(no subject)
I really hate this dichotomy. I am the most logical person I know, but I'm full of illogical contradictions. I am motivated, but I epitomize procrastination. I feel that I am too passive, that I've missed opportunities because I don't have the balls to say something. I really miss having a girlfriend, but I won't do anything about it. Not that it's even worth thinking about, because it's not like I have the time to meet new people. I don't really want the chase and the games anyway. Because I'll probably end up dissapointed anyway. I just want someone to be happy with, at least for a little while. But there's nobody.
Will I do anything about it? I'll probably just lapse into the way I've always handled things. The path is so beaten that it's become a dry riverbed sunk into the dirt. I'll fill up my time with a million little tasks, I'll sweat my problems away at the gym. If any free time crops up and threatens my mental tranquility, if the foggy halcyon waters are disturbed, I'll flee into a book, and lose myself in another world. Busy work and procrastination, how depressing.
Another inconsistency, another anxiety. At least I'll get something accomplished.
Apologies for the vaugeness, but this is a public arena, and I dont like getting specific.
What bothers me most is that I recognise my problems, but wont do anything about it. Maybe I will, maybe it'll bother me enough that I'll turn around. It's a slim chance.
Fuck me.
Will I do anything about it? I'll probably just lapse into the way I've always handled things. The path is so beaten that it's become a dry riverbed sunk into the dirt. I'll fill up my time with a million little tasks, I'll sweat my problems away at the gym. If any free time crops up and threatens my mental tranquility, if the foggy halcyon waters are disturbed, I'll flee into a book, and lose myself in another world. Busy work and procrastination, how depressing.
Another inconsistency, another anxiety. At least I'll get something accomplished.
Apologies for the vaugeness, but this is a public arena, and I dont like getting specific.
What bothers me most is that I recognise my problems, but wont do anything about it. Maybe I will, maybe it'll bother me enough that I'll turn around. It's a slim chance.
Fuck me.