Walking through this...
So, please forgive me for posting a few times and it having the same subject matter. However, I found that after typing it all out last night, I was able to get to sleep faster.
It's just really weird right now. Two of my dear friends were in a horrible crash, and are now having to walk through the mental, physical, & emotional trauma. And honestly, I feel like I'm right there with them just having after witnessed the aftermath. I don't want that to sound like it's all, "Oh, look at Tara, and all..." I guess it just comes down to the fact that I've been in their shoes before, and a huge part of me is just really concerned and worried for them in what they are going through. Does that make any sense? For instance, when I laid down a few minutes ago to sleep, I just kept seeing the images of driving up to the crash scene, seeing Allison standing there, and then realizing that their car was standing up against trees. Maybe it all just boils down to not wanting to see people I care about...we care about...go through such anguish. I just want to take it all away from them so they don't have to walk through it.
This happens to me whenever people close to me experience traumatic events, and I am there with them right afterward. At this point, honestly, I'm a task master for Allison & Gerald. I'm having to "strongly suggest" that they go seek medical attention so that any internal injuries or otherwise are documented for insurance (or the obvious lawsuit against the trucking company) purposes. I'm getting them in touch with a lawyer that they can sit down with and walk through this process with them to give them guidance.
I know this all sounds like a jumbled mess and I don't make a lot of sense, but I just needed to put this all in writing and get it out of my head. I just don't like to see anyone I care deeply about to suffer, but I take comfort in the fact that God placed me & Kyle in their lives, and vice versa, (and all of the people in my life) to watch out for one another. To give some sort of stability.
And since none of what I am writing now makes any sense to me, I should probably go to bed. I think the IB Profen has kicked in. :)
UPDATE: Okay...I think I have figured out what is going on in my head. You see, when we went to go get A & G, I was driving my Neon. We had to turn on the emergency flashers and drive on the shoulder of the interstate. As we all know, if you are ever in an interstate back up and people begin to pass you on the shoulder to get to the front of the line, it annoys the crap out of you. So, in my mind, we're trying to get to A & G, and I'm scared for them...and at the same time I'm embarrassed as all get out b/c I am "that" person. The one everyone is muttering things about under their breath or yelling at from their cars. Plus, twice a tractor trailer tried to block us. The first attempt was unsuccessful, but once the tow truck passed us and we got behind him, I wasn't going to let anyone stop us. (Though I kept checking my rear view mirrors for blue lights!) I drove off the shoulder with tires spinning in the gravel and grass to get around the truck that was blocking us, and that's when my adrenaline kicked in. It scared me half to death that I had just done that. Honestly, it still scares me that I did that. It was so stupid considering my track record, but I guess in situations like that, you do what you have to do.
So that's what I was trying to explain. I'm feeling the after effects of the adrenaline rush of trying to get to them, almost wrecking ourselves in order to get to them, and the plain embarrassment of being "that" person in traffic. I wanted to hold up a sign that said, "Our friends are the ones that had the wreck!!" And trust me, I racked my brain for a quick minute to think if I had any materials to do so in my car so that people would let us pass.
So, there ya go. I hope I can go to sleep now that I've explained all of that.
It's just really weird right now. Two of my dear friends were in a horrible crash, and are now having to walk through the mental, physical, & emotional trauma. And honestly, I feel like I'm right there with them just having after witnessed the aftermath. I don't want that to sound like it's all, "Oh, look at Tara, and all..." I guess it just comes down to the fact that I've been in their shoes before, and a huge part of me is just really concerned and worried for them in what they are going through. Does that make any sense? For instance, when I laid down a few minutes ago to sleep, I just kept seeing the images of driving up to the crash scene, seeing Allison standing there, and then realizing that their car was standing up against trees. Maybe it all just boils down to not wanting to see people I care about...we care about...go through such anguish. I just want to take it all away from them so they don't have to walk through it.
This happens to me whenever people close to me experience traumatic events, and I am there with them right afterward. At this point, honestly, I'm a task master for Allison & Gerald. I'm having to "strongly suggest" that they go seek medical attention so that any internal injuries or otherwise are documented for insurance (or the obvious lawsuit against the trucking company) purposes. I'm getting them in touch with a lawyer that they can sit down with and walk through this process with them to give them guidance.
I know this all sounds like a jumbled mess and I don't make a lot of sense, but I just needed to put this all in writing and get it out of my head. I just don't like to see anyone I care deeply about to suffer, but I take comfort in the fact that God placed me & Kyle in their lives, and vice versa, (and all of the people in my life) to watch out for one another. To give some sort of stability.
And since none of what I am writing now makes any sense to me, I should probably go to bed. I think the IB Profen has kicked in. :)
UPDATE: Okay...I think I have figured out what is going on in my head. You see, when we went to go get A & G, I was driving my Neon. We had to turn on the emergency flashers and drive on the shoulder of the interstate. As we all know, if you are ever in an interstate back up and people begin to pass you on the shoulder to get to the front of the line, it annoys the crap out of you. So, in my mind, we're trying to get to A & G, and I'm scared for them...and at the same time I'm embarrassed as all get out b/c I am "that" person. The one everyone is muttering things about under their breath or yelling at from their cars. Plus, twice a tractor trailer tried to block us. The first attempt was unsuccessful, but once the tow truck passed us and we got behind him, I wasn't going to let anyone stop us. (Though I kept checking my rear view mirrors for blue lights!) I drove off the shoulder with tires spinning in the gravel and grass to get around the truck that was blocking us, and that's when my adrenaline kicked in. It scared me half to death that I had just done that. Honestly, it still scares me that I did that. It was so stupid considering my track record, but I guess in situations like that, you do what you have to do.
So that's what I was trying to explain. I'm feeling the after effects of the adrenaline rush of trying to get to them, almost wrecking ourselves in order to get to them, and the plain embarrassment of being "that" person in traffic. I wanted to hold up a sign that said, "Our friends are the ones that had the wreck!!" And trust me, I racked my brain for a quick minute to think if I had any materials to do so in my car so that people would let us pass.
So, there ya go. I hope I can go to sleep now that I've explained all of that.