things i should've said to my customers part deux
alright amanda did a very nice job with all the stupid and fucked up things customers at mama fu's have been known to say. i would like to contribute to this list, consider amanda and i work at 2 totally different locations. amanda works in the nice suburb of cary, while i work just down the street from the ghetto of raleigh.
1. "Hi, i came and picked up an order about an hour ago and there were some things missing." Great. do i really give a shit? i probably didn't package your order. therefore, i am not the one who left it out. get the fuck over and dont yell at me you stupid bitch.
2. "I just placed an order for *insert some insane weird last name here*, can I add something to it?" No, you can't. I have sent it back to the kitchen and you should've fucking thought about what you wanted before you called in. Even if i did ring up a second order, the people here are too dumb to realize that two of the same last names means they're probably together and you'll never get it anyway.
3. "Hi i'd like to place a takeout order but i dont have a menu." WELL THATS TOO FUCKING BAD NOW ISN'T IT. i dont have the time to sit here and read you a menu full of chinese food just because you want to place an order. if i put you on hold that means im busy. please dont waste my time quizzing me on food that tastes like shit and you probably shouldn't even be getting anyway.
4. "You forgot to give me my drink cup." No I didnt. its sitting right here in front of my register. YOU forgot to PICK UP your cup and take it with you smartass. don't blame stupid shit like that on me. i'm not chasing after you with a mama fu cup in my hand screaming "MA'AM! OH MA'AM! YOU FORGOT YOUR FUCKING CUP IN FRONT OF MY REGISTER!!!ONE11!!ONE1!1!1!!!"
5. "I ordered brown rice, not white." i dont give a shit eat the fucking rice. they both taste nasty and ones just a different color. if you really think you're being healthy by eating brown rice, then just go kill yourself right now.
6. "I've never been here before, which ones the best?" they all taste like shit you shouldn't eat any of them. that and the fact that i'm too lazy to sit here and tell you which one i like because you're going to be like "oh! what comes in it?!" WHEN THERES A HUGE FUCKING YELLOW BOARD IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE THAT YOU CAN READ AND GET ALL THAT FUCKING INFORMATION FROM.
7. "*stupid people stops and stares at our hours and sees that we close at 9. then, they proceed to look at their watch and realize its 9:15. slowly, they open the door and walk in* Are you guys still open?" WJEFIOAWJEAWEFOIJ WHAT THE FUCK?! are you really THAT fucking stupid? you saw...two seconds ago...that we close at 9. then...you see...that its 9 fucking 15. AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO ASK IF WE'RE STILL OPEN?! holy jesus christ.
8. "*phone rings at 8:50* Can i make a phone in order?" "Sure but we close at 9 so it will be ready then." *fucking 25 minutes later they nonchalantly walk through the door and see an extremely pissed of cashier because she can't fucking count her drawer until your lazy ass decides to come pay for their shit* "If i had known you guys closed at 9 i would've come sooner." *blank stare towards the idiot on the other side of the counter* Did i not...just fucking tell them...that we would be closing in 10 minutes so their GOD DAMN PEICE OF SHIT FOOD WOULD BE READY THEN?!?!?!?!?!?!
9. "Which one do you like better: the honey chicken or the red thai curry?" "I like the honey chicken better." "Ok...we'll get the red thai chicken." *another blank stare toward the idiot on the other side of the counter that i just fucking orange glo-d and now has your nasty kids finger prints all over*
that's all i feel like thinking about right now. all that gave me a migrain. i dont even know how to spell that. but yeah im going to the lake for a week tomorrow so i wont update. not like i do anyway but hey, what the hell.
1. "Hi, i came and picked up an order about an hour ago and there were some things missing." Great. do i really give a shit? i probably didn't package your order. therefore, i am not the one who left it out. get the fuck over and dont yell at me you stupid bitch.
2. "I just placed an order for *insert some insane weird last name here*, can I add something to it?" No, you can't. I have sent it back to the kitchen and you should've fucking thought about what you wanted before you called in. Even if i did ring up a second order, the people here are too dumb to realize that two of the same last names means they're probably together and you'll never get it anyway.
3. "Hi i'd like to place a takeout order but i dont have a menu." WELL THATS TOO FUCKING BAD NOW ISN'T IT. i dont have the time to sit here and read you a menu full of chinese food just because you want to place an order. if i put you on hold that means im busy. please dont waste my time quizzing me on food that tastes like shit and you probably shouldn't even be getting anyway.
4. "You forgot to give me my drink cup." No I didnt. its sitting right here in front of my register. YOU forgot to PICK UP your cup and take it with you smartass. don't blame stupid shit like that on me. i'm not chasing after you with a mama fu cup in my hand screaming "MA'AM! OH MA'AM! YOU FORGOT YOUR FUCKING CUP IN FRONT OF MY REGISTER!!!ONE11!!ONE1!1!1!!!"
5. "I ordered brown rice, not white." i dont give a shit eat the fucking rice. they both taste nasty and ones just a different color. if you really think you're being healthy by eating brown rice, then just go kill yourself right now.
6. "I've never been here before, which ones the best?" they all taste like shit you shouldn't eat any of them. that and the fact that i'm too lazy to sit here and tell you which one i like because you're going to be like "oh! what comes in it?!" WHEN THERES A HUGE FUCKING YELLOW BOARD IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE THAT YOU CAN READ AND GET ALL THAT FUCKING INFORMATION FROM.
7. "*stupid people stops and stares at our hours and sees that we close at 9. then, they proceed to look at their watch and realize its 9:15. slowly, they open the door and walk in* Are you guys still open?" WJEFIOAWJEAWEFOIJ WHAT THE FUCK?! are you really THAT fucking stupid? you saw...two seconds ago...that we close at 9. then...you see...that its 9 fucking 15. AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO ASK IF WE'RE STILL OPEN?! holy jesus christ.
8. "*phone rings at 8:50* Can i make a phone in order?" "Sure but we close at 9 so it will be ready then." *fucking 25 minutes later they nonchalantly walk through the door and see an extremely pissed of cashier because she can't fucking count her drawer until your lazy ass decides to come pay for their shit* "If i had known you guys closed at 9 i would've come sooner." *blank stare towards the idiot on the other side of the counter* Did i not...just fucking tell them...that we would be closing in 10 minutes so their GOD DAMN PEICE OF SHIT FOOD WOULD BE READY THEN?!?!?!?!?!?!
9. "Which one do you like better: the honey chicken or the red thai curry?" "I like the honey chicken better." "Ok...we'll get the red thai chicken." *another blank stare toward the idiot on the other side of the counter that i just fucking orange glo-d and now has your nasty kids finger prints all over*
that's all i feel like thinking about right now. all that gave me a migrain. i dont even know how to spell that. but yeah im going to the lake for a week tomorrow so i wont update. not like i do anyway but hey, what the hell.