soooo.... never actually deleted my lj... haha, funny story
ok....
so after all this time... why would lil old roland even bother coming back to dumb old retard lj
as it turns out someone found my non-deleted lj
so... totally am going to do this for a while at least
cause myspace is grand and all but its rather impersonal
a lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot has changed since i've last posted
i mean i don't think i was even out yet last i had this thing
i would have probably posted a big long ordeal about it, but whatever
sides who even uses thier lj anymore
andrea i believe, and sam for sure
who else is still out there, if they haven't already deleted my ass
maybe i'm going to have to find everyone again
"what a bad idea" (sorry andrea)
so nows where i spill my guts in a way that i can't do face to face to anyone, i say how much i suck at life, everyone says i don't, i feel better, and the world moves on
so here it goes
so today at BK, it was me tally kilie and ryan
ryan made a comment about virgins or something, and she looked at me, nad she was like i don't want to just assume you are
so i'm like yeah that's cool
and tally's all like, oh, you've done it
and that's very personal and awkward
but she's all like... with chally?
what
a
bad
idea
so maybe i should be over it by now, but it still kinda hurt, then she kept asking it over and over, like oh, you did it? who took it? you took it didn't you?
wow, that was horrible
like sometimes i pretend like i'm hurt just to get attention or something, or cause its funny, but i can just brush it off, cause it really doesn't matter
but i got up and i had to leave right then, i couldn't handle it
ryan kinda made me feel better, but i wasn't really listening to her, it just didn't make me feel any better
can't do cabaret because of lying in state, and ftc, damnit, that pisses me off
and i can't help with stage construction cause that's from 9-3 weekdays
oh, wooops
school
for senior dance i so want to do the dance from superstar, but i can see colbi and david and them other bitches giving me the i'm weird look, i hate that look, i push through it, but it still weighs me down
i'm not bout to play captain save-a-hoe
TOO MANY SCRIPTS
its driving me crazy
wtf does colbi need the fucking script, we aren't doing it til spring
i need it more than her
still haven't read lying in state or the man who came to dinner, but i do have another copy of it so andrea can read it too
i wanna be in school house rock, but i don't think mr.buck'll wanna cast me in it
Neill..... what an ass
things to improve myself:
started flossing.... what a bitch that is
listerine whitening
going to get a tan
thinking bout getting proactive, not that i break out like crazy, but it would be great to have clear skin
i need new hair, cause its starting to bore me
getting a scrubby koosh-koosh thing, cause the hand-skin thing ain't working
going to be really gay and take care of my fingernails
ryan's in college
FUCK
god it sucks
sucks ass
uhg
i wish he could be here so bad, i miss him so much
like, he's all in college
and making new friends
new gay friends
uhg, i dunno why it bothers me
i'd hate him to find someone up there or something and dump me like a sack-o-potatoes
i dunno, he doesn't seem like he'd do it, but its been done
i already feel like we're growing apart and it kills me
so that's not totally stressing me out
the fact is i want to go to tcc up near ryan, and i have to tell my parents without it seeming like i'm going up there only for ryn
which is a bad idea
oh, but they don't even know me and ryan are dating
fuck fuck fuck
i dunno what to do, i wish it would all just be over with, and solved for me, and work out perfectly, but life's not good like that
so going to youth group is fun
but makes me feel even more lost, cause i don't identify with any religion, but i still belive in god, which is so difficult sometimes
i remember when i used to just blindly follow whatever was told to me, and i know its all good to question, but maybe i just gave up on it, but i don't want to go back
catholic and gay... count me out
my parents haven't fought in a long time
and my mom hasn't come to me with any divorce news anymore so things are going pretty good right there
oh right, and i'm so behind in math, makes me feel like an idiot, cause i'm good at it, and i do great on her tests, but i procrastinate on the homework, i feel like i'm in a hole and i can't get out
the only thing that keeps me going even though i have a lot of shit going on
everyone has shit
everyone else wakes up in the morning and goes on with thier lives, so i should be able to do it
when i'm happy and i laugh, it doesn't feel fake like it used to, instead of keeping everything in the back of my mind, push it farther back and don't think about it, so i can enjoy the time when i don't have to stress
but i can't put it off forever, time seems so infinite until a deadline comes close, then it moves like a mother
ok so the line above i don't like... i wanted it to be all deep and stuff... but it just ended up poo'ing lame
so that's that
wow if you read all of that you're a true friend
thanks
rawr
so after all this time... why would lil old roland even bother coming back to dumb old retard lj
as it turns out someone found my non-deleted lj
so... totally am going to do this for a while at least
cause myspace is grand and all but its rather impersonal
a lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot has changed since i've last posted
i mean i don't think i was even out yet last i had this thing
i would have probably posted a big long ordeal about it, but whatever
sides who even uses thier lj anymore
andrea i believe, and sam for sure
who else is still out there, if they haven't already deleted my ass
maybe i'm going to have to find everyone again
"what a bad idea" (sorry andrea)
so nows where i spill my guts in a way that i can't do face to face to anyone, i say how much i suck at life, everyone says i don't, i feel better, and the world moves on
so here it goes
so today at BK, it was me tally kilie and ryan
ryan made a comment about virgins or something, and she looked at me, nad she was like i don't want to just assume you are
so i'm like yeah that's cool
and tally's all like, oh, you've done it
and that's very personal and awkward
but she's all like... with chally?
what
a
bad
idea
so maybe i should be over it by now, but it still kinda hurt, then she kept asking it over and over, like oh, you did it? who took it? you took it didn't you?
wow, that was horrible
like sometimes i pretend like i'm hurt just to get attention or something, or cause its funny, but i can just brush it off, cause it really doesn't matter
but i got up and i had to leave right then, i couldn't handle it
ryan kinda made me feel better, but i wasn't really listening to her, it just didn't make me feel any better
can't do cabaret because of lying in state, and ftc, damnit, that pisses me off
and i can't help with stage construction cause that's from 9-3 weekdays
oh, wooops
school
for senior dance i so want to do the dance from superstar, but i can see colbi and david and them other bitches giving me the i'm weird look, i hate that look, i push through it, but it still weighs me down
i'm not bout to play captain save-a-hoe
TOO MANY SCRIPTS
its driving me crazy
wtf does colbi need the fucking script, we aren't doing it til spring
i need it more than her
still haven't read lying in state or the man who came to dinner, but i do have another copy of it so andrea can read it too
i wanna be in school house rock, but i don't think mr.buck'll wanna cast me in it
Neill..... what an ass
things to improve myself:
started flossing.... what a bitch that is
listerine whitening
going to get a tan
thinking bout getting proactive, not that i break out like crazy, but it would be great to have clear skin
i need new hair, cause its starting to bore me
getting a scrubby koosh-koosh thing, cause the hand-skin thing ain't working
going to be really gay and take care of my fingernails
ryan's in college
FUCK
god it sucks
sucks ass
uhg
i wish he could be here so bad, i miss him so much
like, he's all in college
and making new friends
new gay friends
uhg, i dunno why it bothers me
i'd hate him to find someone up there or something and dump me like a sack-o-potatoes
i dunno, he doesn't seem like he'd do it, but its been done
i already feel like we're growing apart and it kills me
so that's not totally stressing me out
the fact is i want to go to tcc up near ryan, and i have to tell my parents without it seeming like i'm going up there only for ryn
which is a bad idea
oh, but they don't even know me and ryan are dating
fuck fuck fuck
i dunno what to do, i wish it would all just be over with, and solved for me, and work out perfectly, but life's not good like that
so going to youth group is fun
but makes me feel even more lost, cause i don't identify with any religion, but i still belive in god, which is so difficult sometimes
i remember when i used to just blindly follow whatever was told to me, and i know its all good to question, but maybe i just gave up on it, but i don't want to go back
catholic and gay... count me out
my parents haven't fought in a long time
and my mom hasn't come to me with any divorce news anymore so things are going pretty good right there
oh right, and i'm so behind in math, makes me feel like an idiot, cause i'm good at it, and i do great on her tests, but i procrastinate on the homework, i feel like i'm in a hole and i can't get out
the only thing that keeps me going even though i have a lot of shit going on
everyone has shit
everyone else wakes up in the morning and goes on with thier lives, so i should be able to do it
when i'm happy and i laugh, it doesn't feel fake like it used to, instead of keeping everything in the back of my mind, push it farther back and don't think about it, so i can enjoy the time when i don't have to stress
but i can't put it off forever, time seems so infinite until a deadline comes close, then it moves like a mother
ok so the line above i don't like... i wanted it to be all deep and stuff... but it just ended up poo'ing lame
so that's that
wow if you read all of that you're a true friend
thanks
rawr