FICLET: Clean Up on Aisle Seven - Bandom
For alpheratz: Gerard & Pete and awkward grocery store run-ins
Clean Up on Aisle Seven
Pete’s never actually seen Casablanca, but that doesn’t mean he can’t quote it. Which he does, when he runs into Gerard at the grocery store in the middle of nowhere California. Gerard tilts his head and looks at him for a long minute, and Pete has to wonder if Gerard actually knows who he is.
“I don’t go to gin joints anymore.”
“Right. It’s a quote.”
“And this is the grocery store. Which, I guess they sell gin here.”
“From a movie?”
“I don’t really like gin.”
“A classic, really.”
“It’s okay. I mean, was okay. If I was drunk enough it didn’t really matter.” Gerard glances down into his shopping cart like there might accidentally be gin in it. “Hi, Pete.”
Following a Gerard Way conversation takes a PhD in advanced mathematics. Pete doesn’t even try anymore. “Hi.”
“I’m here for the bologna.”
Pete glances at the cart which is empty of both gin and bologna. “You’ve failed in your mission, young Skywalker.”
Gerard looks in Pete’s basket which contains a four-pack of toilet paper, a box of tampons, a six-pack of Coke, and fourteen Kit-Kat bars. “Are they for you?”
“Which?”
“The tampons.” Gerard says it with a straight face then breaks into a high-pitched giggle, complete with compact, tiny teeth. “The Kit-Kats.”
“Some of them. We both have to deal with PMS.” Pete glances down at the red packages in the basket, and realizes that the combination of colors is telling. “Well, I should let you get back to your bologna.”
“Mikey says hi. Or, well, he would if he knew I was going to see you, which I didn’t. Because you don’t live around here. And I don’t live around here.”
“Right. Well. Photo shoot, you know? Hers. Not mine.”
“Right. Right. Bandit and I are on an adventure.”
“Um, you seem to not have Bandit either.”
“Well, we’re pre-adventure. I’m stocking up. Picnic foods. Bologna and such.” He glances around the aisle they’re in and grabs a thing of Cheetos off the shelf, dropping it in his bag.
“Bronx likes the Puffs better. They’re messier.”
“Oh. Good call.” Gerard grabs two bags and stuffs one in Pete’s basket and one in his cart. “They help with PMS too.”
“Good to know.” Pete shoves one hand in his hoodie pocket. “I should go.”
“And Advil. That helps.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“Pete?”
Pete stops and turns around part way, not actually looking at Gerard. “I’ll tell Mikey you said hi.”
Pete nods. “Tell him I’m starting a line of flavored sex oils called ‘sweet little dudes’. He can get in on the ground floor.”
“Make one peppermint flavored. I like peppermint.”
“Dude.” Pete barks out a laugh and shakes his head. “I’m going to pretend I never heard that.”
Clean Up on Aisle Seven
Pete’s never actually seen Casablanca, but that doesn’t mean he can’t quote it. Which he does, when he runs into Gerard at the grocery store in the middle of nowhere California. Gerard tilts his head and looks at him for a long minute, and Pete has to wonder if Gerard actually knows who he is.
“I don’t go to gin joints anymore.”
“Right. It’s a quote.”
“And this is the grocery store. Which, I guess they sell gin here.”
“From a movie?”
“I don’t really like gin.”
“A classic, really.”
“It’s okay. I mean, was okay. If I was drunk enough it didn’t really matter.” Gerard glances down into his shopping cart like there might accidentally be gin in it. “Hi, Pete.”
Following a Gerard Way conversation takes a PhD in advanced mathematics. Pete doesn’t even try anymore. “Hi.”
“I’m here for the bologna.”
Pete glances at the cart which is empty of both gin and bologna. “You’ve failed in your mission, young Skywalker.”
Gerard looks in Pete’s basket which contains a four-pack of toilet paper, a box of tampons, a six-pack of Coke, and fourteen Kit-Kat bars. “Are they for you?”
“Which?”
“The tampons.” Gerard says it with a straight face then breaks into a high-pitched giggle, complete with compact, tiny teeth. “The Kit-Kats.”
“Some of them. We both have to deal with PMS.” Pete glances down at the red packages in the basket, and realizes that the combination of colors is telling. “Well, I should let you get back to your bologna.”
“Mikey says hi. Or, well, he would if he knew I was going to see you, which I didn’t. Because you don’t live around here. And I don’t live around here.”
“Right. Well. Photo shoot, you know? Hers. Not mine.”
“Right. Right. Bandit and I are on an adventure.”
“Um, you seem to not have Bandit either.”
“Well, we’re pre-adventure. I’m stocking up. Picnic foods. Bologna and such.” He glances around the aisle they’re in and grabs a thing of Cheetos off the shelf, dropping it in his bag.
“Bronx likes the Puffs better. They’re messier.”
“Oh. Good call.” Gerard grabs two bags and stuffs one in Pete’s basket and one in his cart. “They help with PMS too.”
“Good to know.” Pete shoves one hand in his hoodie pocket. “I should go.”
“And Advil. That helps.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“Pete?”
Pete stops and turns around part way, not actually looking at Gerard. “I’ll tell Mikey you said hi.”
Pete nods. “Tell him I’m starting a line of flavored sex oils called ‘sweet little dudes’. He can get in on the ground floor.”
“Make one peppermint flavored. I like peppermint.”
“Dude.” Pete barks out a laugh and shakes his head. “I’m going to pretend I never heard that.”