Summer Solstice thoughts
It's a beautiful day for the solstice. I know that from here on out the days get shorter, but I'm not going to worry about that. They also get HOTTER until maybe mid September.
I got the garden weeded yesterday, and finally gave mom the go ahead to get rid of the snakes since so many birds have fledglings right now and a snake would grab them if they fell out of the nest. Heads up to those who do not know: birds cannot smell, and--touching babies to put them back into the nest works well--it's a myth that the mother will reject them.
Mom seems so much happier since she went off her heart medicine. I feel very afraid, because I know how much I am dependent on her for everything. I have no idea how to get on alone in the world, especially financially. I have a nothing job that I make very little at, and no education or special skills. I know dad isn't going to be leaping to the fore to rescue me like mom and Uncle Walt always did. I see now why they were so desperate to 'buy me things'....like getting my trailer fixed (which I paid for) and a new computer when I didn't need one and a new ipod because mine is missing. Guilt offerings to somehow make her feel less guilty about being so dishonest about stopping her heart medicine. That makes me feel so awful, knowing they just wanted to pay me off to not feel guilty about lying. Mom keeps trying to press money one me, while Dad is a Hacking, and they're not like that. I have to find something to help me survive, to give me a reason and ability to press on. I told mom I was afraid and her response was to just take an overdose. ??? WHAT THE F? In the first place, I don't want to commit suicide; it is dishonorable and I believe we have a time we are supposed to die. Accidents do happen but usually there is somebody on the other side to rescue those people. Otherwise we miss the 'date on our ticket' and may end up sitting around like so many earthbound spirits.
I know I let myself get in this position, and it's my responsibility to get myself out. I have a really good book idea after reading the Gate to Women's Country. Hey jess give me a call on my cell I want to talk to you about it--oh and your third pen set came yesterday so let me know when you're coming up.
Try to get through this day without coming apart. Joe is all over me about coming home, and lies about his drunkenness. I can't go there while he is drinking and not abstinent. This is just some ploy to get more goods on me for a divorce undoubtedly. I don't like his company and can't stand his touch because it creeps me out.
Anyway. Solstice. Special plans. Noonish is the best time I am thinking.
I got the garden weeded yesterday, and finally gave mom the go ahead to get rid of the snakes since so many birds have fledglings right now and a snake would grab them if they fell out of the nest. Heads up to those who do not know: birds cannot smell, and--touching babies to put them back into the nest works well--it's a myth that the mother will reject them.
Mom seems so much happier since she went off her heart medicine. I feel very afraid, because I know how much I am dependent on her for everything. I have no idea how to get on alone in the world, especially financially. I have a nothing job that I make very little at, and no education or special skills. I know dad isn't going to be leaping to the fore to rescue me like mom and Uncle Walt always did. I see now why they were so desperate to 'buy me things'....like getting my trailer fixed (which I paid for) and a new computer when I didn't need one and a new ipod because mine is missing. Guilt offerings to somehow make her feel less guilty about being so dishonest about stopping her heart medicine. That makes me feel so awful, knowing they just wanted to pay me off to not feel guilty about lying. Mom keeps trying to press money one me, while Dad is a Hacking, and they're not like that. I have to find something to help me survive, to give me a reason and ability to press on. I told mom I was afraid and her response was to just take an overdose. ??? WHAT THE F? In the first place, I don't want to commit suicide; it is dishonorable and I believe we have a time we are supposed to die. Accidents do happen but usually there is somebody on the other side to rescue those people. Otherwise we miss the 'date on our ticket' and may end up sitting around like so many earthbound spirits.
I know I let myself get in this position, and it's my responsibility to get myself out. I have a really good book idea after reading the Gate to Women's Country. Hey jess give me a call on my cell I want to talk to you about it--oh and your third pen set came yesterday so let me know when you're coming up.
Try to get through this day without coming apart. Joe is all over me about coming home, and lies about his drunkenness. I can't go there while he is drinking and not abstinent. This is just some ploy to get more goods on me for a divorce undoubtedly. I don't like his company and can't stand his touch because it creeps me out.
Anyway. Solstice. Special plans. Noonish is the best time I am thinking.