have enough faith to cover your lack of faith. I don’t think that’s too much at all.”
Kyo chuckled and nodded slowly. “All right, Kaoru, but I really can’t do this myself. Let’s stick it to the man together, okay?”
Kaoru grinned. “Of course.”
They stared at each other again, but it was brief. Kyo closed the space between them to press his lips softly to Kaoru’s. Kaoru wrapped his arms around Kyo’s thin frame, pulling him as close as possible. Their lips broke apart after a moment, though, and Kyo’s arms came around Kaoru’s neck. “Do you know that I’ve been in love with you off and on for the last three years?” He whispered, his breath tickling Kaoru’s lips and causing strange shivering sensations up and down his back.
“I don’t know how long I’ve been in love with you,” Kaoru responded. “After all, I only just figured it out…”
Kyo chuckled. “You always were a little slow in the head.”
Kaoru felt no desire to argue or agree. He smiled against Kyo’s lips before kissing them again. This time he pushed the vocalist against the bedspread, though much more gently than they’d fallen on it before. He pressed his lips almost roughly against Kyo’s trying to get as much of him as possible. Kyo’s mouth opened and his tongue slipped out to stroke Kaoru’s. He threaded his hands in Kaoru’s dark hair, occasionally twirling the thick locks around an index finger.
Kaoru brought his lips over to Kyo’s cheek, leaving chaste kisses on the smooth flesh. Kyo let out a contented sigh before murmuring, “This is the best I’ve felt in weeks.”
Kaoru smiled and continued kissing a trail over to his ear. Kyo made a soft humming sound when he left a kiss on the shell; he moved downward from there, kissing each tiny expanse of his neck. “Does this feel good?” He asked against his adam’s apple before suckling on it.
“Mm, yes,” Kyo said softly. He ran his hands up and down Kaoru’s back, occasionally letting them rest in his hair again.
Kaoru lifted his head and offered the other man a smile before pulling his shirt up. Kyo sat up to better aide him; Kaoru’s shirt came off almost simultaneously, and then Kyo was kissing him again, more of a ferociousness to his actions now that they were half naked. Kaoru pushed him back again, but allowed the kiss to continue as he ran his hands up and down Kyo’s abdomen, pausing to flick his fingers over hardened nipples. Kyo continued to rub his palms over Kaoru’s back, though he occasionally brought them around to his chest.
Finally Kaoru found the button of Kyo’s pants, and he undid it as quickly as possible. After a lot of squirming on Kyo’s part, they were able to get the pants down enough that Kaoru could feel Kyo’s hardening length through his underwear. He massaged it almost curiously, feeling strangely apart from his surroundings as he considered he was touching another penis-something he’d never done before.
“Nn,” Kyo said into their kiss suddenly, and Kaoru realized that he was kissing with much less vivacity than he had been a few mere seconds before. He lifted his head so he could look at the vocalist’s face, and saw that his eyes were shut while his lips were parted. Little beads of sweat were starting to form on his forehead, and his cheeks were flushed a beautiful shade of red.
Kaoru smiled, dismissing his awkward musings. “I think you’re beautiful, Kyo-kun.”
Kyo laughed, looking mildly embarrassed. “Stop it,” he said simply.
Kaoru chuckled and then sat up for a minute so he could pull Kyo’s pants and underwear completely off. Kyo’s entire body was hot under his gaze, and it made a certain part of his anatomy jump with new, profound arousal. He wrapped his fingers around Kyo’s cock, and watched him carefully as he started to slide his hand up and down the hardening organ. Kyo gasped and lifted his hips very slightly, his eyes shutting once more. He gripped the bed sheets, and Kaoru grabbed one of his hands with his free one so he could grip it instead. For awhile he was content to just watch Kyo’s face and body contort with pleasure as he continued to familiar himself with the younger man’s body.
Suddenly, Kyo’s eyes snapped open, and he sat up quicker than Kaoru would have believed possible, muttering a somewhat strangled, “Stop, Kaoru.”
Kaoru did as he was told, eyeing him with raised brows. “Something wrong?”
“No,” Kyo said, offering up a smile. “Everything was perfect. But it’s your turn now.”
For a split second Kaoru didn’t understand, then Kyo gestured for him to lie on his back where he’d been sitting, and he realized what he meant. He laid back, and soon the remnants of his clothes had joined Kyo’s, wherever he’d carelessly tossed them. It seemed Kyo didn’t plan to give him a hand job, for he scooted back further and crouched down so he was eye-level with Kaoru’s cock. He saw it jump with horny anticipation, and spread his legs to give Kyo better access. “Kyo, are you sure you want to do something like this?” He asked, watching the other man carefully.
Kyo shrugged. “I can’t lie to you, Kaoru. Well, not at this moment in time, anyway. I may be mostly straight, but I’ve sucked my share of cock.”
That was surprising to Kaoru, who’d always considered Kyo the straightest of them all. Before he could remark on it, though, he was lost in observing Kyo. He grabbed the base of his dick so that he could swirl his tongue around the tip. He then started at the bottom, and licked a trail up to the top, pausing there to taste the precum that was starting to gather. Kaoru’s hips jolted the tiniest bit, mostly without him meaning for them to. “Ah, Kyo,” he whispered, hoping to encourage the other by using his name.
They made eye-contact and Kyo smiled seductively before taking Kaoru’s entire length into his mouth. Kaoru’s eyelids fluttered and he tried to lift his hips, but was unsuccessful since Kyo’s hand was suddenly on them, pushing them back down. He took Kaoru in and out of his mouth repeatedly for the next several seconds. Kaoru gasped each time, and without even realize it, found himself tugging on Kyo’s hair.
At last Kyo sat up and offered Kaoru another sly smile. “Did it feel good?”
Kaoru smiled back and gave a weak nod, sitting up as he did so. “Can I make love to you now? I promise to be gentle, and I promise I’ll-“
“You don’t have to promise me anything, Kaoru,” Kyo said with a slightly irritated sigh. “I know you, and I know the promises you would make, but I think it’s unnecessary. If there’s anyone in this world I’ve always been able to count on, it’s you.” His arms wound around Kaoru’s waist, and he rested his head against his chest. “I think that’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I’ve never had that.”
Kaoru wanted to argue because he’d never been comfortable with thinking he was someone’s anchor to the world, but he felt it would ruin the moment so he just held Kyo, and kissed the top of his head. “I think we should prove we’re men and quit cuddling so we can have sex.”
“Men can cuddle,” Kyo mumbled into Kaoru’s chest.
Kaoru chuckled, and turned them so he could push Kyo against the mattress again. “We’ll cuddle later, okay?”
Kyo said nothing in response, but he spread his legs, which made Kaoru believe he was submitting to that proposal. Kaoru paused then, though, unsure of what to do next. “We don’t have anything to make it go in easier, do we?”
“We have saliva,” Kyo said casually.
Kaoru just stared at him. Kyo rolled his eyes and sat up, grabbing Kaoru’s hand and slipping two fingers into his own mouth. Kaoru watched, feeling ripples go up and down his spine as Kyo’s tongue swirled around his fingers. After a mere few seconds he pulled them from his mouth, hurriedly disconnecting a thin string of saliva, and looking slightly embarrassed that he’d had to do so. He led Kaoru’s fingers to his entrance, carefully prodding it with the index finger.
“Oh,” Kaoru said, understanding at last. Kyo chuckled and let go of his hand, so he very slowly and very gently pushed the index finger past the tough ring of muscle, feeling Kyo instantly tense around it. “You okay?” He asked, brow furrowed in worry.
“I’m fine,” Kyo said, leaning his head back against the bed, looking slightly orgasmic. “Keep up the good work.”
Kaoru had the feeling he was making fun of him. He screwed up his concentration and pulled the finger out a little before pushing it back in. He was amazed at how Kyo’s body moved to meet with that single, thin digit. He pulled it out completely so he could try again with two fingers. The reaction was slightly different because Kyo actually let out a somewhat girly gasp that time. After a few more seconds, Kaoru pulled his hand away completely. “Okay, now what?” He asked, accepting that Kyo obviously knew a lot more about safe gay sex than he did.
“Come here,” Kyo said huskily, grabbing Kaoru’s hand and pulling him forward.
Kaoru scooted up Kyo’s body until the vocalist told him to stop; he steadied Kaoru’s dick and slipped it into his mouth for the second time. Kaoru couldn’t help but move his hips, watching as Kyo’s eyes narrowed in concentration. It wasn’t long before he released Kaoru and said, “Okay, I think we’re ready.”
Kaoru nodded and scooted back down Kyo’s body until he was between his legs again. Kyo gave him an encouraging smile, and then he guided himself inside. He realized he must have hurt Kyo, but since the vocalist was no stranger to pain, he didn’t seem that bothered. He grabbed Kaoru’s arms and squeezed them tightly, eyes shut as he adjusted to the feeling. Kaoru slowly started rocking his hips. “I need to move,” he breathed out.
Kyo opened his eyes and gave a single nod. Their gazes remained locked as Kaoru’s pace quickened; Kyo slid his hands up Kaoru’s arms so he could pull him closer. They kissed again, but it was different from the others before it. Kyo was making soft sounds each time Kaoru pushed into him, but they were briefly muffled against the guitarist’s lips. Kaoru felt like his whole world was spiraling out of his control, but in a way that comforted him rather than scaring him.
“Harder,” Kyo suddenly gasped out, releasing Kaoru in favor of grabbing his arms again.
Kaoru straightened up and grabbed Kyo’s thighs, moving faster and pounding harder. Kyo moaned his name as his hips rose and fell with each thrust. One hand fished around for Kaoru’s, and their fingers intertwined; the other hand found his cock, which he started stroking feverishly. “Kaoru, I’m so close…” he choked out, gripping Kaoru’s hand harder.
Kaoru felt as though Kyo was going to snap his fingers off, but he didn’t care much. He knew he was getting close, too. As their pace escalated, they both finally found orgasm; Kyo came first, his entire lower back lifting from the bed as he did. The feeling was amazing, and Kyo was so erotic that Kaoru released at almost the same moment. They both went limp against the bed.
It was only a few seconds later that Kaoru stirred, lifting himself up and looking down at Kyo. His eyes were shut, but it was likely he hadn’t found sleep yet. His breathing was still heavy, though it was finally slowing. “Kyo,” Kaoru said quietly, brushing his hand over Kyo’s moist cheek. Kyo cracked his eyes open, but said nothing. Kaoru smiled. “I love you.”
Kyo smiled back feebly. “I love you more,” he responded, a very slight edge to his voice that suggested he was being a tease.
Kaoru chuckled. He pulled himself out of Kyo, and then moved his little body so that he could put the covers over him. “I’ll be right back,” he whispered. Kyo still said nothing.
Kaoru dressed quickly and quietly, and then left the room. Kitamoto was still sitting outside the door, though he was significantly redder than he’d been the last time Kaoru had seen him. “Oh hey, how’s it?” He said, the words spilling from his mouth in a rush.
Kaoru smiled and leaned against the opposite wall. “It could be better, of course, but I’m going to count my blessings today.”
Kitamoto smiled, though it was slightly forced. “And it certainly sounded like you have at least one blessing going for you.”
Kaoru felt his cheeks darken, but he decided not to say anything of it. “Look, I want to thank you for all the help you’ve given us. The problem is, we’re not any closer to figuring this all out because I talked with my lawyer, and he said we have to have tangible proof that these people are fucking with Kyo.”
Kitamoto nodded. “Of course, that’s how everything works. The thing is, we might have to risk a lot to get that tangible proof. How far are you willing to go?”
Kaoru set his jaw. “For Kyo, I’ll go as far as it takes. I can’t speak for my band mates, but they love him like a brother. None of us would leave him behind. None of us will just sit around and let an injustice be done to him. We are a family, Kitamoto, and I can’t speak for your blood family, but mine was shit. My father was always concerned with finances, my mother’s greatest wish for my life was that I marry and have two perfect children. They disowned me back in high school when I started playing in whatever band would have me.
“Then I met Die, Shinya and Kyo and we formed La:Sadies. It wasn’t the perfect band, but it was the best band I’d apart of in awhile. When our bassist left and Toshiya came along, I just had a gut feeling then that we were something great, and we were going to become something even greater. There was an instant connection between the five of us that has never faded, and has really only gotten stronger since then.
“Those four guys are my family, and have been for ten years now. I would sooner let myself be crucified on a fucking cross than see them in any sort of trouble.” He paused to swallow tears of anger and passion that were welling inside of him. “And you heard what just happened in there; as it turns out, I love Kyo a little differently than I would love a brother. I also know the sides of him that people don’t see. He can handle a lot of tough shit, but something like this might be enough to break him. I saw him cry when his grandmother died. I saw him hugging his mother when he hadn’t seen her in a long time.” He stopped to chuckle. “I even saw him become the surrogate mother of a cat he found cowering beneath the studio steps. He wouldn’t like you to know it, but he’s secretly an angel. And if anybody-anybody hurts him needlessly…I will kill the motherfucker.”
Kitamoto stared at him for a moment, and then said, “Would you really kill for him?”
“I would kill for all of them,” Kaoru burst without a second thought. “They’re my family-the most important people in the world to me.”
Kitamoto smiled at that. “All right then. I’ve come up with another plan, so if you bring the other guys here tomorrow morning, we can talk about it. Sound good?”
Kaoru nodded. “Do you think…I mean, could I stay the night here with Kyo, though? I’ll call them and ask them to come out tomorrow.”
Kitamoto blushed slightly, but said, “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye out. You know, that’s so against policy it’s not even funny. Minami would be furious.” He laughed good-naturedly. “But that’s one reason I think we should so do it. That guy rubs me the wrong way.”
“You and me both,” Kaoru muttered.
He went from there to the cafeteria, but when he was done eating, returned to Kyo’s room. He was fast asleep on the bed, a big bunch of the blanket squeezed in between his arms and chest like a makeshift teddy bear. Kaoru fought the urge to smile, but it crept up on him anyway when his own voice said bemusedly inside his head: Damn, he is so fucking cute.
He soon took the place of Kyo’s makeshift teddy bear, and though it was only the early afternoon, sleep claimed him straightaway.
It seemed his eyes had just slipped shut when he was opening them again, blinking in the sunlight of the early morning. He glanced over at the small alarm clock that sat on the bedside table; it was hardly seven o’clock. He sighed and turned over, burying his face back into Kyo’s fluffy, blonde hair.
Kyo stirred then, but Kaoru pretended to be oblivious. He could feel the other moving around, could feel the blanket being shifted off of him a bit… Then he knew Kyo was sitting up, but he said nothing, didn’t try to wake Kaoru, made no attempt to get off the bed. Kaoru rolled onto his back and opened his eyes. His original plan had been to give Kyo a lazy smile and tell him good morning, but at the look on the vocalist’s face, that plan left his mind. Kyo was looking down at him, obviously confused and maybe even a little frightened. Kaoru sat up, his own brow furrowed as he stared back at Kyo. “What’s wrong?” He asked softly.
Kyo swallowed once, licked his lips…then he said without any shadow of a pretense: “Who are you?”
For a moment it was as if time stood still. The two stared at each other, Kyo looking politely puzzled while Kaoru was sure mortal shock was showing on his own face. His tongue felt numb and dry, and he had to wet it with saliva before he could speak. “Kyo…it’s me. It’s Kaoru.”
Kyo still stared, the same curious look on his face. “What?”
Kaoru felt as though he’d just fallen down the rabbit hole into some kind of a nightmare. The trouble was, he wasn’t dreaming, and he couldn’t wake up to fix everything. He grabbed Kyo’s shoulders and shook him around forcefully, though the logical part of his brain was telling him there was no way that could work. “Kyo, please! What the hell is wrong with you?” He exclaimed, tears starting to roll down his cheeks before he could stop them. “Kyo, it’s Kaoru! You’ve known me for ten fucking years! We just realized we’re in love, for God’s sake!”
Kyo still looked out of it; the next thing Kaoru did was shocking even to him, but he almost didn’t realize he was doing it. He smacked Kyo in the face, though not hard enough to cause the skin to bruise. There was a moment of silence while Kyo rubbed the skin and Kaoru felt a fear he’d never known before wrap itself around his heart as though to suffocate him. Then Kyo looked back at him, tears shining in his eyes as he said, “Kaoru, what…I don’t know what-”
He passed out completely, slumping against Kaoru when he did. Kaoru hurriedly laid him back on the bed, checking that his pulse and breathing were okay. When they were, he felt as though his entire body was breathing a sigh of relief. He was shaking, he’d been scared so bad by Kyo’s brief amnesia. He bent down to kiss Kyo’s cheek, then wiped his own cheeks of salty tears, and finally slid off the bed and marched out of the room with one intention: Find Minami and ask him personally what the hell he’d done to Kyo.
Part 14
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Notes: 1) Okay, I really have no idea what kind of people have written to Kyo bitching him out for the lyrics he writes, but I'm sure they exist.
2) Someone once told me that in an interview, Kaoru spoke sort of forcedly of his parents, but that might not be true. In this fic, the whole thing about his blood family is purely fiction.
3) This is my last official fanfiction post before JROCK REVOLUTION! I'm leaving on Thursday and I won't be back until Monday. See y'all next week! ^o^