(no subject)
*Warning: egocentric, whiny, self-pity below; proceed with caution.*
Student: What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year, Ms. H?
Me: [gesturing meaningfully to pile of essays]
Student: [gaping] That's it? Really??
Me: [shrug]
And so begins the holiday depression.
Each year seems to be worse than the one before. While everyone else is traveling, talking about family, complaining about having to eat turkey, gearing up for Black Friday, putting up the Christmas tree, and bragging about getting all their shopping done or cards sent out... well, I will be doing none of those things. I'll be sitting at home eating my own dinner (or not) alone with debts that really don't allow me to buy gifts (though I almost always do for a handful of my dearest friends anyway). If anything I will be resentful of the fact that I can't do my laundry, pop out for an onion or half-gallon of milk, or find a quiet table in the library to work at for a few hours. No, I have to banish myself to my own corner because everyone else has their "family time."
It seems each year I keep searching, reaching, stretching for *something*, and each year I get farther away from it. And it always seems to be during the holiday season when that becomes painfully obvious. Each year Thanksgiving, Christmas, Solstice Saturnalia all become increasingly meaningless and I become more isolated from everything and everyone I love.
Maybe this is the year I'll just fade away.
Student: What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year, Ms. H?
Me: [gesturing meaningfully to pile of essays]
Student: [gaping] That's it? Really??
Me: [shrug]
And so begins the holiday depression.
Each year seems to be worse than the one before. While everyone else is traveling, talking about family, complaining about having to eat turkey, gearing up for Black Friday, putting up the Christmas tree, and bragging about getting all their shopping done or cards sent out... well, I will be doing none of those things. I'll be sitting at home eating my own dinner (or not) alone with debts that really don't allow me to buy gifts (though I almost always do for a handful of my dearest friends anyway). If anything I will be resentful of the fact that I can't do my laundry, pop out for an onion or half-gallon of milk, or find a quiet table in the library to work at for a few hours. No, I have to banish myself to my own corner because everyone else has their "family time."
It seems each year I keep searching, reaching, stretching for *something*, and each year I get farther away from it. And it always seems to be during the holiday season when that becomes painfully obvious. Each year Thanksgiving, Christmas, Solstice Saturnalia all become increasingly meaningless and I become more isolated from everything and everyone I love.
Maybe this is the year I'll just fade away.