Cracktastic adventure part 2 of 2
Title: Eerie-ass Island of Mystery
Authors:
nutmeg610 and
romanceguru
Disclaimer: Only borrowing Joss and JJ’s sweaty rogues for this bit.
Rating: R
Fandom: Firefly/Lost
Pairings/Characters: Jayne/River, Sawyer/Kate, Hurley, Mal, Simon…
Warning: Major crack, Minor LOST spoilers up to season 3.
Summary: Hurley plays matchmaker as the group goes trekking through the jungle.
Notes: Here be the rest of our silliness!
Part 1 can be found here.
About the time River and Sawyer reached the beach, with his tent in sight, was about the time Jayne roused himself from his one man pity party and started to follow them.
Just to be sure she don’t get into no trouble. Jayne told himself as he stumbled through the foliage. He didn’t want the doc to get his panties in a jumble and blame him if the girl went and got herself into something she couldn’t handle.
The slimy bastard is prolly sexing up crazy right about now, he thought with a twitch. He knew the girl had a right to enjoy getting off just as much as the next person, but for some reason the idea didn’t settle too well in the pit of his stomach. Either that, or he’d done went and drunk himself sick.
Stumbling, Jayne put his hand on a tree to steady himself as his heaved a night's worth of drinking into some bushes.
As he steadied himself upright, he peered out into the dark. The two were nowhere to be seen. The beach was quiet, only the crash of waves and hum of isochronous crickets could be heard. Now, if only he could remember which little, floppy house was Sawyer's.
---
With a sigh, River sat back on her heels, watching the blonde man snore. After depositing Sawyer on his makeshift bed, his eyes had rolled back and he had passed out cold, effectively ending the kissing lesson before it could even start.
River wasn't too broken up about it, however. If she was honest with herself, she would have just closed her eyes and pretended it was Jayne the entire time.
---
Meanwhile, Jayne had run into Charlie, who was walking around with Aaron as he fussed, trying to get him to go back to sleep. Charlie directed Jayne to Sawyer's tent, raising an eyebrow in suspicion and looking like he was about to ask what the merc wanted with him, when a glare from the larger man prevented him from voicing his question.
Steeling himself for a sight he really didn't want to see, but knowing he had to break up their little tryst -- for the Doc, he told himself -- Jayne marched purposefully towards the tent and threw up the flap.
River was just pulling the blanket over Sawyer when a rush of cool, ocean air gust in, causing her to lose her balance and tumble atop of the passed out man.
Sawyer automatically wrapped his arms around River as he felt her weight and pulled her close, mumbling something about Kate in his sleep before rolling them both over.
Jayne just stood there feeling awkward and oddly jealous as he witnessed the two in a post-coital embrace. The ruttin' girl was made up of no sense, rolling around with strange island folk on a whim.
Clearing his throat, there was a sight edge in his voice as he addressed River. “Jus' came by ta warn ya that it’d be best iff’n ya were back in yer own tent come mornin’. Ya know how yer brother gits, girl.” Jayne paused before adding, “An’ he ain’t gonna like this none.”
River struggled to sit up against Sawyer’s cataleptic death grip, wanting to refute the waves of raw disappointment emanating from the merc, but the hypocriticalness of his behavior in turn sparked her own stubbornness.
Giving up on fighting Sawyer's hold on her, she flopped back and answered into the darkness. “Capable of handling my own indiscretions, Jayne. Am a women ready to make her own decisions. Your advice is appreciated, but not necessary.”
Jayne flinched at that, opening his mouth to say something but nothing came out. Just as he was about to turn away and lower the flap, Kate came running up, breathless and in a state of panic. She skidded to a stop as she peered in to the dim tent, shock and awe gripping her expression at the sight before her. For a split second, she forgot there were bigger problems arising on the island.
"Did he try anything with you?" Kate asked River, eyebrow raised with concern.
With a sigh, River reinstated her earlier stance."I am a woman capable of making my own--"
"Yeah, yeah." Jayne muttered, turning to look Kate up and down. "What're you doin' here? 'Sides waitin' ta be sloppy seconds."
A dangerous glint came to Kate's eye, and there might have been a slugfest had Sawyer not groaned and awoken.
"Why's it sound like a fucking episode of Jerry Springer in my tent?"
Deciding to let Jayne's comment go, Kate stepped in closer and said, "Jack and Juliet are missing."
"Good." Sawyer replied, all of a sudden realizing he was holding onto River in front of Kate and awkwardly releasing her. "Guess they took a lover's stroll back to Othersville, huh?"
"Sawyer, this isn't funny; we have to find them."
"Well what do you expect me to do, Nancy Drew? I'm hungover as hell and it's dark out. Besides, I really don't care to find 'em."
"Well I do." Kate replied, balling her hands into fists at her side. "I'll just get Sayid to help me." And with that, she turned and exited the tent.
"Oh sure," Sawyer muttered, struggling to his feet, "Get the Iraqi Dudley Do-Right to help you. Wait a sec; I'm comin'." He trailed after her, leaving River and Jayne to stare awkwardly at one another inside his tent.
Jayne tore his eyes from River’s and looked around the space nosily. “Heard jabber-mouth has a stash worked up. Mebbe I can finally find me a decent girly magazine.”
River watched as Jayne started rustling through Sawyer’s stuff, opening bags and unrolling clothing bundles. “We need to help them.” she implored, a dreadful intuition creeping its way up her spine.
“You go right ahead.” Jayne picked up a container of something and pried open the lid, sniffing the contents. Scrunching his face up, he gagged and coughed before quickly snapping the lid shut. “I ain’t gonna look after yer boyfriend.” He finished indifferently.
"James Ford is not my boyfriend." she replied evenly.
Jayne shot a glance over his shoulder, eyebrow raised. "Who?"
"Sawyer." River said with an eyeroll.
"Oh, well why didn't ya jus' say him?" he asked, finding a book and quickly flipping through it to see if there were any nudie pics. When it turned out to be a classic novel, he growled and tossed it aside.
"Jayne." River said quietly, coming to his side and touching his arm, causing him to go tense. "Will you please assist me in locating Kate and Sawyer and helping them in their search?"
Jayne stared at her for a moment, the wheels in his head turning. If she went off after them and got herself lost, everyone would blame him, but on the other hand, he really didn't want to walk alone with her. He'd start getting ideas about her and him together, and he didn't need a complication like that in his life. Stepping back from her, he shook his head.
"They know what they're doin'. They been on this island awhile now, an' they'll be fine."
Eyebrows creasing, River sighed in frustration and headed outside, calling out, "I'm going to help," back to him.
Heaving a sigh, Jayne ignored her and went back to searching. He finally found a girly magazine and a full bottle of booze hidden in a covered up hole in the sand. Well, it looked like his night was set. Glancing out the open tent flap, he half hoped River would come back, but he wasn't going to hold his breath. She was as stubborn as he was.
Jayne headed back to his tent with a lewd smirk plastered on his face as he flipped through the pages by the moonlight. Preoccupied with his new find, he almost ran right smack into the big guy. “Ruttin’ hell, don’t nobody sleep 'round here!” Jayne snapped.
“Oh, hey there, scary dude. I heard the news about Jack and Juliet. Was just going to see if they needed any help.” Hurly explained.
“Best o’ luck to ya.” Jayne offered as he tried to get past.
Hurley called after Jayne as he walked away from him. “You should come.”
Jayne turned back around as curly-haired one continued to plead his case. “You look like an pretty angry guy. You know, with all those guns strapped to you and such. We could use somebody like that.”
Jayne snorted. "An' what's in it fer me?"
Hurley paused, his eyes lifting up to think. "Um, welllll..."
"Uh huh, thought so." Jayne replied, turning away.
"Oh, dude, by the way, do you know your girlfriend's out looking for them too?"
Whirling around, Jayne's face turned an angry shade of red. Luckily it was too dark for Hurley to see.
"She ain't my ruttin' girlfriend! I don't even like her none. She's a pain in my pi gu an' I don't want nuthin' ta do with her."
Hurley raised an eyebrow. "Okay, but, you seem to know exactly who I'm talking about. Weird for someone who claims she's not his girlfriend, don't you think?"
Jayne mouth worked trying to come up to a response to that, but his brain was slow in cooperating. Hurley shifted awkwardly and added, "Sooo, you coming to help?"
Closing his mouth, Jayne inhaled deeply through his nose before saying, "Lemme git Vera."
"Okay dude. Uhh, wait, who's Vera?"
Already walking to his tent, Jayne called back, "A Callahan full-bore autolock with a customized trigger and double-cartridge thorough gauge."
Hurley stared after him, mouth open. "Dude, is that like, a gun?"
Rolling his eyes, Jayne lifted his tent flap, turning back to address Hurley. "It is my very favorite gun."
Standing outside Jayne’s tent, Hurley continued to chat away as Jayne unrolled his blanket and removed Vera. Normally he didn’t keep her loaded, but ever since that creepy, fog monster thing chased him down, he wasn’t taking his chances.
“So, you name your guns?” Hurley inquired as Jayne exited the tent and walked right past him. “Dude, didn’t anyone tell you that’s kind of weird?”
“Didn’t anyone tell ya that ya flap yer jaw too much?” Jayne bit back as the big guy tried to keep up pace.
Hurley put his hands up in defense. “Whoa dude, calm yourself. Just making an observation.”
“Well, why don’t ya do less observin' and tell me which gorram direction we're headed? Dong ma?”
"Dong... huh?" Hurley replied, highly confused.
Gripping the barrel on Vera tightly, Jayne slowly asked through gritted teeth, "WHICH WAY?"
"Uh, follow me." Hurley grabbed one of the torches lighting up the beach and started off into the jungle, not feeling too comfortable having the man wielding the knives and huge gun behind him.
There was silence as the trekked through the foliage, and silence had always made Hurley feel weird, so he cleared his throat and asked, "So why don't you like that River chick? I mean, she's really cute, and smart, and sweet. Sure she talks funny sometimes, but she can't help that.”
Jayne sighed, relenting to the fact that the guy was never going shut up. “Women-folk ain’t ta be trusted.” The merc stated firmly. ‘Specially ones that could snap yer neck in a tick an‘ kill ya dead wit’ only her brain.”
Hurley’s eyebrows shot up at the latter proclamation. “Dude, that sounds like something out of a science fiction movie. But guess since you all crashed here in a space ship thingy and this place is like a creeped out version of Gilligan’s Island, anything could be possible.” Hurley paused to catch his breath. “Anyways, you should totally ask her out. She told me that…Oh, hey look dude, I see 'em up ahead. Here's your chance.”
"Wait, what'd she say?" Jayne asked, eyebrow lifting with surprise.
"Whatever dude, just, go ask her to go for a walk on the beach with you sometime." Hurley started waving his arms at him, trying to encourage him to go through with it.
"Now hold on, did she put ya up ta this?"
Frowning, the man shook his shaggy mane of hair. "No, what she said was that if you ever asked her out, she wouldn't say 'No.' Now go on."
Looking ahead, Jayne could make out the figure of Kate holding a torch, Sawyer beside her, and River slightly off to the side. With a huff, Jayne started forward.
"Ya comin', Buddha?"
Hurley pouted as he struggled to catch up. "You've been hanging out with Sawyer too much."
Sawyer glanced up to see Jayne and Hurley coming towards them and rolled his eyes, acting for all the world put out. “Ah, for the love of monkeys, if it ain’t G.I. Jayne and the nutty professor.”
“Sawyer, shut up. We can use all the help we can get.” Kate chided as she scowled at the man.
“Wrong primate. He’s an ape.” River corrected with a slight smirk, looking pointedly at the merc.
Jayne swung Vera to the opposite shoulder and growled at the girl, burning her up with his ice-blue eyes. This was the thanks he got for…
River’s smile widened. “Glad you came.”
A little taken aback by her grin, he tried shrugging it off. "Yeah well, this guy wouldn't let up, and I weren't really tired, and if you git yerself kidnapped by eerie-ass hillfolk again, it'll be up ta me ta save ya again so...yeah."
River raised an eyebrow at the last remark, since he had been the one who hadn't even wanted to come back for her and her brother, but then she reached out and grabbed his wrist.
"This way." she declared, leading their party on.
Sawyer looked Hurley up and down as they started walking.
"Hell, if Stay Puft here is gonna help ya, then I'm headin' back. I got a hangover that would knock an Irishman flat on his ass."
“Whatever.” Hurley shrugged as he started after Jayne and River. “We got the dude with the big gun and the chick with the crazy brain melting powers.”
Sawyer felt a little hurt at being so quickly replaced, but didn't let it show.
Kate looked sternly at Sawyer, “I don’t know why I even bother.” Turning on her heels, Kate followed after the group as he called after her, “‘Cause ya just can’t stay away, Darlin’.” Sawyer raised his voice as the forms retreated further away. “I’m fire and you’re a breath of fresh air, baby, together, we make an raging inferno!”
Jayne made a face, gently shaking River's hand from his arm. He'd already been sick once that night, he didn't need to start throwing up again on account of Sawyer's feeble attempt to be smooth.
The group continued on, River leading the way like a bloodhound on the scent. Kate caught up to her to provide light, while Jayne and Hurley hung back a few paces.
"Dude, you should like, go ask her out now. Perfect timing." Hurley said, voice lowered covertly.
Jayne just snorted. "Here we are in the middle of a creepy ass jungle; it's possible we'll get kidnapped or e't or booby-trapped, an' here yer tryin' ta hook me up with Crazy. If ya care so much 'bout who she's with, why don't you put the moves on her?"
"Because, man," Hurley answered seriously, "you'd come to your senses and kick my ass."
Up ahead, Kate nudged River. “Are you sure this is the way they went? How can you be so certain?”
“Following the trail of blood.” River responded aridly, then off of the older woman’s horrified expression gave Kate a look to show she wasn’t serious.
“Sometimes I see things.” She explained. “Bits and parts of a working whole.”
“Like a psychic?” Kate inquired, switching the torch to her left hand.
River shrugged. “Psychic, psychotic. Cut, molded and scarred.”
Kate felt a little bad for the girl, but had no idea how to respond to that, so she said nothing.
“Don’t worry,” River smiled, “Nobody does.”
“Did you just read my thoughts?” Kate inquired, more shocked than anything. When the girl didn’t answer, she took that as a yes and they continued trekking through the brush in silence.
“Nothing happened.” River finally divulged, sensing the awkwardness between them.
Kate cracked a knowing smile. “You like the big guy.”
River blushed a little and looked down. “He’s a boob.”
Kate sighed. “Yeah, we sure know how to pick ‘em.”
Her eyes glazing over slightly, River murmured, "We can't help who we fall in love with, Katherine."
A chill worked it's way up Kate's back, as she heard her mother's words coming out of River's mouth. Turning around, she saw Jayne and Hurley trailing behind. Willing her voice not to give away how unnerved she was, she called out, "Hurry up, guys!"
"Coming!" Hurley said, putting a bit move effort into walking. Within a few moments, they had caught up to the women.
"A storm is coming." River said softly.
Jayne squinted down at her. "Now you mean a storm in that weird, not literal thing you got goin' on, or you mean rain?"
A smile tugging at her lips, she replied, "Rain, Jayne. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain."
Lighting flashed across the sky and a low, deep thunder rumbled across the valley before a torrent of icy rain began to fall upon them. “They’re here.” River announced.
At that moment, Jack and Juliet came bursting out of nowhere running towards them hand in hand. “Go, now!” they screamed in unison at the four standing there idly.
A strange clicking sound cut through the night followed by a boom more frightening than the thunder had been.
Jayne’s eyes grew wide. “Gorramit, not that thing again.” Hauling his ass after the group, he muttered to himself, “Think I preferred the Reavers.”
It only took Jayne a moment to realize that River wasn't with them. Turning around, he tried to make her out in the darkness and sheets of heavy rain.
"Gorramit girl! You got a deathwish?!" he yelled out, but received no answer. A flash of lightening lit up the jungle, and he saw her standing still, facing away from him. Running back over, he fumbled for her arm and grabbed ahold of her.
"Let's go already!" he dragged her along, but finally her feet started to work and she was able to run alongside him. Jayne, however, didn't release her until they were safely back on the beach, just to be certain she wouldn't go back after the weird monster thing.
Hurley was panting heavily and Kate was glaring at Jack and Juliet, who were having a quiet moment a few yards off as the rain abruptly ceased.
Jayne grabbed River by the shoulders and shook her. "The hell's wrong with you, Crazy? You want ta die?"
“It’s crossed my mind.” River muttered, her eyes tearing up as Jayne tried not to think about tormented girls wanting to off themselves.
Trembling, she looked up at the merc, her eyes darting back and forth. “Looked into it’s face, saw…death.”
Without thinking, Jayne pulled River into his arms, suddenly wanting to protect her in all the ways he had failed before.
River closed her eyes as she pressed her cheek against Jayne’s damp chest. They were both drenched and unconsciously shivering, but River had never felt more surrounded by strength and warmth.
"No gorram island monster's gonna git us, girl. I'll pump it full 'a lead 'fore it gits near enough."
River nodded her head against his chest, tiny shaking hands gripping his wet shirt.
Pulling back, he looked her over carefully. "An' now yer gonna go an' freeze ta death. C'mon, I got a towel in my tent."
Turning in the direction of his tent, he took ahold of her arm and started to lead her, seeing Hurley give him a thumbs up out of the corner of his eye. Sneering a little at the man, Jayne told himself that it didn't mean anything. He just didn't want a fellow crew member to get sick and die.
He ushered River into his tent, then searched around in the dim light of dawn for the towel, hoping to find his flashlight first. River moved to sit down on his pallet, but tripped over the glass bottle of alcohol and glossy nudie magazine he had dropped earlier.
River bent down and brushed her fingers over the amber colored bottle before picking up the magazine. Flipping through the pages, River’s face was virtually expressionless as Jayne eyed her uncomfortably.
When she was done, she carefully laid it aside and looked up at Jayne. “I preferred October. May has false feminine projectiles.”
His mouth fell open, but then he collected himself and came over, sitting beside her and draping his towel across her shoulders, rubbing her arms.
"Projectiles. Ya mean she's got fake breasts, or she's smugglin' missiles?"
Giggling, River set her head against his shoulder. "Implants to enhance her desirability to males."
"Ah. An' ya say ya like October huh? You got a thing fer women?" He waggled an eyebrow at her when she glanced up at him, and she lightly whacked the back of her hand against his chest.
"No. I prefer men." Her eyes drifted across his face seriously.
Jayne’s eyebrows lifted slightly at River’s intent look. The whole tent started to feel like it was closing in on him and suddenly his hands felt awkward resting on her slender arms.
She was doing that wily thing woman-folk do with their eyes when they want you to kiss them. All Jayne could think about was how gorram intimidating she was, what with her bewitching eyes and slightly parted mouth. And she weren’t even being all schizo neither.
Licking his lips, Jayne broke the thick silence. “So didya, you know, with Blondie?”
“You mean did we go rut in a tent as you suggested?” River questioned with mock innocence.
“Uh, yeah.” He replied sheepishly.
Turning into the merc's arms, River crawled her fingers up his chest and poked him with a sharp, little finger. “What do you think?” She smiled her loopy grin up at him, enjoying the shift in power.
Watching her finger poking him, he shrugged. "I dunno. Mebbe, if he's yer type."
"He's not." she announced firmly, watching his face carefully.
"Then... no? Ya didn't?"
Smiling, she ran her fingertips back through his wet hair. "What would happen if I had?"
Jayne snorted. "'Sides you gettin' a venereal disease?"
“Besides.” River emphasized, encouraging him with her eyes.
Jayne shivered pleasantly as the girl’s touch caused placating sensations to crawl down his neck. “Well,” He began, tipping his head down to breath in the skin along her neck. “I reckon I’d hafta tell yer brother an’ Mal that you’d gone an’ went crazy again.”
River ran her hands down from Jayne’s hair to cup his face, tilting her chin up so that their lips were practically touching. “Perfectly sane.” She breathed before pressing her lips firmly to his.
Oh hell. Jayne thought. She's kissing me. She's kissing me on the mouth. She's kissing me... and it's not bad at all. What the hell was I so worried about?
Parting his lips slightly, he deepened their kiss, tugging her into his lap. River's stomach was doing a ballet leap inside her abdomen as she settled herself in her new position. He pressed a large hand to the back of her head, not about to let her get away anytime soon.
One thing's fer sure, Jayne thought, I been a damn fool not to take her in my arms before this.
River giggled against Jayne’s lips as his thoughts poured over into her mind. Breaking their kiss, the merc frowned down at her. “What‘s up? Ain’t I doin’ it right?”
Biting her lip, River shook her head as she looked up at him with eyes that said he was doing more than alright. “Feared what you didn’t comprehend.” She explained.
Then lightly, sensually, River kissed him again. Bringing her mouth over his bottom lip, she softly sucked on the tender flesh, causing certain parts of Jayne to ache intensely. Pulling away, she whispered, “Now you understand.”
Jayne growled at the seductiveness in her voice and attacked her again full force. They had only spent another minute or so in some pretty heavy lip locking before an awkward clearing of someone’s throat interrupted them.
River and Jayne both turned towards the source, still clinging to one another. River turned pink as she rested her face against Jayne’s chest and smiled at the big guy.
“Uh, hey dude, and dudette.” Hurley nodded to both of them as he peeked his head inside the tent. “Um, right on. You know, with the kissing and…”
“There somthin’ ya want?” Jayne growled, slightly irritated at having had to stop the oral play. He hadn’t even got to see skin yet neither. That thought made him even more impatient as he waited for Hurley to stammer out an explanation.
“Right.” Hurley began. “Um, we're having an emergency town meeting ‘cause of what happened tonight and all your people are already there, and since they didn’t know you guys were in here, together, I figured I should be the one to, you know, tell you.”
Sighing, River gently removed herself from Jayne's lap.
"Thank you."
"Aww..." Jayne whined. "It were jus' gettin' good!"
River smiled at him understandingly, holding out her hand for him, but he pulled himself to his feet without her assistance.
"Not sure if it's a good idea fer them ta see us all... together. I mean, not jus' yet, what with the crazy island monster killin' people an' all, ya know?"
River’s smile faded into a frown, her newfound elation fading. “You want to hide me away?” She was tired of keeping secrets, too many thoughts, memories locked down deep. She had wanted liberation from Jayne, not oppression.
Hurley shoved his hands his pockets, looking down as he shuffled his feet in he sand, “Guess that’s my cue to leave. Uh, later guys.”
Jayne just looked at River with a loss for words, suddenly remembering why he kept himself unattached. Ruttin' women had to make a gorram stink about nearly everything.
"That ain't what I said." he grumbled, exiting the tent. River stayed behind
for a moment, staring at the spot where so recently they had been exploring each others' mouths.
"Ya comin'?" his voice called from outside. When she didn't move, he popped his head back in. "Ya can't stay here, girl. That thing might make you his snack."
"I don't want to hide what I feel. I'm not afraid." she murmured.
Coming back into the tent, Jayne shifted awkwardly, then cleared his throat and held his hand out.
"I ain't no fraidy-cat. I ain't scared neither."
Smiling with relief, she took his hand and allowed him to led her outside.
They made their way hand in hand to where everyone was huddled underneath an overhang, a large bonfire lighting up the area beside the crowd. River felt both nervous and proud that Jayne hadn’t let go on her hand yet.
Jack’s voice boomed out over the crowd with conviction. He was going on about how the others were coming and everyone looked half-dead as they listened on. The Others were always coming, whoopteedoo.
Sawyer, who was standing next to Mal on the outskirts of the group was the first to turn and see them approaching. He smirked with amusement at the pair as he addressed River. “Aw, darlin’, ya didn’t hafta go an' trade down on the account of my unavailability.”
River blinked at him owlishly, feeling Jayne bristle beside her.
"Didn't trade down." she replied. "I realized what a poor match you would be, hiding behind your words as they slither like serpents from your mouth. Shouldn't hide. Jayne doesn't hide." She looked up proudly at her merc, noting that his chest puffed out a bit at her words.
"Did I, uhh, miss sumthin'?" Mal asked, eyeing the two.
"Yes, but all will be explained soon. "It's time to go home." she grinned at him knowingly.
Jayne looked down at River with a puzzled expression, but before he could ask the girl to elaborate, a scuffle broke out between Sayid and Jack. They were hollering at each other with an unbridled intensity. The crowd was starting to get riled up right along with them in a pitchfork-burn‘em-at-the-stake sort of way.
Sayid got up into Jack‘s face. “I’m tired of you running around the island with Juliet. Making decisions that exclude the rest of us. Now tell us what exactly you were doing in that jungle!”
Simon caught a glimpse of River over the ruckus and pushed through the crowd to get to her. “Mei mei, I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” He assessed her up and down to make sure she was ok but his eyes froze in place when he saw his sister’s hand interlocked with Jayne’s.
River sighed. “It has been a long night of drunkenness, debauchery, near peril and oral exploration. Too tired to explain now, Simon. I’ll send you a memo.”
Jayne snickered, enjoying the look of horror on Simon’s face. Mal raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, deciding instead to intervene the fight. Clearing his throat, the captain shouted amidst the chaos. “You’ll wanna explain to us why you felt the need to drag our asses out of bed to bear witness to a gorram screaming match?”
Everyone stopped and stared at Mal, and the man had to grin that he was finally getting the attention he deserved, when he heard a familiar sound behind him, and realized that the crowd was actually looking behind Mal.
"Hey, Mal!" Wash's cheery voice called from Serenity's speaker system. "Me and Kaylee fixed the ship! Now how's about we get the crew and castaways on board and escape this eerie island of mystery?"
Turning around, Mal saw Wash set her down like a feather gliding down to the ground. "Right. Well that solves that die-lemma." He glanced over his shoulder. "Anyone wants to come with, yer welcome to, an' we'll drop ya off where ya need ta go. But ya ain't on my boat in ten minutes, ya lost yer chance."
He began striding across the sand all captain-y, while the castaways started talking in raised voices.
"Time ta go home, huh?" Jayne asked, grinning down at River.
She smiled and shrugged. "Simon says I have the Third Eye, don't you Simon?"
Her brother could only stare at her, mouth slightly open and still near catatonic at the last bit of news she had related to him.
Hurley called after the group that had started towards the ship. “Um, hey dudes, aren’t you guys like from 500 years in the future? How’s that gonna work? And, um, aren’t we all supposed to be dead or something?”
Sawyer spoke up. “Never mind that. How are we all gonna fit on that dinky ship? I ain‘t bunking with Captain Falafel.”
“Maybe we should have a lottery?” Someone shouted.
“No! No lottery.” Hurley quickly dissented as he shook his head.
“It’s a cargo ship. We can herd cattle.” River stated plainly.
“Do we look like cattle to you?” Sawyer snapped, something beyond the
surface nagging at him.
River just blinked. “Yes, that’s what I meant. Unthinking masses.”
“What are you complaining about, Sawyer? We’re leaving, going home. Didn’t you hear that part?” Kate interjected.
“Maybe I like things right fine the way they are. Got ourselves a good thing going here.” Sawyer defended.
Kate crossed her arms and snorted. “Yeah, because fearing for our lives on a daily basis is a wonderful way to live.”
“What do you recall it was you were doing before we crashed on paradise island, Freckles?”
Kate just stared at the man blankly, unable to answer.
“That’s what I thought.”
Kate reached out and grabbed Sawyers arm. “What are you really scared of, Sawyer?”
“Nothing, just leave it!”
“Saw…”
"Lao tian ye!" Jayne yelled, and the castaways fell silent. "I fer one don't give a good gorram what y'all decide ta do, but we ain't gonna fluff pillows an' lay out guest towels fer you lot. So either git yer whinin' pi gus onboard the ship, or go sit around the campfire waitin' fer the monster an' them jungle folk ta gitcha."
Finished with his little tirade, he squeezed River's hand and they wordlessly went to his makeshift tent to collect his things, Simon following uneasily.
After that, they walked to River and Simon's tent, where the siblings grabbed their belongings and left for the ship.
As they crossed the sand, River paused and looked behind her, where not far away Kate stood uncertainly, a backpack at her feet.
"Come along." River called. "Anywhere's better than home, except for here. This is a good resolution to your problem."
Nodding, Kate lifting the backpack onto her shoulders and caught up to the three.
"You think you guys will be able to get back to where you came from?"
"Oh yes." River answered with certainty. "The temporal time rift is still open with ample time left to safely navigate our way through. Must inform Wash of this." She gently pulled her hand from Jayne's and, with a sweet smile directed towards him, skipped her way across the beach and up the ramp of Serenity.
“Kate! Hold up.”
Turning, Kate saw Sawyer jogging towards her, carrying a small sack of his
own. “Changed my mind. I’m coming with.” Turing towards Jayne, he asked “Think you could use a lowly conman to help with the thievin‘? Way I figure it, your world seems a hell of a lot more suited for our kind.”
A slow smirked crawled over Jayne’s face. “You sure that’s what you want? I done warned you about the Reavers, an’ we’s git shot at plenty, an’ there ain’t gonna be no fresh grub aboard. To be honest, most o’ it smells like crotch.”
“Look, I got stabbed and shot enough times here to warrant me some practice. Think I could handle it. Long as Freckles here plays nurse.” Sawyer paused to wink at Kate who in turn rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide a small smile. “What’s more, I ain’t scared of no freaky looking cannibals, and frankly, I’m plain sick and tired of mangos.”
Jayne shrugged. "I ain't got a problem with it. Tell ya the truth, more gun hands means less chance I'll get shot at. But y'all gotta take it up with Mal." He and Simon led them up into the cargo bay where Mal and Zoe were clearing the floor a bit.
"This it? Two people?" Mal asked.
"Well," Simon answered, looking behind him, "there may be more coming."
"Then they best git here it the next sixty seconds 'cause we're takin' off."
Sawyer turned to Jayne as they walked up the ramp. “So whaddya say about another friendly game of ‘I never’ once everyone settles in?”
Jayne set his bag down on a crate as he turned back to look out at the landscape. Dawn cast the island in a golden hallow as the a large group streamed their way up the ramp and past them, eager to go home.
Turning to Sawyer, Jayne shrugged. “Alright. First one ta pass out has trash detail. I ain’t pickin’ up after all these ben dans.”
Sawyer raised his eyebrows at the challenge. “What make’s ya so sure your goin’ to win, Big Slick?”
Jayne just scoffed at him. "Cuz now we're gonna be drinking Blue Sun whiskey. It'll knock ya on yer ass faster'n you can say... 'Don't knock me on my ass.'"
Sawyer gave him a smirk at that, while Mal lifted the ramp right behind the last castaway and nodded at Zoe to contact Wash on the comm.
"Everyone's aboard. We got a green light?"
"Sure do, lambietoes. River's got a plan all worked out, jus' wants Mal to come up and a-ok it."
Mal started up the stairs, gesturing at Zoe to give Wash the go ahead.
"Captain's on his way. Take us into the air, baby."
---
Epilogue
After dropping everyone off at their respective destinations on Earth-that-where before it wasn’t, and after nearly getting blown out of the sky by the U.S. Air Force, Serenity miraculously made the jump back to a more familiar future.
Locke was the only one from Flight 815 to stay behind. The crazed man had an unexplainable fixation with the island. He eventually killed Ben and was deemed the new Messiah of the island.
Surviving Desmond’s prophetic fate, Charlie, Claire and Aaron returned to Australia where they had six more kids and started a rock’n roll inspired children’s television show.
Jack and Juliet had departed together to reunite with her sister and nephew in the States. Kate was a little bummed about it at first, but after a while she started eyeballing the Captain and following him around like a love sick puppy. For some reason the man reminded her of her ex-husband.
Sawyer had finally had enough of Kate’s indecisiveness and decided that the mechanic was a sweeter piece of cherry pie. Slowly, Kaylee started to forget about her Simon infatuation as Sawyer’s forwardness and insatiable sexual appetite was much more to her liking. Besides, she had a thing for scruffy men with long blond hair; especially in the engine room.
Simon and Inara soon sought comfort in one another, and the companion showed the Doctor things he could do with his anatomy he never thought possible. He’s currently co-writing a medical journal on his findings.
Zoe and Wash decided to adopt Hurley instead of having children of their own. Hurley had fun playing dinosaurs with his Pop and finally lost a couple hundred pounds due to a strict protein diet and the newfound comfort of parental love.
Jayne and River had their ups and downs, moreso than most couples, seeing as he was a commitment-phobe and she was certifiably crazy. But somehow they found a happy medium, and strange enough, it was Sawyer that kept them together. Even though he was with Kaylee, the man couldn't speak to a woman without flirting, so whenever he spoke to River, the hairs on the back of Jayne's neck stood up, and he had an uncontrollable desire to protect what was his.
But as Sawyer was now crew, Jayne couldn't just beat the hell out of him like he wanted. Instead, he and Sawyer got plenty drunk playing games of 'I never,' most of which Jayne won until Sawyer got used to the liquor of the future.
THE END
---
Authors:
nutmeg610 and
romanceguru
Disclaimer: Only borrowing Joss and JJ’s sweaty rogues for this bit.
Rating: R
Fandom: Firefly/Lost
Pairings/Characters: Jayne/River, Sawyer/Kate, Hurley, Mal, Simon…
Warning: Major crack, Minor LOST spoilers up to season 3.
Summary: Hurley plays matchmaker as the group goes trekking through the jungle.
Notes: Here be the rest of our silliness!
Part 1 can be found here.
About the time River and Sawyer reached the beach, with his tent in sight, was about the time Jayne roused himself from his one man pity party and started to follow them.
Just to be sure she don’t get into no trouble. Jayne told himself as he stumbled through the foliage. He didn’t want the doc to get his panties in a jumble and blame him if the girl went and got herself into something she couldn’t handle.
The slimy bastard is prolly sexing up crazy right about now, he thought with a twitch. He knew the girl had a right to enjoy getting off just as much as the next person, but for some reason the idea didn’t settle too well in the pit of his stomach. Either that, or he’d done went and drunk himself sick.
Stumbling, Jayne put his hand on a tree to steady himself as his heaved a night's worth of drinking into some bushes.
As he steadied himself upright, he peered out into the dark. The two were nowhere to be seen. The beach was quiet, only the crash of waves and hum of isochronous crickets could be heard. Now, if only he could remember which little, floppy house was Sawyer's.
---
With a sigh, River sat back on her heels, watching the blonde man snore. After depositing Sawyer on his makeshift bed, his eyes had rolled back and he had passed out cold, effectively ending the kissing lesson before it could even start.
River wasn't too broken up about it, however. If she was honest with herself, she would have just closed her eyes and pretended it was Jayne the entire time.
---
Meanwhile, Jayne had run into Charlie, who was walking around with Aaron as he fussed, trying to get him to go back to sleep. Charlie directed Jayne to Sawyer's tent, raising an eyebrow in suspicion and looking like he was about to ask what the merc wanted with him, when a glare from the larger man prevented him from voicing his question.
Steeling himself for a sight he really didn't want to see, but knowing he had to break up their little tryst -- for the Doc, he told himself -- Jayne marched purposefully towards the tent and threw up the flap.
River was just pulling the blanket over Sawyer when a rush of cool, ocean air gust in, causing her to lose her balance and tumble atop of the passed out man.
Sawyer automatically wrapped his arms around River as he felt her weight and pulled her close, mumbling something about Kate in his sleep before rolling them both over.
Jayne just stood there feeling awkward and oddly jealous as he witnessed the two in a post-coital embrace. The ruttin' girl was made up of no sense, rolling around with strange island folk on a whim.
Clearing his throat, there was a sight edge in his voice as he addressed River. “Jus' came by ta warn ya that it’d be best iff’n ya were back in yer own tent come mornin’. Ya know how yer brother gits, girl.” Jayne paused before adding, “An’ he ain’t gonna like this none.”
River struggled to sit up against Sawyer’s cataleptic death grip, wanting to refute the waves of raw disappointment emanating from the merc, but the hypocriticalness of his behavior in turn sparked her own stubbornness.
Giving up on fighting Sawyer's hold on her, she flopped back and answered into the darkness. “Capable of handling my own indiscretions, Jayne. Am a women ready to make her own decisions. Your advice is appreciated, but not necessary.”
Jayne flinched at that, opening his mouth to say something but nothing came out. Just as he was about to turn away and lower the flap, Kate came running up, breathless and in a state of panic. She skidded to a stop as she peered in to the dim tent, shock and awe gripping her expression at the sight before her. For a split second, she forgot there were bigger problems arising on the island.
"Did he try anything with you?" Kate asked River, eyebrow raised with concern.
With a sigh, River reinstated her earlier stance."I am a woman capable of making my own--"
"Yeah, yeah." Jayne muttered, turning to look Kate up and down. "What're you doin' here? 'Sides waitin' ta be sloppy seconds."
A dangerous glint came to Kate's eye, and there might have been a slugfest had Sawyer not groaned and awoken.
"Why's it sound like a fucking episode of Jerry Springer in my tent?"
Deciding to let Jayne's comment go, Kate stepped in closer and said, "Jack and Juliet are missing."
"Good." Sawyer replied, all of a sudden realizing he was holding onto River in front of Kate and awkwardly releasing her. "Guess they took a lover's stroll back to Othersville, huh?"
"Sawyer, this isn't funny; we have to find them."
"Well what do you expect me to do, Nancy Drew? I'm hungover as hell and it's dark out. Besides, I really don't care to find 'em."
"Well I do." Kate replied, balling her hands into fists at her side. "I'll just get Sayid to help me." And with that, she turned and exited the tent.
"Oh sure," Sawyer muttered, struggling to his feet, "Get the Iraqi Dudley Do-Right to help you. Wait a sec; I'm comin'." He trailed after her, leaving River and Jayne to stare awkwardly at one another inside his tent.
Jayne tore his eyes from River’s and looked around the space nosily. “Heard jabber-mouth has a stash worked up. Mebbe I can finally find me a decent girly magazine.”
River watched as Jayne started rustling through Sawyer’s stuff, opening bags and unrolling clothing bundles. “We need to help them.” she implored, a dreadful intuition creeping its way up her spine.
“You go right ahead.” Jayne picked up a container of something and pried open the lid, sniffing the contents. Scrunching his face up, he gagged and coughed before quickly snapping the lid shut. “I ain’t gonna look after yer boyfriend.” He finished indifferently.
"James Ford is not my boyfriend." she replied evenly.
Jayne shot a glance over his shoulder, eyebrow raised. "Who?"
"Sawyer." River said with an eyeroll.
"Oh, well why didn't ya jus' say him?" he asked, finding a book and quickly flipping through it to see if there were any nudie pics. When it turned out to be a classic novel, he growled and tossed it aside.
"Jayne." River said quietly, coming to his side and touching his arm, causing him to go tense. "Will you please assist me in locating Kate and Sawyer and helping them in their search?"
Jayne stared at her for a moment, the wheels in his head turning. If she went off after them and got herself lost, everyone would blame him, but on the other hand, he really didn't want to walk alone with her. He'd start getting ideas about her and him together, and he didn't need a complication like that in his life. Stepping back from her, he shook his head.
"They know what they're doin'. They been on this island awhile now, an' they'll be fine."
Eyebrows creasing, River sighed in frustration and headed outside, calling out, "I'm going to help," back to him.
Heaving a sigh, Jayne ignored her and went back to searching. He finally found a girly magazine and a full bottle of booze hidden in a covered up hole in the sand. Well, it looked like his night was set. Glancing out the open tent flap, he half hoped River would come back, but he wasn't going to hold his breath. She was as stubborn as he was.
Jayne headed back to his tent with a lewd smirk plastered on his face as he flipped through the pages by the moonlight. Preoccupied with his new find, he almost ran right smack into the big guy. “Ruttin’ hell, don’t nobody sleep 'round here!” Jayne snapped.
“Oh, hey there, scary dude. I heard the news about Jack and Juliet. Was just going to see if they needed any help.” Hurly explained.
“Best o’ luck to ya.” Jayne offered as he tried to get past.
Hurley called after Jayne as he walked away from him. “You should come.”
Jayne turned back around as curly-haired one continued to plead his case. “You look like an pretty angry guy. You know, with all those guns strapped to you and such. We could use somebody like that.”
Jayne snorted. "An' what's in it fer me?"
Hurley paused, his eyes lifting up to think. "Um, welllll..."
"Uh huh, thought so." Jayne replied, turning away.
"Oh, dude, by the way, do you know your girlfriend's out looking for them too?"
Whirling around, Jayne's face turned an angry shade of red. Luckily it was too dark for Hurley to see.
"She ain't my ruttin' girlfriend! I don't even like her none. She's a pain in my pi gu an' I don't want nuthin' ta do with her."
Hurley raised an eyebrow. "Okay, but, you seem to know exactly who I'm talking about. Weird for someone who claims she's not his girlfriend, don't you think?"
Jayne mouth worked trying to come up to a response to that, but his brain was slow in cooperating. Hurley shifted awkwardly and added, "Sooo, you coming to help?"
Closing his mouth, Jayne inhaled deeply through his nose before saying, "Lemme git Vera."
"Okay dude. Uhh, wait, who's Vera?"
Already walking to his tent, Jayne called back, "A Callahan full-bore autolock with a customized trigger and double-cartridge thorough gauge."
Hurley stared after him, mouth open. "Dude, is that like, a gun?"
Rolling his eyes, Jayne lifted his tent flap, turning back to address Hurley. "It is my very favorite gun."
Standing outside Jayne’s tent, Hurley continued to chat away as Jayne unrolled his blanket and removed Vera. Normally he didn’t keep her loaded, but ever since that creepy, fog monster thing chased him down, he wasn’t taking his chances.
“So, you name your guns?” Hurley inquired as Jayne exited the tent and walked right past him. “Dude, didn’t anyone tell you that’s kind of weird?”
“Didn’t anyone tell ya that ya flap yer jaw too much?” Jayne bit back as the big guy tried to keep up pace.
Hurley put his hands up in defense. “Whoa dude, calm yourself. Just making an observation.”
“Well, why don’t ya do less observin' and tell me which gorram direction we're headed? Dong ma?”
"Dong... huh?" Hurley replied, highly confused.
Gripping the barrel on Vera tightly, Jayne slowly asked through gritted teeth, "WHICH WAY?"
"Uh, follow me." Hurley grabbed one of the torches lighting up the beach and started off into the jungle, not feeling too comfortable having the man wielding the knives and huge gun behind him.
There was silence as the trekked through the foliage, and silence had always made Hurley feel weird, so he cleared his throat and asked, "So why don't you like that River chick? I mean, she's really cute, and smart, and sweet. Sure she talks funny sometimes, but she can't help that.”
Jayne sighed, relenting to the fact that the guy was never going shut up. “Women-folk ain’t ta be trusted.” The merc stated firmly. ‘Specially ones that could snap yer neck in a tick an‘ kill ya dead wit’ only her brain.”
Hurley’s eyebrows shot up at the latter proclamation. “Dude, that sounds like something out of a science fiction movie. But guess since you all crashed here in a space ship thingy and this place is like a creeped out version of Gilligan’s Island, anything could be possible.” Hurley paused to catch his breath. “Anyways, you should totally ask her out. She told me that…Oh, hey look dude, I see 'em up ahead. Here's your chance.”
"Wait, what'd she say?" Jayne asked, eyebrow lifting with surprise.
"Whatever dude, just, go ask her to go for a walk on the beach with you sometime." Hurley started waving his arms at him, trying to encourage him to go through with it.
"Now hold on, did she put ya up ta this?"
Frowning, the man shook his shaggy mane of hair. "No, what she said was that if you ever asked her out, she wouldn't say 'No.' Now go on."
Looking ahead, Jayne could make out the figure of Kate holding a torch, Sawyer beside her, and River slightly off to the side. With a huff, Jayne started forward.
"Ya comin', Buddha?"
Hurley pouted as he struggled to catch up. "You've been hanging out with Sawyer too much."
Sawyer glanced up to see Jayne and Hurley coming towards them and rolled his eyes, acting for all the world put out. “Ah, for the love of monkeys, if it ain’t G.I. Jayne and the nutty professor.”
“Sawyer, shut up. We can use all the help we can get.” Kate chided as she scowled at the man.
“Wrong primate. He’s an ape.” River corrected with a slight smirk, looking pointedly at the merc.
Jayne swung Vera to the opposite shoulder and growled at the girl, burning her up with his ice-blue eyes. This was the thanks he got for…
River’s smile widened. “Glad you came.”
A little taken aback by her grin, he tried shrugging it off. "Yeah well, this guy wouldn't let up, and I weren't really tired, and if you git yerself kidnapped by eerie-ass hillfolk again, it'll be up ta me ta save ya again so...yeah."
River raised an eyebrow at the last remark, since he had been the one who hadn't even wanted to come back for her and her brother, but then she reached out and grabbed his wrist.
"This way." she declared, leading their party on.
Sawyer looked Hurley up and down as they started walking.
"Hell, if Stay Puft here is gonna help ya, then I'm headin' back. I got a hangover that would knock an Irishman flat on his ass."
“Whatever.” Hurley shrugged as he started after Jayne and River. “We got the dude with the big gun and the chick with the crazy brain melting powers.”
Sawyer felt a little hurt at being so quickly replaced, but didn't let it show.
Kate looked sternly at Sawyer, “I don’t know why I even bother.” Turning on her heels, Kate followed after the group as he called after her, “‘Cause ya just can’t stay away, Darlin’.” Sawyer raised his voice as the forms retreated further away. “I’m fire and you’re a breath of fresh air, baby, together, we make an raging inferno!”
Jayne made a face, gently shaking River's hand from his arm. He'd already been sick once that night, he didn't need to start throwing up again on account of Sawyer's feeble attempt to be smooth.
The group continued on, River leading the way like a bloodhound on the scent. Kate caught up to her to provide light, while Jayne and Hurley hung back a few paces.
"Dude, you should like, go ask her out now. Perfect timing." Hurley said, voice lowered covertly.
Jayne just snorted. "Here we are in the middle of a creepy ass jungle; it's possible we'll get kidnapped or e't or booby-trapped, an' here yer tryin' ta hook me up with Crazy. If ya care so much 'bout who she's with, why don't you put the moves on her?"
"Because, man," Hurley answered seriously, "you'd come to your senses and kick my ass."
Up ahead, Kate nudged River. “Are you sure this is the way they went? How can you be so certain?”
“Following the trail of blood.” River responded aridly, then off of the older woman’s horrified expression gave Kate a look to show she wasn’t serious.
“Sometimes I see things.” She explained. “Bits and parts of a working whole.”
“Like a psychic?” Kate inquired, switching the torch to her left hand.
River shrugged. “Psychic, psychotic. Cut, molded and scarred.”
Kate felt a little bad for the girl, but had no idea how to respond to that, so she said nothing.
“Don’t worry,” River smiled, “Nobody does.”
“Did you just read my thoughts?” Kate inquired, more shocked than anything. When the girl didn’t answer, she took that as a yes and they continued trekking through the brush in silence.
“Nothing happened.” River finally divulged, sensing the awkwardness between them.
Kate cracked a knowing smile. “You like the big guy.”
River blushed a little and looked down. “He’s a boob.”
Kate sighed. “Yeah, we sure know how to pick ‘em.”
Her eyes glazing over slightly, River murmured, "We can't help who we fall in love with, Katherine."
A chill worked it's way up Kate's back, as she heard her mother's words coming out of River's mouth. Turning around, she saw Jayne and Hurley trailing behind. Willing her voice not to give away how unnerved she was, she called out, "Hurry up, guys!"
"Coming!" Hurley said, putting a bit move effort into walking. Within a few moments, they had caught up to the women.
"A storm is coming." River said softly.
Jayne squinted down at her. "Now you mean a storm in that weird, not literal thing you got goin' on, or you mean rain?"
A smile tugging at her lips, she replied, "Rain, Jayne. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain."
Lighting flashed across the sky and a low, deep thunder rumbled across the valley before a torrent of icy rain began to fall upon them. “They’re here.” River announced.
At that moment, Jack and Juliet came bursting out of nowhere running towards them hand in hand. “Go, now!” they screamed in unison at the four standing there idly.
A strange clicking sound cut through the night followed by a boom more frightening than the thunder had been.
Jayne’s eyes grew wide. “Gorramit, not that thing again.” Hauling his ass after the group, he muttered to himself, “Think I preferred the Reavers.”
It only took Jayne a moment to realize that River wasn't with them. Turning around, he tried to make her out in the darkness and sheets of heavy rain.
"Gorramit girl! You got a deathwish?!" he yelled out, but received no answer. A flash of lightening lit up the jungle, and he saw her standing still, facing away from him. Running back over, he fumbled for her arm and grabbed ahold of her.
"Let's go already!" he dragged her along, but finally her feet started to work and she was able to run alongside him. Jayne, however, didn't release her until they were safely back on the beach, just to be certain she wouldn't go back after the weird monster thing.
Hurley was panting heavily and Kate was glaring at Jack and Juliet, who were having a quiet moment a few yards off as the rain abruptly ceased.
Jayne grabbed River by the shoulders and shook her. "The hell's wrong with you, Crazy? You want ta die?"
“It’s crossed my mind.” River muttered, her eyes tearing up as Jayne tried not to think about tormented girls wanting to off themselves.
Trembling, she looked up at the merc, her eyes darting back and forth. “Looked into it’s face, saw…death.”
Without thinking, Jayne pulled River into his arms, suddenly wanting to protect her in all the ways he had failed before.
River closed her eyes as she pressed her cheek against Jayne’s damp chest. They were both drenched and unconsciously shivering, but River had never felt more surrounded by strength and warmth.
"No gorram island monster's gonna git us, girl. I'll pump it full 'a lead 'fore it gits near enough."
River nodded her head against his chest, tiny shaking hands gripping his wet shirt.
Pulling back, he looked her over carefully. "An' now yer gonna go an' freeze ta death. C'mon, I got a towel in my tent."
Turning in the direction of his tent, he took ahold of her arm and started to lead her, seeing Hurley give him a thumbs up out of the corner of his eye. Sneering a little at the man, Jayne told himself that it didn't mean anything. He just didn't want a fellow crew member to get sick and die.
He ushered River into his tent, then searched around in the dim light of dawn for the towel, hoping to find his flashlight first. River moved to sit down on his pallet, but tripped over the glass bottle of alcohol and glossy nudie magazine he had dropped earlier.
River bent down and brushed her fingers over the amber colored bottle before picking up the magazine. Flipping through the pages, River’s face was virtually expressionless as Jayne eyed her uncomfortably.
When she was done, she carefully laid it aside and looked up at Jayne. “I preferred October. May has false feminine projectiles.”
His mouth fell open, but then he collected himself and came over, sitting beside her and draping his towel across her shoulders, rubbing her arms.
"Projectiles. Ya mean she's got fake breasts, or she's smugglin' missiles?"
Giggling, River set her head against his shoulder. "Implants to enhance her desirability to males."
"Ah. An' ya say ya like October huh? You got a thing fer women?" He waggled an eyebrow at her when she glanced up at him, and she lightly whacked the back of her hand against his chest.
"No. I prefer men." Her eyes drifted across his face seriously.
Jayne’s eyebrows lifted slightly at River’s intent look. The whole tent started to feel like it was closing in on him and suddenly his hands felt awkward resting on her slender arms.
She was doing that wily thing woman-folk do with their eyes when they want you to kiss them. All Jayne could think about was how gorram intimidating she was, what with her bewitching eyes and slightly parted mouth. And she weren’t even being all schizo neither.
Licking his lips, Jayne broke the thick silence. “So didya, you know, with Blondie?”
“You mean did we go rut in a tent as you suggested?” River questioned with mock innocence.
“Uh, yeah.” He replied sheepishly.
Turning into the merc's arms, River crawled her fingers up his chest and poked him with a sharp, little finger. “What do you think?” She smiled her loopy grin up at him, enjoying the shift in power.
Watching her finger poking him, he shrugged. "I dunno. Mebbe, if he's yer type."
"He's not." she announced firmly, watching his face carefully.
"Then... no? Ya didn't?"
Smiling, she ran her fingertips back through his wet hair. "What would happen if I had?"
Jayne snorted. "'Sides you gettin' a venereal disease?"
“Besides.” River emphasized, encouraging him with her eyes.
Jayne shivered pleasantly as the girl’s touch caused placating sensations to crawl down his neck. “Well,” He began, tipping his head down to breath in the skin along her neck. “I reckon I’d hafta tell yer brother an’ Mal that you’d gone an’ went crazy again.”
River ran her hands down from Jayne’s hair to cup his face, tilting her chin up so that their lips were practically touching. “Perfectly sane.” She breathed before pressing her lips firmly to his.
Oh hell. Jayne thought. She's kissing me. She's kissing me on the mouth. She's kissing me... and it's not bad at all. What the hell was I so worried about?
Parting his lips slightly, he deepened their kiss, tugging her into his lap. River's stomach was doing a ballet leap inside her abdomen as she settled herself in her new position. He pressed a large hand to the back of her head, not about to let her get away anytime soon.
One thing's fer sure, Jayne thought, I been a damn fool not to take her in my arms before this.
River giggled against Jayne’s lips as his thoughts poured over into her mind. Breaking their kiss, the merc frowned down at her. “What‘s up? Ain’t I doin’ it right?”
Biting her lip, River shook her head as she looked up at him with eyes that said he was doing more than alright. “Feared what you didn’t comprehend.” She explained.
Then lightly, sensually, River kissed him again. Bringing her mouth over his bottom lip, she softly sucked on the tender flesh, causing certain parts of Jayne to ache intensely. Pulling away, she whispered, “Now you understand.”
Jayne growled at the seductiveness in her voice and attacked her again full force. They had only spent another minute or so in some pretty heavy lip locking before an awkward clearing of someone’s throat interrupted them.
River and Jayne both turned towards the source, still clinging to one another. River turned pink as she rested her face against Jayne’s chest and smiled at the big guy.
“Uh, hey dude, and dudette.” Hurley nodded to both of them as he peeked his head inside the tent. “Um, right on. You know, with the kissing and…”
“There somthin’ ya want?” Jayne growled, slightly irritated at having had to stop the oral play. He hadn’t even got to see skin yet neither. That thought made him even more impatient as he waited for Hurley to stammer out an explanation.
“Right.” Hurley began. “Um, we're having an emergency town meeting ‘cause of what happened tonight and all your people are already there, and since they didn’t know you guys were in here, together, I figured I should be the one to, you know, tell you.”
Sighing, River gently removed herself from Jayne's lap.
"Thank you."
"Aww..." Jayne whined. "It were jus' gettin' good!"
River smiled at him understandingly, holding out her hand for him, but he pulled himself to his feet without her assistance.
"Not sure if it's a good idea fer them ta see us all... together. I mean, not jus' yet, what with the crazy island monster killin' people an' all, ya know?"
River’s smile faded into a frown, her newfound elation fading. “You want to hide me away?” She was tired of keeping secrets, too many thoughts, memories locked down deep. She had wanted liberation from Jayne, not oppression.
Hurley shoved his hands his pockets, looking down as he shuffled his feet in he sand, “Guess that’s my cue to leave. Uh, later guys.”
Jayne just looked at River with a loss for words, suddenly remembering why he kept himself unattached. Ruttin' women had to make a gorram stink about nearly everything.
"That ain't what I said." he grumbled, exiting the tent. River stayed behind
for a moment, staring at the spot where so recently they had been exploring each others' mouths.
"Ya comin'?" his voice called from outside. When she didn't move, he popped his head back in. "Ya can't stay here, girl. That thing might make you his snack."
"I don't want to hide what I feel. I'm not afraid." she murmured.
Coming back into the tent, Jayne shifted awkwardly, then cleared his throat and held his hand out.
"I ain't no fraidy-cat. I ain't scared neither."
Smiling with relief, she took his hand and allowed him to led her outside.
They made their way hand in hand to where everyone was huddled underneath an overhang, a large bonfire lighting up the area beside the crowd. River felt both nervous and proud that Jayne hadn’t let go on her hand yet.
Jack’s voice boomed out over the crowd with conviction. He was going on about how the others were coming and everyone looked half-dead as they listened on. The Others were always coming, whoopteedoo.
Sawyer, who was standing next to Mal on the outskirts of the group was the first to turn and see them approaching. He smirked with amusement at the pair as he addressed River. “Aw, darlin’, ya didn’t hafta go an' trade down on the account of my unavailability.”
River blinked at him owlishly, feeling Jayne bristle beside her.
"Didn't trade down." she replied. "I realized what a poor match you would be, hiding behind your words as they slither like serpents from your mouth. Shouldn't hide. Jayne doesn't hide." She looked up proudly at her merc, noting that his chest puffed out a bit at her words.
"Did I, uhh, miss sumthin'?" Mal asked, eyeing the two.
"Yes, but all will be explained soon. "It's time to go home." she grinned at him knowingly.
Jayne looked down at River with a puzzled expression, but before he could ask the girl to elaborate, a scuffle broke out between Sayid and Jack. They were hollering at each other with an unbridled intensity. The crowd was starting to get riled up right along with them in a pitchfork-burn‘em-at-the-stake sort of way.
Sayid got up into Jack‘s face. “I’m tired of you running around the island with Juliet. Making decisions that exclude the rest of us. Now tell us what exactly you were doing in that jungle!”
Simon caught a glimpse of River over the ruckus and pushed through the crowd to get to her. “Mei mei, I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” He assessed her up and down to make sure she was ok but his eyes froze in place when he saw his sister’s hand interlocked with Jayne’s.
River sighed. “It has been a long night of drunkenness, debauchery, near peril and oral exploration. Too tired to explain now, Simon. I’ll send you a memo.”
Jayne snickered, enjoying the look of horror on Simon’s face. Mal raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, deciding instead to intervene the fight. Clearing his throat, the captain shouted amidst the chaos. “You’ll wanna explain to us why you felt the need to drag our asses out of bed to bear witness to a gorram screaming match?”
Everyone stopped and stared at Mal, and the man had to grin that he was finally getting the attention he deserved, when he heard a familiar sound behind him, and realized that the crowd was actually looking behind Mal.
"Hey, Mal!" Wash's cheery voice called from Serenity's speaker system. "Me and Kaylee fixed the ship! Now how's about we get the crew and castaways on board and escape this eerie island of mystery?"
Turning around, Mal saw Wash set her down like a feather gliding down to the ground. "Right. Well that solves that die-lemma." He glanced over his shoulder. "Anyone wants to come with, yer welcome to, an' we'll drop ya off where ya need ta go. But ya ain't on my boat in ten minutes, ya lost yer chance."
He began striding across the sand all captain-y, while the castaways started talking in raised voices.
"Time ta go home, huh?" Jayne asked, grinning down at River.
She smiled and shrugged. "Simon says I have the Third Eye, don't you Simon?"
Her brother could only stare at her, mouth slightly open and still near catatonic at the last bit of news she had related to him.
Hurley called after the group that had started towards the ship. “Um, hey dudes, aren’t you guys like from 500 years in the future? How’s that gonna work? And, um, aren’t we all supposed to be dead or something?”
Sawyer spoke up. “Never mind that. How are we all gonna fit on that dinky ship? I ain‘t bunking with Captain Falafel.”
“Maybe we should have a lottery?” Someone shouted.
“No! No lottery.” Hurley quickly dissented as he shook his head.
“It’s a cargo ship. We can herd cattle.” River stated plainly.
“Do we look like cattle to you?” Sawyer snapped, something beyond the
surface nagging at him.
River just blinked. “Yes, that’s what I meant. Unthinking masses.”
“What are you complaining about, Sawyer? We’re leaving, going home. Didn’t you hear that part?” Kate interjected.
“Maybe I like things right fine the way they are. Got ourselves a good thing going here.” Sawyer defended.
Kate crossed her arms and snorted. “Yeah, because fearing for our lives on a daily basis is a wonderful way to live.”
“What do you recall it was you were doing before we crashed on paradise island, Freckles?”
Kate just stared at the man blankly, unable to answer.
“That’s what I thought.”
Kate reached out and grabbed Sawyers arm. “What are you really scared of, Sawyer?”
“Nothing, just leave it!”
“Saw…”
"Lao tian ye!" Jayne yelled, and the castaways fell silent. "I fer one don't give a good gorram what y'all decide ta do, but we ain't gonna fluff pillows an' lay out guest towels fer you lot. So either git yer whinin' pi gus onboard the ship, or go sit around the campfire waitin' fer the monster an' them jungle folk ta gitcha."
Finished with his little tirade, he squeezed River's hand and they wordlessly went to his makeshift tent to collect his things, Simon following uneasily.
After that, they walked to River and Simon's tent, where the siblings grabbed their belongings and left for the ship.
As they crossed the sand, River paused and looked behind her, where not far away Kate stood uncertainly, a backpack at her feet.
"Come along." River called. "Anywhere's better than home, except for here. This is a good resolution to your problem."
Nodding, Kate lifting the backpack onto her shoulders and caught up to the three.
"You think you guys will be able to get back to where you came from?"
"Oh yes." River answered with certainty. "The temporal time rift is still open with ample time left to safely navigate our way through. Must inform Wash of this." She gently pulled her hand from Jayne's and, with a sweet smile directed towards him, skipped her way across the beach and up the ramp of Serenity.
“Kate! Hold up.”
Turning, Kate saw Sawyer jogging towards her, carrying a small sack of his
own. “Changed my mind. I’m coming with.” Turing towards Jayne, he asked “Think you could use a lowly conman to help with the thievin‘? Way I figure it, your world seems a hell of a lot more suited for our kind.”
A slow smirked crawled over Jayne’s face. “You sure that’s what you want? I done warned you about the Reavers, an’ we’s git shot at plenty, an’ there ain’t gonna be no fresh grub aboard. To be honest, most o’ it smells like crotch.”
“Look, I got stabbed and shot enough times here to warrant me some practice. Think I could handle it. Long as Freckles here plays nurse.” Sawyer paused to wink at Kate who in turn rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide a small smile. “What’s more, I ain’t scared of no freaky looking cannibals, and frankly, I’m plain sick and tired of mangos.”
Jayne shrugged. "I ain't got a problem with it. Tell ya the truth, more gun hands means less chance I'll get shot at. But y'all gotta take it up with Mal." He and Simon led them up into the cargo bay where Mal and Zoe were clearing the floor a bit.
"This it? Two people?" Mal asked.
"Well," Simon answered, looking behind him, "there may be more coming."
"Then they best git here it the next sixty seconds 'cause we're takin' off."
Sawyer turned to Jayne as they walked up the ramp. “So whaddya say about another friendly game of ‘I never’ once everyone settles in?”
Jayne set his bag down on a crate as he turned back to look out at the landscape. Dawn cast the island in a golden hallow as the a large group streamed their way up the ramp and past them, eager to go home.
Turning to Sawyer, Jayne shrugged. “Alright. First one ta pass out has trash detail. I ain’t pickin’ up after all these ben dans.”
Sawyer raised his eyebrows at the challenge. “What make’s ya so sure your goin’ to win, Big Slick?”
Jayne just scoffed at him. "Cuz now we're gonna be drinking Blue Sun whiskey. It'll knock ya on yer ass faster'n you can say... 'Don't knock me on my ass.'"
Sawyer gave him a smirk at that, while Mal lifted the ramp right behind the last castaway and nodded at Zoe to contact Wash on the comm.
"Everyone's aboard. We got a green light?"
"Sure do, lambietoes. River's got a plan all worked out, jus' wants Mal to come up and a-ok it."
Mal started up the stairs, gesturing at Zoe to give Wash the go ahead.
"Captain's on his way. Take us into the air, baby."
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Epilogue
After dropping everyone off at their respective destinations on Earth-that-where before it wasn’t, and after nearly getting blown out of the sky by the U.S. Air Force, Serenity miraculously made the jump back to a more familiar future.
Locke was the only one from Flight 815 to stay behind. The crazed man had an unexplainable fixation with the island. He eventually killed Ben and was deemed the new Messiah of the island.
Surviving Desmond’s prophetic fate, Charlie, Claire and Aaron returned to Australia where they had six more kids and started a rock’n roll inspired children’s television show.
Jack and Juliet had departed together to reunite with her sister and nephew in the States. Kate was a little bummed about it at first, but after a while she started eyeballing the Captain and following him around like a love sick puppy. For some reason the man reminded her of her ex-husband.
Sawyer had finally had enough of Kate’s indecisiveness and decided that the mechanic was a sweeter piece of cherry pie. Slowly, Kaylee started to forget about her Simon infatuation as Sawyer’s forwardness and insatiable sexual appetite was much more to her liking. Besides, she had a thing for scruffy men with long blond hair; especially in the engine room.
Simon and Inara soon sought comfort in one another, and the companion showed the Doctor things he could do with his anatomy he never thought possible. He’s currently co-writing a medical journal on his findings.
Zoe and Wash decided to adopt Hurley instead of having children of their own. Hurley had fun playing dinosaurs with his Pop and finally lost a couple hundred pounds due to a strict protein diet and the newfound comfort of parental love.
Jayne and River had their ups and downs, moreso than most couples, seeing as he was a commitment-phobe and she was certifiably crazy. But somehow they found a happy medium, and strange enough, it was Sawyer that kept them together. Even though he was with Kaylee, the man couldn't speak to a woman without flirting, so whenever he spoke to River, the hairs on the back of Jayne's neck stood up, and he had an uncontrollable desire to protect what was his.
But as Sawyer was now crew, Jayne couldn't just beat the hell out of him like he wanted. Instead, he and Sawyer got plenty drunk playing games of 'I never,' most of which Jayne won until Sawyer got used to the liquor of the future.
THE END
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