with no way to end this pain....
thousands of thoughts in seconds.....
"Things Aren't So Beautiful Now (Part 2)"
Seems like years as the telephone rings,
Chokes and gasps at the awful new it brings.
The phone call she's been avoiding,
She knows he's reached the end.
Hooked up to the respirator,
Breathes life into my callus lungs.
My heartbeat's getting fainter,
You know my time has come.
It's getting colder,
Been trying to show her that I'm not the one,
To be there beside her, now I'm crossing over
can no one console her?
I know she'll remain,
with no way to end this pain.
No one seems to realize, the things that I,
The things that I've done to you.
Why do you paint your love with all your heart,
with all that a heart can give.
Intentions that you'll never know,
The reason why I had to lead astray.
I gave you a last time, a painted remorse.
(Mistakes that were never yours)
The wrong in my life can never be right,
(it flashes before my eyes...)
(How did he come to this,
His mind is working harder then ever before,
Thousands of thoughts in seconds,
His last thoughts were of her...)
(And how he and he alone had destroyed the once
vibrant spirit he had inherited so deeply.
The last pain he had ever caused is to the only
woman that had ever loved him..)
The bright light its calling me upward,
I follow and leave you below.
Now you're all alone,
And I leave you with nobody by your side
Not to hurt you ever again,
Never break your spirit's torment.
Now I'm all alone,
Still I cherish the things that you've given to me
Bright light is calling me upward, I follow and leave you below.
im crying now and i cant stop. i dont how it started or where it came from. im a mess of emotions without a valve to release the pressure slowly. i think im at my end. i need a savour to heal my wounds. im getting tired and ive finally realized maybe things are not changing. ive put so much of me into this. how much will be left? i feel myself falling backwards and noone is there to catch me. is it so wrong to want to have someone there? everything on the surface is not all clear. i need you. i need you now. its me. this time its different. i can feel it in the heat coming from my tears. from the pain in the bottom of my stomach. the way my heart is burstin with love and no where to place it. i can only try so much to make you see. i can only say so much and live so little.
my job is tearing my ass up. i work from 5:30 am to way past 11 pm. i havent seen my friends in days almost weeks. i havent been me. i havent had time for me. i got a call today to say that i didnt have to come in at 7:30 to come in at 12 i was so relived. but tomorrow its back to the same old. i hope this is all worth wild. i hope this makes my life easier in the long run. because its leaving everthing ive ever known. my parents sold the house and are out by july 15th. my brother left for south carolina and i didnt get to say goodbye. my sister is going into the navy on wednesday and we hate each other. my parents dont trust me and i cant trust me to be there for someone at this time. i want to be a kid again. i want to be able to be me. and sleep a full at least 6 hours a night. to see my friends and laugh with them.
dan todd got hurt the other day on his bike. he sent me a picture from the ambulance when i was a work yesterday and i no joke just burst into tears. he is ok and he is fine. but that was my best friend. we told each other everything. and then it all stopped. i wish it didnt. i hate the way people move on and leave the leftovers behind in the dust. we still talk almost every week. i just wish we were close the way we were. minus the rumors. we talked for like 20 minutes last night when i got out of work about what happened and it made me miss the summer. im suppossed to go see him today but i dont know if i can because of work. which stinks. because i havent seen his mom in forever and id like to.
ive been listening to the same song now for 30 minutes over and over again.
is anyone even reading this?
didnt think so.