Last Chapter
Today marks the last day in this chapter of my life. Tomorrow is bariatric surgery and it's bringing up a whole host of emotions, most of them aren't good. I'm scared and excited and nervous and terrified and happy and...and...so many things all at once.
The biggest problem I'm having is anxiety. I mean, it's understandable. The doctor described this as a life-saving surgery, and that makes me wonder what the fuck I'm supposed to do with my life once it's saved. Have I been in stasis for the last 20 fucking years as I dig myself further and further down into a hole of self-loathing and hatred? I don't hate myself anymore but my body certainly looks like a shrine to all of my poor choices as I try to find myself. And now it's time to lose myself in order to find myself. I guess. I'm so ready for tomorrow to be over and I'm on the road to recovery. I have to do better this time around, I have to honor the body I was given.
That said, Aaron is making me breakfast this morning - a KitKat and eggs Benedict. Well, if he doesn't set the house on fire out of sheer frustration. The smoke alarm, man...it hates steam.
C'est la vie and let the world rise to meet me.